j a i m e e

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TRIGGER WARNING: explicit smut

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Our lips mould together again. Shayden picks me up, wrapping my legs around his waist as he carries us into his bedroom.

"You're so good for me." He mumbles, breathless. "So fuckin' beautiful, love."

His soft fingertips slid below my long-sleeved shirt, tracing my skin as he pulled it over my head. Leaning forward, I capture his lips with mine and bunch his shirt up in my fists, tugging at it until he realizes I want it off.

Once we break apart, he chuckles slightly and corresponds with my demands. Shayden just smiles at me, biting his lip as happiness and lust circles within his irises. He switches our positions so effortlessly until he's leaning on the headboard of the bed with me straddling his waist, chest to chest.

Shayden stills, his eyes searching mine before he presses his mouth against my collarbone. His lips and his tongue dance across my skin, down to the swell of my breast and my back arched into his touch. Before I know it, my bra is gone too. Terrifying desire twisted his face as my breathing quickens, only rising my chest and sending his entire attention to my breasts.

He squeezes them gently at first, running his thumb along my nipples until they harden. My head cocks and I watch his eyes study my body slowly, focusing on all the parts that have changed so drastically over the past four years. While he was doing that, I conducted my own study. He'd gained so much muscle and, before this moment right now, it's never been something I found important. But watching the way his biceps clench when he tightens his hold on something makes my panties wet at the touch.

I didn't realize I was staring until my gaze flickers to him to see a smirk playing on his lips. I laugh at his expression, turning my cheek so he doesn't see my own smile growing. I gasp, surprised when I feel his teeth nick me lightly on my neck before his mouth travels down to my nipple, taking it into his mouth.

Trying to stifle a moan, and blatantly failing to, I fell his hand slip under my shorts and into my panties.

"Fuck." I pant, the raw ecstasy of feeling his hands on me driving me insane. I forgot how good this can feel. Amongst all the pain and the agony and the sleepless nights, my own thoughts had ignored how Shayden knows how to ignite my entire being like no other.

His thumb flicks my clit, pinching it between two fingers as he moves until we're face to face. His other hand reaches out and holds my cheek, as I lean naturally into his touch.

"I love you so much." He whispers, kissing my forehead. His hand moves out of my panties and instead wraps around my hip, pulling me so I'm flush against his chest. Shayden places his head on top of mine, fingers gently running up and down my spine. "I missed you, Jai."

"I missed you too." My eyes flutter shut, arm wrapping around his torso and tightening.

It doesn't take long for me to reach my high. Shayden holds me through it all, whispering sweet promises into my ear as I kiss him with everything in me.

And then we fall asleep, lay wrapped around each other, fading away into our own gentle abyss of happiness.

Shayden always made it hard to breathe, but maybe he would be the only thing that could pull me out of this ocean of grief that I'd destined myself to fall in.

+++

We woke up early and talked. All morning. Discussed what was going to happen between us, how we'd work through any problems that arose. We must've spent at least 4 hours just laying there, holding each other, talking and talking and talking. It was still unreal to me how I was beside Shayden after so long, completely deprived of any fear despite the slight nerves lingering in my stomach. We were, essentially, back together. After everything that had happened between us, it was impossible for me to deny that Shayden wasn't what I wanted.

And Shayden never bothered to hide his feelings.

We talked about how it'd be different this time. If any turmoils came our way, we'd work through them. I still felt guilty for not being entirely honest, but it was better than nothing. I wanted to be with Shayden and, for whatever completely mental reason, he wanted to be with me too.

"I'm not letting you go a second time." Shayden had mumbled into my hair, thinking that I'd drifted off to sleep. "I won't survive it."

Those words had mainly removed any of the doubts that I'd had. Slowly, we'd make this work. I had so much repairs to do when it came to how I affected Shayden and I had so much to work on towards healing myself. But I knew I'd be able to do it. Because being with Shayden made me happy, and happiness will help me heal from the wounds that Cameron Mason left in me.

