Warnings: "unrequited" love (dw its not), roman is very insecure and not doing great (though its not really addressed in this oneshot), trouble sleeping, solving that one with cuddles as always <3, swearing

i love roman

Prompt 13: confessing

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Roman was lying sleepless in his bed, having too many thoughts and feelings to get anywhere close to falling asleep. He supposed it was unsurprising that he, as the romantic side, was lying awake thinking too much about another side.

But he had always thought that if he fell for someone he would handle it better than this, not too nervous or insecure to ever do anything about it until it was too late. But maybe a happy-ever-after love story had been too much to wish for. (Though, did that thought hurt.)

But how could it have gone any other way when Logan was the side he had fallen for, Logan with his big words and heavy books and crossword puzzles and sharp mind. Logan, who he always argued with and rarely saw eye to eye with.

Logan who had fallen for someone else and done what Roman couldn't; telling Virgil how he felt and getting himself a boyfriend.

Part of him wanted Logan to know how he felt, but his feelings weren't Logan's problem, they were his own problem and his to deal with alone.

There was no use in telling Logan how he was hopelessly in love with him, Logan didn't feel the same way and all that would do is possibly ruin their friendship or at the very least make things uncomfortable between them.

Telling Logan now would be selfish and not to mention cruel. Logan was happy with Virgil, and Roman was happy for them, he'd seen them pine after each other for a while now and he saw how happy they were together.

He didn't want to ruin that, that'd be a horrible and selfish thing to do. Plus, Logan would never choose him, that's why Roman didn't confess months ago. What use would there have been to confess to someone who was in love with another person?

And now Logan was dating that person and it was far too late for Roman to dare to confess. But damn. It hurt. While he was happy for them he was also unhappy for himself, seeing Logan with Virgil made his heart ache, sometimes in such an unbearable way that Roman had to leave.

He wanted Logan to be happy, even if it wasn't with him, but that didn't stop him from selfishly wishing he was the one that Logan was kissing, that he got to hold Logan's hand, call him pet names, share a bed with him. He wanted to simply hold Logan in his arms, having imagined and dreamt about all those things far too many times.

He just wished so badly that Logan would have fallen in love with him instead, but he hadn't and there was nothing Roman could do about that. Even if it, at times, felt as if his feelings were doing their absolute best to drive him insane.

And now it was five in the morning and for hours he'd been trying and failing to sleep because he couldn't stop thinking about how much he wished Logan was there with him and continuously he reminded himself that that would never happen and it made him feel so, so alone. Hugging a pillow did not do a good job substituting for 'human' contact.

Without thinking properly or at all Roman dragged himself out of bed, not caring that he was dressed in a wrinkly pajamas (a white disney t-shirt and a pair of red pajama shorts) and possibly had eyebags worse than Virgil. Right now appearing put together and well dressed just did not feel that important, not when all he wanted was to just get some sleep, and maybe, definitely, some cuddles.

He trudged downstairs, thinking that maybe he could fall asleep watching Disney movies on the couch, or at the very least get himself a huge cup of coffee. Though he stumbled over his own feet once he reached the bottom floor and spotted someone else sitting on the couch.

He was debating sprinting up the stairs again and just suffer in his room, but that would be awkward of him when it was obvious that the other side had spotted him long before.

"Morning." Virgil said, giving Roman a mildly confused stare before turning back to the game he was playing on the tv, slaughtering some monsters. Roman understood Virgil's confusion, he was usually one of the last ones to wake up.

"Good morning." Roman said, mustering whatever energy he didn't actually have to smile and sound somewhat alive. Virgil glanced at him, obviously not buying it.

"You look like crap." Virgil said, back to staring at his game, beating up some more enemies with a sword that looked like it was bigger than his character.

"Oh, why thank you." Roman said, walking across the room to sink down onto the couch. He grabbed a red blanket from the pile on the couch, wrapping himself in it and then curling up in the corner of the couch, watching Virgil play.

"I didn't mean- you just look exhausted." Virgil explained, pressing buttons and making the character surf down a snowy hill on a shield.

"So do you." Roman said, eyeing Virgil's dark eyebags and his general aura of being near passing out.

