Chapter 26: The Past

When everything I thought was about to fall into place—Tres, who took Kreios' role as the groom, Juniper, as an obedient bride, unaware of the sudden change in her groom, the Viardellons, who were introduced as the delegates, the successful wedding ceremony, and the farce where I had to dance with countless eyes as witnesses—I had never expected, of all the creatures in this world, that I'd see him again— Livius, my childhood friend, who never looked at me as royalty, and the first one who had seen the real Harper. The friend I thought I had helped to claim his freedom and happiness, but unexpectedly discovered his unfortunate fate.

In this world where life and death have a thin line, where sometimes even the dead leave more visible traces than the living, as a princess who had witnessed every impossibility in this world, here I was, with my heart wrenching, my breathing heavy, and my eyes blurring with tears. Yet the sound of his matured voice, different from the little boy I admired before, still had that warmth I had wished for and longed for years.

Amidst the chaos and my willingness to keep myself awake, all I did remember was the sound of the chaos in Mudelior and Livius' voice ringing in my ears.

***

Years ago...

Even without Livius, I continued visiting the commoner's place. With Lailani's identity, at a young age, I discovered more about the reality of what was happening outside of the palace. It wasn't just about the information written on the papers, the meeting of the vampire court, the opinion and debate of the councils and royalties in terms of law, and how I heard whispers of news about the situation outside—which was more different from the actual situation.

I had been grateful to Lailani for letting me borrow her clothes and identity because, as I grew up sneaking into the palace, I learned more about our kingdom.

Bagaman nakikinig ako sa bawat balita na nakararating sa palasyo, iba pa rin sa tuwing nasasaksihan ng sarili kong mga mata ang sitwasyon sa labas.

"Are you feeling unwell?" tanong ni Casper habang nakapangalumbaba ako sa bintana.

"You're aware of it, right?"

"I've been aware of everything, Harper."

Bumuntonghininga ako at lumingon ako sa kambal ko. "Dastan's standing in this kingdom. I already had the idea that a lot of creatures are doubting him as a young king, but to hear those personally..."

Hindi na muling sinalubong ni Casper ang mga mata ko at tumanaw siya sa labas. Nakagat ko ang pang-ibabang labi ko.

"I stopped myself to attack them when they badmouthed Dastan. Hindi nila alam ang hirap ni Dastan nang sandaling umupo siya. They can't just expect him to properly take the throne. It's a long process."

Halos sabunutan ko ang sarili ko habang paulit-ulit kong naririnig ang usapan ng nag-iinumang bampira at kung paano nila paulanan ng insulto ang kapatid ko.

I had always admired Dastan, and to hear creatures who questioned his capability... parang sasabog ang puso ko.

"That's the world outside, Harper."

Mapait akong ngumiti at muling pumangalumbaba sa bintana. Agad nahuli ng aking mga mata si Dastan na naglalakad mag-isa sa hardin, may mga tagasunod na nagkalat na abala sa pagdidilig o 'di kaya'y pagputol ng mga ligaw na halaman.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko at isinigaw ko ang pangalan niya.

"Dastan!"

When he looked over his shoulder and saw us, I waved happily at him. "Can I join you?!"

I saw a small glimpse of his smile. He did not wave back or accept my invitation which I had expected. I grinned and he continued walking with his hands clasped behind his back.

Nakapangalumbaba na rin si Casper nang lumingon sa akin at nanliliit na ang mga mata. "What was that? Were you trying to annoy him?"

I arched one of my brows. "I don't think that would annoy him."

Simula nang naupo si Dastan sa trono, isa ang paraan ng pagtawag namin sa kanya ang nagbago. The councils and the whole vampire court advised us that we should properly address the king. I knew how uncomfortable he was when we started to call him like that, but sometimes we purposely addressed him just like before.

Minsan ay narinig ko silang nag-uusap ni Lily nang nasa silid aklatan sila. Magpapakita na sana ako sa kanila na may dalang aklat, mula sa pagitan ng napakaraming librong nakapatas nang matigilan ako at hinayaan ko na lang ang sarili kong makinig at sumilip sa pagitan ng mga libro.

I knew how everyone, even Dastan and Zen, the most reserved and aloof brothers, could be open and vulnerable when they were with Lily. And that's how I admired Lily so much, that despite the thick mask my brothers wore in front of the kingdom, it was her who had the sole ability to unmask them, unlike when my brothers were with me. My brothers wanted me to view them as my strong brothers, without any weakness, who could protect and do everything for me.

"Kamahalan, nabasa mo na ba ang kasulatang ito? Hindi ba't katatapos lang natin kumuha ng daang sako ng halamang ugat na ito sa Deltora?"

Lumapit na si Lily at nagtungo sa gilid ni Dastan. Inilagay niya ang mga papel sa lamesa ni Dastan. Kinuha iyon ni kamahalan at sinimulan niyang basahin.

"Kamahalan, nais mo ba akong magtungo sa gusali kung saan ibinabagsak ang mga—" hindi na naituloy ni Lily ang sasabihin niya dahil nagsalita na si Dastan.

Bagaman naroon ang mga mata ni Dastan sa papel, at wala na sa usapan nila tungkol sa halamang ugat ang sinasabi niya, kalmado pa rin ang boses niya. Ngunit sa bawat bitaw niya ng mga salitang iyon ay ramdam ko ang unti-unting pagbigat ng paghinga ko.

"Sometimes when you and everyone call me like that, I can't help but feel alone, now I am a king who needs to learn how to stand alone—" but Lily cut him off.

If it were Casper, madali lang iyon masasabi sa akin ng kambal ko. He'd just simply tell me his thoughts. "Don't call me like that, Harper. Call me by my name when we are alone because it makes me happy."

