Sakura: The hospital called. Your test results came back positive.

Kakashi:

Sakura: Positive for being terminally whipped.

~*~*~

(Team 7 in jail, then Kakashi and (Y/n) barges into their cell)

(Y/n): Sorry it took us a while to bail you guys out.

Naruto: No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have wasted our one phone call to prank call the police.

~*~*~

Sasuke: I live in fear that someone will kidnap my teammate, Naruto Uzumaki, who lives at 309-1095 Asakusa penthouse, Iitakacho Mori, Musutafu City, Tokyo. His bedroom is at the second door to the left; keeps the door unlocked. You can't miss it.

~*~*~

Kakashi: I'm pretty good at turning every place I go into my personal hell.

~*~*~

Naruto: Nee-chan, I can't be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.

(Y/n): Explain.

Naruto: I'm not held responsible for that.

~*~*~

(Literally with any of her love interests.)

(Y/n): I'm gonna make him pay for this.

(Y/n): He may be physically stronger than me, but I know a lot of ways to destroy men emotionally.

~*~*~

Sasuke: Uh yeah, full offense to philosophers or whatever, but if I were to embark on a journey of revenge, I would simply not dig two graves.

Naruto: I think I wouldn't mind being laid in the same grave as my enemy's if it had to come to that 'ttebayo.

Kakashi: Getting laid in your enemy's grave?? That's some freak shit but honestly I kinda dig it.

Naruto: Well, yeah you dig it. That's how you make graves.

(Y/n): I worry for all of you.

Sakura: We all need therapy.

~*~*~

Eri: (Y/n)-nee?

(Y/n): Yes, Eri-chan? Do you need something?

Eri: Some kids were picking on me earlier and I told Sasuke-nii.

(Y/n): Go on...

Eri: He left, and I'm worried that he's going to beat them up or something. Can you go stop him?

(Y/n): Sasuke won't hit a child.

Eri: He won't?

(Y/n): Never.

Eri:

(Y/n):

Eri:

(Y/n): *sprints towards the door*

~*~*~

(Y/n): And then Kami-sama was like, let's not give this bitch a break.

(Y/n): ... My entire life is a party and I'm the pinata.

~*~*~

(In an ideal AU):

(Y/n): I received a huge box on White day!

Kid!Sakura: Oh, that sounds nice! Whom was it from?

(Y/n): Shisui.

Kid!Sakura: What was in the box?

(Y/n): Shisui.

~*~*~

Sasuke: Eri is an angel.

Kakashi: (Y/n) said the same about you, and look at how you turned out.

~*~*~

Shisui: Hey, do you think I can fit fifteen marshmallows in my mouth?

Toshiro: You are a hazard to society.

(Y/n): And a coward. Do twenty!

~*~*~

Kakashi: Alright, thanks, you're the breast--

Kakashi: BEST! BEST! I SAID BEST!

(Y/n):

~*~*~

Someone: You have pretty eyes.

Shisui (traumatized with the whole Danzo thing, and immediately blurts out): They're not for sale.

~*~*~

Kakashi: I was thinking of more like flat-out stealing...

(Y/n): What? No way!

Kakashi: Why not? We already stole Eri.

(Y/n): No, we didn't. Eri's a person and she can do whatever she wants.

Eri: I wanna steal.

~*~*~

(If (Y/n) and Shisui were dating):

(Y/n): Shisui annoyed me today, so I told him I can't wait to see what he had planned for our special day tomorrow.

Kid!Sakura: I don't remember anything about tomorrow being special..?

(Y/n): Ah, but there is something special about watching the color leave his face as his panic sets in.

~*~*~

Shinsou: Yesterday, I overheard Ashido saying "Are you sure this is a good idea?" and Kaminari replying "Trust me." and I have never moved from one room to another so fast in my entire life.

~*~*~

Naruto: I love all of you guys. I'm gonna be at all your funerals!

Sakura: Why didn't you just say birthdays?

Kakashi: Or weddings?

(Y/n): Or anniversaries?

Sasuke: More importantly, why are you so sure that I'm dying before you?