"Couldn't sleep." Virgil said, leaning forward slightly as he concentrated on shooting apples out of a tree. Roman was not entirely sure what game Virgil was playing or what he was doing in it.

"Why sit here alone then? Can't you go to Logan?" Roman asked, almost surprising himself with how jealous he felt. What wouldn't he do for the possibility of simply cuddling up to Logan on sleepless nights?

"Well, you know, I'm not going to mess up my boyfriend's sleeping schedule just because my own sucks." Virgil said, his expression softening and a smile almost making an appearance on his face as he said 'boyfriend'.

Roman sent him a small smile. He was happy for Virgil, really, it didn't matter if he was one of the things standing between him and Logan. How could he resent someone for being happy? He just wished he was too.

Roman pulled his blanket tighter around himself, hugging a pillow that he had grabbed from the couch as he kept watching Virgil playing the game.

His feelings about Virgil were complicated, they always had been. At first he had hated him, feared him. Then he had been forced to realize that Virgil was not some sort of evil side here to hurt Thomas, and with time he had begun to even like his company. By now they were friends, at least Roman thought so.

But that didn't mean his feelings for the anxious side hadn't always been fairly mixed, which is what made them complicated because lately, more so since Logan and Virgil got together, Roman did not know what he felt for Virgil.

They were friends, yes. But he was incredibly jealous of him and sometimes seeing him together with Logan just made Roman ache. And then there were those times when Roman saw them together and didn't know what or who he was jealous of, which was incredibly confusing.

Roman was in love with Logan, it did not make sense that he would be jealous of him for his relationship with Virgil. Then again Roman felt so lonely that maybe he was just jealous of the entire idea of being in a romantic relationship.

"How about you, then? Why are you up?" Virgil wondered and Roman blinked, bringing himself back to reality.

"Oh, uh, couldn't sleep. Thinking too much." Roman said.

"You can think?" Virgil teased and Roman stuck his tongue out.

"Unfortunately." He said, making Virgil snort.

"Mood."

Virgil paused his game, saving his progress before turning towards Roman who didn't know what to think of the attention. He avoided meeting Virgil's eyes, part of him wondering if the other side had somehow realized how much Roman was pining after his boyfriend.

That would be mortifying, if Virgil had been able to pick up on how hopelessly in love with Logan Roman was. And it would fuck their friendship up, because how could Virgil or Logan be comfortable with being his friend if they found out about his feelings? He didn't want to ruin what he had with them, he really didn't. Roman dared a glance at Virgil, feeling as if he was sweating everywhere, wondering if Virgil could pick up on other sides' anxious feelings.

"Guessing you didn't come downstairs to watch me play, so wanna watch a movie or something?" Virgil said.

"Um." Roman said, having to take a moment to understand the question and then a longer one to think of what he wanted to watch, feeling as if a movie with too much of a love story wasn't something he knew how to handle right now,

"Moana?" He suggested. It had been a while since he saw it, but he remembered that he had loved it and that the main story had not been about two lovers.

"Good choice, haven't seen that movie in forever." Virgil said, and soon the movie was playing on the tv, Virgil having shut his game off and cuddled up on the couch with a navy blue blanket wrapped around himself.

(Jealousy really was a stupid emption, wasn't it.)

The movie was good, of course it was, it was a Disney movie, but he might have enjoyed it more if he was not so exhausted. It didn't put him to sleep, as he had hoped. Though Virgil nodded off somewhere halfway through, snoring quietly into the blanket. He supposed he was happy as long as someone got the sleep they needed.

Around six thirty he heard quiet footsteps from the stairs, and he glanced over to see Logan walking downstairs, already properly dressed, tie on and hair neatly styled. Roman didn't understand how someone could function so early in the morning.

Logan walked up to where Virgil was sleeping on the couch, lips curling into the softest of smiles at the sight of him. He kneeled next to him, running his fingers through Virgil's purple hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead. Roman couldn't tear his eyes away, and the gesture was making Roman realize that Logan seemed to have come a long way regarding not acting like he didn't have feelings since he and Virgil became boyfriends.