Ngunit iba si Dastan... we were all aware how it was hard for him to communicate with his feelings.

"Dastan, you will never be alone. You'll be our king, but you will always be my brother."

I saw how Lily bent a little and cupped Dastan's face as she leaned her forehead against his. Dastan's eyes widened, but in the end, they softened. Lily straightened herself and hugged Dastan. The king didn't move, but he allowed himself to get lost in his sister's hug.

"I will tell them to call you by your name if there are no witnesses because it makes you sad when we're still formal, even if we're alone."

King Dastan stiffened. He gently pushed Lily away and continued with his work. "Yes, visit this place next week."

Lily giggled.

I stopped myself from joining them and I sat on the floor, hugging a book to my chest, now with my mixed emotions.

Sometimes I got jealous because all of my brothers, except Casper, could be this vulnerable in front of Lily. But when it came to me, they had to be the bigger brothers.

***

Sa tuwing nanaginip ako, iilan lang ang madalas na tema na siyang nakikita ko. Ang mga alaala noong bata pa ako at ang ilan sa pangyayaring kasama ang mga kapatid ko. Minsa'y masasaya at minsa'y may halo ring lungkot.

Now that I was here in an empire, away from the protection and expectations of my siblings and Sartorias, would everything be alright? Was I prepared to face all the consequences of my decisions or was it just my sheer desire to prove that I was more than the innocent and pure princess of Sartorias?

At first, everything was blurry, but I knew we were outside, not just because of the harsh wind on my skin, but also the earthy scent after the rain. I could hear the thudding of leather boots against the wet grass and even the sound of crickets.

I blinked, and slowly everything materialized in front of my eyes. My body was hanging as a man carried me with his right arm at his side. I looked at his face, confirming what I thought was part of a dream. The filtering light of the bright moon and the shadows of the gigantic trees dancing on his cheeks made me think I might be dreaming—or hallucinating.

"L-Livius...?"

He slowly looked down at me, and there, the familiar gentle smile on his face made my heart skip for a moment. "You're awake."

"Y-You're alive..."

He blinked innocently, still running. "Did I die?"

"B-But Kreios..."

"Fuck! Stop running! Put her down! Whoever you are!" sigaw ni Kreios. Doon lang ako napalingon at nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang nakasunod na sa amin si Kreios.

He was still wearing the overly exposed delegate suit that he wore during the wedding ceremony. I hesitantly looked at Livius before I remembered his last few words before I lost consciousness.

"Y-you got it wrong, Livius. This was all planned. You've seen it! It was not Kreios! That was a Viardellon!" I shouted.

I was about to hit him and free myself when he stopped running and turned. He even guided me to stand properly so we could face Kreios again. Kreios stopped running as well, but his attention was not on me but on the man beside me.

"Who are you?" Kreios asked.

Livius crossed his arms, arched one brow, and grinned. "Not only did you betray me, but now you've also forgotten me. I heard from the princess that you told her I'm dead. Did you tell her the whole story?"

Halinhinan ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa.

"B-Betrayed? What's going on?" sumali na ako sa kanilang dalawa.

"Harper, come here."

Inilahad ni Kreios ang isa niyang kamay sa akin at tinitigan ko lang iyon. "Tell me what's going on, Kreios..." sinalubong ko ang mga mata nilang dalawa. "Wala akong nalalaman."

"Just come here! You don't even know him, Harper."

Dumiin ang titig ko sa kanya. "Livius is a childhood friend. I told you—" Kreios cut me off.

"Harper Esmeralda Gazellian! We are about to make our own journey. Let's leave him here. That is not the same Livius."

"I am the same Livius. Princess Harper's childhood friend and the friend who used to travel with you and Desmond."

Ang kamay ni Kreios na nakalahad sa akin ay unti-unti niyang ibinaba at sa pagkakataong iyon ay hindi ko na mabasa ang ekspresyon ng kanyang mga mata.

He looked torn, conflicted, confused, scared, and even in pain— the look I never thought I'd witnessed from a friend who just saw his dearest friend.

"H-How?" nangangatal na tanong ni Kreios.

"Of course, you saw me die. You saw me die when Desmond chose your life over mine. Should I even ask you why, Kreios? I'm the commoner among us. Buhay ko ang siyang walang saysay sa ating tatlo."

Muling naghalinhinan ang tingin ko sa kanilang dalawa. "W-What is this all about?"

Sinalubong ni Livius ang mga mata ko at ngumiti siya sa akin.

"I am forever grateful to you, Princess Harper, for giving me freedom, for giving me the opportunity to choose my fate. I know I promised you that I would spend the rest of my life worthy of that chance, but as someone with no status in this world, in their eyes... I am always meant to be a sacrifice, a tool. There is no such thing as freedom for us commoners because this world has always been meant for the royalties..." He met Kreios's gaze.

"W-What...?" napalingon ako kay Kreios.

Kaya ba nang magtanong ako sa kanya tungkol kay Livius noon ay hindi na niya ito nais pahabain pa?

Napahakbang na si Kreios habang nakakuyom na ang kanyang kamao. "Desmond and I never thought of you as a sacrifice, Livius! You are a brother to us! Desmond suffered and even cursed his own ability after your..." napailing na si Kreios at hindi na niya itinuloy ang anumang sasabihin niya.

Nakatitig lang ngayon si Livius habang nakapamulsa.

"What really happened between the three of you?" tanong ko.

"If you've been alive... why now? Why did you hide?" nalilitong tanong ni Kreios.

"Simply because I chose you as my opponent."

"What?"

"I am one of Atlas's minions."