Song: Smithereens by Twenty one pilots

Tw: Accidental misgendering, Physical violence, This is mostly fluff tho uwu     orisit??

The alarm rang and Logan knew he had to get up. His body felt heavy and there were faint throbbing around his wrists and feet. Still he was fully aware that he was the only reason the 2 dumbasses he shared a room with got out of bed so he forced himself to sit upright.

"Pat, V wake up" He called out.

There came low grunting from under the purple covers and a yawn from the upper bed. "Good m-morning Logie" Patton said rubbing his eyes.

As the bubbly boy started his morning routine and the emo put on his headphones and didn't even try to get up Logan slowly climbed down from the upper bed and started to look around in the drawer for what he could wear. He choose a dark navy button up shirt, ripped grey jeans and his black jacket with patches sewn on. He sat back down on the lower bed and tried to take his socks on to no result. His wrists gave out and he simply didn't have the strength or energy to put them on. As his frustration rose a frown appeared on his face.

The weight shifted on the bed as Patton sat down next to him. "You good?" He simply asked bumping his head into his shoulder to get his attention.

"Yes" He nearly threw the item down into the ground harshly as his patience ended. 

"You've been t-trying to take that sock on for the last 5 minutes. You're always-s ready before me so something's up. Don't try and lie to y-your pappy Pat I can spot lies just as well as I can spot cows fl-lying in my direction"

"Why would cows be...Nevermind. My joints hurt that's all no need to care for me" Logan assured.

"How-w dare you. I will always care about you! No matter what!" He pointed aggressively at him. "When was t-the last time you took your meds?"

".....It ran out 8 days ago" He admitted quietly. The medicine was for his rheumatism (chronic illness). Without it his joints became weak and hurt.

"8 Days??" Patton put a hand on the other's knee. "Why haven't you g-gotten them r-refilled?"

"I wanted to wait till my paycheck" He worked at a diner as a waiter. "It's just a bit off pain. I've felt worse. I'll fix it later I just have to get through the day for now" 

"Logan we're taking the day off. No talking bac-ck. We're going into town and we're getting you your meds. I can't h-have you hur-rting yourself like this" Logan thought for a few moments before replying with a nod.

He sat down on the floor in front of Logan holding out his hand. With an embarrassed look he handed the socks over. Patton hummed softly as he helped put them on. When he was done he quickly went and changed into a big baggy hoodie instead of the bright fluffy shirt he had been wearing. He didn't really pass as a guy in public yet so he liked to tone his personal style down when they went out. 

He smiled brightly at Logan posing a little to show that he was ready to leave. A grunt came from Virgil's bed suddenly reminding them that they weren't living alone anymore. (Oh my god they were roommates)

"Oh kiddo aren't you go-oing to get ready for the a-amazing day awaiting you" Patton did jazz hands.

"Nope. Sorry kind of busy with depression" Virgil looked at them with an exhausted expression. He hadn't slept in nearly 3 days, ever since the incident which had left his hand in plaster he had quite bad nightmares.

"It is physically impossible to be busy with depression" Logan chimed in looking a little puzzled. He wasn't really invested in the conversation as he was looking around for the bracelets he'd gotten from Roman at Christmas that were made to help his wrists. He almost smiled when he found them. Almost.

"Well I booked a freaking appointment with depression so yes I am busy shut up L" His temper had also gotten worse because of the lack of sleep. "Sorry that was stupid. I didn't mean that" And mood swings. He got a lot of mood swings since his anxiety had worsened.

"Logie leave him-m be. I hope you feel b-better soon my dark strange son. Can't wait to see that bright smile-e of yours again. Don't forget to eat and take your meds, can't have both of you disrespecting your o-own bodies" Patton said patting the emo's head gently. He hugged him before getting up and picking up 2 helmets from the corner in the room in which he kept them. 

"Will do dad" He waved at them as they walked out.

Outside the wind was cold but the sun shone through the clouds. They stopped besides Patton's black moped. It could be mistaken for being rainbow colored though because it had been over filled with cute stickers. He handed over the extra helmet he owned to the nerd before getting on and patting the place behind him. 

