Inspired by Friend, Please by Twenty One Pilots

Warnings: Eating Disorders, Body Dysmorphia, Food Mention, Self-hatred, Self-deprecation, Depression, Blood, Self-harm, Suicide attempt. Really, really heavy stuff. Please don't read if any of these things trigger you.

Ship(s): Platonic Logince and Platonic Thomas/Roman. Platonic LAMPT at the end.

Song: Friend, Please by Twenty One Pilots

I feel for you, but when did you believe you were alone?
You say that spiders crawled inside
And made themselves a home where light once was

Roman swirled his fork through his now cold spaghetti noodles, not really feeling like he should eat anything. Today had been fruitless, just like always. He needed to earn his food, not just eat it while being a useless scum. It was no wonder the others avoided him so much, he couldn't even do his own job. He looked up to see Virgil and Patton cuddling on the couch, Logan sitting in an arm chair next to them. All of them were watching a Disney film together. They hadn't even bothered to ask him if he wanted to join, they hadn't noticed he wasn't eating, and no one had comforted him when he'd messed up earlier. Logan had even called him a failure.

Roman shoved his plate in front of him and got to his feet, not even bothering to put it in the sink as he stormed up the stairs. Patton and Virgil kept watching the movie, but Logan watched after the prince with worried eyes, setting down the book in his hands and following Roman up the stairs. He hadn't even made it into his room and was leaning against the railing at the top of stairs, trembling slightly, his head in his hands.

"Roman, are you alright?" Princey gasped and flinched, whipping around to face the bespectacled trait. His eyes hardened and he hugged his knees to his chest, leaning his back against the railing. Logan stared at him, waiting for an answer. He gave Princey a once over, noting how his clothes were considerably baggier and he looked as if he hadn't slept in a while. The bags under his eyes could compete with Virgil's.

"Why do you care all of a sudden?" Roman hissed. Logan blinked in surprise and Roman chuckled bitterly. "I don't know why you're caring, but you can stop. I've been just fine being alone for this long." Logan blinked again.

"When did you ever get that idea? You're not alone. You have all of us, don't you?" Logan huffed, his tone almost irritated. Roman flinched, and Logan's worry returned. He tried to help Roman up, but the fanciful trait lowered his eyes and refused to take it. He withdrew his hand reluctantly and went back down stairs, leaving Roman to wallow in his self-pity.

Petrified of who you are and who you have become
You will hide from everyone
Denying you need someone to exterminate your bones

Roman locked his bedroom door and rushed over to his mirror, practically tearing off his shirt and sash. His ribs and hip bones jutted out horribly, but that's not what he saw. As Roman looked in the mirror at his fat, disgusting body, tears slowly began to roll down his cheeks. No wonder Logan had been staring at him. He was so ugly and fat, he was certainly a sight to behold. Why couldn't he be perfect yet? Why couldn't he be handsome? All of the others were.

I need to eat less. I'm eating too much. There probably isn't enough food for the others because of me, Roman thought bitterly. He pulled on some of his skin and grimaced. So flabby, it was disturbing. Not even bothering to put his shirt in, Roman walked over to his bed and sat on the edge, running a hand through his soft brown hair and sighing. The diets weren't working, not eating wasn't working, what was he doing wrong...? Sniffling, Roman curled his knees to his chest and laid down on his bed, letting himself cry, He was too useless to do anything else anyway. He might as well just hide up in his room away from all the others. It wasn't like they would miss him. Maybe after a little while, he'd die and be rid of the horrible place.

Roman started to sob, clutching the blanket beneath him and trembling hard. He needed to be perfect for them. He had to be, he couldn't keep being a failure! Roman had tried everything; less flashy clothes, stopping his insults, letting the others come up with ideas once in a while, and when none of that worked, he punished himself for every time he messed up. Roman had hoped the others would notice and maybe be proud that he could control himself in such a way, and that he was doing it all for them! But no one cared!

"Roman? Roman, are you alright?"