"Good morning, Roman. You're up early." He said as he stood again, fixing the blanket that had slipped down a bit from Virgil. Then he frowned when taking a better look at Roman.

"...You haven't slept at all, haven't you?" He said then and Roman shrugged.

"I had too many thoughts running around in my head, you know how it is." Roman said, sending Logan a smile that he hoped didn't look too much like a grimace.

"Hm. Yes I do." He gave Roman a pensive look.

"If you are having trouble sleeping you can always ask me and Virgil for assistance. I'm rather well read on the subject, and Virgil has a lot of experience in the area. I would not mind giving you advice." Logan said, Roman staring at the movie credits without really seeing them.

"Oh, why thank you. But I'm certain I will manage. Now, I think I'm going to go upstairs to try to get some sleep again." Roman said, forced smile still in place as he stood up and escaped up the stairs to his room. He didn't know how he would feel about having Logan and Virgil taking an interest in his issue with falling asleep.

He seated himself by his desk, spending a while trying to come up with video ideas, but his brain felt slow and, for a lack of a better word, mushy. His ability to concentrate was at an all time low.

Somewhere nearing lunchtime he seemed to have fallen asleep with his head on his desk, which he realized when he was awoken by knocking on his door and a voice telling him that it was time to eat. He might have been asleep for at least an hour or two, which was a weird thing to be happy about.

The rest of the day passed in a blur, but finally he fell into bed, letting his exhausted body rest against the mattress. But soon he found himself prying his eyes open and staring at his ceiling, a whirlwind of deprecating and hurtful thoughts having hit him as soon as he got anywhere close to sleep.

He threw his pillow across his room in frustration. Why could his mind not stay quiet, why did it just keep looking for a solution to his hurt feelings?

There was no solution to find, but his brain just couldn't seem to understand that and Roman just kept finding himself wondering what was wrong with him, what it was that made him so unlovable, and maybe it was even his fault that Thomas has such trouble finding someone to love.

All his insecurities seemed to think this was the perfect time to come in full force, and Roman honestly wanted to roll himself up in a blanket and hide from the world. To be fair, Roman was insecure about a shit ton of things all the time, but the past few weeks it had just been worse than normal. He really hoped his mental health wasn't affecting Thomas, that's the last thing he wanted.

Roman spent the next week getting a few hours of sleep now and then after spending half the nights trying to ignore how shitty he felt and wondering when the hell he would get a grip and just stop feeling so lonely and left out and abandoned and unlovable. (None of that was true, he knew that, so why was it so hard to believe?)

When he wouldn't have fallen asleep before three in the morning he would go downstairs and watch Disney movies, sometimes Virgil was there and they would talk a little and he would feel less alone, and... Roman was forced to realize sometime during those nights that there was definitely some sort of romantic feelings there too, which didn't exactly make him feel any less hopeless.

If he was going to fall for more than one person, couldn't at least one of them be someone not in a relationship? Roman thought that would have been more fair.

It was only two in the morning, but Roman was tired of his quiet and lonely room and headed downstairs, hoping to find Virgil awake too. Which he did, but the anxious side was not alone.

It seemed that Virgil might have taken Roman's constant advice to tell Logan about his current problem with sleeping and let Logan decide himself if he wanted to keep Virgil company when he struggled to sleep. Virgil and Logan were both sitting on the couch, sharing a blanket and leaning against each other, and Roman felt a near overwhelming amount of feelings.

He wondered what it would be like, to curl up between them and be surrounded by the love and comfort that the two practically radiated.

Roman sat down on the other end of the couch, turning the focus to the movie they were watching.

"Evening, Roman." Logan said quietly as he sat down and Roman gave him a small wave, not wanting to speak as Virgil looked like he might be asleep. He rolled himself up in his blanket as every other night and hugged a decorative pillow to his chest.

"Are you doing alright, Roman?" Logan asked, looking mildly concerned. Roman supposed he did not look as great as he could, with how shitty and unmotivated he had been feeling lately.

"I'm fine. Just tired." He said, the last half at least not being a lie but certainly far from the whole truth.