First when the wheels started to roll Logan put his hands on the other's shoulder. Since he was sitting behind him it was what he could not to fall down. Then Patton moved his hands downwards so they were placed around his waist cheerfully saying something about safety. The nerd did his best to ignore the way a warmth spread through his chest as he tightened his hold around his waist and sunk his head into the soft fabric of Pat's blue jacket. The ride took a while since the town that had a pharmacy was farther away than the one closest to the school. One of them had actually never even been in the town before. Still when they stopped Lo still felt like the moment had gone by too fast. 

15 minutes after they stopped Logan stood hidden behind a wall taking his medication. Patton bounced up and down on his feet next to him. He had had to loan a bit of his money for the nerd so that he could buy it. He had insisted that he would pay him back soon but Pat tried to convince him that he didn't have to.

"Soooo feeling a-any better?" The bubbly boy asked.

"Not one bit. I have to get into the cycle  of taking it every day for it to really help" He put the medicine down into the other's bag not daring to look into his eyes as he continued. "Thank you, I really appreciate the help"

"Aww it's no prob bob. Wanna have a sl-leep over?" He took Logan's hand out of excitement. It was Friday so they could totally have one "It's been f-forever since last time" It had been 3 weeks.

"We literally share a room. Technically we have a sleepover every night"

"It's not the s-same when we don't eat popcorn and watch bad movies an-nd tell each other secrets until 3 am. Besides would you really p-pass up a chance to see Larry and Dot" Patton moved his eyebrows up and down to really signify how great it would be. Larry and Dot were his parents by the way and they were the greatest parents.

"I approximate that it won't make much of a difference if I sleep at your place so I guess we can have a sleepover"

"Great!" He hugged him for just a moment. "It's too early to s-start the sleepover though. Wanna walk around? Maybe look a-at clothes touch them a bit say oh nice this n-nice and then not buy it?" 

"Trust me there are no fancy stores here. I should know I grew up here in a totally normal way, nothing interesting happened at all" Maybe the added on part was a little weird but hey he just told Patton something he wasn't supposed to know, let the boy panic.

"THIS is where You grew up??" He looked around at the nearly empty town square with it's quiet and few and far between stores. It was the kind of town where the lampposts had stopped working years ago and no one cared to fix them. "Why have you n-never told me?"

"You've never been here before from what I know. Besides it's for the best if I stay away from here" Logan replied clasping his hands behind his back.

"Why?"

"Nothing. Say how about we drive away from here and go to your house now directly. Just thinking about how it's a long ride that's all" He lied. He really just wanted to get away from here as fast as possible before he saw anyone he knew.

"But the i-ice cream Logie!!!" He shook the other's arm as he begged. He had exactly enough money left for 2 scoops and he was 100% ready to share an ice cream as long as he got his bubblegum flavored scoop.

"Fine" He sighed rubbing his forehead. "We get the ice cream then we go to the secondary location"

Patton smiled happily up at him. Exactly 1 shared chocolate and bubblegum ice cream later they walked through the park on their way back to where the moped was parked. Logan suggested that he'd show him a shortcut he knew. They traversed through bushes and park benches were strangers still slept soundly. The bubbly boy wanted to stop and look at a cool mysterious looking place deep in the woods. There were clearly rusted and probably stolen chairs set up around a worn out table and small almost tent looking construct had been built out of long sticks and thoroughly soaked through old blankets.

He looked up at the nerd and was about to tell him to stop and look at it when he saw the pure terror in Logan's eyes. It was unusual for him to show any emotion and he had almost never showed that strong of an emotion.

"Ar-are you alright?" Patton hesitantly asked.

"We need to go. Now" He took the other's hand fastening his pace.

He practically dragged Pat with him out of the woods back into an alley way. It was clear that he knew exactly where he had to go to get to the moped but suddenly he stopped dead in his tracks. He backed making Patton turn around too and was nearly about to run when a voice echoed through the narrow pass way. 

"Hey Logic" Pride called out.

Logan closed his eyes gulping and took a few deep breaths before turning around looking in the direction the words came from. He motioned for Patton to stand behind him and kept a protective arm in front of him. Two other boys he used to know surrounded them.

Pride walked up to them with a sly smile and said "Well look at innocent little Logic out and about with his girlfrie-"

Before Pride even had time to finish the sentence Logan's emotions took over and he had punched him in the cheek. He stumbled back and trailed his fingers over the part that had been hit.