When we were eating breakfast the next morning, I'd blinked tiredly and a sudden wave of déjà vu hit me. As if we'd been in this exact place once before. Leaning back slightly, I admired the sight of Shayden so close to me. The messy braids falling all over his forehead, the creases in his t-shirt, the way he kept having to widen his eyes to drop himself from closing them.

In New Zealand, the name 'Shayden' means 'Gift of God', and I couldn't help but think about how true that was.

Shayden had saved my life when we were just teenagers, drunk on the idea that life was some incredible thing until reality hit us. He'll never realize it, but he saved my life so many more times after that. The fear that he'd be hurt if I killed myself after the rape kept me going and I finally realized why.

This moment, this happiness, is the reason why I kept going. Because even though I felt so irreparably hopeless, I got through it and I fought my way to the light at the end of the tunnel.

And watching Shayden do something as simple as eat his food, his knuckles still bruised from the events of last night, made me certain that he was my motivation and, without a single doubt, my happy ending.

My eyes run over his apartment until I find a photograph of Shayden and his Mom, Shania. One thing that I was always thankful for was that our relationship spiralled into our families. I loved Shania like a second mother, just like Shayden loved Remi like a brother.

"How's your Mom?"

Sadness passes across his face but it's gone within a second. His eyes harden as I know it's his way of preventing himself from getting emotional. "She passed away last year."

An arrow hits me straight in my chest, rendering me breathless as tears prick my eyes. Shay's Mom was one of the sweetest souls I've ever had the privilege of meeting, all soft smiles and gentle hugs. When I lost my Mami and Papi, she offered both Remi and I sanctuary in her home until we could figure something out. She was simply the most beautiful person, and Shayden was almost her exact replica.

"I..I didn't know." I admitted quietly, "Shay, I'm so so-"

"I tried to find you." He cuts me off, his words merely a whisper. "I searched for you for months but no one knew where you were. Taylor said you'd gotten rid of your phone and no one knew what was going on with you."

Holding my breath, I cover my mouth with my hands. My eyes shut when I realized exactly what he was talking about. Cameron tried to appeal his sentence and I had to testify again so I left my phone in my apartment and stayed in a hotel room until it was over. When I returned back home, everyone tried to question me but I just said it was a vacation.

I should've kept my phone, or checked in with them. I should've known, I should've said goodbye.

"How's Remi?" He asks, masking his sombre expression.

"He misses bullying you." Laughing, I remember how scared Shayden was to first meet my older brother. Their relationship turned into that of brothers. Sometimes, I could've swore Remi loved him more than me. "He's been okay though. I don't see him much anymore."

"How come?" Shayden's eyebrows furrow, curiosity lingering in his stare. "You used to be inseparable."

"We're always busy, I guess." I shrug, "I'm always in work and he works a lot too. It's hard sometimes but it is what it is."

He nods, before asking a question which made my blood run cold. "You heard off Cam? Taylor said he's just disappeared off the face of the earth, no one knows where he is."

Shaking my head stiffly, I ball my hands into fists and dig my nails into my palms to try and ground my panic. Heart racing dangerously in my chest, the floor starts to sway.

"Not seen him." I respond stiffly, attempting to change the subject. "Remi's daughter turned five the other day."

His eyebrows shoot up at the mention, having not seen my niece since she was one year old. "Starr? Fuck, that makes me feel old. Can I see a picture?"

I pulled my phone out of my pocket, turning it on so my lock screen was visible. A photograph of Remi and Starr was visible, the same one that I took at her fourth birthday.

Shayden grins as he looks at the photograph, "God, she makes me feel old. I remember her being born."

"I know, it's really weird." I chuckle with him, smiling despite recalling the complications surrounding her birth.

Remi was 21 when his long-term girlfriend found out she was pregnant. He was elated, so excited to welcome a bundle of joy into the world while she just couldn't care less. The moment Starr was brought into this world, she disappeared and none of us had seen her since. She signed away her parental rights and left Remi as Starr's full time father, not that he would've had it any other way.

