A/N: more Samchel to come

Warning: Basically, if you've seen every ep then fantastic! I'm not ruining anything for you. ;) If you haven't... still probably not ruining much for you... Not that's it's OOC or anything... it's just random.

Author Note: Quite a lot of dialogue in this, but like... it's snappy and there wasn't much to describe... It's supposed to be funny... Laugh. Ha. Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. :\

Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, Chord Overstreet would currently be occupying the apartment across from my bedroom window.

General Warning: To fully appreciate this story, you need a really dirty mind... So like, set your brains onto filth.

Kurt and Mercedes were trying to be as quiet as they could as they wandered up the stairs towards Rachel's room the night of her Say Goodbye to Rachel's Childhood home party. They noticed that Sam and Rachel had disappeared.  It's late in the evening, Or should they say early morning?

It was almost two am, and  they decided  to give Rachel some privacy (because the sound proof walls were amazing but sometimes the Diva would prefer to occupy the living room without any interference).

As always, the two divas ascended the staircase listening out for the soft breathing of their fellow Diva-in-Charge, or even the quiet taping of her computer. Occasionally the light would be streaming through the crack under the door with soft breaths, indicating that she fell asleep whilst reading.

Tonight they heard soft music playing and quiet mutterings. Kurt frowned at Mercedes who merely shrugged back. The two tiptoed quietly to the front of their Rachel's room, the white door with a golden star on it. The door was slightly ajar, not enough for them to see anything, but just enough to hear the conversation without the soundproof walls ruining their hearing.

A male voice said. "This is like, so good."

"I full heartedly agree with you there, Samuel"

"You do realise, right, that you're the only one with permission to call me that after my mom. I mean, even my sister calls me Sam, although I let her call me Samuel. She just does it cause I explained to her it was kickass and it's on my jersey."

"Yes, I fully understand I am one of the few who have the privilege to use your first name Samuel."

"Okay. Just so you know."

Rachel chuckled and with what sounded like an occupied mouth she replied, "Wow, imagine if everyone found us doing this."

"What, would they like freak or something?"

"Probably."

"Why? There's nothing wrong with it."

"Does your mother know you do this Sam?"

"Hells yeah." Now this Sam, boy sounded like he had a full mouth. "I mean, she does it too, I guess. Just not when Stacie, Stevie or myself are around. Plus I am an adult now beautiful."

Rachel laughed, "That's kind of funny in a completely ridiculous way. You know, I've never done this before."

"What? Are you serious Rachie?"

"Deadly."

"I cannot believe that."

"I'm very sure there are a lot of things in this world, Sam that you have not done as of yet."

"I'd like you to find one thing." he said, his voice awfully seductive. Kurt's eyes widened in horror and he went to barge in, but Mercedes grabbed his shoulder and shook her head.

"Hmm, hitchhiking?"

"Yep."

"Jay-Walking?"

"Stupid question."

"Running with the bulls?"

"Have you seen those footballers?"

Rachel laughed again, and once again her mouth seemed full. The two divas outside of the door looked at each other worried as a small sucking noise and a small moan came from the room. Kurt gasped but Mercedes covered her mouth and gestured for Kurt to be quiet. "I really like this song." Rachel said.

"It makes me tired."

"Sleep then."

"I can't."

"Seriously, just go to sleep."

"What's everyone gonna do when they find me sleeping in your bed?"

"They won't say anything."

"I highly doubt that Berry. No matter how alternative anyone's lifestyle is, no one would be comfortable with this. And you've got two gossip queens for friends."

"Yes, but I'll just explain to them..."

"What? 'Oh hey Kurt and Mercedes , Sam has decided to sleep with me tonight. I've brushed my teeth. Goodnight!'"

"I would've said Sam, but..."

"Is that a joke Berry?"

"Yes it was Sam."

"Wow, I didn't think you were capable of something like that."

"Shut up." For the third time, Rachel's mouth sounded occupied by something else. The small sucking noise was doubled as well as Rachel's moan. "This is so good."

"Tell anyone I did this for you and there is no way I'd hesitate to kill you. Or hide your Grant Gustin collection. Say he looks like Sebastian or the dude from the Flash."

"What if I made my – how do you say it? – Sickly sweet podgy face?"

"It'd be like shooting deer." There was more laughter and Sam added, "You know Rachel?" more sucking noises. "I can't believe you've never tried this before. I mean, you said you loved spreading this all over your muffin in the morning."

"Yes," more sucking noises. "But this is much different from that."

"It's still the same. It's just hotter and moister and we've almost run out."

"I'll definitely have to melt some more of this chocolate when I'm alone."

"It just tastes so damn good, especially when you eat it like this." More sucking noises echoed from the bedroom as well as Rachel giggled, almost too innocently.

Kurt couldn't take anymore. He pushed the door open, letting it slam against the wall. The couple's  heads both snapped to attention and Rachel pushed herself off of her bed at the sound and Sam leapt to attention. "Kurt! Mercedes! Hi."

"Rachel, what the hell is this?" Mercedes said, looking at the Broadway darling in pure shock.

Sam danced nervously from side to side from his place on the chair on the opposite corner of the room and gave a small wave. "Hi guys" he nodded tightly. "Told you they wouldn't be cool with this." The last part he shot across the room at Rachel as he himself scoop something chocolate and liquid out of a small bowl. He sucked on the spoon and the put it away, as if it was the last morsel in the bowl. "I'll go if you want me to."

