First Published: May 20th 2018

Pairing: royality, background analogical

Genre: fluff, angst, bittersweet ending, human au, singer au, artist au

Word Count: 2616

Warnings: cheating, breakup

Summary: "Regressions towards the mean - no matter how bad things get, or how good, it will always go back to the middle."

(Or in which Roman and Patton are on a rollercoaster that they fool themselves into believing only goes up.)

*Probably my all time favourite. I once had a friend who had lost their mother early in life and they told me that they wished more stories had people moving on and letting go after death or breakups. It's taken me quite a long to get to the point where I'm able to write an ending like that, as letting go of people is something I still struggle with. I'm learning now that just because a person was my friend, doesn't mean that they treated me well or that they deserve me to miss them.

-

It starts with a "Hello."

Or maybe it starts with an art student unlocking his new dorm and accidentally colliding with his roommate, who's tall and handsome and has his future planned from the plays he'll act in to the songs he'll sing.

Or maybe it begins when the art student's high school was visited by an artist who gave a speech and showcased her work, enrapturing him in the swirling patterns and delicate strokes so much so that he decides then and there that he wants to be an artist.

And maybe it begins before the two students were even alive. Maybe fate wound its golden thread all over their tapestries to make their lives align so they could create something beautiful. Maybe the stars whispered to each other one night, sharing their stardust to create two bright-eyed and passionate humans who were destined to find each other.

Regardless of how it starts, Patton and Roman meet on June 16th and perhaps that's all that matters (even though they both know there's more to the story than that).

Patton transfers a box of his belongings to his other hand and rests it against his hip as he struggles to push his key into the lock of his home for the next four years. There's quite a few other freshmen milling about the campus, but as they're all intent on keeping to themselves, no one offers to help.

Eventually, Patton manages to get the door unlocked. He uses his shoulder to nudge it open, wincing as the bottom of it scrapes along the hard floor. He breathes in, letting the excitement fill him as he takes his first step into his new life.

His foot catches on the raised entrance that escaped his notice and suddenly he's falling. Patton, in that moment, can't help but to worry about everything that's falling with him, such as framed photos of his childhood friends, Logan and Virgil.

He's surprised when he doesn't face plant into the ground, but is instead caught by strong, steady arms and held against a firm chest. Whoever this person is lifts Patton up and puts him back on his feet. Once Patton finishes brushing himself off, he looks up at his grinning saviour.

"Hello," he says, flashing a brilliant smile that makes Patton flush.

"Hi," he replies, heart fluttering in his chest as he takes in this person's beauty. A second passes before he realises he's staring at the stranger – his roommate – and he blinks back to reality. "Oh, yeah, I'm Patton!"

His roommate sticks out his hand as he practically announces, "Roman, at your service!" Patton shakes his hand and Roman grips his firmly, pulling Patton closer. "It's wonderful to meet you. I'm lucky that my roommate is so handsome."

Then, Roman bows, bringing Patton's hand to his mouth to give it a kiss. Patton turns scarlet as he laughs happily. (And maybe that's when it really, truly starts.)

For the rest of the day, Patton is entranced as they discuss everything from their ambitions to their fears. He doesn't think that the day can get any better, but then Roman offers to be his date for the Orientation. Patton laughs because he doesn't believe he means it, but when Roman puts on a suit the next day, he doesn't complain.

It takes exactly 3 years, 24 days and 112 dates after Orientation for Roman to get down on one knee with a ring that sparkles brightly, sending fragments of the sun's rays onto Patton's ecstatic face.

They settle into a rhythm after that. They have their ups and downs, but it's a tame rollercoaster compared to others. Life is good, despite the stress of finals and thinking about what they want to do after they leave university.

A month before they graduate, Roman is offered a contract at some bigshot music company. Patton encourages Roman to agree, saying something along the lines of it being Roman's dream. And it's true – from the moment they first met, Roman's been open about his biggest wishes in life, and this is on top of the list.

They scratch their plans to get married the next year, but it's okay because they hadn't even started planning yet and there's always later. Besides, it's best to wait until Roman gets into the swing of his new job.

Meanwhile, Patton is content with teaching high schoolers how to express themselves through the nature of art. His own paintings fetch him up to a few hundred thousand, which is more than enough for him to maintain their spacious apartment on his own.