"Ah, yes, Virgil mentioned you were having trouble sleeping. Would you like to talk about what is keeping you up? It might help." Logan advised, but Roman only gave the couple a look and shook his head. Talking about it was not what he needed to do.

"Hm, alright then." Logan said, observing Roman for a moment before speaking up again.

"Physical contact helps Virgil, maybe it would help you too? If you'd like to, you could join us here." Logan said and lifted the blanket up to invite Roman to take a seat right next to him. Roman's heart practically skipped a beat at his words, but he gave Logan a wary look.

"Oh, uh, I wouldn't want to intrude..." He said, internally battling against both guilt and temptation, because how was he supposed to turn down an offer like that?

"I would not have offered if it would make me uncomfortable." Logan said and Roman glanced over at Virgil. It didn't exactly feel right to cuddle with someone else's boyfriend.

"Are you sure that Virgil-" Roman started, fiddling with the end of the blanket.

"Why would I care, princey? As long as you both shut up so I can sleep." Virgil muttered, burrowing closer to Logan and pulling the blanket up over his head. Roman couldn't help a small smile at the scene, because Virgil was so cute when sleepy.

"It's worth a try, I guess." Roman said, trying to sound like this was no big deal at all and like cuddling up to Logan was not a dream come true.

Awkwardly he moved over to where the couple was sitting, glancing up at Logan twice to assure himself that this was not some sort of joke. He sat down, Logan's arm coming to rest around his shoulders. Roman allowed himself to relax against Logan, leaning against his side, and a sigh escaped him. On one hand this was a taste of what he couldn't have, but sitting right there felt as if he was finally exactly where he belonged.

Next thing Roman knew he was waking up, blinking at sunlight that tried to blind him, and the living room smelled of pancakes and strawberries. He was lying down on the couch, someone's arm slung around him. For a few minutes he stayed how he had woken up, eyes closed and pretending that he was still asleep, letting himself enjoy not waking up alone.

Then, when his stomach rumbled, he slowly sat up, turning slightly and seeing that Virgil was the one lying next to him. He didn't know when they had moved to lie down, and he didn't know when Logan had woken up or how he had left without waking them.

Virgil's arm slipped from around him, the other side not waking up but shifting slightly in his sleep, pressing his face into Roman's side and his hand gripping to his pajama shirt. His heart melted slightly at the sight, even if a rude voice in his head told him that Virgil probably thought it was Logan that was lying next to him.

"You can get up, if you'd like, it won't wake him." A voice said and Roman whipped his head around to see Logan standing in the doorway to the kitchen, holding a plate of pancakes that were nearly covered in crofters jam. His face flushed, feeling as if he had gotten caught doing something he shouldn't, which might be true as his heart shouldn't flutter at seeing Virgil asleep next to him.

"Right." He said, carefully grasping Virgil's hand to pull it away from his shirt as he slipped off of the couch. He glanced back to make sure his movements hadn't woken Virgil up, but he seemed to be out cold. Logan had disappeared back into the kitchen and Roman followed him, stomach growling again.

There was a big plate full of pancakes on the table and plates and glasses for the three of them.

"Where's the others?" Roman wondered, noticing the suspiciously quiet mindscape. There were no sounds of Janus and Patton talking, no sounds of Remus breaking something.

"Patton and I made breakfast and afterwards he convinced Remus and Janus to have a breakfast picnic in the imagination, he didn't want to wake the two of you up." Logan said and Roman nodded as he took a seat at the table. It really was for the best to get Remus out of the house if there was someone that shouldn't be woken up.

He put a small pile of pancakes on his plate and then did as Logan and emptied half a jar of crofters jam on them. Then he also sprinkled cut up strawberries on them before beginning to devour them.

"You slept better, correct?" Logan asked and Roman nodded, trying to count the hours in his head, which was a bit difficult as he didn't know what time it had been when he had fallen asleep. It was at least more than six hours, and he felt more rested than he had in weeks, despite his back hurting a bit from sleeping on the couch.

"Yeah. I guess you were onto something about the touch thing." Roman said, giving Logan a small smile. Now, if only he could sleep next to Logan and Virgil every night for the rest of his existence, then he would be fine.

