Warning:
- Self Depreciation
- Detailed Make-Out Session
- Mentions of minor self harm (nothing too graphic, very little blood, and no blades or anything of the nature)
- Mentions of panic attacks
- Swearing

___________________

Nobody knew what had initiated this behaviour from Patton, but lately, the moral trait had been isolating himself in his room for most hours of the day.

Everybody knew that Patton had a bad habit of hiding and suppressing his feelings and covering them up with bright smiles and sporadic puns and jokes. Hell, even Patton was self-aware of his own distressing actions and coping mechanisms. Despite him trying his very best, you could still see the pain behind his smile, lies and falsehoods. You could see his irises swirl with pain and agony just begging for something to be set free from its confines, but as long as Patton's in control, those confines can't be broken.

Well, that is until Logan finally gets to him.

Even before they were a couple, Logan had always, without fail, been the one to make him crack. Make him spill the truth through hoards of sobs and tears, fogging up his glasses and allowing Logan to take care of the aftercare like the nerd always insists.

But, presumably to just avoid those nasty manipulative coverups altogether, Patton's locking himself in his room to avoid conversation, and to avoid the topic that everyone was most definitely itching to ask.

The one who couldn't be any more worried, though, was his boyfriend. Ever since Patton stopped socializing and started isolating, Logan had become extremely lonely incredibly quickly. He had even started to experience things he had never before— panic attacks. Of course, Virgil was the best candidate to assist him with his issue, and in those moments he realized how grateful he actually is that Virgil is even an entity in Thomas's mind. An aspect of his personality.

During Logan's first ever panic attack, Virgil was there from start to finish and was incredibly patient with him, seeing as Virgil is no stranger to the idea of involuntary bursts of superlative anxiety.

Logan began to develop thoughts of self doubt and his self esteem and confidence skyrocketed in a downwards spiral. He started to worry that Patton didn't love him anymore, and that he just can't stand Logan's ramblings anymore. He started to believe that Patton wanted to break up.

The intelligent facet had also begun to lose sleep and ultimately became weaker in a short span of time- maybe about a week. It was lonely without Patton to cuddle into and wrap his arms around, and just completely submerge himself in the comfort and warmth that Patton's presence radiated. He found it very difficult to get any sleep without it. He missed the way their legs tangled together and became sore from the position when they woke up in the morning. He missed Patton begging to stay in bed for longer just so that he doesn't need to leave Logan's warmth and comforting arms.

He even cried- hard. Often, he would cry so hard that his face was flushed with the tint of his own blood and he was choking over his own violent sobs. However, despite all of that hassle, Patton still wasn't aware of Logan's anguish and misery of being stripped of the physical presence of his beloved boyfriend.

However, today, Logan was changing that. He couldn't handle this psychological torture any longer. He wanted to see his boyfriend again. Wait, no, scratch that, he needed to see his boyfriend again. The lack of Patton was the equivalent to just straight up having half of his body sliced off, and he doesn't mean that metaphorically. He was so fucking in love with this boy that he might as well have half of his body sliced off since it would feel like equivalent situations.

Presently, the three other sides were silently sitting at the dinner table, picking at the food that Virgil had cooked for them, which had gone cold at this point. That was another thing about Patton isolating himself— dinner was suddenly a lot quieter. And a lot less delicious.

Patton was the best cook out of all of them, there was no doubt about that. Logan was next in line since he had been dating Patton long enough for Patton to teach the nerd how to cook and share all of his tricks that led to cooking an exquisite meal. However, Virgil knew that Logan definitely hadn't been in the mood to be cooking anything, so the Emo had been offering to cook dinner every night instead.

But today, Logan refused to eat more than a few bites of the food. He was just sat there with his head resting on the palm of his hand, twirling the fork that was held delicately between his fingertips through his mashed potatoes. He also refused to make any sort of eye contact with the other two sides.

"Logan?" Roman's gentle voice garnered the attention of Logan, who made a noise of acknowledgement in response. "You haven't eaten much today. You've only taken three bites of your food. Are you okay?" He bit his lip gingerly, displaying heavy concern for his friend.

Logan's gaze remained directed towards his nearly full plate of food, instead merely letting a somber sigh escape from his lips.

"I'm just... not hungry." Was all that Logan decided to utter out, continuing to aimlessly twirl his fork around in his plate of food. He could faintly hear Virgil and Roman shuffling around and whispering in front of him, but he involuntarily tuned them out, his mind obviously solely focused on Patton, and Patton only.

