HE WAS NO one, nothing. He was put on this planet for one reason, and that was to do the job he was tasked with. To obey his superiors and follow every direction they gave him. No matter the consequences, he was to succeed. He was to become the ghost he'd been once before.

Very good, Soldier, the voice in his head smiled. You're proving me right.

He grunted in his seat, tightening his grip on the firearm in his hands. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to center his thoughts as he felt the phantom caress of the woman in his head, grazing his cheek with her thin, calloused hands.

Don't fight it, she chided seductively, embrace it. Embrace me. We're in this together, Soldier.

The lick of curiosity that washed through his brain was unable to be stopped. He couldn't hide his thoughts from this voice, from this woman that was an authoritative voice in his head. Together, he thought hesitantly, testing out the sound of it in his mind's space.

Yes, she agreed, now making him feel as though she was standing in front of him with a sly smirk across her lips. Everyone else thought it was too soon to put you in the field. They wanted to keep you asleep for decades, possibly even a century before using you again. They wanted everyone to forget about you, but I stood up for you. Me. I told them it would be a downright shame for you to go unused for so long.

I told them you were strong enough, and now you have the chance to prove me right. The phantom version of the woman in his head patted him on the shoulder. Show them how strong you are, Soldier. Make me proud. Make Asset 53 proud.

He nodded, blinking to clear his head. It felt like he had two voices in his head, one that was ordering him around, and another that sounded like himself, locked away in the deepest corners of his mind.

Break free, it chanted, screaming louder and louder with each passing second, break free! GET OUT! GET OUT OF HERE! YOUR NAME IS—

But the woman always silenced it with a swift sentence. Clear your head, Soldier, she always said. Let me be the only thing in your head. It will make all of this so much easier.

He inhaled a deep breath of the cold air that surrounded him, shocking him back to reality. He opened his eyes and observed the walls around him, a barred window on his right that displayed an image of the landscape outside that rushed by, his body bouncing with the bumpy road that the vehicle was driving along.

That small square near him was the only hint to where he was, as he spotted the edge of a bluff that went hurtling into a raging body of water, the most striking blue that he thought he'd ever seen. Even in the darkness, he could feel the absolutely incredible scale of the natural beauty in a place he didn't recognize.

Knowing your location will only distract you from the mission, Soldier. You came here to do a job, not to be a tourist.

His jaw clenched and he stared forward at the gray slab of metal that closed him into the jostling mode of transportation. I am nothing, no one, he began to repeat in his head, like a mantra. It centered his mind, calling him back to the job he had to complete.

The weapon in his hands felt heavy, so he reached instinctively for the knife in the holster strapped to his thigh. It slid out with a slight metallic ring, glinting in the moonlight. It was light, perfectly balanced as he held it in his palm.

The woman in his head, Asset 53, smiled. I see you still prefer to savor the kill rather than make it an execution, she hummed in approval. Just like me, Soldier. We're still alike, you see. It's like nothing's changed.

The vehicle stopped in front of a large house that blocked his path with a wooden gate. Easily scaling it, he planted his feet on the ground and glided towards the front door.

STOP! The familiar voice in his head screamed, thrashing around, STOP IT! THIS ISN'T YOU! What about Steve, what about Sam, what about Elda? They're your family!

"They are no one," he recited aloud under his breath. "Just as I am no one." He couldn't keep his steps from faltering though, scuffing on the pavement as he paused and looked back toward the gate. Get out of there, the voice reminded him. Go. Now.

That's it, Soldier. Don't worry, you won't have to fight your demons for long. After this, we'll get you properly prepared for your future as one of the organization's most valuable assets. The woman laid a hand on his lower back, pushing him forward.

He swallowed back the doubts in his head and sauntered up the steps, clutching his knife in his hand. He was here to complete a mission, to finish a job. Nothing more. He was no one, nothing.

There you go, Asset 53 whispered in his ear, the words caressing his cheek. Good job. Just like that.

Long live the cause, he said in his head as he carefully picked the lock. Long live Cerberus.

||

It was starting to become unbearable. The hours we spent in the car, cramped in the back seat with two grown men, it was all getting old. I was sore, hungry, and getting increasingly annoyed with Wretton's complete refusal to make another stop for food or bathroom breaks.

