Lyric: if I'm being honest, I miss you but I hate you

-if I'm being honest by Anna Clendenin

TW: Insults, Pushing ones self to over work, Kinda Unsympathetic!Roman

Logan's POV

"Roman, I am aware that you have been working hard lately, to make sure Thomas does well in his upcoming audition. However, I must insist you take a break." I inform to Roman in the mindscape. Since it is just the two of us in the main room, I decide to tell him how I view the situation we are in." I- " I feel my cheek burn a little. "-do not want to see you figuratively 'burnt out'."

"Logic," I really wish he would call me Logan. I am not sure why he does not. "My hard work will pay off eventually. So until then, I won't take your advice." I dislike the fact that he never takes my advice either. He is very frustrating.

"Roman," I adjust my glasses by their frame, attempting to remain calm. "I am the logical side so I know what happens when you are 'burnt out' and how you get to that state of mind. I am merely trying to help."

"Yeah well, I don't need your help, nerd." Before I burst out and cause a scene, I sink out of the mindscape and into my room, releasing a sharp breath, and letting my shoulders slouch slightly.

"I hate it when he calls me a nerd." I whisper to myself, feeling slightly hurt inside. No, it cannot be feeling, it is merely a dislike for being called a nerd or even being inferred to be a nerd.

*A week has passed*

Roman has not stopped acting and reversing for this audition. It is the only thing he would say for days on end. However I must admit, seeing him stressed has affected me inside slightly. I have a fear that I may be falling in love with him. I have spoken to Patton about these feelings I have been developing for Roman and he sounded very pleased and happy about the situation. He practically convinced me I was falling however, I have not come to proper terms with it and I worry if I do, it will affect the way Thomas thinks but at this rate, he will be burnt out very soon if Roman does not let him take a break. This may even change the way he performs in the audition which takes place in a week and a half time.

"Hey, Lo. Have you spoken to Roman today?" Virgil greets me with a question, sitting in front of me and the mere sound of Romans name creates the illusion that butterflies are in my stomach.

"No I have not. He may be in his room. Why, would you like to ask him a question?"

"Did you blush?" He smirks.

"Did I? I had not noticed." Did I let myself blush in front of Virgil? I know I am 'in for it now'.

"You like Roman!" He exclaims, loudly and it only makes my heart rate increase.

"Virgil!" I warn. "Keep your voice down!"

"So you admit it." he says, leaning his head on his hand which is placed on the table.

"If you stop pestering me then yes."

"Aw, how cute."

"Keep your voice down."

"Since you like him and you're you, have you noticed the change in his behaviour?"

"Indeed." I sigh. "However, it is down to the stress of his rehearsals. He refuses to take a break. I miss the him before the mention of this audition."

"I'm not the only one then. That's good to know."

"I did not realise someone else such as yourself would have noticed."

"Oh I notice everything. I made you crack about Roman." I look down at my book, ignoring his comment. "Lo, it's cute." He has made that abundantly clear.

"I believe the term is 'Whatever'." I say, holding up one of my vocabulary words that Thomas and Roman suggests I should learn.

"You're getting the hang of it." Virgil states. He then stands and I look up at him. "You should check on Roman. Make sure he's okay. He has a tough layer to crack but if anyone can crack it, it's you." I am not exactly sure what he means by those words but I say nothing back as he walks past me, patting my shoulder briefly before searching for something to eat. Perhaps I will visit Roman. He has not been out of his room since yesterday, I will bring him some snacks.

*About two hours later because he unintentionally procrastinated out of nervousness*

I rack my knuckles against Roman's brightly coloured door and he almost immediately stops singing.

"Hello?" He calls.

"It is Logan. I have brought-"

"What do you want, geek?" I hate it when he calls me anything linking to me being a nerd. My heart grows heavy in my chest.

"I considered you may be hungry so I brought you some food for a snack."

"Actors have no time to have a break in the middle of preparing for a very important audition."

