The Goddess's Chosen

By JessicaPowell481

This story hooked me from the first page and I found it very difficult to stop. You are a fantastic storyteller. Every single chapter subverted my expectations. Your main character is gripping and I loved everything about her. Plot and character are definitely your strengths and it makes your work a pleasure to read. Really, this was such a treat and I wish I'd come across it sooner.

Your conflict design and your character's "trouble" is what really sold the story to me. Ivy has been isolated by her loving and overprotective parents because she has the ability to do magic. Not only does she have the ability to practice magic, but she also contains a mysterious power that separates her from the other supernatural beings in this story...a power kept secret from her by her mother. Her parents have kept her completely isolated on a mountain her entire life in order to keep her safe from the outside world. This conflict design is great because Ivy truly loves her parents and they care deeply for her, but she struggles with the moral and psychological conflict of wanting to leave and get out on her own. This is communicated clearly to the reader: "I turned eighteen today and apparently that would give me certain freedoms in this country. But my mother would never let me leave. I just wanted to meet people my age and hang out as normal people do. I hate being cooped up on this mountain." this is the "trouble" that starts the entire story. Ivy finally "stands up" to her parents and leaves the safehold they built for her. She gives in to her desire to leave. And because she gives into this temptation, she suffers the consequences...and this kicks off the rest of the story. Your story is successful because your main character's actions and motivations directly influence the plot. What's better is that Ivy's actions result in terrible consequences that put her on a path of personal growth. You've mastered some of the hardest parts of storytelling here and I really commend you for it. I definitely learned a lot from your plot and character work and will be returning to my own story now with a new perspective.

Xavier's story is equally well done. Good antagonists are characters who, when their story is told from their point of view, are protagonists. That's exactly the case here with Xavier. The reader is sympathetic to him. We are rooting for him. We want to know why he is traveling alone with his father, why they must hunt the way they do, and we want them to be safe. To succeed. But when we find out that they are enemies of Ivy's family, this puts the reader in a conflict of their own. Who should we root for? Which side is the right one? There's so much juicy conflict in this story right from the beginning and it's a big part of the reason why this story is so difficult to put down.

You've done a really fantastic job with this story, especially the opening–which is the hardest part. I especially loved the parallelism you used in the first chapter where it begins and ends with Ivy standing before the magical barrier. There's so much great symbolism at that moment that reflects her character and the beginning of her arc. Your artwork is amazing too. Thank you for sharing this story with me, I really enjoyed it.

See you, space cowboy