Friend, please remove your hands from over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave
But friend, please don't take your life away from me

Logan stood outside Roman's room. The crying had immediately come to a halt when he called out to the other trait, but Logan would still make out some muffled sniffs and hiccups. He was about to grab the door handle but hesitated. He hated it when the others invaded his privacy, would it be right to invade theirs? Logan quickly shook his head, pushing those thoughts aside. This was different. If Logan had observed correctly, Roman had been indulging in self-destructive behavior and wasn't planning on stopping anytime soon. He needed to help.

"Roman, I'm coming in!" Logan said, grabbing the door handle and shoving it open. His eyes fell on Roman and his jaw dropped with horror. He stared at Roman's thin and emaciated body, horrified by how much his friend resembled a skeleton. Roman froze, in the middle of putting on a shirt, trembling slightly under Logan's gaze. Tears welled up in his eyes and he crumpled to the ground, his entire body shaking as he hid his face in his hands. Logan swallowed back the lump in his throat and approached Roman slowly, not wanting to startle him. He knelt by Roman's side and rubbed his back, trying to ignore the way he could feel every vertebra in his spine.

"Roman, can you look at me please?" Logan said softly, taking his free hand and gently wrapping it around Roman's wrist. Roman flinched and whimpered, but let Logan pull his hands away from his face. The logical trait's heart nearly broke upon seeing Roman's gaunt, tear streaked face. Roman looked up at the other aspect, his brown eyes wide and filled with unbridled fear.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll do better, I-I'll...I-I'll lose more weight, I'll be less loud, I won't make fun of you anymore, just please...please don't...please don't hate me, please..." Roman's voice trailed off and he let out a heartbreaking sob, curling up on himself and shaking so badly Logan was afraid he would shatter. Logan cautiously sat Roman up and wrapped his arms around him in an embrace that Roman immediately melted into.

"I don't hate you Roman, I could never hate you." Sobs wracked Roman's body, making him jerk against Logan's chest. He buried his face in the bespectacled man's chest and gripped the front of his shirt like a lifeline, his bare chest heaving as he gasped for breath and cried. Logan rubbed his back gently, taking advantage of the close contact and taking a closer look at Roman's body. The ribs and hip bones were prominent, faint scars littered both Roman's chest and arms, and his hair looked and smelled as if he hadn't had a shower in ages.

Choking up a bit, Logan said, "How long have you been like this, Roman?" He recoiled slightly when he saw Roman look up at him, glaring at him with contempt.

"Always."

Living like a ghost, you walk by everyone you know
You say that you're fine, but you have lost your sway and glow
So I stopped by to let you know

Logan had left Roman's room that night feeling like a failure. The next morning wasn't much better. When Roman had come downstairs that morning, he ignored the plate of eggs Patton had set out for him, avoided eye contact with any of them, and sunk out of the mindscape to talk to Thomas about an idea he'd had that morning. Maybe he could actually be useful now. Maybe he could stop disappointing everyone and do something right for once. When Thomas walked into the Common Area, Princey forced a smile on his face and struck a dramatic pose.

"Good morning, Thomas! I had an idea for a new video!" Roman said, and he nearly began to tremble with excitement when he felt that familiar rush of self-accomplishment he got whenever he had a good idea. He was doing it! He was doing his job! He was going to prove Patton wrong, he just knew it-

"Really? What's it- Oh, my God, Roman, are you okay?" The grin that had been on Thomas' a second before had quickly faded away to become an expression of shock. Roman shrunk down and almost covered his ears, but stopped himself in the nick of time. Why was Thomas asking him if he was okay? He was perfect. He had an idea. He was doing his job. He was giving himself what he deserved. He was getting better.

"I don't know what you mean. I'm fine! Great, actually! Now, about my idea-"

"Roman!" The prince-like trait winced and closed his eyes as Thomas yelled at him, cutting him off. He started to tremble, biting down on his lip to at least stop himself from whimpering. What was wrong? Did Thomas not want to hear his idea? Involuntary tears started rolling down Roman's cheeks and he quickly wiped them away. The others all thought he was weak. Logan had caught him looking at his ugly body. He couldn't let Thomas think he was a failure as well.