"Logan," Virgil's voice was a lot more calm and soothing than Roman's was. Despite that, Logan still flinched away from his friend's hand reaching out in an attempt to comfort him. Instead, he heard a heavy, disappointed sigh from Virgil. "You're gonna have to speak with him eventually."

"He can't ignore you forever." Roman added.

That's what did it for Logan.

"Don't you fucking think that I've been trying to contact him, Virgil?!" Logan snapped, aggressively slamming the fist that held his fork down on the table. "I've been texting him, calling him, and even attempting to fruitlessly verbally talk to him! But guess what? He's refusing to talk to me! He hasn't let me in his room, and he doesn't even view my messages!" His face and eyes began to dust a deep shade of crimson, and hot, salty, almost painful tears soaked the corners of his eyes.

"I've been losing so much fucking sleep because he wants nothing to do with me! I've even been losing weight for God's sake! Do you really think that I'd sit here and let myself slowly deteriorate and NOT attempt the one thing I know will definitely stop it?!" Logan allowed the fork to slip out of his fingers as the tears streaked their way out of his bloodshot eyes and down his flushed and figuratively blistering cheeks.

He could vaguely spot Virgil and Roman's matching shocked expressions through the glossy and blurry film sitting in front of his pupils.

Instead of lashing out further, Logan took a deep breath and slid his sweat slicked palms up his cheeks and underneath his glasses, firmly rubbing the salty droplets off of his cheeks and out of his eyes, which proved to be impossible, considering his physical state at that point in time.

I apologize," he started, straying his hands away from his face, allowing his glasses to fall back into place. "I apologize for lashing out like that. You most certainly did not deserve that, Virgil. Neither did you, Roman. I am just sensitive and irritable at this present moment. Patton isolating himself has taken a much larger toll on my mental state than I could've ever anticipated." He sighed heavily, grimacing at the searing pain that shot through his chest as he did so.

"You are forgiven, Logan," Virgil once again tried to reach his arm out to softly grasp Logan's bicep, and to his surprise, Logan let him. "For your sake, Logan, go talk to him. Do anything you have to to get him to say just one word to you. And remember, Roman and I are always here to talk, and always have your back." Virgil smiled sweetly. "You got this, buddy."

Logan reciprocated Virgil's smile and nodded slowly, sniffling and wiping underneath his eyes with his exposed wrist. He then followed it up with a haste nod.

"Thank you, Virgil. I appreciate your help. You are wonderful."

"Logan! You know I'm not good with compliments!" Virgil snickered.

Logan rolled his eyes. "Right. Pardon me, for I have forgotten." Virgil knew that the nerd was only joking, and held his own smile.

"Go get him, Logan." Virgil gave Logan a swift pat on the shoulder before he slipped back into his own seat beside Roman.

"I will return soon," Logan stated simply, rising up from his seat in the process. "Hopefully with Patton."

With that, Logan began his venture to Patton's room, where the moral facet had been isolating himself for weeks on end. His heart thumped in his chest with every step he took, and his blood ran hot through his veins; he almost felt like his vessels were on fire.

His heart seemed to figuratively leap out of his chest when he finally approached Patton's baby blue painted door. Tears threatened to slip from his eyes once more as he ran a finger over the decor near the top of the wooden surface.

Patton had plastered various photos of him and Logan on the front of his door, displaying their enamoured and utterly passionate and adorable relationship. They had had so much adoration for each other, it was almost sickening. But, a good sickening nevertheless.

Alongside the photos was an engraving on the door itself that read "Patton + Logan = <3".

Logan was grateful (and, admittedly gets a little emotional) that Patton was even willing to carve his own door just so that it was displayed that they are in fact, inseparable. Nothing could break their bond, not even an emotional breakdown from either party.

With that thought in mind, Logan took one final deep inhale through his nose, and exhaled through his mouth, before wrapping his nimble fingers into a weak fist, gently knocking on the door a few times.

When there was no response, he tried again.

The silence continued.

Logan exhaled unsteadily, his bottom lip quivering.

"Patton?"

His voice was weak and cracked with the sound of his words.

"It's L-Logan."

Tears. More tears.

But this time, they were candidly heartbroken tears that streamed down his cheeks, covering up the previous tracks of his frustrated tears.

"Please. Patton, please. We need to speak. I know for a fact that this has not been benefitting either of us. Please just open the door and let me in." Logan let a sob escape his quivering lips as he rested his forehead against the wood, beside the hand that was still tracing patterns over the various decorations on his boyfriend's bedroom door.