~*~*~

Naruto: That makes no sense!

Sasuke: Well, it would if you were smarter.

~*~*~

Sasuke: I am the darkness; I am the inevitable; the definition of shadow and dread--

(Y/n): Would you like some hugs and cuddles, Sasu-cakes?

Sasuke:

Sasuke: yespleasethankyou.

~*~*~

Sidekick: How's that girl you're dating?

Hawks (lovestruck): Oh, she's in-sane.

Sidekick: Heh, I can guess that with how equally insane you are for her. What's her name?

Hawks (enthusiastically): She won't tell me!

Sidekick (contemplating if Hawks really is insane):

~*~*~

(This is by user @Stopid)

(Hawks sounding like a teenager describing his first date at the mission briefing)

Hawks: --and you'll never guess what she did!

The poor soul in charge of him: What?

Hawks (deeply sighs, as he cups his face in admiration): She threatened my safety with my own feathers in fourteen different possible methods.

~*~*~

(Y/n): The answer is seven; what is the question?

Kakashi: What age did I die inside?

Naruto: What age does life start to go downhill?

Sakura: How many people have I lost throughout my life?

Sasuke: What age was I when I was first traumatized?

(Y/n) (crying because she can relate): You fucking guys...

~*~*~

(Y/n): Shisui, did you eat all my takoyaki?!

Shisui (in his mind): PLAY DUMB PLAY DUMB--

Shisui: Who's Shisui?

Shisui (in his mind): NOT THAT DUMB--

~*~*~

Aizawa: Surrender, before things get ugly.

Kakashi: Why, is your mother coming?

~*~*~

Naruto: The ocean is just one giant soup.

Sakura: Explain.

Naruto: It has water, meat, vegetables, and salt. Therefore, it's soup 'ttebayo.

Sasuke: With that logic, if I were to scoop some of the ocean and put noodles in it, it's ramen.

Naruto: No, because it would be cold.

Sasuke: Cold soba.

Naruto: Hmm, maybe.

Sasuke: You're supposed to disagree with me.

~*~*~

Sakura: Truth or dare?

(Y/n): Truth.

Sakura: How many hours have you slept this week?

(Y/n): Dare.

Sakura: Go to sleep, sensei.

(Y/n): I don't like this game.

~*~*~

Naruto: Y'know what I've realized?

Sakura: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?

Naruto: Nice try, anyway--

~*~*~

(Y/n): Describe yourselves in one word.

Itachi, Shisui, and Kakashi (simultaneously): Yours.

(Y/n) (blushing and caught off-guard): Oh, u-uh--

Alternate answers:

Itachi: Cursed.

Shisui: Liar.

Kakashi: Depressed.

(Y/n): Hey, g-guys--

~*~*~

Kakashi: Rich people should get robbed at least once a week.

(Y/n): Why?

Kakashi: Builds character.

~*~*~

Aizawa: You're really campaigning for Nuisance of the Year, aren't you?

Kakashi: As defending champion, are you nervous?

~*~*~

(Y/n): If you go after any member of Team 7, I will destroy everything you love.

Hawks: What if I love you?

(Y/n): Joke's on you, I've been self-destructive my entire life.

~*~*~

Hashirama: Am I cool or what?!

Madara: What.

Hashirama: I said, am I cool or--

Madara: Yeah, I heard you.

~*~*~

Kaminari: Do you want to hear a joke?

Shinsou: No.

Kaminari: Yes, you do. Okay, here it goes--

~*~*~

Hawks: Y'know, your rudeness isn't attractive to me.

(Y/n): Genuine question, what makes you think I'm looking to attract you?

Hawks: *sent to a coma*

~*~*~

Kaminari: Once I have a kid, I'm gonna nickname my child Lil Bitch.

Kakashi: I see you're passing on the family name.

~*~*~

Sasuke: "Vengeance doesn't solve anything" may be true, perhaps, but I am... so petty and it feels good.

~*~*~

Sakura (opening a financial donation): What for? It's surgery for my legs because I can't stand the boys' dumbassery.

