Song: Obsessions by Marina 

Also Smoke and Guns by Natewantstobattle is basically a demus song if their relationship was healthy and not this: tw: Emotional & physical abuse, manipulation, substance abuse, Roman gets dumb bitch disease and in this economy can you blame him?

Sunday, wake up, give me a cigarette

Last night's love affair is looking vulnerable in my bed

These days Remus was mostly just numb. He willfully accepted every kiss or hug he got even as it felt like ice going over his skin slowly turning into water that drowned him. Cuddling with Dee used to be the highlight of his week and he hated that now it felt like poison on his skin whenever they touched.  His days turned into a blur between sore jaws, fake I love yous, white syringes and wet cheeks.

He sat in class too lost in thought to take anything in. The thoughts were less like words or ideas and more like tv static played on a loop. Even when Patton said something to him he didn't notice. He just kept his gaze slightly downwards with his hands in his hair trying to make sense of the static.

Patton had started to worry. Remus always wore baggy clothes now a days as if to hide something. The way he rarely talked to anyone and  how empty his eyes looked reminded Pat too much of himself. Every time he wanted to talk to Remus Dee was nearby though. Only a look from his ex made Patton's brain scream to go back to being quiet and he couldn't take another step in their direction.

At the same time he couldn't help but wonder if Dee called Rem the same pet names he used to call him. Or if they kissed the same way. Or if they comforted each other from nightmares about the past before spending the entire night whispering about the future like they used to do.

One day during lunch as the couple sat away from everyone else as usual. Remus was babbling on about a movie, happy that Dee was listening to him and his interests "My favorite part is when Dr. Frank-N-Furter makes his grand entrance. He comes down an elevator..."

Decan wasn't listening. From the corner of his eye he saw Patton looking at them. He forced himself to glance back at his actual boyfriend grabbing his chin roughly and pulling him into a kiss, biting his lip and all. He looked over catching Pat's eye contact. The moment his ex looked away he stopped the kiss. He smiled hoping he had made him jealous.

"Did you want me to shut up? You could have just said so" Remus said scratching at his wrist.

"No no dear please continue talking about whatever you were rambling about" He answered absentmindedly not even looking at him as he said it.

"......Nothing....It was nothing"

We've got obsessions

I want to erase every nasty thought

That bugs me every day of every week

Remus was sitting at the desk lost in thought as he drew. Dee laid in their bed staring up as the smoke from his cigarette went up to the ceiling.

"Can you turn that off, you're giving me more of a headache than usual" He said referring to the music the other was bopping along to.

"Anaconda by Nicki Minaj is a modern masterpiece so-"

"Turn it off" He reiterated.

"Suuure" Rem groaned. "What do you listen to anyway. Probably weird indie bands who sing about fucking satan or worse, ska" He mumbled to himself.

"What're you drawing anyway?" Dee asked walking over and leaning against the desk.

Remus tensed up staring at the cigarette it wasn't until Decan snapped his fingers in front of his face he stopped staring and showed the drawing. It was a portrait of him breaking every bone in Virgil's body with a hammer. "It's based on a pleasant dream I had last night" He added with a grin.

"It's disturbing" Dee replied with a deadpan tone sitting down on the desk. He grabbed the other boy's wrist harshly forcing him to open his palm. He took one last drag before slowly moving the cigarette down towards his hand. Remus watched on in horror, it felt like his tongue had gotten glued to the top of mouth and he couldn't let a single sound out.

Decan stopped letting out a short laugh before letting go of his wrist which had already started to turn red. "Oh come it was just a joke" He said when he saw the other's distraught expression. He threw it in the trashcan after extinguishing it.

"Hehehe yeah...really funny" Remus pretended to agree while rubbing his wrist. He suddenly shot up with a grin "OH! I got a thingie for you!" He rolled the chair over to his bed pulling out a stack of papers from under his mattress and looking through it until he found the one.

He held it up proudly towards Dee. It depicted a human their limbs contorted into unhuman positions to form a heart out of their body. It was quite gruesome but Remus thought it conveyed some type of love pretty well and he hoped it would make his fri-boyfriend happy. All he wanted was to keep Dee happy so he didn't leave him for the afterlife.