"Physical touch." Logan corrected.

"Right."

"I'm glad that it helped. Virgil has expressed concerns over your well being, and I've been worried too. You seem to have been struggling with something during these past few months." Logan said and Roman wished that they weren't quite so observant.

"I... maybe a little bit." He mumbled, poking at his pancakes and then piercing a strawberry with his fork. It was silent for a few minutes while they both ate their breakfast, Logan glancing up at him several times and making Roman feel slightly on edge. It seemed like there was something Logan wanted to say.

Roman grabbed the bowl with strawberries and scraped some more onto his plate, then looking up as he put the bowl back down and accidentally meeting Logan's eyes. Logan seemed to hesitate for a second before speaking.

"Look, Roman. I know you've got feelings for Virgil." Logan confessed, and Roman almost choked on a piece of pancake.

"You know- What? No! Well, y- What?" Roman stared at Logan, face growing hot as he sipped on his juice to soothe his throat.

"I've seen the way you look at him. Virgil claims he doesn't see it, but he would like you to know that he is not uninterested." Logan said, taking another bite of a pancake, looking up at Roman who really did not know what to do. Logan seemed overall calm, far too calm for what they were talking about, though there was also something in Logan's expression that Roman did not want to be the cause of.

"You've gotten this kind of wrong- Wait he's what?" Roman said, backtracking slightly because had Logan just said what he thought he had? Virgil was interested? In him? Why was Logan setting his boyfriend up, was he okay with this?

"Lo, I've told you, it's you he likes." Roman jumped at the other voice, looking over to see Virgil entering the kitchen, flustered and walking over to the table to pour himself a glass of juice. Roman stared between them both, not entirely fathoming what was going on anymore.

"Guys, please, what? Can we slow down a bit?" Roman said, pleading for an explanation, because right now he felt terribly and utterly lost.

"Apologies Roman, I had not wished to cause you any distress, I just thought that knowing would make you happier."

"...You guys actually know." Roman said, mostly to himself, feeling slightly mortified, because they really knew about his feelings, how had they found out, had he really been that obvious?

"Yeah, with how you look at him? It's obvious you like him." Virgil said, rolling his eyes but not seeming upset about what he had just said.

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing." Logan said, giving his boyfriend a look. Roman's heart was beating hard in his chest and part of him wondered if this was real or if he was still asleep, dreaming.

"You're- you're both right." Roman said, sinking into his chair slightly as they both stared at him. Dream or reality, he might as well tell them how he felt.

"I've been in love with you for... too long," Roman mumbled, looking at Logan who held an expression of surprise, and then Roman turned to Virgil who was holding his juice glass tightly, "and then lately I realized I've fallen for you too. So, you're both right. I'm in love with both of you."

It was incredibly quiet for a while after Roman had spoken, but he glanced up and was relieved to see that didn't seem put off or upset in the least, which Roman had somehow still worried about.

"So, to recap, we both like you and you like both of us?" Virgil said, gesturing between them all as he spoke, placing his glass of juice on the table, tapping his fingers on the surface of the table.

"Sounds about right to me." Logan said and Roman nodded wordlessly. Logan and Virgil shared a look and a small nod, and Virgil hid a smile by pressing the sleeve of his hoodie to his face.

"Then, if you would be comfortable with it, Roman, we would like to suggest a polyamory relationship, all three of us dating. We've discussed it before and have both agreed that it is something we want." Logan said, sounding as calm and collected as always, but his face was adorably pink.

"You've talked about this? I mean, yes! Yes, I would like that." Roman said, feeling a fluttering feeling in his chest at the softness of Logan's smile.

"Perfect." Logan said, ducking his head slightly to no doubt follow Virgil's example and hide a smile.

He ate his breakfast in stunned silence, spending the entire meal trying to comprehend the fact that now suddenly Logan and Virgil were his boyfriends. (Oh, oh wow, they were his boyfriends, he had two boyfriends, they liked him back and they had talked about him and now they were boyfriends-)

After breakfast they all helped to clean up the kitchen to make sure Patton wouldn't have to do it (the moral side always did more than he should, they had to be quick to help with cleaning and laundry and doing the dishes before he got to it).

