this chapter is kinda long & i should've split it up but it didn't flow right when i tried soooo. enjoy!

• • •

Elijah Baker

I pulled Zi to the side, "I appreciate the opportunity, but I can't do this."

"Nigga it's ya' first day."

"And they hurting my feelings already— Said my drink taste like battery acid. The fuck she know how battery acid taste?"

It was hard to be nice when they kept saying lil slick shit. Drink it or leave, I didn't care.

To add to that, everybody that sat at the bar was greedy as hell, continuously asking me when their food was coming like I was the chef or some.

The acid comment was the last straw.

"It get better when the customers get to know you."

"This why you was always talkin' 'bout you had a spot for me. You got a spot again, too, 'cause I won't be back."

Zi laughed, "Maria took me to yoga with her the other day. Real nice, I'ma bring you next time."

"Go put that lady out and I'll go wherever you want. Ain't no reason she should be doing me like that."

"You know what Ion get? How you can do everything that you do, but a lady saying your drink nasty hurt ya' feelings."

"'Cause Ion deserve it. She don't even know me and talking crazy."

"Channel the nice Eli I know somewhere deep inside of you." He clapped his hands, "Now, leave me alone 'fore they think I'm showing favoritism."

Seeing that he wasn't going to help with my problem, I went back to the bar and sighed when I saw the woman still hadn't gotten her food.

How long did it take to make a cheeseburger?

And why did he put me at this spot? I could've gone to the other one where the people always smile at me. Instead, he sent me to the trenches where ya' food come before the appetizers.

Finding a job wasn't a necessity, I just needed to pass the time. I was starting to realize I didn't have a life outside of doing shit for people, and that was probably a big reason why I stayed doing it.

Almost 30 and don't know what I like doing.

My chickens, yeah. But besides that, there wasn't much that I enjoyed putting my time into. Boring– if it wasn't for Zi taking me places I probably wouldn't do shit. Maybe I was his son.

Trying to smile at the lady, "I talked to the cook." I lied, "He said a few more minutes."

"It better be the best cheeseburger I've ever tasted." She grumbled.

"Can I get you another drink?"

"You can get me my food."

It took a lot for me not to tell her where the kitchen was so she could go make it herself. I chose to instead go in the kitchen, for real that time, looking at the cook girl standing by the grill, "Um.. Where the hamburger patties at?"

One of the cooks pointed, "Over there. You hungry? We not 'posed to eat onna clock so just hide in the corner where no cameras at."

"Nah– It's a lady out there who ordered one but it ain't come out yet so I was just tryna' see if y'all had to go find a cow or some."

She glanced up at a screen, swiping through it, "I don't see the order. Did you put it in?"

I stared at her for a second, glancing at her name tag, "I got a cousin named Bria."

"You ain't put it in, huh?" She laughed while grabbing a bun, "Coming back here being mean and ain't even doing your job right."

"I'm stressed."

"Me too!" Bria exclaimed before looking around and lowering her voice to a whisper, "I've only been here a week. I think I'm 'bout to quit– The money not worth it."

"And the owner be being rude."

"But he kinda cute. I like the dreads."

A laugh came out, "Ion think he wipe his ass though. When we did the interview he smelled like shit."

"Really?" She frowned, "He smelled good during mine."

"Must've been a good day." I took the plate from her hands, "Thanks."

The lady let out a loud sigh when I set the plate down in front of her, "Sorry for the wait. Your order's on us today."

Which it was. There wasn't a point in putting the order in now. 

Her entire demeanor changed, "Thank you. I come here all the time."

"Wow. How great is that?"

She began telling me about her grandkids like she just wasn't mugging me up until I told her that her food was free. I listened, not having a choice, and actually learned something from her:

That I needed to get my life together before I ended up being an old man inna restaurant drinking acid and telling strangers about my chickens.

• • •

The hours continued to pass slowly until I was off, wiping down the counter and taking the glasses that hadn't been collected to the back.

As I sat them by the sink, I saw Bria coming out of the freezer with a ziplock bag full of wings, "What? It's a chicken shortage." She explained when I started laughing, "Walmart and Krogers out."

"I heard about that. I stopped eating chicken though, so it don't really bother me."