"You've gotten weaker" Peter laughed. The two other people behind him started to circle around the pair. Lo knew the reason was because his wrists were marginally frailer than usual which immediately put him disadvantage.

Patton was holding onto Logan's arm while shaking. He was too nervous to speak coherently so he signed. 'Who are they?'

'It's alright' Logan signed back trying to reassure him without actually answering. He'd learnt asl for the sole purpose of communicating better with him.

"So what are you doing here? Planning to leave even more of your friends? Maybe run away to a private island with whoever the hell that is" Pride bit off leaning closer to Patton which made Lo push him away.

"Leave us be. We can talk this out later but I'd rather not have..my acquaintance here know about anything of this" He said holding out his hands slightly in an attempt to calm the situation down. 

"Are you ashamed of us" A guy wearing a loose fitting orange tank top and a grey jacket nicknames Rage half asked half yelled putting a hand over his heart.

"I'm trying to-" Logan's heart was racing as he tried to make up some sort of excuse to make them leave. He couldn't have Patton know what he'd done. If he knew that he had nearly killed a stranger he was sure he would never want anything to do with Logan again and it was one of the worst things he could think of.

A shorter guy with a dark green sweater with ripped holes in it grabbed his collar forcing him to step away from Patton. "Cut the bullcrap Logic" He hissed "You know you never really left our gang even though you made it so very clear you hate us now dontcha?"

"You're right Envy" Rage agreed putting his hands on Logan's shoulders which made him get a deadly stare and slight growl from him "Don't we have a ritual for traitors who never really left the gang" A smirk spread over his lips.

"S-s-stop it-t!" Patton stomped his foot down into the ground trying to make himself seem more threatening "I am-m ver-ry confus-sed-d bu-ut it seems l-like you-you're toying with-h Logan and I-I don-n't allow that!"

"That's adorable" Pride said clasping his hands together. "You're his little white knight huh" He Held onto Patton kicking his calf so he fell down on the ground nearly knocking his glasses off. Peter kept his arm around his shoulders forcing him to stay in place and held onto his jaw so he looked up at Logan.

Their eyes meet. Lo mimed a silent sorry. The grip on his collar tightened as Envy hurled a few more insults his way. He tried to fight him off of him but it just made his body ache and when he tried to get into his fighting stance with squared shoulders and his fists in front of his face he was pushed away into a punch directly to the face. Logan slammed down to the ground trying to regain his normal breathing but instead he spit up blood. Normally he would have easily been able to get up and fight back but now he curled up on the ground. The only thing he could do as kicks were aimed at his ribs and stomach was too try and cover his head.

The only thing he could focus on though was the screaming from Patton. He yelled at them to stop over and over but no one listened. All he wanted was too run up and hold his friend but he was held back by Pride. It ached in Pat's heart as he knew how it felt to be in the situation Logan had found himself in.

Pride frowned as he watched his formed friend get beaten. He thought he would feel something good, maybe happy but all he felt was horrified. He tried to look away from it ashamed off what he'd done. With a sigh he let go of his grip on Patton.

He didn't waste another second before running up to his friend and screaming at any one of them that tried to continue to hurt him. Patton sat down next to Logan running his fingers gently through his hair. His eyes were half open and had a far away look in them. His fingers were twitching and his breathing was heavy and fast. There was blood dripping out from his nose and mouth.

"We....We should go" Pride said dragging in Envy's sleeve. There were a short mumbled conversation between them while Patton stared warily at them. They left without another word. Pride looked back at Logic for a few seconds, a look of regret on his face. 

Logan was left lying on the ground. Everything around him was spinning and colors were swimming into one another. Sounds morphed into loud yelling that never stopped. Suddenly out of the storm of impressions the sound of incoherent panicked words cut through.

It was by sheer muscle memory and instinct Logan moved to rest his hand on top of patton's, sluddering out between sharp intakes for air. "S'alright. Just b-breathe. In for four, hold se'en, out ei..eight remember"

His ribs ached and every sound he made made sharp stings shoot up through them. Patton was panicking over what to do. just the sight of blood made him freeze up. He couldn't think or talk or breath. He kept his hands locked over his mouth to keep sobs in. The fact that Logan was trying to care for him right now when it was so clear he was the one in need of help only made the panic worse.

"S'okay. Dont' cry Pat don't cr. I'm so sorry" Lo mumbled drowsily. Exhaustion took over and his eyelids started to sink down. "No one was supposed to know. No one was-" Patton pressed a finger over his lips to shut him.

