Song: Hard times by Paramore (YEEHaw let's get sad and funky!)

 I say screw writing in canon character Deceit, he's whatever the plot wants him too be (tw: unsymp Deceit)

he next day which was a Sunday Patton woke much later than usual. After untangling himself from Logan and going back to his own bed he had spent the night laying awake for hours pondering when he had become such a morally skewed horrible person. It made him sick knowing that he had cheated on Dee. It had 'only' been kissing but still.

It didn't help that his lips still faintly tasted like mint. A reminder of Logan's mouth against his. Or how his cologne lingered on his hands and shirt. Or that he wanted to do it again.

"Looks like you had fun last night" Virgil's voice cut through the silence making Patton open his eyes.

The thing he was referring too was the hickey on Logan's neck. The emo was sitting on the desk with his feet on the chair with a black (with 5 caffeine shots) coffee from Remy in his hand.

"Who's the lucky girl?" He asked to Logan who was sleepily rubbing his eyes.

"No one" He lied while buttoning up his shirt. "I had some trouble with the vacuum cleaner"

Virgil covered his mouth trying to keep a laugh in but failed folding himself from laughing.

"Besides though I presumed that I simply wasn't capable of feeling romantic attraction before I have come to the conclusion that I prefer guys" Lo admitted.

The emo did a slow clap. "Congratulations! I thought you were the only straight person here"

"How dare you. Observe this" Logan took a deep breath and stared Virgil deep into the eyes. "Yaaass slay queen" He said with the most monotone voice he could muster while snapping his finger.

Virgil nearly spit out his coffee and wheezed "Ok you got me. But really good for you figuring that out cause I'm still unsure if I'm demi or just gay or whatever. Right now my sexuality is simply Roman Prince" He did an unenthusiastic jazz hand with his broken hand as he said the last part.

"That is the worst possible sexuality you could have"

"I know"

Patton turned around again burying himself deeper down under the blankets. He could hear the other two talk and everything seemed to be normal but it didn't stop his skin from feeling dirty. The weight shifted on the bed as someone sat down.

"Even if it's Sunday it's not healthy to lay in bed all day" Logan said patting the other boy's shoulder.

"Don't talk t-to me" He mumbled shrugging away his hand. 

"What?"

Patton sat up putting his hands over his head. "I'm disgusting!" He exclaimed, his lip quivered and he tried to press back the tears that started to form in his eyes. "Please don't t-talk to me, just g-go. Seeing you makes me feel w-wor-rse. We n-never should have ki-kissed"

Logan held his hand out slightly debating whether or not he should try and soothe him. "I'm sorry. I was stupid. I should have held myself back" He sighed backing away slightly.

"It's my f-fault too. Just..please don't t-talk to me right now" He glanced up seeing the regretful look on Logan's face and added "Hey, I..I don-n't..we're still, I don't d-dislike you I just need sp-pace"

He held the blanket tightly around himself and jumped down from the bed. Logan repeatedly opened and closed his mouth as Patton went out. He tried to find the right words but none came.

The not so bubbly boy went over to the other room opening it as quietly as he could. Dee and Remus laid cuddled together in the snake's bed watching a police show. The boy in green complained loudly about how there should be much more blood if he was shot in the neck. On the bed above Roman and Remy were reading through their horoscopes in bad magazines.

All it took was them seeing the sad look on Patton's face and they all stopped and went into protective mood because it was really rare to see him anything but f̶a̶k̶e̶ happy.

 "Whos bones do I need to break?" "Who shall I cut with my sword?" The twins said almost at the same time.

"Did you look at sad puppies again? Love don't do that to yourself" Remy chimed in blowing on their newly manicured nails.

Decan simply pushed Remus off of the bed and patted the place next to him. Patton hurriedly sat down next to him leaning onto his shoulder with a contempt sigh. "Has anything happened" He whispered to him. In response Pat shrugged fiddling with his thumbs. "I don't like seeing you sad. I want to see you happy" He said caressing his cheek.

Patton forced a smile as he nodded to him.

The garbage man placed his chin on the bed staring up at them. "Was it a satanic spirit trying to take over your body which left your emotions in a peril?"

"Nope" Pat let out a chuckle.

"Can't you just go" Dee waved his hands to make him disappear. 

Remus did puppy eyes at him and pouted before standing up. "Does anyone want to see how many punches it takes to break a window?" He asked to the two in the upper bunk bed.

Remy immediately jumped down "Hell yeah girl!" They blew a kiss to Patton saying "Hope you feel better soon"

"Just so we're clear I still haven't forgiven you dookie, I just have nothing better to do" Roman huffed crossing his arms. Remy looked between the twins trying to snoop up the drama.