"Roman I-"

"Look, I'm fine, seriously, logic. Now leave me be." I let myself frown, my shoulder sulking.

"I shall leave the food outside your door so be careful."

"Fine."

I sink back into my room, almost breaking down completely on my own.

"What did I do wrong? Why do I feel as if I have lost roman completely? Is it because creativity and logic are not meant to be working together?" I question myself in the darkness of my room, leaning my back against my door.

You're a dork, logic!

What do you want, geek?

Alright alright, smarty pants!

I don't need your help, nerd.

You can be such a dweeb!

Logic, I don't need you.

Before I realise it myself, I have fallen to the floor, cheeks damp with tears streaming from my eyes. Why is logic never enough?

Third person

*Meanwhile*

"Roman, kiddo! You're finally out!" Patton exclaims with happiness when they all, except Logan, gather in the dining room. "Now has anyone seen Logan?"

"Last time I saw him, he was gonna go check on Princey over here. Haven't seen him since." Virgil replies quickly, making sure Patton gets a valid answer.

"I haven't SEEN him since yesterday although today he did come to my door. That was his way of checking in on me, emo?"

"Well yeah. It's Logan for Pete's sake. He's not sure how to comfort people and look out for them. He's logic." Roman paused in thought, feeling guilt flood his chest. Logan had checked on him hours ago and it's not like Logan stayed in his room all day. He prefers being out unless he's reading. But why was Roman feeling guilty for Logan? They are like the opposites. They think differently and they have different jobs. They're not meant to get along. "Princey? Earth to Roman." Virgil clicks his fingers to grab his attention and to bring him back to reality from his daydream. "Did you seriously reject his food?"

"I was rehearsing!" Roman yells, dramatically.

"Logan's probably in his room then." Patton says with his voice full of worry and concern. "Roman, since you were the last to hear from him, you should go check on him! Return the favour if you will!" Patton insists, hoping they resolve this situation. "And you must stop calling him names. He has feelings you know."

"No, he's Logic." He tells the father figure.

"Everyone has feelings. He just may not want to admit it on the outside, kiddo. Now go!"

Roman's POV

I'm about to knock on the dark blue door when I stop myself to hear a sob coming from the other side. My eyes widen in surprise as I press my ear against the door, to hear Logan talking to himself so quietly.

"I really am not needed here, am I? This audition has changed him. I want the old Roman back." I hear him cry.

"If I am being honest, I miss you but I hate you and the words you tell me I am."

He's talking about me isn't he? It's all my fault he's feeling like this... I have to do something.

Logan's POV

My door suddenly breaks open and Roman is the cause for this action. I look up at him from the floor beside my bed and he spots me, walking in front of me while I am stars struck.

"Hey Logan." He called me Logan. He called me by my name. That's never happened before. He kneels down so he is at the same head level as me. "You okay?"

"What are you doing in my room, Roman?" I question him followed quickly by a sniff.

"I heard crying." or did Patton send him? He would never- "I'm sorry I made you feel like this." Did he hear me talking to myself? I have so many questions. "I will try my best not to call you any names but you know it's just teasing and jokes right? I don't mean it. I don't hate you and I haven't changed!"

"You have." I state bluntly. "Since this audition was mentioned. You have been rehearsing too much, you will burn yourself out. I promise and I assure you I was only trying to help you when I brought you food and snacks-" He stops my train of thoughts when he lays his hand on my cheek, clearing away some of my falling tears above my cheeks.

"I understand, I'm stressed, that's all. That's why I've been so grouchy. So I apologise." at his words, I smile.

"Apology accepted." his grin warms my heart, causing mine to skip a beat.

"I'd love to show you my performance so far." He smirks, lightly brushing his hand over mine, making me blush once again, this time it is noticeable.

"And I would be honoured to watch it first."

I have logic behind Logan talking to himself. I don't know where I found this out but apparently Intelligent people talk to themselves when they're alone or maybe with people. I don't know but yeah.

Wow, did not realise it was so long, sorry. I just kept adding and adding...... Oh well.