Bria turned her nose up, trying to stuff the bag in her purse, "My ex went vegan when we were together. I used to fuck those wings up in my car on the way home."

"Most people gotta sneak cigarettes or some."

"Do I look like a smoker?"

I gestured to the wings she still hadn't gotten to fit, "You stealing chicken. Ain't that what they do?"

"We got a good samaritan over here, folks! You want me to leave $10 so you can sleep better tonight?"

I laughed again, "$20 if you don't want me to dream about you frying them innocent lil animals."

"You can have nightmares for all I care. I'm poor. These 'lil innocent animals' gone last me all week."

Taking the bag from her hands, I motioned for her to walk in front of me, "Even though it go against my beliefs, I'ma help you out. Since you poor and shit."

"I don't know if I'm supposed to say thanks or curse you out."

Bria didn't do either, walking to the clock and swiping her ID. Mine followed, and we made our way to the door, her going out the front and me the back. I could've gone out of the front with her, but I at least needed to pretend like I was scared of being seen by cameras.

I'd just repeat her line about the chicken shortage if Zi asked me about it.

And fuck him for not making that lady leave.

We met beside her car, "You took so long I thought you was tryna' steal my damn food. Thanks... What's your name?"

"Robinhood."

Bria rolled her eyes, "Okay, smart ass. Have a good night."

I was feeling good about the interaction, thinking that maybe I did know how to make friends that weren't acquainted with people I already knew.

That went to hell when I waved at a man on the sidewalk and he just stared at me.

I'd barely pulled out of the parking lot before my phone rang. I hoped it was Kensley, but it was Jai. I didn't decline it but also didn't answer it, knowing if it was something serious she'd either text or call again.

It was never anything serious though, she just liked to talk. Me, not having anything better to do, I talked to her. Jai put me in the mind of Kensley, except for the obvious fact that she wasn't.

So, yeah, it was cool, it just made me want to talk to Kensley— who was taking the whole 'friends' thing more seriously than I expected her to.

That wasn't to say I minded, it just seemed redundant that we were getting to know each other when we already did.

She said some about us moving too fast, I disagreed in my head but agreed aloud, so that I wouldn't make her feel like I was brushing her off.

I knew what I wanted, who I wanted, it was simple for me. In all fairness, though, she wasn't hiding parts of herself from me as I was doing her.

Take out all the extra shit I used to do, and I was normal. A normal boring-ass person.

I just had to convince her of that.

I was hesitant to try Zi's method of apologizing– trying to decide if it would work. Then I thought to myself, who'd turn down a free trip?

Apparently, Kensley.

She didn't think we should take one right now since we'd probably end up having sex and going back to square one. I don't remember square one being that bad until she reminded me that it was within that square that I was still lying about being married.

It wasn't this hard in the beginning, yet she was making it extremely hard this time around.

Once I made it home, I took a quick shower and changed before turning around and going back out of the door.

Already at the restaurant, Lauren and Lani sat near the back, watching something on Lani's phone. They looked up when I pulled my chair out, Lani sighing in relief, "Finally. Mama said it's rude to eat before the guest gets here."

"Y'all could've ordered." I shifted around, "And since when am I the guest?"

She shrugged, "You never come over anymore, or pick me up after school."

The role Lani played in what happened months ago was never discussed, and I didn't know how to approach it with a child, so I left it alone. Lauren and I weren't as close anymore either, meaning the times I saw Lani when she was with her mama had gone down.

"You want me to pick you up tomorrow?"

"Sure. Grandma was gonna do it, though, so I'll have to tell her never mind. We can go to the movies or something– Mom usually gets back at night."

I wouldn't have thought twice about that statement, but Lauren glanced down at Lani and shook her head slightly as if to tell her to stop talking. I still called my mama, I already knew Christian went to go see Marc his allotted 3 times a week.

She never mentioned Lauren going with him, nor did I think that was a question I needed to ask.

Who would be that stupid?

Lani and I kept the conversation going while Lauren sat there and picked at the food on her plate. She wouldn't look at me, confirming what I was thinking, and a couple of months ago, I probably would've had something to say about it.

Now? I didn't give a damn. I'd done my part– listened to her sob story over and over and though sending him there wasn't directly for her, helped her get an out. If she didn't wanna take it.... Again..... Fuck it.

