j a i m e e

+

I unlocked the door and opened it. Shayden towered over me, holding out a bag of takeout in greeting.

I backed away from the door, making room for him. He slipped past me, placing the bag down on the counter. His eyes took me in silently. Despite the warm weather, I was still in a navy blue sweatshirt and joggers. But, even after all this time, his gaze still sent a wave of heat through me.

"You still like Chinese?"

I nodded, "Obviously."

"Just checkin'." He shrugs, registering my apartment. He's not looking at me as he speaks, but I know exactly what he's implying. "You were never much of a sweatshirt person."

"I grew up." I replied bluntly, "I'd much rather wear a hoodie or sweatshirt than have to walk around in heels all day, trying my hardest to suck my stomach in with a tight dress."

That brings his stare back to me, eyebrows furrowed. "You were never an insecure person, Jai."

I shrug his comment off, opening the bag and pulling the food out as I begin to take two plates out of the bottom cupboards. "Go sit down, I'll bring it over in a minute."

Surprise flickers in his eyes, which makes sense when I see the amount he's actually bought.

Once I've rationed the food, we settle on the sofa.

It was a quiet moment between the two of us as we ate our food. I was growing sleepier by the second, but being with Shayden felt so much more inviting than my bed. Even in the darkened lighting, he looked gorgeous- when did he not?- just sat on my couch. I didn't want him to leave.

I didn't even notice when he finished his food until he takes his plate into the kitchen, rinsing it before putting it in the dishwasher. I still ate my own as I stared up at Shayden, acknowledging his black eyes and unkempt hair and annoyingly handsome face. I couldn't keep the next few words from spilling out of my mouth, "Can I stay at yours tonight?"

If I was shocked by my question, then Shayden was completely confused. His eyes widened and I heard him suck in a sharp breath, as if he couldn't believe that I'd want to do that.

When he didn't respond soon enough, I offered him the smallest of smiles. "It's fine, I don't have too. I-"

Shay instantly cut me off, "No, I'd...I'd like that. Do you want to get a bag of clothes for tomorrow and we'll go once you've finished eating?"

I push my plate towards him, "You can have the rest. I'll go get a bag."

Five minutes later, I've stuffed my duffel with my clothes to sleep in and a change for tomorrow morning. I grab my coffee and sit next to him, waiting for him to finish eating.

Feeling Shayden's gaze on me, I turn to him as he clicks his tongue. "You covered your neck up."

My breath stills at his words, fingers itching to trace the spot on my neck that I knew was covered in layers of concealer. I could've killed him for even leaving a single mark, never mind six.

"Oops." I send him a teasing smile, attempting pathetically to pretend to not be bothered by his words. But judging by his knowing gaze, I knew I'd failed the moment I attempted to act casual.

"It's fine," He shrugs, taking a sip of his coffee as his smile widened. "They'll just be bigger next time, then we'll see about covering them up."

I choke on my drink, coughing and spluttering until my face is bright red. Shayden doesn't seem bothered though as he bursts out laughing, slapping my back a few times as I tried to regulate my breathing.

"You're a dick."

"A big dick to be precise." He emphasises.

I stare at him incredulously, shaking my head as my jaw literally drops. "I hate you so much."

"Don't lie to yourself, darlin'." Shayden teases, reaching out and skimming his fingers gently over my neck. "You don't want to know what happens to girls who lie, huh."

My thighs clench together and I swear there's nothing more I want to do than smack him. I tug my lip between my teeth.

He just chuckles again, "C'mon, let's get out of here."

+++

We're not even at Shayden's apartment for 10 minutes before Tory greets us with his presence.

Shayden is sat across from us as Tory snuggles next to me.

"Can you tell that Tory's just a little clingy?" Shayden smirks, ignoring how his best friend practically gasped at the accusation.

"Stop talking about me as if I'm not even here." The Cuban practically sulks. The mock-pout returns whenever Shayden looks over at him. "You're actually horrible to me."

"Stop complaining." Shayden rolls his eyes, "You're not the sort of person to get offended easily."

"Jai, tell him to be nice to me. He'll listen to you."

I shrug casually, "It's Shayden. He's a gentle soul really."

"As if," Tory exclaims, "I've seen him knock someone out in one punch. He's far from gentle."

"Mendoza, back me up here." Shay practically whines, sending me his infamous puppy-dog eye look. "He's lying."

"He's right though. You're anything but gentle, I've seen you do worse than knock someone out with one punch." I say because I can't quite stop myself, ignoring the voice in my head screaming at me that I shouldn't remind us both of an event that we couldn't quite control. "Or have you forgotten the last day of 8th Grade?"