"It looks scary" His heart sunk. "Maybe you're placing your talent in a box. Maybe you should draw more pretty things. I'm sure you would be an amazing artist if you didn't waste your time on...this"

"Come on you bore it's fun! In real life I can't murder people or anything but on paper it's no biggie. I got an idea! How about a shadow demon lurking over a dead body playing with it's guts and it uses it as a neckla-"

Before he had time to finish the sentence a gloved hand had grabbed his hair and pushed his head down into the table. Instead of words a whine left his mouth as his head began to throb.

It probably was supposed to be playful to shut him up. It probably wasn't supposed to hurt. It probably was just him being overly sensitive again. It probably his fault for continuing to say horrible things. He probably deserved it.

"Sorry" A part of Remus said that he wasn't the one who was supposed to apologize.

"Besides drawing takes so much time out of your time. Don't you think you could spend that time in better ways like being with me" Dee continued as if nothing had happened.

"But" He tried to put his thoughts into words but they all talked over each other. "I think it's good for me I mea-"

"Aren't I good for you too?"

"Of course, sorry" He answered immediately. Then he realized what Dee was trying to make him do. ".....Of course"

After that he stopped drawing.

"You're really great Remus you know that right" He said with a sweet voice putting his feet on either side of his boyfriend's hips on the chair and pulling him closer. He forced his chin up slightly leaning down so their heads were close "It's a shame no one else but me can see that"

"Don't mind me" A familiar voice said while entering the room. "Just keep sucking food waste from each others mouths" With a huff Roman collapsed onto his bed. Sweat was dripping down his forehead. He had mistaken how close the two were sitting to kissing.

"It's real classy by the way that you two got together after what? a week?2? after you broke up with Patton" Ro continued while taking off his shirt almost like he wasn't thinking much about what he was saying.

"You're just jealous because we're a cuter couple than you and Virgil ever will be" Dee taunted.

"If you ever even mention him again I will throw you out the window" He had no idea Dee had hurt Virge he just didn't like the slimey boi.

"That will be hard. You know how much I love our lil Virgil. So innocent. So naive. So easy to hold down" He smirked.

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of toying with me" Roman huffed before taking a towel and walking towards the shower.

Remus looked bewildered. The conversation had left him confused. Didn't Virgil hurt Dee. Wasn't he supposed to hate him. Why hadn't anyone told him things had changed. Why did everything pass him by.

Then the realization that if nothing had happened between Virgil and Dee then there had been no reason to break his hand. Oh god he had hurt him without having a reason. He had to say sorry. He was such a monster.

"Let me go. I have I ha-" He babbled out starting to drag himself away from his boyfriend.

"Why?"

"Virgil I did something wrong. I have to" He continued.

He thought for a moment before saying with a mischievous smile "Well you've got it all mistaken dear. Stay. I'll tell you what happened"

An hour later Remus nearly knocked down the door as he ran into Virgil's room. The emo was the only one in there. He was sitting on the floor practicing on his bass.

When he saw Rem he used the bass as a sort of shield. The boy in green clearly didn't notice the attempt of a defense. Instead he ripped the instruments from his hands and gently placed it on the ground beside them before grabbing ahold of his hoodie keeping him in place.

Virgil had pretty much frozen in fear. He couldn't talk nor could he run but his thoughts went haywire thinking that for some unbeknownst reason he would be hurt again.

He did not expect Remus to take his before injured hand,patting it. "Good hand. Great hand" He mumbled to it even pressing a few quick kisses to it.

"So remember when I bashed your hand???" When he didn't get a response aside from wide frightened eyes he continued. "Well turns out that the reason I did that. The forced kiss and cheating and all that y'know. Apparently that never happened and it was all just my thoughts convincing me it happened. Dee told me that" He flapped his hands around as he rambled.

In a moment of shock Virgil reluctantly spoke. "Th..that isn't what happened. He's lying"

"No silly" He replied with a smile.

"Bu"

"No." The smile disappeared when he said it. "He would never lie. Where was I" He stared into the ground before shooting up with a grin "Right! as a sign of apology I got you a little something"

The something he had apparently kept under his shirt. With an excited look he took out a rather fat rat holding it up like the lion in the start of the lion king. "Tada! I got you a cat! I found it in the kitchen"

"That's a rat"

"Cat. Look at it's cute tail. Oh how precious you are you beautiful being" He said the last part directly to the animal while tickling it under it's chin.

While he was distracted with the rat (Working title: The duke 2.0) Virgil slipped away from him backing as far away as he could until his back hit the wall. He could barely breathe.

"What are you doing?" Remus asked frowning.

"Can you leave" It still gave him anxiety just being in the same room as him.