'Save your words. Focus on yourself not me. I have to get you bandaged up first' He signed hoping that the other could see it. Honestly he wasn't even sure if he would be able to get a coherent word out right now. 

On shaking legs he stood up and dragged Logan up so he was leaning against him. When he noticed how out of it Logan was he patted his cheek a little startling him awake and signing 'Don't drift away. Stay with me'

Logan laughed a little as his thoughts become muddled. Long forgotten memories mushed together with recent ones and he couldn't feel his left arm for some reason. It probably wasn't good.

"Do you know what's funny Pattie? Every time I say I don't see you as a friend I lie. You're the only one I see as a friend. You're special to me" He was too out of it to control what he was saying. "You're so open with your emotions an so brave and I'm sooo sc-cared of you hating me cause I luv you so so much"

'That's great Logan. Just keep talking and don't fall asleep okay' He was barely listening. The only thing he could focus on was getting to his moped.

A panicked and what felt like a way too long ride later they found themselves outside Patton's house. The porch was cold against Logan's flaming skin that seemed to pulse in rhythm to his rapid heartbeats. He had been sat down while the other boy unlocked the door. Regret and worry filled his throat and he doubled over. Before anything could come up hands were on his shoulders pulling him up on his feet again.

'Hold it in' Patton signed before walking in. "M-mom....Dad-d!" He called out but the house was empty. Larry and Dot were out of town.

With a sigh he started to help Logan up the stairs. By now he had started to be more aware of everything around him and tried to keep himself as quiet possible. So even as every step hurt he kept the sounds of pain inside. They stumbled into the bathroom. Patton made the other sit down as he looked around in the medicine cabinet.

"Do you know how to bandage or shall I do it?" Logan asked propping himself up against the wall.

"Trust me I'm u-used to do this. I'm also good at hiding br-bruises, coul-ldn't let pops and mom know w-what was happening in s-school-l soooo yeah" He fiddled a little with the bandages before setting them aside and motioning for the other to take his shirt of.

A silence filled the room. Patton wiped away the blood that had dried up on his face as good as he could before bandaging up his torso. The only sound that was made was Logan wincing. He tried to think up an excuse over what had just happened and his body was tense anticipating the moment Patton would ask about it. It never came.

After making sure Logan was alright he got up to make dinner. Normally he was great at cooking but right now he was so shaken up he could barely get anything done. They ate without saying anything. When they started to wash the dishes Patton was one step away from dying from how awkward it was. People say that sudden scary stuff happening brings people closer together. Can someone fact check them on that because none of that closeness was happening. Just anxiety and questions silently being asked.

Patton put on some jazzy music to make the tension disappear and started humming along as he dried up the plate with a towel. He pretended to bump his hip into Logan by accident and continued to sway back and forth along to the tune. The nerd sighed putting the last cutlery in the cupboard. When he turned around the other boy put his arms around his neck.

"Dance with me" He said with a smile. When in response Lo continued to stand still thinking of how to answer. "C'mon s-stop overthinking and-d let's just have fun for a moment"

Logan leaned down slightly and put his hands on the other's waist letting himself be moved around to the rhythm. He breathed out smiling down at the bubbly boy. They spun around and the air got filled by giggling.

"You've gotten b-better" He said when he noticed the way the nerd didn't walk on his feet all the time.

"I try my best"

Patton laughed. "I know" He bounced a little on his heels asking "Wanna w-watch a movie?"

"Of course" He replied with a small smile relieved that everything seemed to go back to normal "Shall I get the popcorn while you choose?"

"Maybe I should help you" He motioned towards the bandages.

"I'm not helpless" He bit off annoyed because everyone assumed he was because of his illness. "Excuse me that sounded harsh. Thank you for your concern but I can handle myself"

"Sur-re. Love you" He said the last part just because he liked to remind his friends of it.

5 minutes later Logan limped into the living room with a big bowl filled with popcorn in his hands. The bubbly boy was sitting under a blanket looking exited as he pointed at the tv and exclaimed. "I choose Love, actually!" They had seen that movie 2 times already but it made Patton happy to watch it and seeing him happy made the other boy happy.