The sulking smile fades from Shayden's face. His eyes snap down to the top of my arms where, underneath the sweatshirt and arrays of ink, a myriad of small jagged scars twist along my skin and spread across my entire back. It's not entirely visible now on my arms, thanks to the miracle work of the tattoo artist who did my entire half-sleeve, but we both know it's still there. For a few moments after the tension commenced, I felt open and raw and vulnerable and a little bit too much like the scared girl I'd been when the scar was bleeding fresh.

Despite the fact the reminder came from my own lips, I freeze as the bad memories begin to play on repeat in my mind.

The fists.

The pain.

The glass.

The blood.

Libbie yelling my name, screaming at the top of her lungs.

Shayden and Taylor barreling in, like bullets from a gun, tackling my attackers to the floor. Having my back despite only knowing me on a closer scale for a few months. Protecting me like we were family.

Everything comes rushing back to me, hitting me like a punch to the gut. I haven't thought about that day in years, aside from what came back to me in nightmares, pretty much since the permanent reminder etched into my skin was covered.

Tory seems to notice the shift in mood, arm moving over and resting over my shoulders. Trying to comfort me in the only way he knew how. I fall back into his open arms, my back to his front. It feels weird, like I shouldn't have any trust in him seeing as I've known him for a couple of months. Tory doesn't know the first thing about my painful and horrific past. He knows of my parents, yes. But not about how I spent days in the ER following that day. I never thought anything would come close to the amount of mental and physical pain that it caused, until I was raped.

But I trusted Tory, as weird as it was for me to trust anyone. He was Shayden's best friend and he hasn't given me any reason to doubt his loyalty or his integrity.

"I haven't forgotten." Shayden whispers into the thick tension. His lip is between his teeth, his forehead wrinkled. I hate the worried look on his face, how it was all my fault. "Jaimee, please don't joke about that."

If Libbie were here, she'd probably be crying by now. She didn't stop for days when it happened. Even Taylor, who was always so much tougher than anyone else, was rendered in a state of wrath and worry.

"You nearly died." Shayden says. His voice is low, dangerous as he attempts to keep his anger at bay. "You nearly died. Because of me, and I nearly beat them fucking scum to death. And I would have if the police hadn't dragged me off."

"Shay-"

"No, Jai." He snaps, cutting me off. His voice breaks, sounding hysterical as if he's half a second away from breaking down at the mere memory of me beaten and broken on the concrete. "You don't get it. I couldn't sleep at my own home because I kept waiting for Libbie to phone me at 4am and tell me that they got to you again, that they came to your home and that you're on the way to the emergency room nearly dead- or already dead. I stayed at Taylor's for months just because it was closer to your house, so I could get there quicker if you needed me. My Mom thought I was crazy."

"Shay-" I say again, softer. Because I didn't know that, I didn't know anything about what happened after until we started Freshman Year. Taylor's still got scars on his knuckles.

"You got hurt because of me. They did that to you to get at me, because you defended me and stood by my side. And you dismissed it for months, you didn't even press charges. They could've been put in Juvie but you thought yourself into believing you did something wrong. You didn't realize how amazing you are. You kept apologizing to me and Taylor and Libbie when everyone of us would defend you all over again. You are so, so loved and them hurting you fucked you up so badly."

Tory's arms tighten around me, but I hardly realize it.

Too stunned by Shayden's confession that I can barely find the strength to keep my knees from buckling. Shay's looking at me the exact way Remi does, with such intensity that I feel like he can look through the front I put up. It makes me want to hide from his gaze. Tory must be so confused.

"You can't joke about what happened." Shayden says after a moment, quieter and more cautious. His gaze still penetrates straight through all the defences I've attempted to put up. "You can't pretend it doesn't still hurt. Because if I saw any of them in the street, I'd lose my entire life just to put them in hospital. I'd sacrifice everything just so they could feel even half the pain that you did. We were 14 years old; We didn't deserve to go through that."

It probably wouldn't hurt to tell Tory about that part of our lives. He probably needs to know the history that left all his new friends scarred. Just not right now, because I need to tell Shayden just how much he means to me. And phone Taylor and Libbie and make sure they know my life is so much better with all of them in it, that I'll be eternally thankful for having them. I can't express what I'm thinking aloud, so I just stumble over to Shayden instead.

I launch myself on top of him, wrapping my arms around my favorite person in the entire world. He just understands me. He hears the voices inside my head that I won't ever let out, and he silences it- even when I don't ask him too.

He shifts so he can hug me back, clinging to me as if I'll disappear at any second. His hand shifts up to the top of my back, tracing along the places that the long lines spread too. I look over my shoulder to meet Tory's concerned gaze. He offers me a small, shaky smile and it reminds me of when we spoke about his family just the other day.

"'M sorry, Shay." I mumble into his shoulder, "I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize, Mendoza. None of it was ever your fault."