I am just going to continue as it is. I acknowledge certain characters portrayed in this story are not so kind humans, and NOTHING will excuse what they've done. This is also a work of fiction, and not a direct reflection of said characters.

That being said if you want to stop reading now, I absolutely understand. I will never hold it against you, and thank you for the support. I will promise that in my next works said certain characters won't play as prominent of a role.

...

"Junmyeon, hello." Junmyeon's lip curled into a sort of snarl as his supposed best friends voice filtered into his foggy mind. Though he knew for a fact Baekhyun wouldn't come and see him. Not since he first arrived. "How's it going Junnie?" Baekhyun asked as a tablet was set in Junmyeon's sight, a small display of Park Baekhyun seated at his dining room table, a sketchpad stretched out before him. He barely spared the distraught man a glance, completely consumed by his latest sketches.

"I meant Yifan's cousin," Junmyeon finally said. THAT certainly got Baekhyun's attention. He snapped up, mouth dropping open. Junmyeon studied him silently for far too long to be comfortable. "Yixing," Junmyeon continued. He spit the information out like his brain and his tongue were on autopilot. "Zhang Yixing. He came from China to help keep an eye on Taozi. Apparently he's not doing too good anymore." Baekhyun set the sketchbook aside, finally taking the time to study his friend. His gaunt appearance and bags under his eyes. Junmyeon's lips drooped into a pout, not necessarily paying his friend any attention but feeling his eyes on him anyway.

"How are you doing?" Baekhyun finally dared ask. Junmyeon's face contorted as he thought about it. How was he doing? He felt startlingly alone even though he was constantly surrounded by people who claimed they had his best interest at heart. He felt sick over his choices and his life alike. He felt itchy, like thousands of insects were marching tracks along his skin. He just wanted out. Out of this building. Out of this body. Out of this life.

Some days he wondered what it would all be like of he had never been born.

Would his father and his mother still be together? Maybe they could have been happy together. Maybe they could have raised a kid they wanted instead of a kid they were stuck with. Maybe Junmyeon could have been born as someone else, someone who felt love and acceptance and all the wonderful things he always dreamed of. Maybe he could have pursued his dream job instead of pursuing solace at the bottom of a bottle time and time again. Maybe they all would have been better off if he hadn't been around.

"Junnie?" Junmyeon was once again yanked away from the abyss by his supposed best friends voice. Baekhyum frowned at the screen like Junmyeon was physically in front of him. "Do you want Chan or I to visit?" Baekhyun offered gently. Too gently. Junmyeon huffed, feeling angered and frustrated and...tired. So tired. He sank back against his seat, studying the man on the tablet screen in front of him. They never bothered up to this point. Why start now? He huffed again, though by now the feeling was deflating. Ebbing away like waves, an analogy Junmyeon was particularly attached to, since so often his demons felt like tsunamis ready to sweep him off his feet.

"No," he responded at last, taking silent note of Baehyun's confused and only slightly distraught expression. "I'm...I'm alright." He tried his best to keep his voice even. Try not to be a burden. He had a lot of practice doing that. All his life he tried not to take up space. Be someone else's problem. He was used to fighting his battles on his own. Why should this be any different. Baekhyun frowned thoughtfully at the screen.

"You know we love you, right?" he finally said. Junmyeon's heart gave a sad little kick, wanting desperately to believe that. To believe that Bakehyun and Chanyeol, against all odds, did love him. But he wasn't so sure. He wasn't sure if he was even capable of being loved anymore. All he did was fuck it up, time and time again.

"Yeah," Junmyeon lied, feigning a smile he prayed Baekhyun couldn't see through. "I better get going," he added hurriedly. "Therary starts soon." It didn't. It was Friday. Therapy was Thursdays. Both solo and group. But of course Baekhyun had no way of knowing that.

"Wait!" Junmyeon paused, his finger hovering over the camera off button. "How's Tao doing?" This time Junmyeon did snarl, unable to contain his frustration any longer.

"Dandy," he quipped. "I'll tell him you said hi." And off the camera went before Baekhyun could say anything else. He shoved the tablet away. He rose, pacing his small room, his hands placed firmly on the sides of his head. Warning off visitors? Blocking noise? He wasn't sure at this point. He just wanted out. Out of this place. Out of his life. Out, out out. He finally collapsed to his bed, exhausted even though it was only early afternoon. He closed his eyes, curling his frame small, bringing his arms around his knees. He sniffled, though no tears ever fell. He'd long since dried up. And Baekhyun wasn't worth the tears today. Maybe any day.

"Junmyeon?" He faintly heard his nurse calling to him. Acknowledged she was in the room with him. But made no effort to twist around and physically look at her. "It's dinner time," she coaxed gently. "Come on. We have to get something in that belly."