Once the three of them had walked out and was on their way to do something really stupid Dee sighed and looked at his boyfriend pulling him closer into a hug.

It took exactly 2 hours or 1 cuddled filled movie watch before Patton broke.

"I'm s-so-o sor-rry-y" He sobbed out. "I-I k-kissed Log-gan"

Dee tensed up for a moment before frowning and asking. "Do you regret it?"

"O-of cou-urse-e!" He lied.

"Then it's alright as long as you don't do it again. Oh gosh this won't be good for my anxiety. You know how bad my paranoia can get. It would really help me out if you didn't talk as much to the other's" At first his tone was nice but then when he continued it was like venom was dripping off his tongue. "Especially now when I don't know who you will so freely go and open your legs to"

"I-I didn-n't. It w-was ju-ust-t a-a ki" That was when his voice gave out and he couldn't get another word out for all the sobbing.

"I like you better like this" He smirked patting the other's head. "Quiet. Kind"

Patton just nodded in agreement.

At first Patton was so grateful. Everything seemed to go back to normal, like nothing had happened. Sure he tried to avoid Logan as much as possible but aside from that everything was great.

After a week or so he started to notice things changing. Whenever he talked to his classmates Dee always had something mean about them to whisper to him later. Discoursing him from talking to them but never saying anything about it when he did the same.

Logan was the one that had tricked him into sinning of course he couldn't talk to him. Virgil was just going to push his own problems onto him making him sad. Roman was only nice to him so he would be validated. Remus was unstable he could hurt him without any reason. Remy only cared about themself there was no use being with them.

At week two the guilt tripping took over. Everything he did seemed slightly wrong in Dee's eyes.

"I guess you just don't love me anymore"

"If you really care about me you'd do what I'm asking. Would you still disagree if Logan asked"

"You're lucky I'm still your boyfriend"

"Honestly it's so tiring to have you go on all the time. It's like static taking over my brain"

"yup, you know me, just a ch-chatty katty!" Patton tried to joke the bad feelings away. It never seemed to work.

The third week Dee stopped trusting him.

He had been hanging out with Virgil. When he went over to his boyfriend afterwards he immediately noticed something was wrong. Nothing was out of the ordinary it was just a feeling in the air. Dee walked up to him kissing him on the forehead. He put one arm around his waist and the other held his hand moving him into a sort of embrace. It was quiet. Calm. Good.

"What have you been up to?" Dee asked trying not trip over his own feet.

"I made colorful bead brac-celets with Vee!" He proudly showed off a new one on his arm in blue, pink and white. "He's been kind of dow-wn lately so I'm trying to cheer him up. I got an idea! The whole class sho-"

"You know that I hate when you're not here right" The grip around his waist got tighter. "You're the closest thing to home I have"

Patton blushed slightly. "That's nice. You're important to m-me too. You're like a familiar corner in a-a room filled with people I don't know. You're safe"

"I feel the same which is why i must ask. What were you actually doing?" Dee questioned. 

"Wh-"

"Do you really expect me to believe such a blatant lie after what you've done. You're probably going to replace me with him. You'll leave me and you'll move onto Virgil. You're probably already together. laughing behind my back. Thinking that you could just come back here like nothing happened" He hissed letting go of the other boy instead crossing his arms and holding onto them so hard his knuckles turned white.

"No" Was all Patton could get out. He took a step back without thinking about it. 

"You're my beautiful butterfly" He cupped Patton's face leaning close "I would do anything to make you happy, I just want you to do the same for me"

"I do!"

"No you don't. I think you hate me, just like everyone else"

"It's just your thoughts. Don't listen to th-" He was shut up as Decan dug his nails into his cheeks and held his hand over his mouth so he couldn't talk. Patton moved his hands up to hold his wrists silently begging for him to let go.

"You hate me. I know you do. You can't convince me otherwise. or well you could make it up for cheating with Logan. Could you do that for me?"

It hurt to nod but he did it anyway. Somewhere along the lines he had lost himself in fear of losing Dee. He gasped for air as the gloved hand that had kept him silent moved away down to hold his hand.

"Good. I love you so much but I don't want you to talk to the other's" A sly smile spread across Dee's lips as he realized Patton wouldn't be able to leave if he couldn't speak. "I don't want you to talk at all"

"I love you too but I can't-" His words were interrupted again by a kiss.

He closed his eyes as the first tear fell. How did it come to this. It had to be his fault. His fault for getting too close to Logan.

"You're the best thing in my life, I don't want to lose you" Decan murmured gently running his fingers up and down the other's cheek.

Patton just stayed silent.

