Song:  Told you so by Paramore (Fake happy also fits him very well)

Tw: Toxic relationship, Unsympathetic Deceit and a touch of dysphoria

Around 3 am that night rapid knocking came from the other side of the door. When no one opened the knocking continued but now to the rhythm of toxic by Britney Spears. Which was when Patton finally woke up.

With heavy footsteps he walked over to the entrance. Opening it while rubbing his eyes.

"Good morning girl. You look like ass" The night owl said pushing up their sunglasses that they were still wearing even though it was night. Loosely sat on their shoulders was a black leather jacket and underneath was an old white t-shirt with a few holes on it. They matched it with skinny blue jeans and black boots. Pat just nodded in response "Anyway I need some sleeping pills plleeeassee"

The boy in striped blue pajamas was too tired to answer he just went over to one his piles and fished up a pack of pills. The piles were much more organized than what you would think at first glance.

"Thanks dad" They hugged for a few seconds before the insomniac went back to their dorm. When Patton walked past Virgil's bed he noticed that the guy was awake and from the way his eyes looked he probably hadn't slept at all.

"Who was that?" He asked quietly.

"That was Remy. So- sometimes they skips classes so that's why you didn't se-se see them. N-needs the pills to sleep but they're nice don't worry"

"Why can't they have them in their own room?"

"Oh Remus lives there" He answered like it would make everything make sense. After saying goodnight he headed off to bed.

~~~~~

The first thing Patton did in the morning was take his amphetamine stimulant aka his ADHD medicine. If he ever forgot Logan was there to remind him. He had reminders on his phone for both their medicines. Then he took his testosterone shot. That one he didn't have to be reminded off.

Right when he was about to go out the door following Lo to eat breakfast he noticed Virgil was still sleeping tangled up in his sheets. He gently poked at his shoulder which made the boy half open one of his eyes but quickly closing it again.

"Good morning kiddo" He cooed with a sweet smile. The moment Virgil had looked at him with dark anxious eyes he had decided to figuratively adopt him.

"Yeet me into the black void please" He mumbled turning over to the other side.

"No black voids before breakfast" When Virge finally actually woke up he apologized for being a bother. Halfway through the door he turned around and started throwing things out of his bag until he picked up an orange little tube.

He seemed uneasy to let the other two know he even had it but his shoulders relaxed a bit as he saw the other bottles in the bathroom. Before they left he swallowed his first antidepressant.

Just a few metres away another door opened and Dee came out pulling a arm around his boyfriend before pressing a quick kiss into his hair.

Virgil and Logan were officially stuck as the awkward third wheels as the couple snickered about some movie they were going to go see. That was at least until the boy dressed in white from yesterday came running seemingly from the place they were all on their way towards.

Just like before he had an expensive white jacket on with golden details on the shoulders but underneath it he had a simple t-shirt in a regal red tone. The red stocking he had on almost went up all the way to the white loose shorts. His nails were painted in red and gold and when he walked his thighs didn't touch.

As he stopped in front of the anxious boy he fixed his hair a bit in a smooth motion while shooting a confident smile and saying "Hey. I'm Roman Prince"

"I'm" Gay "Virgil"

"Soooo you come here often" Virgil hid his short snicker behind the sleeve of his hoodie and suddenly Roman hoped he was as funny as he thought he was. "Anyway it is my sworn duty to show the fresh fish as they say around. You haven't been on the school grounds outside right? There's these woods I could show you around.."

The other three had already disappeared down the hall. The very sleep deprived boy was about to say a solid maybe because human interactions are scary but then he remembered that the one he was talking to could literally be a murderer and then he wanted to scream no. 

"I uh have homework?" He panicked and suddenly his mouth was feeling very dry.

"Ah yes the battle against the treacherous homework continues!" Virgil started to wonder what kind of pretentious bastards he had to live with. "Well I usually give my number to the new students soooo"

He handed over a white note not bothering to say that Virge was the first new student since he joined. Their thumbs touched and maybe they held their hands like that a bit too long for it to be normal.

"Well if you're ever in trouble you can always call upon this prince" He held his arms up in a vaguely prince like motion.

"Thanks"

~~~~~

At the end of the last class before lunch the teacher finally acknowledged the 2 empty seats asking. "Where is mr. Prince and mr. Siest? If they are gone a fourth day in a row they will get house arrest"

Logan immediately answered. "They told me and I quote we will fuck up shit in town so badly you will get pregnant" Roman groaned.