"Not hungry," Junmyeon managed to mumble out. Silence greeted that. He breathed a sigh of relief, however, when she left. He knew he needed to eat. He'll his stomach was even growling at him. But after literal years of going days upon days of never eating a thing he was used to this feeling. Meals weren't important in his eyes. And sometimes the act of eating itself made him physically sick. All it was to him was wasted effort. Why expend it when, previously, he had no idea when the next meal would even be? It could have been hours. Or days, maybe even weeks, later. And besides, he had other priorities.

...

Yixing stood in the restaurant's cramped kitchen, hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. Ever since he'd started they'd picked up in business, everyone clamoring for his cooking. He felt flattered. After all cooking was a great love of his. But it also meant he was busy for most of his shifts (not that he necessarily minded).

His nose by now had all but healed, albeit crookedly. When his mother first caught sight of it she demanded to know what happened. Yixing lied and told her he'd fallen at work and busted his nose on the floor. She ate that right up, believing every word that fell passed her baby's lips. Yixing felt rotten. But he also wanted to protect Yifan. He wanted his mom to believe he'd changed. So he kept that secret safe, hidden under lock and key, only two people knowing exactly what happened.

Yifan secluded himself more and more every day, only emerging from his hiding to go visit Tao. He refused to go to work. He sent Chanyeol straight to voicemail any time the giant man called. Ignored calls from anything and anyone that wasn't Jung Ahn's or Tao himself. Wouldn't eat much unless Yixing sat and all but force fed him. Wouldn't shower for days on end, only doing so when Yixing dragged him out of his room and basically threw him on the tub.

Now, Yixing was by no means am expert in the subject. He never claimed to be either. But from observation, he would say Yifan was severely depressed. And not in the way he was always led to believe. Sure, Yifan was sad. But there was a whole lot more behind it.

He also would shoulder his burdens alone, but God damn it was taking its toll on him as well. Trying to juggle a life and trying to make sure Yifan didn't lose his in the process.

You aren't responsible for him.

Yixing always heard his parents voices in the back of his mind. They'd already had their misgivings about him coming here. He couldn't let them see how bad it was getting. How much they all struggled to function these days. So he stuck his chin in the air and marched forward, forging a path on this difficult terrain. Reminding himself over and over the good that would eventually sprout from this.

"Yixing?" He jerked at his boss' voice, grinning sheepishly at being caught daydreaming on the job. He wiped his forehead with a stray dish towel and circled back to the stove, observing his latest creating simmering in an industrial sized pot. "Chef's special" of the day, something they had on trial run to see how well it went over. Though so far they'd sold out every day they'd done it. Yixing sighed, going back to circling the tiny kitchen.

"May I..." Yixing glanced up as someone barged into his territory unannounced. "Oh good. You must be the chef." Park Baekhyun. Yixing desperately wished to tell the man to get out of his kitchen, but he also didn't want to lose the only job he'd finally landed. "I just...wanted to day lunch has been phenomenal the last couple of weeks," Baekhyun continued rather awkwardly, scratching yhr back of his neck, cheeks tinting in embarrassment. "You've turned this place around. It's a cozy little place, but it didn't necessarily have the greatest reputation. If you know what I mean."

"Well thank you," Yixing replied, accepting the compliment, albeit with some surprise. He still wasn't used to anyone but his parents clamoring for his meals. "Now, if you don't mind..."

"Oh yes of course," Baekhyun stuttered. "My apologies. Um." He paused, seeming unsure. This was...not man Yixing thought of when he heard the name. He expected someone oozing confidence and self assurance. Baekhyun looked far from it, shy and timid. This Baekhyun was one the public did not get to see very often, that much was certain. "Keep up the good work." And as quickly as he'd cone, he was gone. Yixing felt bewildered by the exchange. But he shrugged it off in the moment, going back to his work. He'd have time to wonder about it later.

...

"I talked to Baekhyun," Yixing casually mentioned. Yifan looked up from his bowl of black bean noodles, arching an eyebrow in astonishment. The most reaction Yixing had gotten out of him in several weeks. Them eating at the table was a miracle within itself, a rarity that felt few and far between anymore. "He wanted to thank me for the meals the last couple of weeks. He's not..." Yixong paused. He wished not to offend, as he knew his cousin worked closely with the man's husband. "He's not quite what I expected. From what everyone has told me about him."

"Baekie?" Yifan replied, slipping in an old nickname like he was unaware he was even doing so. "He can be quite obnoxious, that much is true. But generally he never drew attention to himself. That was..." Yifan swallowed hard. "That was Tao. He reveled in it. Baek could and would keep up with him, but not to the same level. I'm shocked he approached you at all. He's not one for strangers."

"I see," Yixing remarked, even if he didn't. He took the information in though. Soaked it up like a little sponge and stored it away for a later date. Any information on this situation he could get he would take. Especially if it somehow, in a super round about way, tied back to Junmyeon.

"Fuck." Yifan jumped. "I haven't seen Junmyeon in a few days." Yixing went on to explain. "Or Tao. I need to make some time."

"We should go together," Yifan mentioned casually. "Then we can both go see them. Together."

"Alright," Yixing agreed readily. Anything to go back to normal.

...

Hi. Time for work. Bye.