Sure, he misses the times when Roman was by his side 24/7, but they have their own lives. They're happy, and that's enough for Patton.

When Roman moves up in the music world, earning a reputation through copious love songs dedicated to "a special someone", he buys them a massive house in the midst of L.A. Patton says his goodbyes to his students, and then greets his new ones.

They spend a few months getting used to their new life. Roman halts his performances so he can take Patton out to fancy restaurants while shielding him from the blinding flashes of the paparazzi.

Roman's fanbase has been speculating over his love-life for a while now, so when pictures inevitably emerge of Patton and Roman, they're quick to scour the internet for more. All of a sudden, Patton is almost as famous as his fiancé.

Roman takes the reveal in stride, and takes great delight in bringing Patton everywhere with him. He shows him his studio and brings him along to interviews. Patton greets Roman's fans with a smile and a hug or two if he can manage, before Roman ushers him up the red carpet.

Things have never been better between them now that they can be openly affectionate, which is all Patton has ever wanted.

As their relationship only goes up and up, neither of them can see that the rollercoaster tracks are almost at the end of the incline. If they had, maybe Patton and Roman would've gotten off before the drop.

They get a puppy named Amara, which makes Patton realise he wants to adopt. He keeps that to himself for now, which is just as well because soon after, Roman gets whisked away on a tour around the country.

Patton stays behind with Amara, content with watching from afar. Besides, the tour's only four months long.

He doesn't reveal how lonely he is to Roman. He doesn't complain that their house is too big without Roman's presence filling every room; their bed far too cold. Patton doesn't reveal that his pillow is stained with tears. Instead, he smiles whenever Roman calls because he's still got it better than most.

Even when Roman starts to gush over one of the guys he's travelling with – apparently Lucas is a world-renowned pianist or whatever – Patton quells his emotions deep down. Besides, jealously is an ugly, horrible feeling, and who wouldn't be a little star-struck meeting their idol?

This is Roman's dream – so Patton keeps his mouth shut.

Roman writes a few songs on his tour, most about finding new love. Patton sighs dreamily, because how could Roman know that he's also thinking back to when they first met?

Once the four months are over, Roman arrives home with a bouquet of flowers and declarations of love for both Patton and Amara, who gets bigger each passing day. Patton's heart lifts off the floor as Roman picks him up and spins him in the air.

He's so deliriously happy that he doesn't even let Virgil's worry over the rumours about Roman and Lucas affect him. Not even when Logan approaches him with a cautious offer of "Should you ever need a place to stay" does Patton take off his love-hued glasses.

(He does, however, take him up on his offer a few weeks later when he confronts Roman about the recently surfaced photos of him cupping Lucas' cheek, too close to the other guy's face to be friendly. Logan calls Virgil and the two of them comfort Patton as he sobs. Roman shows up the next day with his signature grin and profuse apologies and explanations. Patton returns to him despite Virgil and Logan's glares.)

Once all is forgiven, the rumours dismissed as hearsay, Patton brings up the topic of marriage. Romans amuses him with "in the future" or "when we're older". A month after that discussion, Roman announces he's going on a world tour.

Patton, ever loyal, offers to come, but Roman convinces him that it would be cruel to drag poor Amara across the world only to be locked in a hotel room all day. Patton opts to stay naïve and accepts. He lets Roman tell him that staying home is the best option, and Patton insists he doesn't mind staying because he doesn't, honestly.

So Roman leaves. This time, it's for a year. Patton cries as he clings to Roman tightly at the airport. Roman pats his back. (The rollercoaster is at its peak, the front of the cart already tipping over the edge. Patton has his eyes screwed shut as he grips Roman's hand, unaware that the drop is right before him.)

As the cab drives Patton back home, he texts Logan and Virgil. They offer to come over, knowing how lonely Patton gets, but he declines. Besides, Roman promised he'd call as soon as he lands, and he doesn't want his friends feeling like third wheels.

Patton toys with his phone for hours on his couch. Every few minutes, he checks to make sure his phone isn't off. The grandfather clock Roman bought ("For the aesthetic!" he had claimed) chimes that it's midnight. Roman still hasn't called, and suddenly the spell on Patton wears off as the stitches in his heart unwind and loosen.

("The end is nigh!" his poor heart cries as it slowly but surely falls apart.)

