Song: Skinny love by Bon Iver 

My brain was like 'alone on a Saturday night? Pathetic, fanfic time' and I was like 'pwease lemme focus on somewing welse' and my brain was like 'Perish' so now there's this chapter

Virgil's day wasn't going very well. Scratch that. Virgil's week wasnt going very well.

After hearing the news that Remus but most importantly Roman was back he had tried to avoid them as much as possible. It was going great since his sleep schedule followed a vampires at this point.

What specifically made this day abselutely rotten was that 1. Remy had stolen his eyeliner again and 2. Ray the rat was gone.

He had been desperatly searching the long hallways for over an hour when he saw Remus sitting near a trash can. He was excitedly talking to a small creature on his shoulder.

"HEY hey emo!" He yelled while waving "I found a rat! Look! Look! We match!"

He held up Ray with a big grin. Virgil quickly took the rat and carefully placed him in his hoodie pocket where he belonged.

"Thanks for finding him" He muttered to the duke who looked proud of himself.

"No prob hob. Where did you get him?" Remus asked.

Virgil had planned to walk away as fastly as possible but stopped and turned around "...You..gave him to me, remember?"

The duke seened to think intensly before shaking his head "Nope. Most of my memories from right before I ran away are hazy. Just casually lost like half a year of my life, no biggie. Or I mean I kind of remember some of it but it's like watching a tv show with a bad filter and I don't really like what I remember.....OH were we friends before I left???"

The emo remebered Remus breaking his hand and the grudge that had followed it. How he'd been secretly happy when he disapeared. Then he felt Ray crawl around and remebered that Remus had gotten him a whole ass rat and that he broke his hand to protect Roman. He took a deep breath as he decided to forgive him.

He hunched down in front of the other boy and began to lie "Yeah we were great friends. You gave me Ray in an act of true friendship and I got really worried when you left"

"You like me?????"

"Ehm...suure"

"Fuck yeah!!" Remus exclaimed "Wanna go dig around in this trashcan? So far I've found some great stuff like this moldy stuff" He stuck out his tongue showing he'd eaten something that had been food several months ago.

"No thank you" Virgil declined "I have to go look for my eyeliner, I feel naked without my wonderful dark raccoon make up"

"I'm sure you look great in your birthday suit" He replied with a nonchalant tone.

"What?"

"Nevermind, You know without the eyeliner you look really miserable. You look like you would need to get properly drunk or sucked off right now. Where's Roman when you need him?"

"Ew icky" Virgil said while grimacing.

"Did you just say ew icky" Remus laughed "well I'mma stay with this trashcan for a while. I've named him mr.Trashshit the third. So come back if you wanna press eyeballs into a cheese-grater or something"

"I'll keep that in mind" Virgil responded as he stood up "Bye" He didn't get a response because Remus had already dived back into the trash can.

He continued through the hallway and stopped outside Remy's room. The room was dark when he got in. The blinds were down only leaving the light from the open door. The twin's things were back in their normal places so the room felt much more lived in even though Dee's things were gone. Virgil expected to see Remy instead he saw Roman sitting in his bed with a brothers Grimm book in his hands.

This is where the narrator would have put Virgil's reaction to seeing his boyfriend??? ex?? Something?? but his thoughts consisted of so many graphic swear words it's for the best that they're left out.

Roman had on white shorts, a red tank top with a crown on and socks that reached his knees. The emo tried to slowly back out of the room without being seen but he accidentally knocked over a lamp with his elbow which made the other boy look up.

"Hey" Roman greeted even though it felt like someone had taken ahold of his throat.

"Hi...." Virgil replied while trying to look as not awkward as possible which he failed miserably at.

The prince stood up with an unsure look on his face and took out a black pencil from his pocket "Remy came in like 5 minutes ago and told me to give this to the next person who came in" 

Virgil made a mental note to kill Remy next time he saw them as he took the eyeliner pencil. Their fingers touched for just a moment and it felt like electricy went up their arms. Roman wanted to move forward and dramatically serenade Virgil before kissing him but the over 3 months that had gone without them talking had built a barrier between them.

"You're looking well" Roman finally broke the tense silence.

"You look like a paper bag who's gotten lost in a tornado" Virgil blurted out immediately grimacing in regret while wishing someone would have sewn his mouth shut.

Roman felt his heart get ripped in two "Are you saying I look bad. I mean of course you're right I could probably stand to...to lose...a few more pounds" A sudden urge to please Virgil in any way possibly took over. Maybe then he could get him back.

"No no princey I didn't mean it like that. Please believe me" He continued a little quieter "You look fragile. You look like I would hurt you just by touching you" He never really thought Roman could get worse but now there was barely anything left of him.