"We've got a half hour left," he kept saying for the last hour, "it's not long now. We'll be there when the sun rises."

Oh, yeah. We were literally driving through the night, alone on the highways as Wretton tried to get us to our mysterious destination on time. I was curious to find out who this person was and how they knew so much about our situation, but I also wanted to get out of this damned car so I could teach my legs how to walk again.

Steve scowled as Sam inhaled, turning over in his seat and dropping his head onto his shoulder. It was how we used to do things, before he went off to war. Seeing him act so domestically with Steve was both jealousy-inducing and relieving. I was glad that he'd found someone he could trust, someone he was comfortable to do anything with.

I chuckled at Steve's expression, his face just barely visible in the darkness. "Get used to it," I advised him. "Once you let him do it the first time, he'll never stop."

Somewhere back in Indiana, we'd switched spots, as Sam wanted to have the window seat. So in the middle of the night, I now sat next to Steve, who'd begun to sit up straighter, not quite as shy when it came to looking at me.

He shook his head gently, rolling his eyes. "He already does stuff like this all the time," he grumbled softly. "You'd think a military veteran would be a little more..." he shrugged. "Poised, I guess? Professional?"

Cocking an eyebrow, I replied, "Well, Sam's lots of things, but I'd have to say that poised and professional are things that he struggles to maintain on an everyday basis." I grinned at him mischievously.

With Wretton staring at the road in front of us(no doubt listening to every word we said), and Cara softly snoring in the passenger seat, I decided it was as good a time as any to get the answers I'd been craving for so long. "So," I started, not sure where to begin.

He glanced at me, waiting. "Yeah?"

I picked at a hangnail on my finger as I asked, "Why don't you use your nickname? I mean, why don't you answer to Captain America anymore?"

He was quiet for a second, gathering his thoughts. I began to worry that he didn't want to answer, so I opened my mouth to apologize profusely when he breathed, "For Bucky."

"What do you mean?" I asked cautiously, knowing I was treading on dangerous territory. "I know that the Avengers had a falling out, but what does that have to do with Bucky?"

Steve sighed, eyeing Wretton to make sure he wasn't listening before continuing, "I gave everything up for him. When Tony and I fought in Siberia—" he glanced at me to make sure I knew what he was talking about— "he made it sound like I had to choose between keeping Bucky safe and remaining the face for freedom and equality. So I dropped the shield, therefore losing the moniker."

I frowned. "But isn't that kind of dramatic? I mean, the Accords basically said that he government would lock Bucky up forever, right?" When he nodded, I kept going, "So why would he make you drop the shield if all you wanted to do was protect your friend?"

He shrugged. "He didn't understand Bucky's situation. He didn't get it. So he chose the side he believed in the most. I don't blame him," he added gently into the silen car.

"Well," I said, "I'm going to be honest. I'm just happy you didn't drop it just because you were being emo like Bucky was about it hair."

Steve stared at me with confusion in his blue eyes. "Emo? His hair?"

I nodded. "He tried to keep me from cutting his hair, but it was so long and shaggy that it was starting to get close to my hair length, and I don't want to date someone that looks exactly like me, so I sat him down and chopped off a few inches. Nothing harmful, just cleaned up his edges. You wouldn't believe how anal he was about it though. Said he couldn't go back to the person he was before all the shit with Hydra happened." I looked at him apologetically. "Sorry. That was a lot."

He chuckled, shaking his head. "He and I are just like that, I guess." He glanced at Sam before starting again. "Elda, can I tell you something? It's been bothering me ever since 1945, I think."

"Yeah, of course."

He found my eyes in the moonlit car and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "Bucky never wanted this," he said, his voice breaking.

I nodded. "I know," I said, "no one wants this shit to happen. It just does."

"No, that's not what I mean." He shook his head. "Bucky never even wanted to go to war. It was his patriotic duty at the time. Every able-bodied man that passed the age requirements was being shipped off to fight a war that would end all wars. That..." he paused, his voice shaking. "That was my dream. I wanted to be a soldier in the United States army. I found a way, yes, but it never would have stopped Bucky from being enlisted."

"Oh." I swallowed the growing lump in my throat.

