Logan: Hey Patton, What's up?
Patton: I'm sitting in a pool of blood.
Logan: Is it.... Your blood?
Patton: Yeah, I think so.
Logan: Do you know where it's coming from!
Patton: Probably the stab wound.
Logan: YOU'VE BEEN STABBED!
Patton: Oh, yeah, definitely.

Remus: I have a science head canon
Logan: Can you just say you have a hypothesis like a normal person
Remus: ...So my science head canon is that magnesium iron silicate hydroxide will react amazingly with...

Roman: "Dude" But like Romantically
Virgil: "Babe" But like Platonically
Patton: "Sweetheart" But it's a Rivalry
Remus: "Bastard" But like Partner
Janus: "Darling" But I can't stand you

Patton/Virgil: I fucking swear, the next time someone calls me cute, small, or fun-sized, who isn't my boyfriend (Logan/Janus), I'm gonna take my fun-sized foot and shove it up their ass!!

Virgil: *Wears grey*
Roman: I see you are breaking out the spring colours

Patton: Hey now kiddos, stop arguing or I'll turn the car around!
Logan: *Stepping on the pedal* STOP TALKING OR I'LL CRASH THIS VEHICLE INTO A FUCKING WALL
Roman and Virgil: *Screaming*

Baby Virgil: *Points to Remus* DADDY!
Remus: *Tearing up and clutching his heart* He called me dad, Dee he thinks im hi dad!
Janus: Aw! Cute!
BB Virgil: MAMMA!
Janus: *Stunned silence, before he tears up too* He thinks I'm his mum.

At a JOb interview
Boss: So I see you haven't put a Gender on your application. What Is your gender?
Remy: Coffee
Boss: Not what is between your legs
Remy: No one sadly
Boss: WhaT'S iN yOUr pAnTs
Remy: umm? My wallet?

Roman: I Ain't never seen two stable best friends, always one of them 'bout to lose....their...shit
Virgil: Wait...You're telling me....one of us actually supposed to be stable!??
Remus: Oh crap

Remus: Why are you crying??
    Do you know where your mommy and daddy are?
Boy: Nooo
Janus: Remus this is an orphanage
Remus: *On the brink of collapsing from laughter* I know

Virgil: Sometimes if you ask someone "How are you doing?" They'll say a-okay
    It sounds like they're giving you the beginning of a weird multiple choice answer
"And how are you? A-Okay, B-Suicidal, C-Horny, D-All of the above."

Logan: This show is so unrealistic, the killer just got rid of the body by throwing it in a pool that had a lot of chlorine, i mean can chlorine even dissolve a body that fst
Patton: Pfft no
Everyone: *Sceptical looks*
Patton: Could you just ask me that again so I can take longer to answer
Virgil: Can Chlorine dissolve a body that fast, Patton?
Paton: ...No
Roman: How do you know?!
Patton: YOu know I don't really want to get in to it
Logan: Cool Cool cool, Umm I'm just going to call someone real quick. It's going to look like I'm just putting in three numbers but it is definitely more.

Janus: Virgil why are you wearing my hat? I said you have to ask permission first.
Virgil: I did ask. You never said I had to get a yes.
Janus: ...*Choked up* I-I have never been so proud..

Virgil: *Hugging Remus as tightly as he can, while crying*
Remus: W-what?? Is it wrong with the child?
Logan: He read a fanfiction where you killed yourself (Most Remus angst fics i've ever read)
Remus:
Virgil: *Snuggles closer to Rem*
Remus: *Softly wraps his arms around Virgil tightly* it is okay small child *pat pat*

Patton: You would not believe your arms
Virgil: If ten million car alarms
Remus: Blared in the night when you try to sleep

Remus and Virgil: the world is ruled by reptile people
Logan: That's ridiculous. There's no such thing as reptile people
Virgil: so what do you you call Janus
Logan:
Logan: I-

Remus: Virgil, listen as your new older brother I must tell you a secret, Janus will give you anything or do anything for you if you tell him that Patton does it. One time he gave me a flamethrower to have in the mind palace cause I told him Patton got me one.

Remus: Iron man, Iron man, Does whatever an iron can, does he rust? Yes he does, he once watched Peter turn to dust 😢😭

Roman: *Shining a torch under the bed* Virgil Are you ready to come out and interact with other people
Virgil: *Hisses*
Roman: Understandable, have a nice day

Remus: What if 'It's raining men' and 'Let the bodies hit the floor' are both the sme events but from different perspectives
Logan: I will Literally beg you to stop
Roman: No let him finish

Logan is the hottest side.
Enjoy the rest of your day/night until next time my queens, kings and Non-binary overlords. ( may your reign be fair and just)