AU: Human
Ship: Royality, background Analogical, Demus (Remus and Deceit)
Prompt: X
Requested by: X
Warnings: Sympathetic Deceit, Sympathetic Remus, major character death, mention of possible suicide attempt, mental hospitals, swearing. Let me know if I missed any
Summary: Roman and Remus both have their own ways of coping after something horrible had happened to their partners. 
F/A/H-C: Angst
POV: 3rd person

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Side Note: I am trying to do better with dialogue stuff? I mostly do descriptions so not being able to do dialogue is frustrating. And I wrote this in like, an hour and a half fairly early in the morning after an all nighter so forgive me. 

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Roman stared at the clock on the bedside table, the time ticking so slowly he felt like he may lose himself. He knew it was going to be a long time. And he in no way wanted to rush his husband. His husband... No matter how long they have been wed for, it still feels so amazing to think of him like that.

It feels much better than to think of him how he is now.

His eyes drifted over to his desk, where little pictures of their time and years together were displayed. Patton has such a bright smile, tiny gap in his teeth, his chubby, freckled-covered cheeks. Those bright blue eyes that made his heart melt. He tried to keep those memories to the forefront of his mind.

Not him losing a few too many teeth to be able to chew, not those chubby cheeks suddenly sunken and laying against the bones to where they're visible. Not those eyes that seemed to grow more and more dull as he laid in a hospital bed.

Roman shook his head to rid himself of these thoughts. He sighed and got up from his bed, making it over to the desk. It was late and he was awake and aware, might as well do something with this time. He began to write.

"Hello, my sweet darling ray of sunshine-"

Would he even want to go by that name anymore?

"Hello, my lovely cupcake!"

When was the last time he had one?

"Hello, my darling! I was writing to hopefully check in on you, and hope you've been doing a little better! Even though they have yet to let me see you, One day they will! They will let me in one day when I come to check on you, I'm positive.

I do miss you, dear, more than anything in the world. I miss you. Though I don't want you to rush your recovery!! We will be reunited one day, please focus on getting better! I hope they let you read these, I mean there's nothing in them that I sent that you could harm yourself with after all! I know they don't let you have pencils or pens to reply, but I am satisfied knowing that these can help to brighten your day!

When you do recover, we will do all the things we used to do! All the things we used to share as well! The ukulele has yet to be touched without you, I'm saving it as you had it! I truly wish that I could say the same thing for your baking pans, but I may have used a few...

I got a role! Not a lead, unfortunately, but Ensemble is nothing to scoff at, I wasn't on my best mind the day of the audition, unfortunately, so that's probably why. I wish I had your help in the costume room, the staff misses you as well! They send their best wishes! Virgil especially, I'm keeping an eye on him for you, just like you asked. He asks about you a lot.

He's been doing okay, I'm fairly sure Logan is assisting him, I believe I'm going to owe you some money when you get out. They certainly seem to be made for each other! much like you and I!

I do not wish to worry you, dear-heart. But I am beginning to fear for Remus... He doesn't speak to me much anymore, (not that I'm necessarily complaining) but he's also never home. I wonder where he is off to. Probably causing chaos as usual. He'll be okay, I know him, he'll bounce back from anything!

Like you, my love! I know you'll come back from this! And be just as you were! Then we can put this behind us! And who knows when the two nerds finally get together we can go on some double dates! That would be cute!

I apologize for rambling so much my love, it is rather late. I just wanted to say as much as I could in one letter! Just so you don't get a flood of them, even if I have been writing one once a week, it seems fine! Again, I hope you're getting these, even if you cannot respond right away.

I love you dearly, gumdrop. More than I could ever put into words, especially when I'm a little tired. When you come home, we will cuddle for days on end! I long to be close to you again, my love.

Until the next letter!

~Roman."

Roman smiled, grabbing one of the several unused envelopes and folding up his letter so gently and placing it inside. He would give it to the kind people at the front desk the next day before he went to rehearsal. The letter helped. He knew it helped, but it still hurt. Maybe Patton never read his words, maybe Patton thinks that he has forgotten him, of course that would never happen, but being behind those plain, blindingly white walls must not be the best...