"Oh" Remus stared down into the ground. "Yeah yeah, I can do that" He chuckled a little. "I get it now. Really it's understandable. If I can destroy your hand over my thoughts alone then yeah I wouldn't want to be in the same room as someone as unstable and bad and horrendous and sc-scary as I am. Of course I get it"

He sat the rat down on the bed patting it before dragging himself towards the exit. "If it'll take me never talking to you again for you not to be scared of me I'll do it. I really don't want you to hate me, I'm sorry. Bye"

He scratched his arms as he walked through the hallway. He didn't notice that anyone else was there until Roman walked into his shoulder making him flinch and look up. Ro didn't seem like he was going to stop walking but Remus reached out grabbing his arm to stop him.

"How's the worst brother in the world doing?" Rem half sung half asked.

"I don't know, how are you doing?"

"I walked into that one didn't I"

Roman forced the other's hand off of him "What do you want" He growled. "You know what I don't care. I'm already in a bad mood. Your boyfriend is worse than Prince Hans. I can't stand being in the same room as him"

"He's a nice person"

"Suuuuure"

A small part of him told him that he should ask Ro about whether the things that were happening were normal things in a relationship "I uh think I need a lil help"

Roman rolled his eyes "With what? Some of your disturbing experiments. You want me to watch you kill bugs or something. Maybe let you convince me to break up with my boyfriend again. Gonna try and destroy more of my relationships or something"

"I wasn't-"

"I don't care about your problems dukey. Leave me alone" He concluded before huffing and walking away.

We've got obsessions

I want to wipe out all the sad ideas

That come to me when I am holding you

Remus had tried to feel how many burns he had gotten on his back. After counting to 20 he got to dismayed to continue. Even so as much as the burns scared him the punishing didn't at all work in the way Dee had intended aka persuade him away from his self medication. Quite the opposite way actually.

Every moment he spent alone he spent chugging down painkillers more so to be able to disapear into a hazy state that felt like laying down in a big feathery matress than to stop the stinging on his back. In the dead of night he sneaked away puttign the syringe to his vein without anyone knowing. He'd hieghtened the dose so that it would last until the next night. So that the things Dee said didnt hurt as much. It rarely did but he couldn't get through the nightmare that had become his normality without the numbness of his addiction leading to new scars in exchange for another dose of heroin during the day. 

Remus thought he could get away scoot free on this particular day. The first drops had already entered his blood stream when he felt a hand land on his shoulder. "You alright?" Dee asked sitting down next to him.

"Yeah, Of course" He replied putting the syringe away.

"I don't understand why you keep doing things you know you will regret" There was a tone of compassion in his voice.

Remus moved away the knowledge that it'd eventually lead to a new scar made him tense. He couldn't trust the kindness. He looked away as he mumbled "Why can't you just hit me instead"

"What was that darling?"

"If you're going to hurt me why can't you hit me instead. I don't want scars"

"Then what do you want?" Dee took the other boy's hand gently moving his thumb in a circle into his palm.

"I....I want to stop being a bother. I want to stop being a bad person" He pulled his knees up to his chest. There were so many things he left out but he didn't want to make Dee angry.

In actuality he wanted to say: I want to stop wishing I had died with the overdose because everything hurts so much now a days. I wish I had never kissed you. My thoughts keep telling me to hurt you and I hate it so much but they become louder every day.

"You're not a bother....mostly. Not to be rude but it is quite the chore having to deal with you sometimes. You can be quite mean you know" Dee interrupted him in his thinking.

That was when Remus got up and left. Enough was enough even for someone who had been so thoroughly brainwashed so far. He wasn't sure why this crossed the line. To feed up to care about the repercussions he walked out into the hallway. He felt a hand grip around his wrist and he was forced to stop.

"See what I mean with mean? It's rude to walk away when someone is talking" Dee backed him up against the wall still with a hold on his wrist. Immediately Remus' body tensed up even more.

A hand was cupping his chin as Dee snarled at him "You wondered why I didn't hit you. You see I get that you won't stop with your selfish drug habit if you don't have constant scars on you" It sounded eerily similar to something Dee's mom had told him to justify the burns though he didn't want to acknowledge that. He shook it off continuing "On that note how dare you think I'm so horrible as I would hit my boyfriend. May I guess is it another kink of yours. Something your thoughts had talked you into wanting. Something you will force upon me because you're a disgusting human being"

"Don't call me your boyfriend right after saying I take drugs!. You know I don't like when people say that!" Remus barked back.