"Sam, I haven't even explained it to them yet." she narrowed her eyes at Sam and then looked at her friends. "Sam insisted on spending time alone before we actually went to bed, so we've been eating melted Nutella in the mean time."

"Melted..." Kurt looked at the small bowls in both  hands and the junk food that had spread out on the floor between them. The music was coming from Rachel's iPod stereo and both  were wearing sweats  because of the cold winter weather.

"Yes, it's something Sam makes a lot apparently. It tastes excellent, especially with strawberries. Sam was just demonstrating as such in the most vulgar but hilarious manner." she said quickly and the divas looked from Sam to Rachel.

Sam looked extremely nervous and Kurt and Mercedes were in too much of a shock to dismiss his fears. "Sorry , I'll be on my way."

"Sam, where are you going to stay?" Rachel objected and the other two looked between the couple as if watching a tennis match.

"Bed of my truck?"

"It's freezing."

"Getting into trouble with your dad Leroy seems a lot worse."

"Honestly, where would you get that idea from?"

"Rachel, it's me. I don't mix well with your dad."

"Oh really, grow up. No one will be  kicking you out, right ? We are ADULTS," Sam and Rachel were both looking at Kurt and Mercedes who were still dumbfounded that they hadn't walked in on the two having sex but had simple walked in on them enjoying melted chocolate.

Sam sighed at Kurt's and Mercedes's silence. "Sorry. I'll be off."

"Wait, wait, wait." Kurt put his hand up, snapping out of his daze. "I'm sorry, Samuel but we're very confused."

"Sam." He said. "Call me Sam. You know this already."

"Well, Sam. What are you doing here, apart from eating the entire pantry?"Mercedes looked all around the floor.

"Oh, I brought them over as a kind of bribe." Sam grunted at the food. "I kind of need a place to stay tonight because it's late and my apartment is being fumigated, and I can't really afford to die. I hate bugs of any kind. I'd rather not die." He then frowned, thinking it was probably a poor choice of words. "Well anyway, I'd usually stay over at Blaine's but..." he trailed off as both looked on expectantly.

"He's allergic to bugs. " Rachel replied cause Puck to glare at her. "Actually, he's allergic to most things, and he remembered our discussion  one day about the type of bug spray I use to remove..."Sam  could tell she was rambling and was thankful she stopped. "Bugs are my enemy  and obviously I talked about me using all products."

"For the record, I'm not allergic." he looked very stubborn about that. "I just hate the smell."

"You break out in a rash."

"I do not break out into a rash."

"Blaine said it looks as if you get hives."

"Rachel!" he snapped. "I'm not allergic."

"Go stay at Blaine's then!"

"I- Just- It's not the- Ugh!" he glared at the ground, muttering, "Damn... Blaine... Murder..." under his breath.

Kurt and Mercedes were about to get whiplash from their debating. "Anyway, he really has no where to go whilst his place is fumigated  and he wanted to stay here for the week.A and why am I asking you both or explaining myself when it's MY house. Why are you both up here? Shouldn't you be enjoying the party?" Rachel said to them.

"The night." Sam murmured.

"The week."

"I told you, I'd go to Blaine's tomorrow."

"By then everything at my place should be aired out."

"No it won't."

"How do you-?" he cut himself off then muttered again. "Damn it.."

Kurt nodded, " Sleep with the door open and moans to a minimum."

"Kurt?!" Rachel demanded. "May I remind you that you both are in MY home. I'm asking as nice as I can, but please butt out."

Sam nodded slowly. "Okay." He frowned. "Why do you both care so much?"

"Yes, well we wouldn't want anything distracting Rachel from her true love, Broadway. New York." Mercedes said. "Kurt, how about you go get the sheets while I set up the spare bed in the guest room."

Rachel suggested, "Or perhaps go to your own homes?"

Kurt scoffed, "Rude Diva?! Why so eager to get rid of us??"

Sam  raised his eyebrows at Rachel who nodded at him encouragingly. Sam shrugged and walked with Mercedes to the edge of the bed. "I can do it 'Cedes."

After, Rachel hugged and kissed her friends goodnight and Sam gave them a stiff wave. "Goodnight Sam. Rachel." Both of the Divas said before leaving them be. They didn't turn off the lights and most certainly didn't shut the door and just let them decide when to truly sleep.

"Should we trust him alone with her?" Kurt asked quietly as they entered the guest room for the night.

"Better question." Mercedes whispered. "Should we trust her alone with him?"

Kurt's eyes opened wide. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well it's obvious who out of the two of them is in charge. She just puts him in his place."

Kurt chucked as the two got ready for bed. "That's our  girl."

Just down the hall from where the Divas were talking, Sam laid on the bed next to Rachel.  "Thanks again Rachel."

"Anytime Sam." Rachel said quietly into her pillow as she drifted between awake and asleep.

"They aren't half-bad. I mean, no one likes me and I've dated most of the Glee women."

"There are definite reasons for that."

"True, true." There was silence. "Hey Rachel, imagine if they heard what they were talking about before."

"Melted nutella?"

"Yeah. It would've sounded really dirty if they were just listening in."

"I guess it's particularly good I didn't mention that you are my boyfriend."