"Roman...does this have anything to do with the argument you had with Patton?" Thomas asked slowly, making his way over to Roman with an arm stretched out to rest on his shoulder. Roman stared at Thomas, saying nothing, eyes wide and shoulders trembling. He suddenly burst into tears and buried his head in his hands, wrenching away when Thomas tried to touch him.

Friend, please remove your hands from over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave
But friend, please don't take your life away from me

"Roman, buddy, please look at me," Thomas said, somewhat firmly. Roman shook his head and just shrunk back, even more, trembling and getting onto the ground, shaking his head violently when Thomas tried to reach out to him again. Thomas sighed and kneeled in front of his trait. He was at a loss for what to do, and almost called up Patton, but given the circumstances, he figured that wouldn't be the best idea.

"Roman? You know Patton didn't mean what he said, right? He was just angry," Thomas said, hoping his voice was reassuring. Without removing his hands from his face Roman let out a dry chuckle, the normal humor Thomas had grown so used to absent from it.

"Of course he did. He never gets really angry unless he means it. I'm worthless and unnecessary, just like he said," Roman said bitterly. Thomas put an arm around him, and this time he didn't flinch away. He scooted closer to Roman and put a hand on both of his shoulders, not forcing him to look at him or to remove his hands from his face.

"You know just as well as I do that he didn't mean it. Roman, you're destroying yourself. I can't believe you aren't dead yet if I'm being honest," Thomas said, shaking his head in disbelief. Roman's lip quivered and he let his hands drop, giving Thomas a weary smile.

"I wish I was dead. That would be nice," Roman whispered. Thomas' heart stopped and his grip on Roman's shoulders tightened with shock. Roman cast his eyes down, swallowing the lump back in his throat and preparing for the worst.

"Please don't say that, Roman. If...If I lost you entirely, I don't know what I'd do," Thomas admitted. Roman blinked and looked up at Thomas, his eyes dull and emotionless. Thomas side and pulled Roman into an embrace that he did not return, praying in his heart that his side- no, that his friend would be okay.

Would you let me know your plans tonight?
Cause I just won't let go 'til we both see the light
And I have nothing else left to say
But I will listen to you all day
Yes, I will

Logan and Thomas were working together on editing the video all of the sides had been working on earlier that day. Joan and Talyn were in another room, finishing cleaning up the equipment and props from earlier. Both Logan and Thomas were excited; this was one of their best videos yet. Logan had tried to get Roman in on it, knowing that as the creative side, he would have a lot of ideas in mind that could help them out. But, the princely trait had refused, telling Logic that he planned to have some alone time in his room. Logan hadn't liked the sound of how he said "alone time", but he needed to get this done. He could worry about Roman later.

"Ah, this is going a lot smoother than I thought it would! Looks like we didn't need Roman after all," Thomas said, chuckling. Logan shot him a scathing gaze.

"Don't say that. Even though this has gone smoothly, it probably would be getting done a thousand times faster if Roman was here," Logan said, his tone sharp. Thomas nodded, ashamed, and turned back to the computer.

"Should we summon him? We still aren't done, and he really needs to feel wanted right now," Thomas muttered. Logan nodded and called for Roman to summon him, but got no answer. Roman's part of the common area stayed empty. Logan's eyebrows furrowed and he tried again but got no response.

"What do you think's going on? You don't think he's-" The familiar trumpet ringtone ( ) that Logan received whenever he got a text from Roman sounded loudly throughout the room and he quickly took his phone out of his pocket. Thomas got up from his desk and looked over Logan's shoulder.

Prince👑: I can't do this anymore.

Logan's heart stopped.

👔Nerd👓: What do you mean?

👔Nerd👓: Roman, please answer me.

👔Nerd👓: This isn't funny! Tell me what's wrong!

👔Nerd👓: Are you feeling lonely again? Do you want me to come up?