"I already know what I wanna see. It's this movie about a girl with a dog who has powers. On the previews, she was taking him to school with her and stuff."

"You ever heard that song about Mary? And her lil lamb?"

Lani nodded, "I don't think it's the same, though... You can bring your girlfriend if you want. The one I met?"

I smiled, not wanting to tell that her Kensley probably wouldn't get within a mile of her on purpose, "I'll see. She'll probably be busy."

"Don't you have to work, Eli?" Lauren questioned.

"Oh... I think today was my last day."

"Wasn't it your first day?"

"I'll try anything one time." I shrugged, "Them people in there 'bout rude as hell. And you can't say nun back–I'm good on that." Directing my attention back to Lani, "We can ask grandma to come? She like movies too."

"Yeah, but she always fall asleep, then says she was just resting her eyes when I wake her up."

The waitress put the bill down in front of us, assuming that we were together. I opened the folder and quickly closed it back, sliding it towards Lani, "You got it."

"I left my wallet in the car." She pushed it back towards me.

"Make sure you don't leave it inna car tomorrow or we gone be embarrassed when we can't pay for nun."

After I signed the receipt, we went outside where Lauren made sure Lani was inside the car before beginning her explanation, "I'm just going to keep the peace. He'll think it's weird if I don't come visit."

"What's he gonna do to you in prison?"

"He knows people– You know that."

I nodded, "Cool."

"That's it?" Surprise laced her tone, "I was expecting you to give me a 'talking to'."

"You grown, Lau. Do what you want."

"Lani and I were looking at houses in Philly. My mom was happy to hear that I'm coming back."

She was lying, but it wasn't on me to call her on that anymore. I simply nodded again, "Y'all get home safe."

I went home again, already knowing who'd be there. She sat on the couch under a blanket, not acknowledging me when I came into the living room.

Extending the styrofoam container towards her, "You ate?"

"A peanut butter sandwich. Why don't you have any food in here?"

"I mean, I wasn't expecting nobody to come over. I never had a friend who just show up at my house."

"Zi?"

"He always call and say he coming. Plus, that nigga can make some food appear outta thin air."

Kensley paused the show, and looked at me, pulling her feet back to make a spot for me, "Come watch this with me."

It was nearly 9, not exactly late, but if she had to go to work in the morning, "You off tomorrow or some?"

"I think I'm getting fired. We're having a meeting about budget cuts and you know the assistants are the first ones to go. I wanna distract myself, and my mama and them went on a date so I don't wanna bother them, Maria busy, If I'm around Alex, I'ma think about getting fired." She gestured to me, "You're my only option."

"That's a good feeling—Being the last choice." I unbent her legs so that her feet rested in my lap, "What we watching?"

"Gossip Girl. It's probably my fifth re-watch."

I tried to understand it, but couldn't. It just seemed like a show where everybody was fucking everybody.

My focus wasn't on anything– I sat there and stared at the show but wasn't watching it, thoughtlessly pressing my thumbs into the arch of her foot.

"Tell me something I don't know about you."

The movements faltered momentarily, "You know everything about me."

"I mean like... something you wouldn't tell a stranger on the street. Not the favorite color stuff."

I wouldn't tell a stranger on the street shit about me, but I got her point, "Uhhh. When I was like 7? Me and Marc stole a dog from the lady 'round the corner. Christian said he'd buy us one for Christmas, but he didn't, so we stole it." I laughed at the memory, "She used to leave him outside– we just unhooked him and took 'em home. We hid him in the attic."

"That's cute!" Kensley joined into the laughter, "Why'd I never hear this before?"

"'Cause." I refocused on the brown-haired girl yelling at the friend for having sex with her boyfriend, "It died."

"Awwww. Y'all were probably feeding that dog sandwiches and cereal. He never stood a chance."

Her assumption was funny, "That's not why– we had asked my mama to buy him some food, and she did. She liked him."

"What was his name?"

"Santa." I smiled when she laughed again, "I know. Like I said though, we was kids, 'posed to get him for Christmas. It made sense."

I was fine with discontinuing the story right there, but since I'd ruled out starvation as the reason he died, Kensley wanted to know what happened to him.

