Tw: suicide, and eating disorder talk.

Sorry in advance for the joke Virgil makes when he takes a picture!
Also Patton's trans, so I'm sorry if I get anything wrong ( ftm)

Virgil's POV
Patton Marsh was my best friend. We grew up together. We Were never separated. We Were never not by each other's side.

Then, one day, that all changed.
For the worse.

I snapped the picture, the flash so bright it made us flinch. We giggled so hard I could barely breath, " p-pat, I flashed us" I laughed out, Patton practically choked on air from how much he was laughing, it was silent laughs meaning it was the best type of laugh. The laughs that make your stomach ache, the laughs were you tense up and tears form from how hard you are laughing. The laughs that I can't hear anymore. His smile was so bright and happy, just by looking at him your day would get eleven times better. He was so bright and so positive, always putting others before himself, always making sure others were happy even at the expense of his happiness, he was so happy.

He rolled out his sleeping bag, it was a soft pink with light blue lining. "Pat are you sure you want to sleep on the floor? You can sleep on my bed." I told him once again. His sweet caramel like voice snuck it's way into my head from the floor, " no it's alright, I may have to get up in the night." I sigh falling back onto my fluffy bed, I didn't bother asking him why he might need to get up in the night, maybe he was on his period. Or he wanted to get a midnight snack, or maybe any other reason. You should have asked why. I push myself up from my intoxicatingly comfortable bed and grab Patton an extra blanket, I toss it at him and ask, "have you taken off your binder?" He groans looking up and smacking his head, "no, sorry I forgot. I'll go do that." He gets up and walks to my bathroom.

I was laying in my bed looking up at my star covered ceiling, Patton was talking to me about this cute person he saw today. He was telling me all about them, they were non-binary, their name was Logan, they were taller then him, how much Patton loved them. All that stuff. It was nice hearing him talking with passion, lately he's been distant. I never questioned him about it because I didn't want him to get upset with me, maybe asking would make it worse NO YOU IDIOT YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED. We continued to wonder about things, joke about things, cry over things, but eventually Patton and I fell asleep.

Slightly waking up, still half asleep half awake I heard small pitter patter of bare feet walking around. I fell back asleep GET UP, YOU SHOULD HAVE GOTTEN UP I didn't have a dream, it was peaceful. It felt like I blinked my eyes and woke up. the sun waking up with me, warmth all around me. I smiled, if Patton was one thing, this would be him. This feeling of utter and complete contentment, warmth and happiness. That is what Patton is. warmth and happiness even though Patton wasn't happy I sit up seeing Patton sleeping peacefully, his glasses slightly askew from accidentally falling asleep in them. I chuckle lightly, 'he's such a dork' I say to myself.

We made pancakes- and by we I mean Patton- they were delicious. So nice and fluffy and warm and perfect. Then Patton's phone goes off, signalling he is getting a call. I wait patiently as he answers the call, squealing happily when the caller ID showed 'Logan Berry💙' I pick at my pancakes not feeling hungry because I wanted to hear what Patton has to say about the call. Soon enough I here a loud squeal and giggling from him, I laugh happily as I here multiple yeses coming from him. He comes back shaking with happiness, " they asked me out! They asked me out! They asked me out!!!" He yelled twirling around and jumping ecstatically.  I gasp, " Logan asked you out?" Patton stopped twirling and looked at me, happiness splayed across his face, "YES!!" He continued to giggle I joined him. This was a great weekend.

~ one month later ~

Patton hugged me as I cried, I was going to ask roman out but I ended up having a panic attack instead. He stroked my hair and rubbed my back in a loving manner. Soon I calmed down and was extremely tired, " sorry pat..." he smiled sadly at me "don't be sorry."