He gave up a lot of things. His voice for one. He stopped sleeping in his own bed always waking up with Dee. Which lead to him waking up in the middle of the night by hissing and whining and a sad Remus since he couldn't sleep at the foot of the bed anymore. He always went directly to Dee's room after class. Sometimes his boyfriend was busy with other things and didn't come back until several hours later. But he always look so happy when he saw that Patton had stayed loyaly waiting alone so it was worth it. He tried his best to not be with his friends unless Dee was with. He felt so so alone. Even when he was with his boyfriend the feeling of loneliness crept on.

The next day Dee held his hand tightly during the entirety of breakfast. So tight it seemed more like a reminder that he couldn't get away from him than a sign of affection.

Since Patton had told him about his grey days Logan had tried to make sure he was okay more. After half the day had gone by and the bubbly boy hadn't said an entire word he started to get worried. Even though he was pretty sure he didn't want anything to do with Lo right now judging with the way he had been avoiding him he still wanted to make sure he wasn't feeling bad.

"Salutations Pat. How are you feeling?" He asked during a short break between classes.

In response he just did a thumbs up. He looked tired. Drained.

Decan wrapped his arms around Patton's shoulders and looked at Logan with rage in his eyes. With a fake smile he said. "He's just having a bad day, right my love?"

Patton nodded quickly.

"Was I talking to you" Logan said looking like it was killing him on the inside just to stand near Dee. "Didn't think so. You can talk to me any time" He gave a small smile to Pat.

He hesitated before signing. 'Thank you. Still friends?' He was so glad his boyfriend didn't know sign language.

'Always' He patted him on the shoulder as he walked past him.

----

It was a few days later and class had just ended. The days had been filled with everyone asking him why he wasn't saying anything, or how he was feeling or why he was in another bad period again. It made Patton happy seeing them worry about him because it meant they actually cared. It also made him ashamed of himself that he wanted his friends to worry about him. What kind of person was he if he wanted others to feel bad.

Luckily Decan was always close by ready to help them stop asking so much. He was so kind. He let him talk when it was just the two of them alone. Even then Patton often declined since he didn't want to be annoying him with his constant talking.

Right now he was sitting on one of the tables half listening half zoned out from a conversation. Roman was ranting about something to Dee and Remus was also there. Not because his brother was talking to him because every time they talked lately they somehow ended up arguing and stomping away angrily. He just liked following his best friend around and annoying/cuddling with him when he didn't have anything else to do.

Remus was resting his chin on top of Dee's head casually because yes they have that kind of height difference. Until Dee said. "You're making me fell short"

"Oh sorry. Would you like me better on my kneeeees" Remus replied with an overly excusing tone. He squatted down so he was a little bit tinier than the other. "Is this better" He asked smugly.

Roman tried to hide his giggle with his hand. "Curse you for making me laugh"

Decan looked like he was about to dropkick the sun onto everyone in the room. "I have an announcement to make. I hate every one in this room" He groaned.

"Wait so you don't like Patton?" Roman replied thinking he was being smart.

"I said every one not every ten"

"Aww you hate yourself" Remus looked down at him with fake puppy eyes. 

"I'll make you shut up" He pretended to threaten which was very hard to do to Remus who threatened everyone all the time. All he got was more laughter in response.

Suddenly Patton felt sick. It was just supposed to be a fun joke, he knew that. It didn't change the fact that he had heard those words in a whole nother situation. One where the anger was real and so big. It filled the entire room leaving no space for him to defend himself. It was the type of moments when Decan was 10 ft tall and had golden glistening eyes and sharp fangs and claws. All while Patton was as small as a mouse and as fragile as a butterfly. In the end all he got was apologies.

It was like he was trapped inside a bubble watching on as everyone else had fun. There was no way out. He knew things no one else knew. The scary dark side of those words.

"Someone broke Patton" Remus said poking him in the cheek when he noticed the lately not so bubbly boy had zoned out completely. "Do you think he would notice if I licked him?" He stuck out his tongue.

Patton pinched the other's mouth shut before he could lick him. He mimed laying his head on a pillow before quickly walking out. Dee excused himself, twice because Remus followed him at first.

Pat hadn't even gotten to the dorm yet when he was stopped. Lightly pressed into the wall with a hand on his wrist and another caressing his cheek. "My pretty sunflower is something wrong?" Dee asked actually looking worried.

He nodded weakly in response forcing a smile.

"Just tell me if you're not feeling well alright?" He pressed their lips together. "You're so good for me. I wouldn't be able to continue without you" Patton melted at the affection and pulled him closer. 

Dee looked happy when he saw that it seemingly had made Pat feel better. "I love you" He said softly.

Patton stayed silent answering by kissing him again.