His mind was so fogged with negative emotions and energy that he didn't tune into the shuffling around inside of Patton's room— he was only broken out of his turmoil when he heard fiddling with the doorknob.

And, oh god, Logan could've collapsed right there and then.

Logan smiled weakly as Patton opened the door— allowing Logan to finally see him after weeks of confinement. It felt like a very emotionally driven Christmas morning.

Logan silently gasped as he took in Patton's very dishevelled appearance. The moral facet's eyes were dusted a deep shade of red and were drastically bloodshot— presumably from weeks of crying, just like Logan had been doing. Patton had also lost a few pounds and was alarmingly pale, and his hair looked like it hadn't been tended to in weeks.

"What do you need?" Patton finally spoke, breaking the uncomfortable silence between the two. Logan could've weeped at the sound of his boyfriend's voice.

"I... I need to talk to you, Patton. You've been hiding in isolation for weeks now and it's most definitely not healthy for you. May I please come in?"

Logan watched as Patton stood and pondered for a few minutes before he sighed and nodded, gingerly stepping to the side and inviting Logan into his very messy room.

Logan happily accepted the invitation and sauntered into his boyfriend's room, his eyes wandering over the destroyed piles of god knows what carelessly thrown around Patton's room. Patton was always known to keep his room nice and clean and tidy, so seeing it dirty and muddled like this was really a shocker to Logan.

"So," Patton announced as he closed the door behind them. "What is so important that you need to tell me?" He sighed and crossed his arms, staring at Logan expectedly. Logan could almost mistake his glare for one of annoyance.

Logan exhaled breathily and dropped himself onto the edge of Patton's bed, his legs swinging ever so slightly as he did so.

"Why have you been isolating yourself?"

Logan watched as Patton's breath hitched and his eyes widened out of presumably fear or guilt. Or an unholy mixture of both.

"I-um... that doesn't concern you, Logan." Patton replied blankly, not moving an inch closer.

Logan furrowed his eyebrows. "Yes, it does, Patton. You're my boyfriend, and I'm just trying to show concern for my boyfriend. Why won't you just tell me why you've been hiding in confinement for the past three weeks?"

Patton sighed in irritation and hung his head low so that he was staring at the floor, tracing patterns in the floor with his bare toes.

"I've been dejected."

Logan's pupils dilated in even more worry than he was before.

"Can you please talk to me about it, sweetheart?"

Patton sighed once more and nodded, dragging himself over to stand in front of his boyfriend. Logan then used two of his fingers to lift Patton's chin up and used the other to softly grab his hip, pulling him to sit in Logan's lap and prompt him to wrap his arms around the nerd's neck, with his thighs on either side of Logan's.

Patton refused to meet Logan's gaze as he played with some hairs on the back of Logan's neck. However, he did choose to speak at the very least, which was a relief to Logan.

"Logan, I'm too stupid for you. I feel like I'm too stupid and naive for you to love or date me. I don't want that for you. You deserve someone who's at least half as smart as you. I-I'm not even close to... y-your i-intelligence levels..." Patton sniffled and his voice got weaker as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to restrain the tears from slipping out of his eyes.

"Patton, you could never be too stupid for me," Logan replied gently as he ran his fingers soothingly through the faded and tangled purple strands on Patton's head. "What makes you think so negatively of yourself, love?"

"Because!" Patton wailed, whipping his head up to sombrely meet Logan's gaze, his eyes extremely bloodshot. "I'm so childish and emotional... and in turn I'm extremely unintelligent! I hurt you and Virgil and Roman with my depressing and upsetting outbursts whenever I'm uncontrollably emotional because of something that happened to Thomas... I'm failing Thomas, Logan! Thomas! Our host! I'm failing him!" Patton accepted defeat and allowed the tears to free flow down his dusted, inflamed cheeks. "And I can't do anything right! Remember that ornament that was really important to Virgil, and I dropped it and broke it? That was idiotic of me! All because I was trying to move it out of the way so I could clean his dresser for him while he was sick... god, Logan! Can't you see?? Can't you see how fucking stupid I am?!?" Patton was interrupted with a choke from weeping and crying to hard.

Logan rubbed calming circles into Patton's back as he processed the information that was thrown at him like an out of control baseball. He encouraged Patton to drop his head down to his shoulder so he could let all of his feelings out into Logan's shirt, something Logan knew always worked for Patton.