"It's the truth" Dee rolled his eyes as he said it.

"Well yeah but it's also like if I called you Decan! Decan!"

In one moment he was yelling in the next there was a single spike of pain on his cheek before it faded into an ache. The shock took over him and the world started to dissolve around him. He wanted to sink down on the floor but Dee kept him pinned against the wall.

He hit me

He hit you

He hit us

"Are you happy now? You got what you wanted?" When he saw Remus frightened eyes and quivering lip guilt did sting his heart and he softened up "I'm sorry"

He let his grip go and the boy in green fell down on his knees. He gripped his arms tightly around himself backing as far away as he could. "I want to break up" He mumbled brazing himself for another hit.

"Don't be so dramatic. I said sorry didn't I. No need for...this. Come on you can decide on a movie and we'll cuddle" He hunched down reaching out his hand to comfort but Remus moved away.

"I don't want to cuddle! I want my friend back!" He screamed closing his fists in frustration. "I don't want to be kissed or called pet names! I want my best friend who didn't force me into things I didn't want!"

"Wow Remus you're so mature. I make one mistake and you want me to change. FINE. I can leave. I can go and never talk to you again. Let's see how long you last being utterly alone. Because let's be real here everyone else hates you" He taunted before standing up.

"Nonono. Dee please I didn't I wasn't I don't want us to stop being friends" Everything was spinning and a deep fog took over his thoughts making everything muddled and confusing. He scratched at his arm to keep himself present, he couldn't dissociate now.

"Well maybe I do, ever thought about that or were you too busy only focusing on yourself"

Remus covered his head with his hands in an attempt to make himself feel safer. "Please stop yelling at me. I'm already scared of you" He whimpered.

"Isn't scaring people more of your thing. Isn't that why no one else than me can stand being around you. Look at that I'm the only one you have and you still want to abandon me just like everyone els-"

"Ladied ladies what the fuck is going on here?" Remy interrupted Dee's monologue. The couple both stopped before slowly turning to the insomniac.

This is my chanceI can tell Remy and get away from Decan

NORemy doesn't even like youDee doesYou have to stay with Dee or else he'll kill himself

He hurt me I can't stay Ican'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan'tIcan't

You have to

"It was my idea!" Remus spat out knowing that there was no going back now. "I....I..think it's hot to be insulted" 

"Maybe it is time for us to go" Dee said dragging his boyfriend up on his legs and keeping his arms firmly around his shoulders so he couldn't run to the insomniac. "Excuse us" He nodded towards Remy.

"Wait. Rere you wanna grab some lunch later?" They asked. "Girl we haven't hung in like forever and that is like illegal so we gotta change it" They were smarter than to believe what the other two were saying, it was time for some coffee and life advice.

I can trust them

No! No you can't trust themThey hate youEveryone hates youYou're a broken unlovable monster

We should cut them up into tin-

SHUT UP Dee doesn't like those kind of thoughts

I hate DecanI hate himI hate himI want to go back to the person I was before all thisI'm sick of being like thisI want to be able to meet my own eyes in the mirror

There was so much anger bubbling up inside of him but he couldn't take it out on Dee in fear of being hurt so he started to yell at Remy. What could he lose anyway since they already didn't like him. "I HATE YOU! I hate you I hate you I hate!"

He reached out his arms towards them wanting to dig his nails and rip up their skin and bared his sharp yellow tinted teeth. "I am so sorry" Decan lied while holding him back.

"I'm going to kill you in your sleep! I will cut you into tiny pieces and feed you to the wolves! I hate you! I wish you were dead!" Dee placed a hand over his mouth forcing him to shut up.

"I have no idea what has gotten into him" The boy who was having way too much fun said.

Remy eyed the still jumpy and enraged Remus warily. "Girl do you like know if he's feeling well cause usually he only says these things as like a weird joke" They stated furrowing their eyebrows in thought.

"I have no idea" Dee put on an innocent expression.

They moved their head back groaning "My lil bro has a theater performance coming up I don't have the mental capacity to worry about Rere too! But I will anyway cause like friendship I guess. Girl why life gotta be a bitch" Decan shrugged in agreement. "Maybe you should take away the hand from Rere's mouth, looks like he let out all the steam he had besides it's like tots bitchy to do that" 

Hesitantly Dee took away the hand his hand. Instead he ran it down Remus back and dug his nails into an open wound. So instead of saying sorry like he wanted to all that came out from his mouth was a scream.