~*~*~

((Y/n) arriving late on a meeting)

(Y/n): Sorry I'm late, I was uh-- doing things.

Itachi (arriving after her, disheveled): It's rude to refer me as 'things'.

~*~*~

(Y/n): I hate you.

Hawks (trying to de-escalate the situation): So... Does that mean we can kiss?

~*~*~

(If Team 7 were to join the Hero Commission)

Hero Commission (in general): This kind of idiocy will not be tolerated in our organization.

Kakashi (serious in a formal tone): Is there another kind of idiocy that you would be more comfortable with?

~*~*~

Kaminari: Bruh this coffee I bought is so good, I'm so fucking alert and hyper right now, I could probably fight Hatake.

Ashido: And win?

Kaminari: I don't know.

(Top ten last words before disaster.)

~*~*~

(The Academy Trio being literal six-year-olds)

Shisui: Ah-ah, you can't hit me outside spars! You'll get in trouble! I have a witness!

(Y/n): Toshiro, turn around.

Toshiro: *doesn't hesitate to turn around*

Shisui:.. T-Toshiro?

~*~*~

(If (Y/n) were to interrogate Hawks)

(Y/n): What are your strengths?

Hawks: I fall in love easily.

(Y/n): Okay...? And what are your weaknesses?

Hawks: Those cute eyes of yours.

~*~*~

Kakashi: Can I sleep here?

(Y/n):... That's my lap.

Kakashi: That doesn't answer my question.

~*~*~

(Y/n): What are you doing?

Naruto (about to pour a bag of pop rocks on his mouth): Trying to see how much pop rocks I can fit in my mouth.

(Y/n) (already taking the bag of pop rocks away): No, you'll choke.

Naruto (reaching for the bag): I can handle it! I'm not actually twelve, y'know? I'm seventeen 'ttebayo!

(Y/n): Yeah, seventeen seconds away from choking.

~*~*~

Kakashi: Fun fact: Blueberries are the only fruit named after a color.

Naruto: Uhh, what about starfruit?

Kakashi: That's a shape.

Kaminari: What about blue raspberries?

Kakashi: I underestimated your idiocy.

Kaminari: Hey!

Ashido: Lemon! It says so on the yellow crayon!

Shinsou: Green beans?... Wait, fuck.

Sasuke: Blackberries.

Sakura: Black isn't a color; it's a shade.

Naruto: Wait, are berries even fruits??

Ashido (gasps): Guys, we forgot about blueberries!

Shinsou: That was literally Hatake's example.

Kakashi (disappointed, as he looked at all Team 7 members trying to connect their brain cells): Y-you guys...

...

(Meanwhile, in the background)

Eri: (Y/n)-nee, can you slice me some orange please?

(Y/n): It's 'can you slice me an orange', but sure, you can have some.

...

(All Team 7 members minus Eri and (Y/n) suddenly have a realization)

Sakura: ... We forgot oranges exist.

Sasuke: How did we forget that? The dobe is literally wearing it everyday.

Shinsou (in his mind): Shit, stupidity is a disease and these people are the 14th century rats.

Kakashi (wondering if he, too, was an idiot):

~*~*~

(Shisui and (Y/n) entering the main Uchiha household for Itachi)

Kid!Sasuke: Shisui, can I ask you a question?

Shisui: Oh, sure!

Kid!Sasuke: Why don't you go back to your own house and stop bothering us?!

(Y/n): Oh, uh, should I go?

Kid!Sasuke: No, you can stay here. Actually, you can live here forever.

~*~*~

Kid!Naruto: Hey Sushi-nii, do-- woah, are you okay?

Shisui (lying face-flat on the floor, groaning): Living is a curse and existence is a punishment.

Kid!Sasuke: (Y/n)-nee went on a solo mission with the ANBU guy, Inu, I think. Shisui is overreacting and thinks that Inu would use this chance to take her out on a date and then propose to her.

Kid!Naruto: Oh... Will he?

Kid!Sasuke (confidently): The guy could try, but we all know (Y/n)-nee is marrying nii-san.