Patton quickly obliged, burying his face in the junction between Logan's neck and shoulder, moistening Logan's black polo. Logan didn't really care, though, if it meant helping the love of his life feel better.

"Patton, Patton it's okay, it's okay." Logan repeated, placing kisses to Patton's temple every so often. "It's okay to cry. I'm right here, darling." Logan bit his lip to suppress his own lament. Right now, this was exclusively focused on Patton.

Patton's grief continued to violently show itself for a while longer— with Logan there for every step of the way, comforting his little angel— before he suddenly halted his actions, taking a few more deep breaths before pushing himself up to focus on Logan's features once more, wiping away the leftover tears with his arm, which was interjected by Logan, who instead wiped the tears off of Patton's face with his thumbs. Patton giggled quietly at the action, which made Logan's heart flutter.

"Thanks, Lo." Patton smiled contently, for the first time in weeks. Logan mimicked the smile, feeling an ease in his chest, which was hastily replaced with a sense of peace and comfort. He hadn't realized how much he actually missed Patton until he had him back in his arms again, warming up his entire being with his presence. It felt as though Logan had just been blessed with sunshine for the first time in forever.

The logical trait brushed a strand of hair out of Patton's face and leaned in to peck his forehead.

"No need to thank me, Pat. I'd do anything for my amazing, lovely, incredible, beautiful, exquisite boyfriend." Logan's smile remained painted across his features, shining brightly and unquestionably lovingly at his lover.

"Got any more adjectives, Lo?" Patton chuckled as a blush dusted his plump and freckled cheeks.

"Pulchritudinous?" Logan suggested.

"Okay, now you're just trying to show off." Patton booped Logan's nose playfully, giggling when Logan scrunched up his nose in response.

"Maybe I am," Logan boasted. "But seriously, Patton, what was the event that initiated this whole ordeal?"

Patton looked shocked for a second before sighing and staring down at his and Logan's legs.

"Remember when I got lost in Roman's imagination realm because I wanted to find some puppies to play with, and I accidentally told you the wrong location when you asked me where I was and you almost got killed?" Patton explained, observing as Logan nodded at the end of his statement.

"Yes, I vividly remember that day. I spent the next three hours making sure that you were safe and uninjured, even after you had been insisting that you should be taking care of me since I was the one who was almost killed." Patton nodded, acknowledging that Logan was indeed correct.

"Yeah, but in those moments I started to realize that... maybe I'm stupider than I think I am. Maybe I'm too stupid to be dating you. Maybe you're just pitying me and actually hate me because of how unintelligent I am. I just... I didn't want to put you through that anymore... so I just locked myself in my room so that none of you had to see me..." the moral trait chewed on his lower lip and sniffled sadly, reliving the memories.

"I started an endless cycle of self worth issues. I had an extremely negative view on myself. Instead of eating with you guys, I conjured up food for myself. Although it usually was cold and bland, it was still something. I stopped caring for myself. I took showers about once a week. Even then, they weren't very effective showers. But I at least wanted to stop feeling so useless for this world."

He paused, as if to ponder if he should reveal what he was going to say next.

"And... and then..." painful tears threatened to spill again as Patton examined his wrist.

"And then I did this..." he lifted his wrist up to Logan's line of sight to expose the faint lines on his wrist.

Logan gasped in distress and worry, carefully cradling Patton's arm in his hand. "Is this what I think it is, Patton?"

Patton nodded.

"Don't be too alarmed though, Logan... it was only my nails. I started scratching my wrists up really roughly with my nails. They didn't bleed that much, but it was enough to leave really faint scars."

"Patton," Logan cupped his own hand over Patton's. "Any amount of self harm should be cared for. It doesn't matter how small or how insignificant you think that method may be, it still deserves to be tended to and cared for."

Patton said nothing, instead he opted for a more physical response. He wriggled his arm free and threw his arms around Logan once more, this time burying his head in Logan's chest.

"I-I'm so sorry, Lo! I... I didn't mean for this to happen... I.... please don't hate me... I love you so much, Logan... please..." He pleaded and whimpered.

"Hey, hey, Patton," Logan shushed and lifted his boyfriend up off of his chest to look at him once again. "I love you too. So much. I wouldn't trade you for the world. You are intelligent. Don't let anything discourage you from that. You are a wonderful, creative, ambitious, compassionate, witty, talented, and just an all around ray of sunshine. You are stunning, Patton, and I honestly don't know what I'd do without you." He smiled adoringly and lovingly at his little treasure.