But they said it would help.

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Remus stared up at the bright full moon, that illuminated the dying grass around him. Dying grass is fitting for where he was. Dead is common here while alive isn't. Isn't that funny?

Once Remus felt the chill of midnight brush past him, he grinned and turned to face the gravestone. "Hey Dee!! I'm back!" He said so gleefully, even as tears brimmed at his eyes threatening to spill.

He chuckled and sat beside the slab of granite. "You can't get rid of me that easily now! Cause-Cause now you have to listen to me talk! On and on! For hours!" He choked down a sob as a few tears fell down his face.

"You can't roll your eyes at me! Can't say I'm annoying you like you used to!" He laughed, though there was pain in his shaking voice, "I could tell your lies, Dee! I know you loved to listen to me talk! I made you laugh!! I always made you laugh!! I mean you were-are... You're so quiet all the time, always let me speak... Don't try to shut me up, like everyone else does! And now, you really won't."

He broke, he couldn't hold it back that much longer. He was alone in the cemetery, not that he would have cared if someone heard him. He sobbed pitifully into his hands. Yet still tried to keep a smile. He didn't want Dee to see him upset after all.

"I don't fucking get it!! I don't! Why! Why the hell was it you?!" He yelled, "They said it was an accident, that someone was a little too reckless, some bitch that wasn't paying attention! If I could I'd track them down and slit their pathetic throat!" He grabbed at the grass, pulling at it making a mess with the excess dirt.

"I'm the fucking reckless one! I'm the one that got hurt! I'm the one that you had to keep telling to be careful! I should have died long ago! Not you!! I should have been the one that died painfully, gruesomely and slowly!! Not you!!"

He screamed and cried, so much so that his throat was beginning to burn and become scratchy. He eventually tired himself out... and sat back down, leaning against the gravestone.

"I don't even want to look at Roman anymore, or listen to him. He's so depressed, but he doesn't want to admit it, not even to himself. And he can't go a single moment without saying whatever he mentioned in his latest letter to Patton! He's a wreck without him." He murmured. Before pausing, "Oh, I don't think I ever told you that. I think I had much more important things to talk about! Like Me! And of course, Me!" He laughed a little, but it was far from genuine.

It tore into him every day, and while he'd get onto Roman for not admitting his obvious emotional state, he was doing the same thing himself. He felt angry and upset and could never seem to let it go. He knew there was no one at fault, but he wanted someone to be mad at.

"Patton feels guilty, so guilty that he ended up in a mental hospital. I don't know what he did to himself, but Roman was heartbroken. He writes a letter every week, I don't think Patton is getting them, but who knows." He smiled again, "I guess I win, because I can make sure you hear me... Every day..."

"It wasn't his fault... they just couldn't get you out of the car as fast as they got him out, I know that, I don't like that, but I know it." Remus sniffled, wiping his eyes as he shifted resting his head on his arms on the top of the gravestone. "I'll join you out here one day..."

"And I don't mean sleeping out here, like I have been... If I join you out here, we have a chance of seeing each other again... Or who knows, maybe you went to heaven..." A sudden chill descended on him, making him shiver and laugh as he pulled Dee's old cloak around him tighter.

"Is that you wanting me again? Oh trust me I want to be there just as bad." He ran his hand gently across the top of the gravestone. Shifting to be more comfortable so he could fall asleep. He smiled, much softer and genuine, which was rare for him. "I'll see you soon, I'll find a way to join you..."

Remus stayed out there all night, occasionally waking up from nightmares. But not the normal kind of nightmares. They were horrid, horrid, beautifully painful dreams. Dreams of him and Dee together, dreams of them cuddling while Remus rambled. Dreams of those times when he was told those so obvious lies and he believed them.

When things were more peaceful and calm than they are now. He made a joke one day when he came by that he was having as many breakdowns as his brother's friend with Anxiety. He wanted to be there forever, to stay beside Dee's side talking as much as possible. He's made it about three days as his record before security got him.

Every time he'd come back, he tried to stay longer and longer. Eating was even a secondary thing to him, he just wanted to be by his boyfriend again... Forever...

And maybe he will be.