The nerd sat the bowl down on the table and half collapsed next to Pat swinging his arm casually  on the top of the sofa cushions. Patton leaned his head against his shoulder and sighed happily. Logan wasn't the best person to watch romantic comedies with since he noticed every problem with the plot and pointed it out but Patton liked it or maybe he just liked spending time with him.

As the movie marathon and the last movie they saw (Just like heaven, bless Mark Ruffalo) got to an end it had gotten quite late and they had gotten quite tired. It had been a busy day to say the least.

"Should I take the couch?" Logan asked.

"You say that e-every time. It's okay my bed is big eno-ough for 2"

It was nearing 1 am and they were one step away from falling asleep. Pat had his cat onesie on while the other got to borrow a pajamas that was way to small for him.

"Sooo if you got to choose a s-superpower what woul-ld you choose?" Patton asked making himself comfortable under the fluffy blue covers. His bed was filled with pillows and a few stuffed animals and Lo had huddled in among them since he absolutely would not get under the covers with him. He blamed it on Pat being clingy while he slept and he didn't want to wake him up early while trying to get him off of him.

The nerd thought about it before replying with. "Invisibility. Being able to go away from the world for a while seems pleasant. Just watch on as other people live their lives. Finally some peace and quiet"

"But then yo-ou would be l-lonely" Patton flapped his hands around and did puppy eyes at him.

"Just because I'm invisible doesn't indicate that I have to be it forever. I could always turn back when I see you"

"Aww. Ok m-my turn" He pretended to think for a moment even though he already knew his answer "I would-d choose shape shifting!"

"Why?" The nerd asked softly.

"Well if I ever w-want to fly I can turn into a bird and if I e-ever want to go lie in a pile of dogs I can turn into a dog an-and I can make my body l-look exactly the way I want it too" 

"You already look lovely" Logan laid on his side so he could look into his eyes as he said it. 

"I know but there's a-always room for improv-vement. Like a scen....scientific experiment. I can be like Frankenstein's monster. Then I would be tall!!!" It was quite admirable how Patton still had so much energy in him. 

"Finally someone who knows the monster isn't named Frankenstein" They high fived.

"Brain powe-er coming through!" He reached his arms up and shook his fists to the sky exclaiming it triumphantly. 

That was when he spent the last of his energy. He buried himself deeply under the covers and whispered goodnight. Suddenly there was a lump in Logan's throat and he almost reached out his arm to shake him awake again. Instead he said as quietly as he could.

Hey Pat, could you promise me a thing?"

"Sure. Wh-hat is it" He yawned while tugging at the other's arm making him get bit closer.

"No matter what you know about me could we always stay like this?" When no answer came he repeated it.

It took an excruciating amount of time before Patton answered. "Is this about the guys we met?" He had enjoyed pretending like nothing had happened and he had planned to continue with it. He didn't like having to confront it. 

".......Yes. I-I did something bad, something really bad and I don't want to lose you over it" For once he didn't know what to say. If he didn't explain he feared that Patton would think he did something even worse than he actually did.

"If it's hard to talk about I can tell you a s-secret first and th-hen you can say yours" Patton mumbled fiddling with the end of a pillowcase.

"That, that actually does sound like it could help"

"Don't tell anyone t-this but some days are just so gr-rey. They are so heavy I can barely get out of bed. Pat-thetic I know. Those days I can't speak even i-if I try. The sounds just w-won't come-e out. So I sm-mile and stay sile-ent and hope t-that nobody notices. No o-one ever do-oes" 

"That's not-"

Patton forced a small smile waving his hand a little as if waving away what he'd just said. "Oh silly me. Looks like I've g-gone and made ev-verything about me-e again. Sorry. Forget a-about all that and if yo-ou want you can tell me what's bothering you"

Logan took one of patton's hand in his looking into his eyes. "You not telling anyone you're feeling bad is bothering me"

He opened his mouth and then closed it again not prepared for Lo to actually care. He opened his arms and Lo accepted leaning into the hug. The bubbly boy rested his head against his chest hearing his heart go much faster than it normally did.

"How come someone as kind as you sticks with someone like me?" Logan asked moving his hands up and down the other's back.