Shisui (his voice muffled by the floor): Brat.

(Y/n) (walking in): Hey guys, I'm back!

Kid!Sasuke (straight to the point): (Y/n)-nee, are you still single?

(Y/n) (surprised and confused): Oh, uh, yes..?

Shisui (getting up, smiling): Life is a gift and existence is a blessing!

~*~*~

(Y/n): I'll take everything you have.

Hawks (in his mind): You won't steal my heart.

(Y/n): Oh, I like your wings, by the way.

Hawks (under his breath): Fuck.

~*~*~

Kakashi: You need to grow out of your pettiness. Someday, you're going to be a man--

Sasuke: Someday, you're gonna be dead.

Kakashi:

~*~*~

Sakura: Some things never change; you're always blowing things up.

Naruto: I do not always blow things up 'ttebayo!

Sakura: Right. Sometimes, you set things on fire.

~*~*~

Naruto: Oi, Sakura-chan, that food just fell on the floor. You keep telling us to be sanitary.

Sakura (tired and hungry, and is applying the 5-second rule to a fallen french fry): It hasn't been that long. Besides, I'm hungry. If they can survive my stomach acid, the microscopic bastards can take what they want.

Naruto (the only thing he knows about his stomach is that the Kyuubi lives in it): If they survive your fucking what?

~*~*~

(Y/n): You should love yourself more.

Kakashi: Sorry, I'm not my type.

~*~*~

(Y/n): Name a better duo than my coping mechanism to overwork and my overprotecting tendency. I'll wait.

Shisui: You and me; the OG YinYang Duo.

(Y/n) (choking back tears): Okay.

~*~*~

(Shisui and Kakashi as love rivals)

Shisui: *a confident flirt; failing miserably with genuine feelings*

Kakashi: *a subtle flirt; also failing miserably with genuine feelings*

(Y/n): *an expert at not taking a hint*

Meanwhile, Itachi: *doesn't flirt and is straight to the point; succeeds*

~*~*~

Kakashi: My expectations from my team are low, but they can always go lower.

~*~*~

Naruto: *using Talk-no-Jutsu on the LoV and it's working*

Sakura: That... shouldn't be possible.

Sasuke: I would have thought that you'd be quite used to Naruto doing the impossible by now.

~*~*~

Kaminari: In your opinion, is it possible for someone to hate toads and still be a good person?

Naruto: Absolutely not.

~*~*~

Naruto: What's that?

Kakashi and (Y/n): *drinking sake*

Kakashi: Cheap therapy.

~*~*~

Naruto: Sometimes, I think you're not taking me seriously 'ttebayo!

Sasuke: There are times you think I am taking you seriously?

~*~*~

(Naruto opening a random product)

Naruto: It says 'must have adult supervision'.

Kakashi (an adult): I'll go get (Y/n) then.

~*~*~

Tobirama: Before I do anything, I always ask myself: would Hashirama do that thing? If the answer is yes, I do not do that thing.

~*~*~

Ashido: I'm immune to mean and hurtful words because (Y/n)-san says nice things to me every day and her love protects me.

Kaminari: I'm immune to mean and and hurtful words because Hatake says mean things to me every day, so I'm prepared.

~*~*~

(Y/n): Hey, are you seeing someone?

Kakashi (flustered): Uh, no, why?

(Y/n): I don't know, I just think a therapist would be good for you.

Kakashi: ... You need one too.

~*~*~

Kid!Sasuke: (Y/n)-nee, knock, knock!

(Y/n) (amused because he's adorable): Oh, who's there?

Kid!Sasuke: Where when!

(Y/n): Where when, who?

Kid!Sasuke: At the Uchiha dango stand, tomorrow at 3pm, you and nii-san!

(Y/n): ... Did you just..?

Itachi (hiding his blushing face on both his hands):

Shisui (in his mind): Wait, shit, that was smooth as fuck.

~*~*~

Kakashi: There's only one thing you can say to keep me from demoting you.

Sasuke: I'm technically still genin--

Kakashi: Wrong!

Sakura: We're sorry.

Kakashi: Wrong.