Patton began to cry again for what felt like the hundredth time that month, except this time, they were happy tears. Tears of absolute love and admiration for Logan. In that moment, he had realized just how much he needs Logan. Just how much Logan means to him. Love and amour clouded Patton's mind and forced him to smile lustrously at Logan, to which Logan reciprocated.

"I love you so much, Logan. I never want to lose you."

"I love you more than life itself, Patton. Do you want me to prove how much I love you, and possibly make it up to you after weeks of confinement?"

Patton nodded. "Please."

Logan gently smiled at Patton one last time before he leaned in and connected their lips in a deep kiss, to which Patton instantly reciprocated. They both sighed in contentment as their lips danced together like they were made for each other; they smiled into the kiss simply tasting each other's lips and loving the feeling that had been stripped of them for so many days on end.

Without breaking the kiss, Logan flipped them over on the bed so that Patton was underneath him, and Logan was straddling Patton's hips. Logan cupped Patton's cheeks in the palms of his hands as he deepened the kiss, tilting his head to the side to get a better angle.

Patton moaned softly into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Logan's waist, pulling him closer, making it so that Logan was almost laying on top of Patton, providing him with a comforting warmth that could strictly be described as Logan. No one else could radiate as much comfort and safety as Logan did.

Logan's hand slid from Patton's face to his hips, holding him in place as he began to nibble and lightly suck at Patton's lower lip, earning a gasp from said side. Logan took the opportunity to heighten and intensify the kiss by slipping his tongue swiftly into Patton's mouth, groaning happily at the feeling and taste of Patton. Patton was no different; he was cherishing in the sheer feeling of Logan's weight on top of him and his tongue exploring every crevice of his mouth. It was heavenly— a feeling Patton hoped to never escape from.

To Patton, it was better than puppies themselves.

Patton was sighing and moaning quietly into Logan's mouth, to which Logan relished in. Patton gripped onto whatever he could- which more often than not was the fabric of Logan's top on his back- as the heated kiss sent pleasured sparks throughout his body. He gripped harder if a movement felt particularly wonderful.

Patton's hands moved from Logan's back to gripping his hair as Logan switched from simply holding onto Patton's waist, to massaging them and pressing them with the pads of his thumbs, occasionally running his hands underneath Patton's shirt and up his stomach in appreciation. Patton shivered at the bare contact.

"God, I've missed you so much." The Nerd panted as he ended the kiss abruptly, instead opting to lower his head to Patton's neck and scatter kisses and love bites there, causing Patton to gasp and sigh at the bliss that tingled throughout him each time Logan's lips or teeth made contact with his sensitive skin.

Logan made a few bite marks on Patton's skin- including ones on his sweet spot that sent Patton reeling- that were low enough for his normal polo shirt to cover, but they both knew that they are most definitely there and prominent on the emotional side's neck.

Before Logan pulled away completely, he leaned up to Patton's ear, nibbling on the lobe a bit before whispering a sweet;

"You mean to much to me, Patton. I love you so incredibly much, my angel."

Patton smiled warmly and fondly as Logan detached himself from Patton's neck, staring down at his lover, dumbfounded and dazed at how lucky he was to have Patton as his own. Patton was like a star in Logan's life— he shone brightly with every step he took, every movement he made, with every word he spoke, with every breath he took— he was absolutely perfect in Logan's eyes. Even his natural flaws were beautiful. There wasn't anything about Patton that Logan didn't love.

Logan eventually broke the silence of them simply staring into each other's eyes and admiring each other's unadulterated beauty.

"I'm going to take such good care of you, love. I'm gonna run us a nice, warm bath and get you cleaned up and into some warm pyjamas. Then we can cuddle for a bit, or, if you want, we can go downstairs and I'll cook you something lovely. Maybe you can catch up with Virgil and Roman as you eat," Logan ran a hand down Patton's cheek and down the side of his abdomen. "Or, if you want to, we can watch a movie after you eat. And, most importantly, we can fall asleep in each other's arms."

Patton's smile could've broken his face if that were humanly possible.

"I'd love that, Lo."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S FINALLY DONE! This one shot in particular took a long time to write because writer's block was sporadically kicking my ass. But, it's here, it's done, and I hope you all enjoy it! I know I'm certainly proud of it!

This was actually my first time trying to write something partially sinful and ACTUALLY posting it, so I hope it's good! I think it's pretty decent!

4456 words, wow, that's a lot.

See all of you guys, gals and non-binary pals in the next one shot!