"We used to take him outside and shit, so he could play? Christian caught us bringing him back inna house."

"So he...."

"Set him on fire."

"What the fuck? Who does shit like that?"

I shrugged, "It worked. We never asked for another dog, never tried to sneak another one in there."

It was quiet for a few weeks in our house after that. I was scared for a long time that I'd be the one burned alive, the screaming from Santa replaced with my voice.

Eventually, we got over it. Christian apologized with new bikes the next day, we moved to a different house– the memory was buried.

"It's a hundred other ways he could've gone about it."

"True, but that's not who he is. Always dramatic and tryna' prove a point inna way you won't forget." I shook my head, "I really look at it as a lesson."

Kensley was quiet for a second, "I'm not tryna' argue or keep revisiting the situation, but what's the difference in what you did? Just because it's not children, you're still doing dramatic stuff to other people to prove a point."

There wasn't a difference.

Seeing that on my face, she continued, "Sure, she didn't have to watch it, but knowing that you did it and not being able to prove it is probably just as traumatizing for her."

That was the point. And just like when Christian did it, it worked. It wasn't necessarily a learned behavior, rather a learned concept, that people respond better to action than words.

"I'ma be honest.... Ion' really know how to fix that."

"You can't. I just want you to understand, moving forward, that the damage you cause is the same regardless of if you have any ties to the person.... And I can't help but wonder what happens if I were to do something that you thought warranted a 'dramatic' reaction."

"When have I ever even acted like I wanted to do some to you? The shit don't even cross my mind."

"Yet."

She said she wasn't tryna' argue, but that's where this was going, "When you said you was done, I left you alone didn't it? Ian pop up at your house or do no extra shit, so Ion get why we even talking about this."

"Because it needs to be talked about. You 'love me' now, but what about when you don't?"

"What's the point in using air quotes?" I mimicked her hand motion, "And I loved Leah at one point too– She still here."

"Great comparison."

I took a deep breath, reminding myself that she had the right to be wary, "Kensley, I don't think about hurting you. I think the opposite– Like I told you before, I wanna make it work, but if you don't... That's... Cool too."

"I gotta consider my safety. That's fair, right?"

"Yeah."

The show was still playing, I kept looking at it, Kensley continued to watch me, "Tell me something else. A happy story this time."

It took some time for me to think of one, "Youn' have siblings, but you know how ya' mama make you take your lil brother everywhere you go?" I waited for her to nod before continuing, "Marc wanted to spend the night at this lil dude house, and him and his brother wasn't really bullying me, but some like it. Either way, he ended up beating his ass, and we walked home."

"My mama and them woke up when we came in, and I thought we was gone get in trouble 'cause it was hella late, but they weren't mad or nun. We ended up sleeping inna living room– like a sleepover. Then the next morning, Christian went to Walmart and bought the green Hulk gloves. Marc taught me how to fight."

Kensley's eyes were half-closed, talking through a yawn, "Sounds like y'all used to be close."

"Yeah, before allat other shit."

"Do you think y'all could ever be like that again?"

I shook my head, "No... You staying over here?"

She was looking at the clock, pulling the blanket up to her chin, "Yeah. Another story."

"I'll tell you some tomorrow." I realized my couch was small as shit, when I tried to get comfortable behind her, "Go to sleep."

Kensley fell asleep quickly, but I couldn't go, just lying there with my eyes closed.

• • •

Kensley Parker

"Per the email we sent out yesterday, our firm is making budget cuts." The man looked around the room at employees, "This meeting is to discuss with you all the changes that are being made."

Anxiety lingered in the pit of my stomach, noticing that some familiar faces were missing. The meeting was mandatory, so it wasn't because they were off– they'd likely gotten fired.

"Everyone doesn't need a personal assistant. With this in mind, you guys will now be sharing one."

I looked at Alex who subtly shrugged his shoulder, then wrote on a paper and slid it to me, I told him that if they fired you, I was gone too. I'm happy they believed me cause i was lying.

Coughing to cover my laugh, I responded, I gotta get a fruit basket  ♥

I'm expensive. Get me some dragon fruit.

you gonna accept these strawberries and be happy

"So, Parker, you'll now be working with Parsons and Green." He continued to list associates who'd share assistants as I made eye contact with Green.