Naruto (snapping his fingers): We love you.

Kakashi:... Wrong.

~*~*~

Kakashi: Hey, can I ask you something?

(Y/n): Sure.

Kakashi: Can a person breathe inside a washing machine while it's on?

(Y/n):

(Y/n): ...!

(Y/n): Where's Eri?!

Kakashi: Oh, she's with Sasuke.

(Y/n) (sighs in relief): Ah...

(Y/n): ... Wait, where's Naruto?!

~*~*~

Sasuke: I've only had Eri for a day and a half, but if anything happens to her, I will pull an Itachi by committing a massacre in this room before killing myself.

~*~*~

Itachi: One of my life goals is to visit all eight wonders of the world.

Shisui: Itachi, there are only seven wonders of the world.

Itachi: Clearly, you've never seen (Y/n) naked before.

Shisui: Yea-- wait, what?

Itachi:

Shisui: ... Does Naruto's Oiroke no Jutsu count?

Itachi:

Shisui:

Itachi: No... It wasn't accurate.

~*~*~

(If Kakashi and (Y/n) were dating)

Kakashi: Top ten things I hate but for some reason my girlfriend loves.

Kakashi: Starting off the list: me

(Y/n):

(Y/n): Kakashi, we've talked about this...

~*~*~

Aizawa (in the future): I think... I might have a crush on (Y/n).

Literally everyone: Well congratulations, you're officially the last to know.

~*~*~

Kakashi: I really like this person but I don't know how to tell them.

(Y/n): Just ask them to go out to dinner with you this weekend.

Kakashi: Okay. Do you want to go out to dinner with me this weekend?

(Y/n): No, I meant ask them.

Kakashi (tired): (Y/n)--

~*~*~

Naruto: Kakashi-sensei, can we take Eri out tonight?

Kakashi: What did (Y/n) say?

Naruto: She said no.

Kakashi: Then why are you asking me?

Naruto: Because she isn't the boss of you.

Kakashi:

Kakashi: Wait. This is a trap.

~*~*~

Kakashi: Aside from me, who do you think is the most capable teacher to teach Team 7 and be a partner you could work with? Don't worry, it's all hypothetical and I won't take it personally.

(Y/n): This isn't a trick question, is it? You're not going to get angry?

Kakashi: No, of course not!

(Y/n): Fine, it's Aizawa.

Later...

Aizawa (catching sight of Inu): So you're here.

Kakashi: Oh, hello, homewrecker.

~*~*~

(Y/n): Wait, are you flirting with me?

Hawks: Have been for the past weeks, but thanks for noticing.

~*~*~

Kakashi: People ask me how I control Team 7 so easily.

Kakashi: The truth is, I don't.

Kakashi: Just this morning, Naruto called my name from the other room. The second I walked in to check what was going on, Sasuke shot me with a nerf gun.

~*~*~

Hashirama: Hey everybody, I have some bad news. Due to circumstances beyond my control--

Tobirama: His impulsivity and inattention to detail.

Hashirama: Hey--

~*~*~

This book will now be on hiatus! Why? Well, that's because I'm working on another book called Kishi Kaisei (Various!Naruto x Reader). You can find it in my profile ^^ As the title suggests, it's a Naruto x Reader book and I'm working on it with Uniwolf as my editor. If you're curious, yes the love interests are automatically Kakashi, Shisui and Itachi lmao. There may be more, but that would depend on MC's chemistry with the other characters.

Anyway, SAINW will be back once I finish Kishi Kaisei's first arc or first ten chapters-- whichever comes first. For now, this will be on hold, but don't worry, I would still create drafts for it. In fact, the T.R.E.E.S. Arc is still a work in progress, but I already know what I want to happen and how the arc will end.

Though, I guess I'll give yall a gist of what will happen:

- Sports Festival

- Teenage Team 7 flexing lmao

- Team 7 meets reincarnated Shisui

- Tobirama meets Team 7

- T.R.E.E.S. banquet/introduction of other imp. characters

- Hero Killer confrontation

- Interrogation

So, til next time!