The Sides at the Park:

Roman: [swings as high as he can and jumps off while screaming]

Patton: ROMAN OH MY GOD NO-

Roman, after he hits the ground and gives everyone there a heart attack: LET'S DO IT AGAIN!

~~~

Human AU:

Virgil, as Patton records him: This is how to find out how many emos are in your school.

Virgil, jumping on a lunch table: WHEN I WAS, A YOUNG BOY.

Half of the cafeteria: [screeches/cries the rest of the lyrics]

Virgil: There you go.

(A/N: This happened IRL, I was Virgil and I got detention afterward.)

~~~

Roman: Do you wanna ride, do you wanna ride, do you wanna go far?

Dee: Virgil, it is imperative that you decline.

Roman: Do you wanna get, do you wanna get, do you wanna get inside my mother's car?

Dee: Tell him no!

Roman: Driving on home, don't you say no, Vi can you be coerced?

Roman: Home in a snatch, only one catch; we gotta stop for frozen yogurt first!

Virgil: [Bisexual Distress]

(A/N: i'M SORRY I'VE BEEN LISTENING TO THIS FOR HOURS NOW-)

~~~

Virgil: I wrote Roman a letter telling him how I feel!

Patton: Alright, that's progress!

Virgil: Yeah, I tore it up and flushed it!

Patton: Oh...

Patton: Still progress!

~~~

Roman: Ten years ago today, I married my best friend.

Roman: Virgil's still mad about it but Remy and I were drunk and we thought it was funny.

~~~

Deceit: YOU CHEATING BASTARD! YOU'RE NOT THE MAN I MARRIED!

Remy: THEN I'M LEAVING AND I'M TAKING THE KIDS!

Patton, slowing pushing away the monopoly board: How about we stop playing...

~~~

Human AU:

Deceit: I know I told everyone that I got my burn scar from surviving my house being lit on fire but in reality, it was from my phone being super hot and dropping on my face.

~~~

Remy, probably: I put the D in Deceit.

~~~

Virgil: I'm not that bad at cooking!

Roman: YOU BURNED SALAD-

~~~

Roman, drunk: This is my puppo pat. This is his puppo fat! It goes pat pat pat!

Virgil, having his arms and legs held down cause Roman conjures a shitton of things while drunk: I will murder you in your sleep.

~~~