Prompt: None

AU: Human

TW: Anxiety Attack

WC: 742

Date: November 29th, 2019

Virgil could feel it welling up in his body, the exhaustion, and tension that always came before an attack. He knew if he could find something to distract himself he could push it down once again, but the images on the screen did nothing to distract his mind from the welling feelings. Virgil closed Tumblr and pulled up his music, putting on one of his playlists he had for just such an occasion, but the beat was off, and the timing was sideways. He kept switching through songs, nothing was helping.

The anxiety grew, now a feeling in his throat that made it hard to breathe. It was a tightness in his arms that made him want to curl up every muscle in his body to hide away from everything. A walk, maybe a walk would get him out of his own mind. His hands fumbled as he attempted to tie the laces of his grey and purple running shoes. Roman had chosen them as they were a symbol of where he was going, but also where he had been. Roman probably would have been able to talk him through this but he didn't want to bother his overly dramatic friend who had enough of his own worries.

Virgil grabbed his keys, the reflective keychain hanging from his assorted keys. Logan had bought him that one. Always practical, Logan had realized Virgil enjoyed taking walks at night. He decided to buy Virgil a key fob that would make him more noticeable. Thankfully, it wasn't night time right now. This was not one of his anxiety attacks brought on by the looming darkness of the void, rather, it was brought on by the sheer weight of life. There was a list of things he needed to get done, a list of things he wanted to do and not enough time to do either. Despite that, Virgil could not seem to get himself motivated and had instead worked himself into a frenzy.

The shaking started right as he closed the door. "You are fine." He muttered to himself, "You are fine." He just had to push it back, pretend like it didn't affect him and eventually it would go away. Virgil walked with purpose down the street, walking the all too familiar path to the park. His stomach twisted into knots as his breath caught in his throat. He knew he could fight it no longer, he couldn't push this one back. He would indulge. He would cry for a little while and then go back home once he had exhausted himself.

Virgil almost collapsed onto the swing, gripping the chains until his knuckles lost what little color they had. A sob ripped through his body as he attempted to not make a sound. Crying was one thing, but making a scene was another altogether. He knew no one would be by the swings this time of day, but he also knew that people would walk by with their dogs and if they heard him sobbing they might be interested in helping, but he could fix this on his own.

It was ten minutes before Virgil pulled himself together, pushing himself off of the swing as he stood. He was exhausted. The tears had dried and his body had stopped shaking. The anxious energy had burnt itself off and he was ready to head back home. Shoving his hands in his pockets he walked slowly back to the apartment he shared with three others. None of them knew he struggled with an anxiety disorder. Somehow, in a year and a half of living with them, they hadn't found out. He wanted to keep it that way.

Virgil was many things, but he was not weak. When others found out that he dealt with a sometimes debilitating disorder, they wanted to treat him as if he would break. Other people were content with calling him a liar. Virgil had no intention of finding out which his roommates would fall under. He could not stand the idea of Patton trying to baby him further, Logan spending hours researching how to help, or Roman thinking there was some demon he could fight to stop all of this. Even worse, Virgil couldn't stand the idea of them not believing him. He was fine with this, just this. He would continue to deal with it. He would continue to fight his anxiety alone, just as he always had.