This chapter might be short but eh, hope you enjoy! Think of this chapter as them writing in their diaries I guess?

⚠ Angst, cursing ⚠

-Patton's POV-

Why do I even feel this way? There's no reason to! Plus I told everyone I was fine and okay.. I don't want them to worry about me anymore because.. I don't know what's even wrong! I'm supposed to be happy.
Why is that so hard sometimes?

Happy.

Thomas needs me happy so he can be happy. Virgil needs me happy for when I need to comfort him. Logan needs me happy because that's.. Just how he sees me.. And Roman needs me happy because he would worry otherwise...

I just need to stay happy for everyone...

Happy, happy, happy.. Happy pappy Patton, right?

Funny, you'd think I didn't have these kind of.. Insecurities when you see me laughing and smiling all the time..

-Logan's POV-

I have to be the way I am, there's no way around it.
Not if I don't want to feel the way I did ever again.

I was never this.. Robotic and unfeeling until that one time... I never want to feel that amount of emotional pain again.

Ever.

So what's the solution? Ignore emotions. Lock them up and never even look at the key. Hell, throw it away.
Any time emotions come up, I distract myself. Even if they're what others would call "good".

I found out the hard way that even good emotions can lead to despair. So I gave up on all emotions.

At least, I tried to.

These damn emotions won't go away. Anger, insecurity, pride, sometimes even happiness.. They just won't go away.
No matter how much I barricade them in, they sometimes, somehow, slip out..

My only job is to provide logic and reasonable thinking, I'm not even supposed to have emotions. That's what I keep saying to myself.
So why isn't it working?

Why can't I just be emotionless? Save myself the pain that comes with feeling. Is that so much to ask..?

-Roman's POV-

I'm the right brain, the pride, the confidence, the creativity, and the romance of Thomas!... At least, I used to be. Now I only really act as creativity, which is fine, I like that role most anyways.
But.. What am I doing wrong?

Thomas lost his last boyfriend, obviously, because I did something wrong, right? I mean I guess the guy wasn't happy with him but my question... Is why?
Was I not doing my job well enough?

Nevermind, Roman. Just keep being your princely self around everyone, they'll never suspect you're starting to lose your self confidence..

I'm not blind to the fact that I've become the least favorite side to a lot of Thomas's fans.. Which is fine! Not everyone has to like me, I suppose..

No one is liked by everyone, Afterall, and I get that but.. Why do so many people hate me?

No, I know why.. It's because a lot of people like Virgil and I.. Still have the habit of being.. Not so kind to him..

I'm trying, why can't I just.. Be nice to him?! It shouldn't be this fucking hard...

NevermIND, Roman! Just.. Keep going like you have been, and ignore these little.. Feelings..

-Virgil's POV-

Don't even get me started. I'm a god damn mess. Not only because I'm anxiety, and ergo have a lot of panic attacks, but I also have depression, a low self-image, and to make things so much better, I was a dark side.

I may or may not also have a self harm issue. But oh well; just wear the hoodie and no one will know. It's fine.

Why don't I talk about it? Hmm. Maybe because I don't feel like Roman would take me seriously, Patton would just start worrying and crying, Logan would tell me to go to a therapist or take medication so.. Hah. Yeah, no.

*sighs* oh well, I'm far too deep in this dark hole, there's no way I'm finding my way out of it any time soon.
But it's not like I can die. I saw how bad Thomas was without me, so against my better judgement, I'm keeping myself alive.

-Deceit's POV-

I understand, in a way, why Thomas and the others don't like me. My name is Deceit.. But still, I can offer helpful information, and the truth is, sometimes you need to lie.

All humans do it. Would you lie to protect your friend? Stretch the truth to avoid getting in trouble? Yeah, fucking thought so.
Whether you like it or not, all humans lie, and have lied, at least once in their life. If anyone says they don't lie, then, well, they're lying.

I just wish people would take me seriously. Listen to me, perhaps. Just because I'm a "dark side" doesn't mean I don't have feelings.

Just look at Virgil. He has feelings, and he was one of us.

-Remy's POV-

Hhh..

Most people just know me as Sleep, and that's fine. But what's not fine is how they think that Sleep would be.. I guess a hypersomniac, right?

They would think I'm someone who loves sleeping and does it all the time..

But that's the furthest thing from the truth.

I'm such an insomniac that right now, I'm running on about an hour of sleep. I mean, I like sleeping, I do, but I never can.
I have to stay awake so I can keep Thomas asleep, that's how it works. It's my job. I have to actively make sure he stays asleep, try to give him good dreams or help him out of bad ones.

Sure, I'm sassy sometimes, but what do you expect from someone who gets a grand total of about 3 and a half hours of sleep a week?

But it's fine, I guess.. I'm used to it afterall. And none of the sides see me as a "real side" anyway, so it's not like I can vent to them.

-Emile's POV-

Let's face it, I'm not a real side. Not to the others. I'm the mindscape therapist, sure. Dr. Picani, I guess is how they know me.

Most of them don't even know my first name.

But that's alright, I like my job. Actually I'm somewhat in charge when Thomas has to comfort his friends, or give them advice.

I'm partly the reason he can do that, but of course, not the sole reason. Patton helps a lot with those situations, obviously. Being Thomas's heart.

I guess I just feel a little left out, but that's alright. I can work through it, so I suppose it'll be okay.

-Remus's POV-

I drank the shaving cream today.