Nice guy. A little quiet, but still nice.

He approached me once the meeting was concluded, "Hey, Parker. I don't think I'll be needing you that much, but maybe from time to time I can ask you to make copies for me and things like that?"

"Sure, just let me know. I'll be happy to help however I can."

Green nodded and looked past me to Alex who'd stopped by us, "I won't need her that much. I know you guys are usually busy."

We weren't usually busy. We sat there and talked about nothing majority of the day unless a client came in, but if you hold an inventory sheet in your hand and look at it from time to time, people think you're discussing cases.

"It's fine." Alex assured him, "Ken made me lazy anyway, it won't hurt to do my own work."

We trailed him out of the room and into Alex's office. After I grabbed an apple from his refrigerator, I handed it to him, "Here's your fruit basket. Thanks for saving my job."

He looked down at the apple, "I don't know why anything you do surprises me anymore."

My phone vibrated, and I got excited when I saw the messenger notification, responding quickly and looking to see how much time I had until lunch.

"Do we have anything to do today?"

"Nope." He leaned back in his chair, checking his emails, "You're the assistant, Ken. You're supposed to tell me when we have clients."

"Then... do you care if I don't come back after lunch?"

Alex took his eyes off of the computer to glance briefly at me, "Not really. You okay?"

"I'm feeling kinda off." I rubbed my stomach, "I think it's a stomach virus."

He snorted, "I hear they last 3 days. You need all three?"

"Just today."

"See you Monday." He played with the cap to his pen, "Fuck a basket– I want an edible arrangement for this."

It was Wednesday, meaning he was covering for me if I wanted him to, "Thanks, Alex. I appreciate you a lot."

"Can I ask what you're doing? Feel free to tell me no."

I quickly explained to him the concept, ignoring his smart comments until I was done, "Men be so ungrateful, I swear."

"It's a nice gesture, though. Nia gave me some cologne, we had sex, I was over it. Good for y'all for going a different route."

"Sex just makes everything not as important. I didn't need my judgment clouded."

"Don't let her hear you say that. I already been having to wash my own clothes after she watched some women empowerment shit on Netflix. I give it a week before she tired of taking out the trash."

Leaving him to come up with ways to regain his role of doing only the 'manly' things in his marriage, I went to my car, using the Maps app to find the store I was looking for.

Elijah told me he was taking the devil girl to the movies, so it gave me the whole afternoon to make my idea happen.

• • •

The roles were reversed– this time, Elijah's eyes were covered.

By a shirt I had in my backseat because I forgot to buy a blindfold, but still covered.

I walked him up the steps, digging in my pocket for the key to the front door, hearing him sniff to see where we were, "We can talk about whatever it is I did that gotchu' making me wear stank shirts 'cross my eyes."

"I'm not even mad 'cause it probably does stink. I wore it to the gym."

"A lil must give clothes personality– I like that."

Laughing, I let go of his hand and took off the heavy book bag, and started pulling items out, "I'll tell you when to take it off."

I instructed him to start a countdown, walking away. When he got to zero, I reappeared from around the corner of the cabin, waiting for him to look at me, "Hi."

He didn't respond, watching me questioningly.

"I'm Ken."

Realization crossed his face, and he smiled, "Eli."

"Nice to meet you. Spend the night with me."

"You moving kinda fast ain't it?"

"I spent hours putting this together. Either you gonna stay, or a bear'll be sleeping in here with me. One or the other."

Elijah sat on the couch and stared up at me, "Tell me about yourself."

We spent the majority of the evening trading stories back and forth, retelling details we already knew about each other, pretending as if it were our first time hearing them.

The purpose was a clean slate, an opportunity to start over without interference and drama. If it didn't work, oh well.

Maybe I was crazy for searching for the light at the end of the tunnel. Or, maybe the light was meant to be found. More than likely, I was trying to find the justification Elijah mentioned. In any case, I'd already decided what I wanted to do.

• • •

The next morning, I rolled over to find Elijah still sleeping.

I sat up from the floor, reaching for my toes to try to crack my back. It sounded cute to sleep down there in my head, but that's clearly meant for my younger days.