Before they knew it they were sitting in the cafeteria around a fairly large square table. Beside Patton sat Dee and Logan on each side. Between Dee and Roman was an empty seat and when the new classmate tried to sit there he said that it was reserved while picking at his food like it was a science experiment. So Virgil sat a seat away from everyone else kind of putting him on the spot which he hated.

Right when Pat had gotten invested in a discussion with Lo about whether or not the cuteness of petting a dangerous animal outweighed the risk to get hurt the doors got slammed open.

A close copy of Roman came limping in with a bleeding nose and a crazy grin. He was wearing tight black booty shorts and just as black boots that reached up till his knee. Up till he had a green vest jacket with ruffles around the shoulder but no sleeves. He had fishnet gloves that started around his elbows and around his hips where a similar scarf as his twin had but in a dark viridescent color. Band aids littered his thighs and arms and above his lips was a tiny mustache which he had used mascara on so it looked bigger. In his hair there was a single streak of white from when he was dropped as a child and lost a color pigment. The boy dressed in yellow immediately perked up.

"Dee!" Remus picked the other up by the waist and spun him around a few times. all the complaints about it got said to figurative deaf ears. "Did you miss me you silly snake?"

"No" He lied. They were like a bird and the zebra it flied around aka they were kind dependent of each other. He lowered his voice a little as he continued. "There's a new kid, be nice. This is one of the few times I hope you've taken your medication"

"I've taken it as much as a blind man sees" He answered with a proud smile.

Patton shot forward taking Remus head in his hands closely examining for other injuries. It was really not unusual for him to come with them. He was way to ditzy to not get hurt. "What h-happened?" He asked with his serious dad voice(tm).

"Ooooh glad you ask daddy. You see I was out in town after my companion Remy had left me to go pass out for a few hours and then I saw a dog. So I decided to poke it with a stick! and then it bit me! and while I was running away I fell and hurt my cute lil nose" His head twitched every now making his neck contort.

"You n-need to take better ca-are of yourself kiddo"

"Of course of course very important. Will remember that. Let me write it down" He teased sarcastically to which the dad like boy sighed.

A few hours later Patton sat in Picani's office with his hands nervously pulled between his thighs so that he didn't have to worry about where else to put them. Emile had been showing him photos of his puppy but now he was going to back to actually having the therapy session. "Is your dysphoria getting better?" The therapist asked tilting his head a bit.

Patton thought back to a moment that had happened a little over a week ago. He and Dee had been alone in his room. They'd been cuddling. His dysphoria had been so severe it suffocated him and touching another person only worsened it. Patton had told him. His boyfriend had mumbled something out about how if he really loved him he wouldn't be so selfish and tend to his needs as well. He'd kept his mouth shut after that.

"F-fine" He lied. "The T i-is helping" He started checking his trimmed down nails keeping his gaze away from the therapist.

Picani said gently. "I'm proud of you, you've come a long way. If you keep seeing your speech therapist I'm sure you can return to a normal school soon"

Patton dug his nails into his skin as his shoulders tensed just at the thought of having to return to being ridiculed and bullied. Of course that was probably not what would actually happen but his brain loved twisting reality into something dangerous. As his breaths became ragged Picani handed him a tissue box and walked over to rub his back soothingly.

"It's alright. You will not be forced to do anything you don't want to. One step in front of the other"

"Th-thanks Emile"

The moment he got back to his room which was right now empty and dark he leaned against a wall and pulled his knees up to his chest. Hiding his hands and face in his cat hoodie, the most comforting thing he owned even though it was badly sewn and one of the ears was close to falling off. He had gotten it from Logan as a gift not because it was his birthday just suddenly one day. The only explanation he got was that he wanted to show him that he appreciated having his company. Patton had thanked him. It was the first time he talked in over 7 months.

Memories. Patton didn't have the best memory but he loved reminiscing. That's why his room was filled with pictures, childhood drawings and weird rocks that reminded him off a time he wasn't ready to give up all his tomorrows for just one yesterday.

For all he knew the best was over and the worst was yet to come. Was it really enough? To keep on hoping when everyone around him had given up. 

Dee. Dee always...mostly made him feel better or well distracted him was a better word. Distracted him from the black ink that planted itself in his stomach and slowly made its way up his body until it got to his neck and he couldn't breathe or talk because if he did all the ink would spill out and everyone else would know he wasn't always the cheery bubbly friendo they knew. That he had to be. 