We watched movies till it was time for dinner, Patton ordered for me as I didn't like to talk on the phone especially to strangers. We ordered cheese pizza. As we waited for the pizza to get here we talked about things, it was mainly Patton talking as I was tired so was Patton I flinch from my spot on the couch snuggled up to Patton under numerous blankets when the door bell goes of. Patton gently shoved the blankets of him and answers the door. I wait curled under the blankets, my anxiety getting the best of me. He sets the pizza on the coffee table in front of us, the smell was amazing. Patton had grabbed a pizza cutter and cut up the pizza, handing a plate with three pieces on it to me and one piece for him. Patton was recovering from an eating disorder. Recovering isn't the correct word. I smiled at him, at least he was eating pizza and not a salad or something similar. We spend the night binging movies Patton purged not binged. It was a great night.

~ one week later~
Friday

Roman asked me out! I, of course, said yes! Patton was so happy for me, he actually planned a little party, just the four of us, to his house to hang out or play board games. It was gonna be so much fun!

~ night of party ~
Saturday

We were all talking and goofing around. I started to talk more once my anxiety levels lowered, " Virgil," Roman asked, " do you have a nine?" I chuckled, " go fish" he sighed dramatically, I laughed at his antics.

~Next Saturday~
The day it happens

Patton had another party, he seemed in a happy, giving mood. The smiles he bore that night looked good on him. The party was great, even if it was only the four of us. We played games all of us laughing and having a good time Patton wasn't. The party came to an end, Patton was acting odd though. He seemed... out of it. Like he wasn't their, like he was dreaming. I pulled him aside, " pat. Are you okay?" He looked at me, his eyes seemed glossed over. "I'm doing great Virge!" He said he lied with a huge smile, twirling. I chuckled moving to sit by Roman.

we were all waiting by the door because Patton had told us to wait, we were talking and telling jokes when Patton rounded the corner with three envelopes in his small delicate hands. He walked over to us handing them to us saying, "don't open this till you get home" when he handed Logan theirs he kissed them on the cheek. We all left and headed home, it was a peaceful ride home.

I was still in my drive way when I opened the envelope, a picture fell out. I picked it up and smiled, it was the picture from a few weeks ago at the sleepover. I set it on the passenger seat and looked in and saw that their was a folded piece of paper inside, I carefully took it out. It was small with Pattons soft writing on it. Once I started reading I immediately started to cry.

Hey Virge. I'm sorry I'm doing this, and please don't follow in my footsteps, but I just can't go on anymore. It's all to much.
I wanted to have a party before what I'm gonna do because I wanted you, Logan, and Roman to have one last good memory of me. I'm sorry. Please don't be mad.
Goodbye.

Your best friend, Patton.

I quickly dialled Patton, it rang three times before it went to voice mail. I started to shakily start my car again and rush over to Patton's. On the way roman called me, " Virgil get over to Patton's house now!" I whimpered and told him, " I'm already on my way." My voice broke half way through the sentence. I rubbed off tears from my face as I waited at a red light, I needed to get to Patton's.

Once I pulled into Patton's driveway I flung open my car door, not even closing it and running up to Patton's front door, flinging that open as well. Logan ran past me and started looking everywhere. I ran upstairs with Roman behind me, I quickly checked his bathroom, then I ran to his room. I stumbled into the door frame when I saw Patton hanging from the ceiling, a perfect noose pulled right around his already bruised neck. We were to late.

I screamed running at Patton's lifeless body it was still swaying slightly. I hugged him mumbling " cmon Patton wake up, please stop it isn't funny. Patton wake up, get down!" I cried hugging and whispering to Patton, telling his slightly cool body to wake up.

I flinched as a pair of strong hands started to lightly pull me away from my best friend. I screamed and clung to his cold hard body, but the pair of hands got me away from the now stiff body. Roman wrapped me in a hug, I could tell he was crying as well, I was still screaming and crying. My arms were outstretched reaching towards Patton's body. I wanted to hug him again.

I want to hug you again Patton.

But I'm standing above your grave now, I can't hug you. Your in the ground. Under a beautiful willow tree with lots of strong branches supporting the lovely leaves dangling with a noose. My noose.

The scene was picture perfect.

I set up the same camera we used at the sleep over and set it to ten seconds before it took a picture. I ran quickly to the tree, I pulled the noose around my neck and fell just as the picture snapped. It landed on your grave Patton.

1758 words.
Take care of yourself. You're valid and wonderful. Love yourself.

Stay alive ||-//