First Published: August 10th 2017

Pairing: moxiety

Genre: angst

Word Count: 1020

Warnings: breakup

Summary: They're over. The words can't stop ringing in either of their heads.

-

"Look, Virgil, I wanted you to know that... That even if we're ending it, I love you. Maybe not romantically, but I will always love you." Patton lifted Virgil's chin, and was pained to see that there were tears in his eyes. He thought that he could do this if Anxiety could, but... "I hope that you look back on our relationship with a smile. We had heaps of fun times and I know that I- that I'll never forget them." Morality choked on the last bit, but he coughed and cleared his throat.

Virgil nodded as best as he could, his throat burning from the sobs he was forcing down. "Thank you for putting up with me as long as you did. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Patton hugged him quick and let go. They both knew that it was a goodbye hug. That only made it hurt worse.

In the weeks that followed, Morality and Anxiety avoided each other. That was no easy feat in such a small living space, but they managed. And that was all that could be said on how they were doing on their own – they managed.

As long as the other was happy. That was probably the only thing that allowed them to keep on going.

The first time they talked to each other properly was a month after... it. They had been tricked into the living room at the same time by Logan and Roman, who were adamant that they talked about their feelings.

Patton broke the stagnant silence between them. "So, uh, how have you been?" What he really meant was are you happy now, but he didn't have the right to ask that. Not when they had both decided that breaking up was for the best. (Even though it was Virgil's idea and he got no explanation other than 'it's for the best'. Even though Virgil seemed fine, as if it that damn year they spent together meant nothing.)

"Pretty good," the darker side shrugged, shrinking into his hoodie and staring at the floor. He hoped the lie wasn't obvious. "I haven't really thought about it at all." He waited for Patton to speak, but when he didn't, he continued awkwardly. "Anyway, I'm going to... go. If that's okay with you." What he really meant was if I leave you alone, will you finally be happy?

"I- yeah, yeah that's fine. Can I ask one question, though?" Patton waited until Anxiety hesitantly shrugged. "I just wanted to know what... what made you realise that I couldn't give you what you needed?"

Virgil froze. How was he supposed to explain that he did this for Patton's sake? Anxiety only ever dragged him down, and he was the one that couldn't make him happy. Didn't Morality know that? "Pat... What kind of question is that?" He barked out a laugh, unable to see the other's hurt face through his hair he had let fall over his eyes. "I'm not- I've never- you couldn't- ...What I'm trying to say is, it doesn't matter what you did. I'll never be happy." He sunk down to his room before the conversation could continue any longer.

That confrontation... It was only another painful reminder that he served to hurt Patton. If Virgil wanted Morality to be alright, then he'd have to stop shoving his way into his life. (Even if it hurt. Even if he wanted so desperately to be happy too, but knew that the sole way for him to do that was to be with Patton.)

Maybe he could try to be happy without Pat. Except he knew it was impossible when he shoved down his positive emotions in fear of being hurt. Look where that got him. The fight leading up to their mutual breakup was directly because of Anxiety repressing everything – including his love for Patton. When he was accused of this, he got defensive and told Patton that he was too emotional all the time and that he couldn't keep up. The last part was true, but Virgil regretted saying so. He should've kept his problems to himself, then none of this would've happened.

He just wished he hadn't said anything. Maybe then he and Patton would be alright.

However, Virgil thought secretly that perhaps that was the right thing to do, as Morality seemed better now that they had broken up. Yeah, that was it. Virgil needed to pretend he was okay, then. For Patton's sake.

Meanwhile, his optimistic counterpart was in his room suffering just the same. He blamed himself for pushing, pushing, pushing, until Anxiety had finally snapped. But still. He was hurting. And it was clear Virgil was hurting too. Maybe Patton wasn't acting happy enough? If Anxiety had moved on, seeing him moping over it was probably bringing him down.

Resolved, Patton told himself that he was going to make sure he was acted as okay as possible. For Anxiety. If that was the only way one of them could be alright, then so be it.

The next day, he put on his brightest smile. He managed a polite conversation with Roman, and didn't let the façade drop even when Virgil wandered into the room. He looked... happier. It was working. Patton caught his smile slipping as he stared sadly at him, so he reinforced it and looked away.

Virgil stole a glance in Morality's direction. The fatherly side was gazing happily at Roman. Oh. The coffee pot almost slipped out of his hands, but he managed to catch it. He put his hood up and forced a grin at Logan when he walked in. He was fine. And he'd prove it. By pretending he was.

The two would never know how much the other was desperately trying to seem okay. They forced their smiles, laughs and talks, in the hope that they'd one day be alright.

And on the days those grins slipped and they caught a glimpse of the broken mess they were inside... They'd whisper one question they wanted, no, needed to know the answer to.

"Are you happy?"