He stayed asleep while I took a shower and brushed my teeth, went for a brief walk– turning around when I saw the sign about bears because I wasn't Mystikal– sat on the porch until I felt like an old lady by how much I was enjoying it.

I ended up back inside, pulling my notebook from my bag and staring aimlessly at the blank page. By the time Elijah got up, I managed to fill half of it.

"I ain't got no sleep like that inna minute." He stated as he stretched.

"My back hurts. Never again."

"Want me to crack it?"

Instead of a verbal response, I stood up. His arms wrapped around my midsection, lifting me into the air until we heard an audible pop, "I feel like a brand new bitch."

"Glad to help." He laughed, "I'll be back."

Water began running in the bathroom, my notebook recaptured my focus. The words flowed effortlessly, a lighter theme than it was used to.

"What you writing about?"

I jumped at the sound of Elijah's voice, "Stop that sneaking shit."

"I'm not sneaking.." He repeated the question, "What you writing about?"

No one had ever read my journals, yet I felt they would explain things I would probably never say aloud. I held it towards him, "Read it."

Elijah took it, and at my insistence, went to read it in the bedroom so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable by watching him.

I passed the time on my phone, jumping from app to app, not really reading the posts, just something to make me think of anything other than what he was doing. He took a while– I made myself some eggs and continued scrolling.

A cup of coffee was in my hand when I went to check on his progress, What's taking you so-" I stopped when I saw Elijah's face, going to sit beside him, "I didn't expect you to cry about it."

"It's... I wanna give you a normal relationship like you want, where I can come home and tell you what I've been doing. You've always shown me how you feel, but that was different." His hands cradled my face, "I don't deserve it, but I want to.... Because I truly believe I'm meant to be yours. Regardless of what happens in our lives, I pray that I'll always be yours."

I didn't have the words. Luckily for me, I'd already written them, "I love you."

His response was to kiss me, not objecting when my hand went for the top of his pants, sliding my hands inside of them.

He was semi-hard, growing more erect with each pass of my hand. It didn't take long until he was between my legs, slipping inside of me.

When our pelvis' met, Elijah rested his forehead, whispering, "My baby."

He never lifted his head, leisurely moving his hips back and forth. I felt consumed by him, suffocated by his gaze— the intensity in his eyes.

"Hold ya' legs."

My hold replaced Elijah's, and he placed one of his now free hands around my neck, using the other to rub circles on my clit.

He wasn't going fast enough, pushing and pulling like we had all the time in the world.

His eyes were on where we were joined, "So wet every fuckin' time."

"Harder." The words came out in a whimper, causing Elijah to ask me to repeat myself, "Fuck me harder."

Instead, he went slower, hitting every angle, every spot, every wall— the strokes purposeful. My head fell back onto the bed, feeling it coming, trying to focus so that it'd come faster.

Elijah put more pressure on my neck, "You almost there. Let go of it."

"I need you-"

"I know your body better than you. I know what you need."

He had to be right as before he could finish speaking, it hit, my grip on my legs falling.

Elijah moved to his knees, lifting me so that I was in his lap, "Keep cumming— look at me." I couldn't focus on his eyes, "I love this pussy, Kensley."

Every limb was wrapped around him, sweat began to form on our bodies, skin to skin, the sound of him telling me how much he loved me, I wanted to stay there forever.

Just to touch him, feel the broadness of his shoulders, the indentation of the muscles in his arms, committing every detail of him to memory, so that I'd know him as he knew me, "Please don't stop."

"The way you nut for me, how you look when I'm fucking you like this." Elijah pressed his lips to mine— inhaling the moans still leaving my throat, "How could I?"

Then he gave me what I wanted, turning me onto my side and gathering my wrists above my head, finally finding the pace that I'd asked for.

"Fuckkk." I tried to adjust, offset the fullness, and a low groan left him, pinning me in the position

"Take all this dick, baby. It's yours."

It seemed endless. It ended too soon.

• • •

there's a peek into elijah's childhood. not much bc it's rlly not important to where the story is going lol, but just a lil bit to show why he thinks like he does.

lauren going to the prison? lolllll i think she's deranged. i'll allow it tho bc THAT, that's important to the story 😉

thanks for reading 💕