"Yeah," he nodded. "He wanted to live a normal life in Brooklyn, he wanted to marry a pretty dame and have a whole litter of kids. He acted like he just wanted to have sex with them, but that wasn't who he really was." He looked down at his hands. "He was good. He just wanted to be happy."

I wasn't really sure what to say to that, since I agreed with it all. I'd never felt such a desire to make someone happy in my life, and it pained me to see that he could have had all that, nearly eighty years ago when he was just a young man with big dreams. I reached across my lap and clutched onto Steve's hand, squeezing it tightly.

"I would have dropped the shield a million times again," he said softly, and I was sure there were tears in his eyes, though I couldn't bring myself to look. "When someone who's taken care of you your whole life goes through something as traumatic as that, it's...it's nice to finally be able to give back to them." He met my eyes, his blue depths lined with tears that threatened to spill over. Sniffing and wiping them with one hand, he whispered, "I'm so grateful for you, Elda. I never got the chance to really tell you that."

I flushed in the darkness and shook my head. "I never did anything."

He grasped my hand tighter and gazed into my eyes as he told me firmly, "You gave him everything I never could. You gave him what he truly wanted all those years ago. You loved him, Elda. Loved him in a way I would never be able to. And I thank you for that."

Tears carved a cavern down my cheeks, and my voice cracked over the words as I said them. "Promise me we'll get him back. Promise me he'll come back to us."

He nodded firmly. "We always do. We'll get him back, and this time, he'll stay with us."

I closed my eyes and let Steve's words reverberate around my head for the last stretch of the trip. My mind was otherwise empty, and I needed to feel something other than this worthless sense of being out of time.

The sun rose rather quickly, and I only looked out the window when Wretton turned the car onto an uneven road. It was gravel, I realized as we got closer and closer to a dense forest that surrounded the trail.

I hadn't been here in over a year, but the feeling of familiarity that I got when I recognized the driveway leading to my house was powerful enough to stop a train. "Why are we here?" I asked, sitting up straight, anxiety racking my limbs.

Wretton didn't answer. Just kept driving.

Sam, who'd woken up only a few minutes ago, knitted his eyebrows. "What the hell?" He groaned in a rumbling voice.

"Where are we?" Cara asked, waking up from her own bout of sleep. "What is this place?"

I answered her in awe, "It's my house. I'm home." The words fell flat, though, as I stared at the place that had become a marker for so many horrible things happening in my life. My parents, Bucky, everything. I looked down.

The car stopped outside the house, in the makeshift driveway that I'd used all my life. The others got out of the car, but I stayed inside. "Why are we here?" I asked again, noticing that Wretton had remained in his seat as well. "What aren't you telling us?"

He shrugged, his lips set in an unreadable line. "See for yourself," he said, gesturing for me to get out.

Sam swore under his breath, his voice shaking. "Holy shit. Elda, come here. Come here, now!" He said, getting increasingly more excited. Or nervous. I couldn't tell.

When I got out of the car and walked around to the other side where Sam was, I half expected to see my parents by the way he was looking at me with wide and disbelieving eyes. He grasped my hand and squeezed it so hard I thought I might have felt a bone pop. "What are you...?" I asked, but my voice trailed off as I turned my head to face the front door of the place I used to call home.

The door was hanging open, and in the doorway stood a ghost. A ghost whose dark hair fell over his eyes just the way I remembered, his eyes holding a story that I had no knowledge of. A ghost whose memory had been nearly forgotten by me.

I nearly threw up. "Cade?"

||

HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!!!!! I'VE BEEN WAITING TO DROP THAT BOMB FOR LIKE FOREVER YOU GUYS!!!! AND NOW IT'S HERE!

we can also appreciate and talk about the first half of the chapter, which revealed the name of this rogue group that has bucky: cerberus. thoughts on what that means for our glorious cast of characters?

oh my gosh, so many of you were convinced that cade was alive all this time, especially when i gave him a face claim, but i tried so hard to play it off and say that i wanted a face claim for when i used him in flashbacks. lol i barely even wrote flashbacks, i feel like it was so obvious this whole time. whatever, i'm fucking proud as all hell of this chapter.

we're pretty much halfway done with the book! and the next update will be posted in september, the day before i start school...crazyyyyy

august 29, 2019