When he entered the other dorm the first thing he heard was the twins arguing. Remus was towering over the one with the end of a rope rigidly held in his fist. Roman was laying with his back on the ground flapping like a fish because his arms and legs had been tightly tied so he couldn't move.

"Wh-hat's going o-on?" Patton asked.

"This dickbutt" Remus howled staring down at his brother. "Is trying to go for a run but he hasn't eaten all day. In this household we don't allow that bullcrap"

"I ate a royally big breakfast but you missed out. You were busy being bitten by a dog" Roman taunted. "By the way you owe me for that"

"Lie detector!" He called out to Dee who was sitting in his bed doing his best to focus on his book. "Tell me if he's lying!"

Decan was a pathological liar but no one else knew that. Actually they thought the exact opposite. That he almost always told the truth and that he was really good at telling when other people wasn't. He sighed before doing a thumbs up to confirm that it was the truth. 

"Can you two take it outside" Pat shot a look at his boyfriend who added "Please"

"With pleasure" Remus answered dragging Roman with him out into the hall. 

When they were left alone to their own devices Patton immediately ran over and cuddled up to his boyfriend. Dee gently brushed the hair out of the other boy's face before pulling their lips softly together. Their foreheads pressed together.

His bed was the most simple of the ones in the room. There were no decorations aside from the purple colored covers. There were no signs that whoever lived there had any interests or hobbies or memories worth lamenting through things. Their sleeping spaces were literally the opposite of each other. 

A loud groan could be heard from the bed above them. Remy jumped down yelling a swear word as their ankles did not like jumping down from that height. While rubbing their eyes they mumbled something about a party before leaving. 

After another 15 minutes of cuddling they decided to actually be productive and do some homework. Which meant that Patton did all the work while Dee laid behind him and read his book. Somewhere along the line it had just become a thing that Pat did all his boyfriend's work. Every time he tried to tell him to do some of it Dee answered that his depression or anxiety was making it oh so difficult. 

That was a lie by the way. He wasn't depressed or had troubles with anxiety he had been forced to attend the school for a whole other reason. He just used his made up problems as excuses. 

He wasn't sure when but some time during the studying Patton had started hyper focusing on his hands instead. He pressed the point of a pen down into them to see how hard he had to push it down before a mark was left. Somehow several minutes had gone by without him noticing until a hand was waving in front of his face. 

"Love snap out of it" He snapped. 

"Sorry"

"Oh hush. I just didn't want to see you hurt your hands like this" It was only now he noticed how red they were with black marks. Afterwards Dee kept holding on to one of them even as he continued with his own things to remind him not to continue with it.

Patton could swear that he had only been taking a little break to daydream for at most a minute when Dee squeezed his hand before asking with a mix between worry and annoyance in his voice. "You do realize you have been sitting there staring into the wall for over 20 minutes are you not?"

"20?"

"Indeed. What were you thinking about?"

"Dogs!" He started flapping his hands around. "Small little p-p-puppers! Did you know that the tallest do..dog breed in the world is the Great Dane. They're not e-even Danish. They're German! How wac-cky is that. If you want to be ironic you could call them The Great Dane-tiest. Ge-et it? Because daintiest and it's not dainty it it's a big dog"

"Hah" He laughed with a complete poker face.

"Come on you goof. That was a g-good one-e"

"Sure it was" His hand went up to pat's hair and he began stroking it. He stared up into the ceiling aka the bottom of the other bunk bed. Someone (Remus) had drawn dicks all over the wood so unnervingly realistic dicks was the first thing he saw when he woke up and the last thing he saw when he went to sleep. Totally didn't go on a tangent there. Dee said softly "I love you"

"I lov-ve you t-" Dee tugged at his hair, his whole demeanor changing suddenly. 

"Liar" He hissed. 

Throw me into the fire

"I-I-I pro-omise I'm" Then his voice gave out. He hated when it happened so much. He repeated the words he was about to say in his mind and he could practically feel them on his tongue but they just wouldn't come out. Instead he choked on them. It lasted only a few seconds but it felt like eternities. "I'm not"

Throw me in, pull me out again

"Why do you always do this to me" Patton did his best to make sense of what Dee was trying to convey. "Don't you understand that what you do hurts me? I can't even trust you anymore"

Throw me into the fire

Patton took ahold of his wrist as excuses about why the fear he felt was normal filled his mind. This was just what he got for dating a guy with anxiety. It was just his paranoia talking. All those times he had insulted him was just his paranoia talking. All the times he told him he was lying because he was stammering was just his paranoia talking. The hand dragging in his hair was just his paranoia making him do it. This was normal. This was fine.