Then Logan announced that he was going to get some work done and pressed a kiss to Virgil's cheek, and then he kissed Roman's cheek too, which had Roman feeling giddy for the next few hours. Virgil went and made sure Thomas would not forget to call his friend back later today and Roman went to the imagination where he spent a few hours creating things.

He didn't do much the entire day, spending a long while playing video games with Remus and Patton after lunch. Then it was his and Janus' turn to make dinner (they had a schedule) and somehow they managed to make something edible even without Patton's guidance. Then they had a movie night and no one batted an eye at how Virgil sprawled out across both Logan's and Roman's laps.

Then once the movie ended they all went to bed, Roman hoping that for once he would get a full night's sleep.

At midnight it seemed clear to Roman that he was sadly not cured from all his insecurities just because the two sides he was in love with loved him back (they loved him back!), he was still very much plagued by self doubt and feeling as if he wasn't good enough and a fraud and not worthy of being called the creative side and certainly not Thomas' hero and-

Roman grabbed one of his blankets, a white and very soft one that had edges embroidered with golden thread. He wrapped it around himself and got out of bed, walking down the stairs to the living room to see if his boyfriends (boyfriends!) were there or not.

They weren't, and he stood downstairs dejectedly for a few moments before realizing that he could go and knock on the door to their room. Maybe he could stay with them, sleep in the same bed as them and get to cuddle with them. All that sounded like a dream come true and was enough to get Roman all the way to Logan's door (it seemed unlikely that they would sleep in Virgil's room, with how that room made others feel).

Though he hesitated to knock, his thoughts having caught up with him and suddenly he was nervous, because what if they didn't want him there? They'd already been dating for months, he'd only been their boyfriend (he was their boyfriend!) for a day and maybe they wouldn't want him there?

Then the door opened and both he and Logan jumped back at the sight of the other, but Logan soon smiled and extended a hand.

"Oh, I was just going to go and get you. Come inside." He said and Roman took his hand, being led inside Logan's room. Virgil was sprawled across the bed, scrolling on his phone with a seemingly forgotten toothbrush in his mouth. He looked up and sent Roman a small wave, then getting off the bed and hurrying into the bathroom.

Logan's room was a lot cozier at night, glow-in-the-dark-stars stuck to the ceiling (Roman hadn't even noticed those the few other times he had visited Logan's room) and fairy lights and nightlights. Though part of these things might be Virgil's influence. It was obvious that Virgil partly lived in the room which was full of Virgil's belongings and clothes and even some of his decorative cobwebs.

Logan let go of his hand, walking over to his desk to shut his laptop off. Roman sat down on Logan's bed, noticing the purple bed sheets. He glanced up at Logan who was taking his tie off and rummaging through a drawer (probably) looking for something to sleep in.

Virgil came back into the room, making a beeline for the bed which he practically fell onto. He rolled onto his side, reaching out and pulling at Roman's blanket. Before Roman knew it Virgil had snuck an arm around him and was pulling him down, immediately pressing himself against Roman and putting his ice cold hands under his shirt, warming them against Roman's back.

"Why are your hands freezing?" Roman complained, frowning at Virgil who just grinned and moved his hands further up Roman's back.

"He is always cold and he will stop at nothing to steal our warmth." Logan said, shaking his head and giving them both a very fond look. Roman found that he was completely okay with Virgil using him as a radiator as long as that meant he had someone to calm his never ending need for cuddles.

"There are worse things." Roman said with a smile, wrapping his arm around Virgil. Logan chuckled, agreeing and then went around his room turning some of the small lights off and leaving some on before climbing into bed too and making himself comfortable on Roman's other side.

Soon Logan had an arm thrown around him too and Roman thought that if he would lie awake all night tonight he wouldn't even be mad about it, not when Logan and Virgil were both holding onto him. He was fast asleep in mere minutes, though.

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Written: 15th, 16th & 17th June 2021
Published: 19th June 2021
Words: 5266 (OOPS)

I done fucked up the word limit again

Need to write so much about roman so I learn how to write him in character lmao