"Seems like he's still a bit angry" Dee bit off moving up his hand to his mouth again.

 Remy took a step back thinking that maybe he was actually angry at them. The boy in green's eyes were burning up with the tears he was trying to hold back. He couldn't stand standing here and see his fri-classmate's perception of him change. He nudged at Dee trying to get him to understand that he wanted to leave.

"I suggest you try to stay out of my dear darling's way" The snake said with a sweet tone "Not just because he hates you but also because he is pretty unstable right now. I don't want you getting hurt over his issues after all"

Remy opened their mouth to disagree but when they saw the way Remus tried to nudge back away from them they closed it again hiding their gritted teeth and pained expression by sipping on their drink.

When they came into the dorm it was empty. How Remus wished Roman would have been in there. It was still his room too yet he was barely in it anymore. Remus wanted his knight of a brother who would fight back bullies for him back. He craved being protected.

Remus sat down on the bed with a huff, crossing his arms. The liar placed a blanket around his shoulders pressing a kiss to his cheek. "Come on now, why the frown" He cooed patting his head demeaningly.

He didn't respond as he felt like all the power had gone out of him. When his boyfriend sat down beside him and forced his head down so he was leaning it on his lap he didn't even try to fight against it and when he started stroking his hair he closed his eyes almost liking it.

"So can we forget all about your little crisis" Dee taking his glove off to check his nail for once.

"I want to stop being your boyfriend" He reiterated. He also wanted to stop being pushed around. "And don't twist that into me wanting you to leave me forever because that is not what I am saying! What I'm trying to say i-"

When he was silenced again he bit Dee's hand out of frustration. His body tensed up awaiting another hit.

"Was it anything else?" Dee had an unimpressed look on as he eyed him.

"Fuck you you stupid butthole! You're a monster"

Immediately the stroking in his hair turned into a tug and his head was forced up into the air almost as if Dee was sending him a silent threat that he could slam him into the wall at any time. "Say that again will you darling. Or did your cowardly nature steal your tongue" 

"You are a monster" He said it again with a grin.

"Hypocrite that's what you are. You tell me you don't want to be called a drug addict which you are by the way and then you turn around and call me a monster"

"Monster!" He yelled out trying to get his hand out of his hair. "I hope you die in a fire!"

That was when he got another to be bruise.

A whine escaped his lips as his head was forced back into his boyfriend's lap. Everything around him seemed foggy and there was a far away ringing in his ears. Maybe his memory was getting worse because he kept being pushed into things. Whether it be walls just to try and pretend like he enjoyed the kissing or tables when he said something too gruesome.

"Can you turn your head towards me?" Dee asked. Remus did so. "Oh I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you" He caressed his face gently between promises that it would never happen again. "Can we forget about everything that just happened. Don't you understand that I just care so much about you. Let's just move on okay"

"No" If his limbs didn't feel like lead he would have done the double bird.

"Sure. I respect that. Let me just stay here for a few minutes to process our breakup please" He lied.

"I guess..."

Dee fumbled around in his pockets before taking out his cigarette package and in an instant Remus was reduced to a mess as all the alarms in his brain went off.

"IswearIwas justjoking aboutbreakingup and Iwasn'tthinking Ijust" He babbled it out quickly "I haven't taken my medication yet. Don't"

"Relax will you, I just need a smoke break. Besides I was also joking about breaking up, don't think you can do that so easily when I love you so much. Ugh now you've given me a headache. Why do you have to overreact all the time" He pinched the bridge of his nose "You keep making me feel bad just like Patton did"

"I swear I love you" He replied quickly with wide eyes out while panicking. He couldn't take another scar. "I'm sorry really" He wasn't even sure what he said corresponded with what Dee said he was just doing his best not to make him feel worse.

Decan drummed his fingers while thinking. A smile played on his lips. "You hurt me pretty badly this time. Actually you keep hurting me more often. Maybe we should break up since you seem kind of toxic"

He's rightYou're a bad person

Is he?I'm not sureI mean I try to-

Oh really because you're not a violent unstable mistake of a human beingFace it you're not the victim here

..........I have to stay

Finally you get it

We're just telling ourself that so our dear friend suicidal thoughts doesn't come back

SHUT UP 

I have to no I want to stay yeah I want to stay I love him I want to stay

NO We can't stay he'll hur-

SHUT UP
I want to stay

"I'm sorry" He apologized over and over, his voice trembling more every time. "I can change I can make it up to you" He shot up from laying down instead sinking his hips down around Dee's lap and putting his hands on his shoulders. "I can...Make a you a fake snake by using live snakes shedded skin! Or I can jump out a window and play some loud song at 3 am while holding the device playing the music over my head for some reason! Or bake a cake, with maggots as toping!" He flinched away when a gloved hand combed his hair back gently.