Starr was exactly what our family needed 3 years after losing our parents. She's incredible.

"Have you not heard from Dani since..?" Shayden asks hesitantly, referring to Starr's birth mother.

"Nope." I shrug, not really bothered about the woman who ditched my brother. As far as I was concerned, if I saw her again I would greet her with a broken nose. She left Starr without a Mom and, as much as my niece will never need her, that wasn't fair.

If you have a child, you don't decide whether or not you stick around.

"Doesn't it bother him?"

"Not as much anymore." I hum, "Starr's better off without a shit excuse for a mother and Remi adores her. He shouldn't have ever been in this situation but he rose up to it. He's been a Mom and a Dad for five years and I'm so proud of him. I can't imagine how difficult it must've been."

"I guess I can." Shayden comments softly. He grew up with just Shania and it showed in the way he respected the women in his life. She raised him into a great man. He never needed a deadbeat dad who never wanted to know. "He's a good man. I've missed him."

"He's going to be devastated about your Mom. I'm so sorry we weren't there, Shay."

"You're here now." He smiles shakily, voice breaking as tears appear in his eyes.

I stand up and move across the table. He pulled me into his embrace, and I hugged him back. His hands intertwined as his arms rested around my waist, holding me as closely as possible as his whole body shook. He pressed me against his body as if I were his anchor, grounding him from all the horrible sides of the universe.

Nestling my head against his shoulder, I hugged him more tightly. Shayden's hand cradled the back of my neck as he left a small but prolonged kiss to my temple.

"I got you."

+++

The second the door to Tory's apartment swung open, I wrapped my arms around him. He seems surprised at first, before his arms move to hold me too .

"Are you okay?" I mumble to him, pulling away and examining the damage done to his face.

"'M fine, Jaimee."

"Are you sure?" The question tumbled out of my mouth immediately as I searched his eyes for any trace of him lying. I took in the slight discoloration of his right cheek but, other than that, he seemed okay physically.

Not too sure about mentally, however.

He seems to know what I'm pressing for, a sad smile tugging at his lips that only makes me sadder. "You get used to it, darlin'."

Just as I go to speak, a little fluff ball barrels into my legs. I giggle at Rocky, Tory's half corgi half husky pup, and pick him up, holding him to my chest as I run my fingers through his fur.

"You should never have to be used to it." I replied quietly, ensuring that my sincerity was present in my tone.

"I know,"

"Hi, little man." I mumbled to Rocky, before completely focusing my attention to Tory. "Thank you for trying to defend me last night, despite what they already did."

"Don't thank me for being a decent person, mamita."

The word sent a smile to my lips, the complete opposite to the disgust I felt when he first said it to me. I liked Tory, he seemed to be a good friend to Shayden and I was thankful for him helping me out at the party.

"You should ice your cheek."

"Already have, doll. The bruising will fade soon." Tory told me, the reassurance ever present in his tone despite the fact it should be me reassuring him.

I didn't want to consider the fact that this could've happened before. That people were so full of hate and ignorance that they harmed another human being for just trying to be happy.

"Don't look at me like that, doll. I'm fine, it doesn't matter."

"Don't say it doesn't matter. It does. It's important, T. Don't dismiss it or try to brush it off. It shouldn't have ever happened and I'm sorry it did."

Every shred of positivity in his face dissipates as he bites his lip, his gaze dropping. I'm just about to apologize for being too blunt when he finally says, "I just don't get it. All I ever do is try to be happy and it's like the world's out to get me. I can't do anything without something going wrong. I can't wrap my head around what's wrong with me."

"There's nothing wrong with you," I reassure him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it softly. "Look at me, okay? Tory, sometimes people are so programmed into their own thoughts that they don't realize how wrong they are. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to love and care for whoever the fuck you want. For every negative thing that anyone on this planet has to say about you, I can guarantee that there's people who can have a thousand more positive ones. I get that it feels like the world's out to get you, especially with everything you've gone through, but we're here. Me and Shay, okay? We're here and we appreciate you and we just want you to be happy."