"You know if I wanted to stand around and get told off about my weight by people I haven't had any contact with in some time I would have stayed with my parents" He replied with a much harsher tone than what he usually spoke in while crossing his arms "Bye then"

After saying bye Roman stood completely still and stared into the the other boy's eyes until Virgil finally got the message to leave. The moment he'd stepped outside the door he could hear it being closed behind him.

The emo was about to walk away, to go to his room and hide down under the covers and scroll through edgy quotes about heartbreak on Tumblr until it was 2 am so he wouldn't have to think for even a moment because if he thought right now he would surely have a panic attack over ruining every fucking thing. 

It was probably selfish of him but he refused to let the most wonderful 'thing' in his life slip out between his fingers. He put his hand on the door handle. He knew the door wasn't able to be locked so he could barge in but he hesitated. Virgil sunk down to the floor with his back against the door. He laughed a little to himself at the thought that if somebody came down in the hallway now they would think he was a weirdo.

He took a deep breath before saying just enough so that it could be heard through the door "Hey princey, wanna build a snowman?"

Footsteps could be heard on the other side but no answer came.

"You remember that time you made me watch that stupid musical with the guy who had his arm in a cast and social anxiety? That....Dear...Erik Hansson-"

"Dear Evan Hansen" Roman corrected in a quiet tone.

"Yeah that. I said I didn't like it but I actually did. It feels like we're reenacting if I could tell her right now" Virgil continued. "If I could tell him, tell him everything I see. If I could tell him how he's everything to me. But we're a million worlds apart and I don't even know how I would start" He softly sang.

"You know how weak I am for people serenading me with musical theater" The prince muttered.

"I do" He let out a short laugh before his expression turned melancholic again. 

Virgil fiddled with the strings of the hoodie while thinking about how to continue. On the other side of the door Roman was sitting with his leaned against the door while hugging his arms. 

"How have you been?" Virgil asked before face palming because Jesus Christ could he have asked something stupider than that.

"Fine" Roman lied "Patton told me you were doing well while I was gone and that's great" He couldn't count on his fingers how many nights of sleep he'd lost to thinking about that and most of his thoughts had been about selfish he was over being sad his boyfriend was doing good without him.

"Well? I was doing well? Jeez I must be a good liar" He put his hand on the door and imagined Roman did the same so their hands was meeting on each side of the door.

He was about to mention how he had had pretty much daily panic attacks for almost a month because Roman wouldn't answer any of Patton's texts or calls and of course his hell brain jumped to the conclusion that the prince was dead but that sounded a bit to much like guilt tripping.

"I was so worried, you can not imagine" Virgil said instead.

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd stopped caring" Roman admitted "I didn't want to disturb you from being happy by dragging you down with ehm me"

"It's fine. It was a dick move of me not to text you. I mean when I was at my worst I wanted the world to disappear so I tried to make myself disappear from it and with Remus being gone I thought you wanted space. besides you know anxiety and phone calls, match made in hell"

Roman felt like a weight got lifted from his shoulders as he realized Virgil didn't hate him "I could have contacted you. I should have"

"Love, you had enough on your mind. Don't blame yourself" He assured.

 Virgil was about to continue when he felt the door open behind him which made him fall. He thought he would land with his back on the floor instead he landed in a hug.

"Every second without you has felt empty" Roman mumbled as he pressed him close.

"Of course you would say something cheesy like that you hopeless romantic" The emo responded while kissing his cheek.

Roman stretched his arm to close the door before taking his love's hand and tenderly kissing each of his knuckles "But it's true"

"Are you really sure you still want to be with me?" Virgil asked "I mean I wouldn't want to be with me and I don't want to bother you and I really don't deserve you either. You can get someone 100 times better than me an-" He started to ramble.

"Hey hey. Don't get all worked up now. I really do love you. I would rather cut off my arm than lose you" He promised.

He cupped Virgil's cheek and the emo placed his hand over his leaning into the touch and smiling. "I've missed you" Virgil murmured.

"Yeah. Are you okay? I mean for real how has it been since I left?" He asked with a worried tone. 

"Could have been better bu-" Virgil began.

"What happened? I am ready to rescue you from this dragon witch monster of your thoughts!" He said with a eager tone.

"No no Ro I'm worried about you"

Roman forced a grin. "There's nothing about me to worried about. I'm much better. Sure I got a little low before but now I'm back to being a brave knight! Don't focus so much on me. Whatever is bothering you is more important, whatever that is"

"THis is! You just keep shouldering other people's problems. You'll get crushed under the weight of them if you continue like this. I want to support you and help you so badly but you won't let me. Just think about it. All this time when we've been together, I've been a mess the entire time. You've helped me through so many panic attacks and always listened to me. You only ever talk about your problems when I'm pretty much forcing you too"

"I...I" Tears started to form in Roman's eyes. "I'm fine. Virgil I really am. I swear. I'm okay. Don't worry about me" The words turned into a sob "Don't worry" He sobbed out trying to stop the tears from welling out "I'm fine"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-"

Roman hugged him tightly, pretty much sitting in the other's lap and resting his head on his shoulder. For once it felt good to cry in front of someone. Virgil stroked his hair mumbling reassuring words.