Dee smiled. "That sounds like.....interesting concepts darling. I love you"

"L-love you you too silly snake. You deserve someone better than me. Someone who isn't an idiotic demented m-monster"

Dee pressed a kiss to his lips before answering. "Don't talk down to yourself like that. You're perfect already" The praise was enough to make Remus absolutely ecstatic.

They cuddled together under the blanket and everything seemed to go back to normal. "You're the only person I have left Em. Thank you for still being with me" He entangled their fingers and pressed their foreheads together.

"I'll always stay with you" The small part of him that still wanted to run had been forced down and buried deep inside.

Won't you quit your crying? I can't sleep

One minute I'm a little sweetheart

And next minute you are an absolute creep

It wasn't all bad all the time. Moments of laughter between sips of tea, late movie nights with popcorn and horror stories told in the dark were the kind of things that got Remus through the long treacherous weeks.

Like the time he had come shaking and sobbing about how he didn't know whether or not he had taken to much, how he didn't want to end up in the hospital again. Dee had comforted him and told him it would be okay for hours until they were sure it actually would be.

But they always got poisoned by kisses and pet names and his never ending thoughts of worry of doing something wrong. The lemon shampoo his boyfriend used was stuck onto his skin and the words that had been whispered to him dug into his brain.

The thing with dissociation is that during the moment that he's dissociation which usually is during a stressful experience it's his brain trying to save itself from just an ounce of pain. If he's off floating somewhere else than the pain isn't as prominent. But then afterwards it suddenly doesn't seem so good because he can barely remember what happened which makes it so much easier for his thoughts or Dee to twist reality into something untrue.

Did he ever even get hit or was that just a dream. How long had they been a couple. Time seemed to be fluctuating every day. Somedays laster minutes other lasted a week. His boyfriend told him that he had hurt him so it must be true, he had to be a toxic horrible person but he couldn't remember when. 

Time ran out like sand between his fingers and he couldn't control any of it. Was there even a way out anymore. Hadn't he burnt the last bridge when he drove Remy away. Maybe he had just made it worse. All he could do was Stay motionless and hope for the sharp words or burning sensation on his skin to pass.

In the middle of the night he woke up with a jolt as he felt a sharp sting of pain in his arm. Before he could even properly take in what was happening there was another harsh hit against his arm making him wince.

"Oh grand, you're awake" Dee murmured "I had a really bad nightmare. Can we cuddle?" He asked a hint of begging behind his words.

"Of course" Remus replied moving closer. The snake nuzzled into his neck and laid his arms around his waist pressing Rem's back into his chest.

The boy in green rubbed his arm, a lump appeared in his throat. He wondered if he would have to wear a long sleeved shirt tomorrow to hide a bruise. It wasn't the first time he had woken up like this either and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

"Hey that kind of hurted" He forced a smile.

"Oh really" Dee replied with a questioning tone raising one of his eyebrows, maybe there was compassion in his voice.

Remus self-confidence crumbled in an instant, he didn't really know why "Not really. It was just one of my stupid jokes hehe I didn't think"

"You never do" Dee bit off.

Remus laughed thinking it was a joke.

"Can you quiet down? You wouldn't want to wake Roman up would you" He whispered into his hair before pressing kisses down his neck. Rem had to hold onto the bed sheets so hard it wrinkled not to run."No one will ever love you" There was a pause just a small one. Maybe Dee just needed a second to breath but the pause was enough for Remus eyes to water "Like I do"

Dee whispered I love yous like it like it was romantic. It just made him scared. If the only one who loved him wanted to change him did that mean he was actually completely unlovable.

Love. You say it enough and it stops sounding like a word. All Remus ever wanted was love, platonic of course but still. If the price for someone giving it was forcing his personality into a box and hiding it away maybe...maybe...it must....it should be....why wasn't it worth it?....Why couldn't he just accept it?......why couldn't he just understand that this was what his life would be?.......why did he yearn for more?....when he could...could just...accept that maybe...maybe it was worth it.