AU: X
Ship: LAMP
Prompt: "LAMP with a lot of Logan angst" 
Requested by: JayNightmare1 
Warnings: Bottling/Hiding/Cutting off emotions, mentions of breakdowns, slight invasion of privacy. [Let me know if there's anymore]
Summary: Roman finds a few unsettling entries in Logan's journal 
F/A/H-C: Angst
POV: 3rd
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Side Note: Literally have my first final tomorrow, and ya know what I'm doing? Writing, and coming up with new ideas for more things to write. I'm so apathetic with that class anyway??? So We'll see what happens!

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Roman bit his lip, he knew it was wrong to read through his love's journal, but he had.... Decent reason for doing so. Logan had fallen asleep at his desk, and his eyes had fallen on the still opened journal. After skimming through the most recent entries, his heart only ached for him. The entries seemed to follow along a certain pattern, each and everyone has the same basic theme.

'I'm Broken'

When he first saw the words messily scribbled at the top of the page, he had to keep reading! Maybe that wasn't what Logan truly thought! He couldn't come up with a reasonable scenario in his head for what those words could mean otherwise, but it didn't matter, because those words in the way that Roman initially thought, were correct.

'I'm broken' the words read, 'I don't believe there is any reason to think otherwise. The other so clearly show their emotions they don't hide them as I do... For them it seems to perfect, so simple, as if they aren't trying, it's natural for them.' Roman's eyes drifted off the page landing on the still sleeping side. He looked so peaceful, he didn't have a smile on his face like Patton did when he was asleep, but that didn't take away how at ease he seemed.

He continued reading, 'I don't believe it's unnatural for them... their emotions drive their main function. My emotions defy me, I don't believe I was supposed to have them in the first place. So in cutting them off or attempting to at least, I hoped to gain some sense of stability, but I've gained nothing. I've only made myself feel more in the process. Now, it's evolved into pain, and an emotion I can only describe as loathing, self-loathing to be exact.'

The small hum and sound of shifting caused Roman to immediately look back at Logan, luckily, he was still asleep, but that was Roman's cue to leave... He set the journal back down, exactly where it had been earlier, and left. He couldn't get those words out of his head, "I'm Broken' echoed through his mind on an almost constant repeat.

He wasn't entirely sure of what else to do, was he to tell the others? Was he to tell Logan? Let him know he invaded his privacy? No, that wouldn't be beneficial! So, he decided to keep it to himself for a time...

Of course, it wasn't forever... The meaning of those words would show through soon enough...

"Logan..." Virgil murmured, knocking on the door to his boyfriend's room. "Come in."

Virgil paused, looking back at Patton and Roman. They knew this conversation would hurt, but it had to be done... He took a deep breath and slowly pushed open the door. Logan glanced up, confused as he saw his significant others file into his room, each with a worried expression on their faces. "What seems to be the matter?" He asked, turning in his desk chair to fully face them.

Patton frowned, "Um... Logan... You do understand that emotions are just... natural, right? That you shouldn't feel bad for having them or try to act like you don't have them..." his voice was soft, sweet, full of worry and concern. Logan tried to keep his own thoughts to himself, he tried not to react to this, and just lie... "Of... Of course, I do, why would you think any different?" he asked.

"Logan, darling, I saw a part of your journal... And I noticed how upset and hurt you seemed... You aren't broken... Emotions are natural, even for you to have..." Roman spoke, stepping closer to Logan and reaching out to hold onto his hand. Of course, Logan quickly drew his hand away from him, "This isn't something that is imperative to be discussed at the moment-"

"Logan don't." Virgil's stern voice cut him off, "We can't drop this and you're well aware of why... Bottling emotions isn't healthy at all, it's harmful to you, and will not... It won't help you do your job, it will only make it worse...We have to talk about this, even if it doesn't get fixed right away or don't talk about it all right now... We have to at least get... Some of it out in the open..."

The logical trait was silent for a moment, a million thoughts racing through his mind, he knew Virgil was right, and he could tell that Roman and Patton were only doing this because they were worried about him. Yet, he couldn't help but want to deny this even further out of habit. He doesn't want to experience those feelings. He doesn't want to allow himself to be vulnerable.

He doesn't want the others to see him like that. Those nights he spends breaking down into tears and unable to hold back anymore. They can't see him like that... So he won't let them.

He shook his head, "no, I'd rather not discuss this, it was wrong of you in the first place to look through my private journal." He snapped, "Please, leave." The three stood there stunned for a moment, they thought that he would at least listen to Virgil when applied well, logic to this! "Logan please-" Patton was cut off as Logan gestured to his bedroom door, "Leave." He demanded again

"L, come on we-"

"I said Leave! Allow me my privacy!"

Virgil sighed, "c'mon guys... " he murmured walking out, gesturing to them to follow him. They aren't getting through to him. Not today at least...

As Patton shut the door behind them, they traded worried glances. "Well, that didn't go according to plan..." Virgil murmured. "Obviously not... I just... I'm concerned for his well being, doing that is not healthy in the slightest..." Roman glanced back to the door as Virgil spoke up once again "One day he's gonna break, and realize how bad it is... We just... gotta be there for him when that happens." The three nodded and went back down to the living room, hoping to be distracted from the thought that eventually, Logan would break down due to his bottling...

The distraction did not help... It was all they could think about that night... Their failed attempt to help the one they cared about.