"I th-houhgt I would d-die. I thought I would never get to see you again. I've been so scared Virge. I've been so scared for so long and it's so exhausting"

Virgil held his head up making sure to kiss every tear falling down.

"I've been so focused on making sure Rem is okay and I'm eating every day and it's making me feel so worthless and I've been so sure you hated me and and it's all just too much" His shoulders shook and the words were mixed together with sobs. "It's too much"

"You're doing great Ro. Things will be brighter now" Virgil said softly.

"No No it won't. I think I think oh god I'm stuck here and I'll get horrible and unlovable and you'll leave me when I start gaining and there's so much that could go wrong" He held onto the other's hoodie as his breathing got faster.

"You're overthinking more than I do right now. We can talk about this later kay. Just try to breath with me" Virgil moved their foreheads together as he said it.

"I'm sorry, this was unnecessary. I'm fine really" He wiped his tears away but the way his voice sounded weak still gave the lie away.

Virgil hummed as a response standing up. He held out his hand helping his boyfriend up. Roman leaned against him mumbling more apologies. The emo made him stop and assured he had nothing to apologize for.

"I know what'll make you feel better" Virgil said as he took off his hoodie and draped it over the other boy's shoulders which left him in a black t-shirt and the fingerless gloves Patton had knitted for him. Roman was the only person he was comfortable around enough to not hide his arms.

"Thanks" He said before pressing a kiss to his cheek. He leaned into the warmth from the hoodie and smiling since it smelled like his boyfriend.

He sat down next to Virgil in his bed and snuggled up to him. The emo laid his arm around the other's waist. They had both missed existing together like this so much. Virgil looked at Roman's smile and wondered how he'd ever survived without it.

The prince's eyes suddenly widened and he got a tense look on his face "I...I think there's something living in your hoodie" He whispered as if a monster would attack him if he was too loud.

"That's just Ray" Virgil replied while taking out the rat from the pocket. He put Ray down on the pillow and said with the kind of voice you use to a dog "So so go explore, destroy the pillow if you want"

"Don't destroy my pillow" 

"Definitely destroy his pillow, be free my son" He patted Ray on the head before the rat disappeared into the pillow.

They looked at the rat for some time before Roman decided to be smooth "I'm so exhausted. I've been for so long" he fake yawned as he slowly slid down until he laid with his head in his boyfriend's lap. 

Virgil ran his fingers through the other's hair peppering him with kisses until Roman couldn't help but smile. "I love you"

"Love you too storm cloud" 

The room was silent for a few moments. It was a comfortable one. 

 Roman crawled into a small ball  and his voice was weak as he continued "Y'know basically the only thing I can remember from the 2 years before I got to the school is skipping meals and watching mukbangs to trick myself to feeling full and drinking water till I'm sick of it and hiding food in my closet until molds grow in it. I know I went to prom and did cheerleading but nothing of that feels real. The only thing in my life was food"

"That's rough"

"Hmh. I don't think my parents sees me as a person anymore. I think I'm just a problem in their eyes. A diagnosis that have to be treated which somehow makes it worse" Roman sighed finally getting it out after keeping it inside for so long.

"That's shitty of them. My parents are pretty chill. I was pretty pissed at them for a while after they sent me to this place but that worked out didn't it" Virgil replied with a smirk while patting his boyfriend on the shoulder.

"I would love to meet them some day...I've lost so much of my life because of my stupid eating problem and I don't want to lose more of it or all of it but I don't know how to stop" Roman continued.

"It'll be alright Ro. You won't be alone, you'll get help okay?"

"Mhm, sorry" He mumbled out.

"As long as you're alive that counts for something right. It's a start" Virgil said.

"Just gotta continue till the end. Till we live happily ever after if you will" Roman replied while sticking his pinky out.

"Till the end" Virgil promised while pinky promising it.

Roman got a smug look on his face as he asked "Could you serenade me with musical theater again because that was high class romance??" He moved his eyebrows up and down.

"You are insufferable and I hate you" He replied with a monotone voice.

"You love meeeee" Roman sing sang it out.

"Nope never who told you that"

"Yooouuu luuuuuvvvv meeeeeee" 

"Fine okay I'll do it now shut up" Virgil smiled and started to sing quietly "I don't pretend to know the challenges you're facing.

The worlds you keep erasing and creating in your mind.

Look around look around at how lucky we are to be alive right now

Look at where you are. Look at where you started.

The fact that you're alive is a miracle

Just stay alive and that would be enough"