Throw me in, pull me out again

"I liked you better when you were quiet. You were much nicer"

Throw me into the fire

"I-I know" He had more patience than Dee had harsh words. 

Throw me in, pull me out again

"You think you know but if you actually listened to me you wouldn't be so talkative and attention seeking. It's so annoying dear. I don't mean to upset you but sometimes you just get on my nerves"

Throw me into the fire

He opened his mouth to say sorry but opted to stay quiet to try and please him. As tears began to prickle his eyes he clammered onto the other boy and when Dee embraced him back his mouth twitched into a smile for a second.

Throw me in, pull me out again

"Did I go too harsh on you?" He asked running his fingers through his hair soothingly. Patton hesitated a bit before nodding. "I promise it won't happen again"

Throw me into the fire

He made a mental note to remeber that he stopped being mad when he shut up before burrying his head next to the others neck.

~~~~

Patton didn't sit at the desk in his room a lot since Logan usually used it. Virgil was hanging out with Roman so all Pat could really do was lay in bed and look at cute pictures of cats on his phone. He was a very profesional cat looker so of course he had to wear his cat hoodie while doing so totally not because it was super snuggly.

After a while he noticed that his roomate had been working on essays for at least 2 hours straight now and was beginnig to slump down in his seat which meant that he was really tired since he always otherwise sat with his back straight.

Carefully he walked up behind him and knocked on his headphones before taking them off. The outro for 'comfortably numb' by Pink Floyd played in them. 

"Time f-for a br-rreak teach"

"No thank you. I am quite content continuing"

With a giggle Patton took ahold of the chair dragging it out to the middle of the room. Logan wiggled his arms trying to get a grip of the desk. He could just stand up but honestly he loved when the bubbly boy hanged out with him.

"Dance-e party time!" He exclaimed waving his arms around to which the other man groaned. He skipped over to his phone pulling up a playlist on Spotify before putting it on shuffle. 

A electro jazz song begun playing. Logan kept his hands locked behind his back and his expression cold even as the shorter boy did his best to make him smile by tap dancing badly and doing jazz hands.

"Come o-on Lo. Loosen u-up" He took their hands together. He moved his left foot forward and signaled to the nerd to move his right forward but he stayed in place with a frown only moving his torso as his arms got pulled back and forth. 

Then he looked down and saw the smile shining from Pat and as his cheeks darkened he let himself dance along. Patton squezzed his hand. Neither of them noticed when the song changed. They were too busy spinning around the room. The boy with round glasses somehow made the simple dance look graceful and flowing while the other had been figurativly born with two left feet so he had trouble just keeping up.

They spun around the room until the taller boy accidentally stepped on the other's foot and in the next second they were laying on the floor. Logan had had just enough to time to get his arms out to hold the rest of body up which was good because if he hadn't they would have laid on top of each other. Now sure their faces were inches apart but at least they weren't touching anything.

"Sorry" He mumbled rolling over placing himself next to Pat on the floor.

"That was fun" They stayed like that staring at each other listening as the song changed into another slightly slower one which had a funky bassline.

Lo couldn't stop focusing on his eyes. His wide blue ocean eyes. Their was a faraway look in them as if he was currently somewhere else. Perhaps he was imagining him being with someone else.  

If he looked at them long enough he was sure he would drown. If his eyes was the ocean his smile was the sun and his soul the most pure thing Logan would ever know. Even though it was completely illogical he was sure flowers grew between his ribs and liquid gold ran through his veins and he had a beautiful diamond mind and his hands felt like home and he was definitely too good to spend time with him after everything he'd done. 

"This experience was satisfactory. I must acknowledge that your company is enjoyable" Raise a glass for Lo being an out of touch shell of a human being, really succeeded with getting his inner desires and emotions out. Pat's eyes fluttered a bit as he was broking out of his thought filled trance like state with the words. 

"Aww thanks. I like being your friend too"

"I..that wasn't what I was referring to. I don't do friends"

"Yeah I know. You say that every time you go soft like that" The nerd quickly looked away instead  gazing up at the star covered ceiling. He couldn't be soft. He was supposed to be as hard as stone and cold as the last day in December. "Doesn't mean I can't be your friend" He leaned over and boped Lo's nose. 

It begun to darken outside as Patton continued "Well if you're not busy wanna continue?" He stood up and extended his arm to help the other boy up who accepted.