"You're not as cold as y-you think you are. You tried t-to protect me and look at you now, all bandaged up" He gently placed his hand right over the place Logan's heart was. "You're the warmest person I know"

The hug turned tighter, Logan nearly crawling into a ball over all the emotions flowing through him. "Metaphors aren't my speciality exactly but I'll try. You...you're like an angel. You're so pure and kind an and I'm like an angel who got his teeth pulled out and halo thrown away and wings plucked out. I can never be good again whether I try or not" He mumbled.

Patton moved closer to him so their faces where inches apart and intertwined their hands. "I think you're good" He assured with a smile.

"I nearly killed someone" He blurted out but it came out like a meek whisper, he hoped that the other wouldn't hear.

Patton loosened his arms, backing away slightly from the embrace. He didn't say anything. His eyes darted around the room as he tried to process the information.

"Not that warm am I know" Logan said trying to keep his usual mask of emotionlessness on.

He stood up ready to dart out of the room and somehow find a way back. He nearly fell down from the pain shooting up from his ribs but he pressed on. As his hand landed on the doorknob Patton hesitantly said.

"Wait" He held out his hand slightly looking down at covers still. "Yo-ou m-must have had a-a good rea-ason f-for it right?......Right?"

Logan leaned his head against the door. "I wish I had" He mumbled. "I'm sorry, No one was supposed to know" He choked back a feeling of despair.

Patton moved his knees up to his chest saying. "Well I still think you're a good person"

"You?" Logan turned around out of shock repeating breathlessly. "You still think I'm a?" His body was shaking and he was unsure if it was from pain or all the emotions he was forcing back and pretending like they didn't exist. 

"Of course. You're s-still my logie bear" He smiled warmly. "I don't know the fu-ull story so I can't exa-actly judge. Besides if you regret it it means you've ch-ganged and change is good right? Maybe you're not ev-ven the same person anymore"

 Maybe he wasn't logic anymore maybe he was just Logan. He took a few unsure steps forward and sat down at the edge of the bed. Patton moved his arms around his waist gently pulling him closer. They laid down next to each other.

"Goodnight Lo" He said and boped his nose. "I hope-e you feel better t-tomorrow" He yawned moving closer to the other boy without thinking about it.

"I'll be with you tomorrow won't I, of course I'll feel better" He replied but Patton had already fallen asleep so he didn't hear.

Logan stared up at the ceiling counting the seconds but then his eyes widened and the realization came. Oh uh feelings.

Adoration. It's what Roman and Virgil felt when they looked at each other. God that line was so cheesy a rat would love eating it. Remy would describe it as looking at themselves in the mirror after a spa day because bitch they were looking fine. Remus thought it was the feeling he got when he saw someone make special effects blood that looked just like the real thing because he wanted to be able to do the same thing. He also felt it when he looked at Dee but that's besides the point.

Logan well it's pretty obvious who makes him feel that way isn't it.

He had fallen helplessly in love, indescribably taken as if he was lying on the ground and was being beaten. Shush now he told himself. He couldn't express himself. He doesn't have the right to. He can't. Be still, ocean of his heart. No wave allowed.

One illusion he had broke that day. He had been so sure he had no heart not in that sense at least. Now he found he had one but it was a heart that didn't suit him.

Patton looked so peaceful. They were laying just a few inches apart. Logan quietly got under the covers, still keeping a small distance between them. Without thinking about it his hand moved forward brushing over the other's cheek. He looked at him. The dimples left from laughing. The scar on his left eyebrow he had gotten at school. The freckles going over his cheeks and nose. His soft lips.

There was a crushing longing aching in his chest. In the silence it would be so easy to just reach out and hold him. Whisper into his ear all the things he adored about Patton. The unrelenting kindness never letting up. How he had so easily accepted him. They were so close and yet not close enough. there was a gap between them built on things Logan couldn't control. He hated things he couldn't control.

All he got instead was brushing his hair and an untamed love for the first time taking over his heart.

With a low murmur escaping his lips Patton opened his eyes looking sleepily at him. Logan tried to move his hand back in time so he wouldn't notice but he did. He noticed the way his cheeks were rosy. How his lips were slightly parsed. The expression on his face he had never seen before.

In that moment he knew.

He knew what was filling the air. What the emotion shown on Logan's face meant. He knew he could never accept it.

Logan was about to speak when Patton put a finger on his lips. It was such a small motion Logan nearly didn't see it in the darkness but Patton shook his head. He turned around looking into the wall away from his friend and Logan was left lying in the quiet darkness.