👔Nerd👓: Roman, come on!

👔Nerd👓 : Roman, please tell me what's happening.

👔Nerd👓 : I'm right here. I'll listen to you.

👔Nerd👓 : Roman, please.

Prince👑 is typing. Logan's hands trembled as he awaited the new message.

Prince👑: Help.

Friend, please remove your hands from over your eyes for me
I know you want to leave

"Oh, my God, we need to help him!" Thomas said from behind Logan, grabbing the logical trait and sinking into the mindscape with him. Logan took off into a sprint as soon as they touched the ground, grabbing Thomas by the wrist and nearly stumbling over his own two feet in his desperation to reach his friend. Up the stairs he went, dragging Thomas behind him and ignoring the tears running down his face. He'd messed up. He should have known Roman was in trouble, that he was going to do something to himself. He should have seen the signs and helped him, not ignored his problems and spent the night with Thomas.

They reached the door and Logan tried to open it, but it was all in vain. It was locked tight. Logan couldn't hear anything on the other side. No crying, no one shouting at him to go away. He could hear someone screaming as he banged on the door, trying to knock it down, or get it to open, or something, but from the way Thomas was staring at him, he knew he was the one screaming.

"What are you two doing?! It's two in the morning!" Logan and Thomas whipped around to see Virgil and Patton standing behind them, Patton yawning sleepily and rubbing his eyes while Virgil glared at the two of them. Logan was still sobbing and crying, but neither of them, not even Patton, seemed disturbed.

"R-Romans in there! I think he-he's in trouble! He needs help!" Logan sobbed, still yanking at the doorknob desperately. Virgil looked irritated, but Patton pushed past him gently, a determined look on his face. He rested a hand on Logan's shoulder gently, as if to reassure him, before gritting his teeth and kicking the door as hard as he could. It burst open and the four of them crowded into the room.

Roman was lying spread eagle on the ground, his eyes open and glazed, blood from his wrists and arms pooling around him, soaking the carpet and his clothes. Patton screamed. Logan nearly fainted. Virgil burst into tears. Thomas stared at the body in shock, his face pale.

"N-No...No, this can't be the end. H-He can't...He can't d-d...die!" Patton stammered, stumbling forward and scooping Roman's body into his arms, feeling how and bony he was. He'd seen it all, noticed how Roman had been suffering. He had noticed the skipped meals, the tears, the way he'd been acting strangely. Why hadn't he done anything? Why had he let Roman suffer alone? Tears soon spilled down Patton's cheeks and he held Roman's corpse to his chest, trembling as he felt how cold he was, how lifeless he was.

"There's a note," Thomas whispered, kneeling beside Patton and picking up the neatly folded paper speckled with drops of Roman's precious blood. Patton made no reaction to the news, his face almost as pale and lifeless as Roman's as he held him close, stroking his hair gently.

But friend, please don't take your life away from me

"Let me read it, please," Virgil choked, reaching out for Thomas to take the notes, trying and failing to hold back his tears. Thomas handed him the note silently before walking over to Logan, who had collapsed to the ground on all fours, gasping for breath and crying. Virgil unfolded the note carefully, trying not to tear it.

Dear Logan and Thomas,

It seems that the two of you are the only ones who would care if I was gone so I will address this letter to just the two of you. You know of my struggles, my thoughts of death, my apparent inability to do anything right. The two of you have helped me in ways I never could have imagined, and I will forever be grateful to the two of you. But, it was all fruitless. My existence is pointless and unnecessary, just like Patton said all those months ago. I never wanted to believe it but I came to accept that it was true. I tried to change, to become better. I was less loud and let the others speak more often. I sang less, I wore clothes that weren't so flashy, and I even stopped fighting the Dragonwitch. When that didn't work, I thought there was something wrong with how I looked, so I stopped eating. I just wanted to be loved.

But no one noticed. No one ever notices when I try to help, and I was sick of it. I'm sorry that it came to this, but I couldn't deal with it anymore. I can't deal with all of your hateful glares and constant corrections of my behavior, as if I was a child, and not a full grown man who could make my own decisions. So, I suppose this is goodbye. I know none of you will miss me.