Patton hauls himself to his feet, steadying himself against the couch as the stitches loosen a little more. He walks over to their mantel, drawn to it by something that sends what little moonlight that enters the room dancing across the wall as if Patton's at a disco by himself. He picks up the cold metal with shaking fingers.

A crack appears on his heart as he brings the object further into the light. Jagged lines spread further when he realises what it is.

Then, his stupid, stupid heart bursts into a thousand pieces, spraying across the floor like shattered glass as he cradles Roman's engagement ring in his hands.

Some part of his mind – no, his heart – pretends that maybe Roman simply forgot, and that the reason he hasn't called is because he got back on the plane as soon as he realised he left his ring.

And like the cruel beast fate is, frantic knocks sound on his door, filling Patton with tentative hope that drowns out common sense. (Hope is but a child's optimism – Patton should know better by now.)

In rushes not Roman, but Logan and Virgil. From the concern on their faces, Patton knows that something else has happened. He lets out an anguished wail as he folds in on himself, unleashing every emotion he's locked up the past few months.

His friends watch as he swipes the framed photos of him and Roman and shatters every single one against the opposite wall. He takes off his own ring and flings it into the rubble, before his rage dampens into something too painful for him to handle.

It's then that Virgil and Logan choose to break the news, confirming Patton's suspicions. The paparazzi has captured photos of Roman and his pianist together. This time, they're not blurry photos of what could be an affair. This time, they perfectly capture the kiss from various angles. They show the adoration etched across Roman's face and the responding love from his latest conquest.

Patton is too numb, too tired to cry. He doesn't have any tears left. He just stares blankly at Virgil's phone.

The only sign that he's seeing what's in front of him are his white knuckles as he grips the device, not letting go until Virgil gently pries it from his grasp. Logan and Virgil, despite neither being too fond of hugs, take the opportunity to envelop Patton in their arms as the three of them lean against the wall.

They don't let go until Patton falls asleep, and even then it's only so they can carry Patton to bed. Then, they join him on the bed and hold him tighter.

When Patton wakes up, it's to Virgil screaming at Roman through the phone, telling him to "Fuck off!" and that he's "done enough damage already."

Hours turn into days, weeks, months. The more news comes of Roman and Lucas, the more the fragments of Patton's heart are ground into a fine dust.

(This has to be the end, Patton thinks, though it's not quite as simple as that. After all, his heart still beats, no matter how small his pulse may be. The rollercoaster still has a while to go.)

It isn't until years later that they meet again. Patton has since recovered, and he's begun to smile again much to his friends' relief. His art sells for millions, which pays for the house that he bought in Florida to be close to his family and friends. Plus, he thinks Amara likes Florida's parks better. Virgil and Logan live together not too far from him, and he teases them about being head over heels for each other.

While Patton isn't as euphoric as he used to be, he settles for his new normal. He's content with just being content.

He'd gone for a stroll, deciding to enjoy the spring warmth just like he used to years ago, back when he was a kid who believed in true love and knights in shining armour. Patton had stopped for coffee at Starbucks, and now he's waiting for his coffee when a long forgotten voice calls his name.

Patton turns slightly, eyes scanning over the crowd, when someone taps his shoulder. He jumps and spins around. There stands Roman, still with his sweeping hair and golden brown eyes. Despite Roman carrying an even more refined charm than when they first met, Patton's heart doesn't flutter. Instead, its steady beat continues, completely unaffected.

"I knew it was you!" Roman exclaims, grin wide. "Woah, it's been a while, hasn't it?"

Patton attempts a grin as he lets out a noncommittal "Mhmm."

Roman's smile falters ever so slightly. "Well, I just wanted to say I'm proud of you. I've been following your art since..." he coughs, and waves a hand as if to disperse the threat of their past rearing its head. "Anyway, I'm glad you've stuck with it! Art was always your dream."

Patton doesn't know how to respond. He opens his mouth as if to say "I'm proud of you, too," or perhaps "I've been trying to erase your existence from my life, so I can't really say the same", but then the barista calls out his name and he steps forward to take his coffee.

He exits the shop without looking back.

It's only then does the rollercoaster finally slow to a stop. Patton walks off it, not noticing how Roman stares after him. Or maybe he does notice, but he can't find it in himself to care.

Either way, as he walks away from Roman, Patton feels a sense of freedom he hasn't felt in a long time.

And so, just like that, it ends without a goodbye.