Love, Your friend, Sincerely,

Princey, Creativity, Roman, Me.

Virgil started to cry and crumpled up the note, tossing it aside and glaring at Patton, who had completely frozen.

"I told you, you should have apologized! I told you it hurt him! Why didn't you listen to me?!" Virgil shouted, tears rolling down his cheeks. Patton carefully set Roman back down on the floor, caressing his cheek gently before looking up at Virgil with sad eyes.

"I didn't think. I was so wrapped up, I-I didn't...this is all my fault," Patton choked out, looking back down at Roman and muffling sobs. Logan, who had been successfully calmed by Thomas, staggered over to Patton and wrapped him up in a tight hug, ignoring how he tried to push away, insisting that he didn't deserve it because this was all his fault and he was a monster, but Logan wouldn't let go.

"This isn't just your fault Pat, we're all to blame. We've insulted him, put him down, told him how horrible he was. Your fight with him was the last straw, but it wasn't what made him feel like this. He's been like this for a long time. We're all to blame," Logan murmured. Patton sobbed and buried his face in Logan's shoulder, gripping his shirt and crying apologies to Roman into his shoulder.

"Guys...Guys, look!" Thomas said, gaping at Roman, his eyes wide. Patton pulled his head away from Logan's shoulder and gasped. Color had begun to seep into his cheeks. The deep incisions in his wrist and forearms were soaking up the blood that had dried into the carpet and onto his arms, instantly becoming liquid again and returning to his body. The four watched with horrified fascination as the cuts healed rapidly and closed, and even the scars had somewhat started to fade. There was a moment of silence. Thomas moved closer to his creative side, hands trembling and he gently touched his cheek. Roman's eyes flew open and he gasped, sitting bolt upright and nearly smacking Patton in the face in the process.

"Roman!" Patton shrieked, tackling the other man in a bone crushing hug. Roman laid on the ground with Patton lying on top of his chest and his arms wrapped around him, mouth pursed and eyes wide, glancing around.

"I-I'm...I'm not dead?" Roman asked weakly. Logan shook his head and took one of Roman's hands, smiling softly as he felt how warm it was now. Roman looked up at him.

"God damn it, I'm so useless I couldn't even kill myself," Roman hissed, wincing when he realized who was holding. Patton instantly let go of him, hugging his knees to his chest. Logan and Thomas sat on either side of Roman and Virgil sat next to Patton in front of him, but they all stayed away so he didn't feel crowded.

"You did die, Roman. You just...you came back," Logan explained, still dazed.

"I...what?" Roman gasped, utterly shocked.

"You came back!" Patton blurted, getting to his feet and pacing. "You came back Roman because it wasn't your time. Thomas still needs you. A trait can only die if they are no longer needed by their host, and even then, they just fade away. They don't do it themselves! And they don't have fellow traits who cause them to want to die or to hate themselves or- or-" Patton sniffled loudly and wiped his eyes, still continuing to pace, wringing his hands and glancing at Roman guiltily as he muttered to himself under his breath.

"I'm still....I'm still needed?" Roman whispered, disbelieving. Thomas nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Roman closed his eyes and rested his head on Thomas' shoulder, sighing shakily.

"I'm sorry...I'm sorry," he said, grimacing. Thomas closed his eyes and nuzzled into Roman's hair, sighing.

"It's alright Roman. It's not your fault. We'll get through this. We'll help you get better, I promise," Virgil whispered. Roman gave the darker trait a watery smile and reached out to him, welcoming him onto an embrace. Virgil immediately curled up to Roman's chest. Logan joined in not long after. Roman looked up at Patton expectantly, shyly offering the fatherly trait a hand. Patton smiled through his tears and took Roman's hand, joining the embrace.

It would take time, and maybe Roman would never heal completely, but this was a start. They would work through this together. They would help their friend heal. They needed him, after all.