I hope you're ready for this behemoth of a chapter... But cue Kronk saying "oh yeah, it's all coming together"

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April, 2019

In the end, Serena caved and helped me coordinate my attempt to escape without having to run into the rest of her housemates. After hitting me with the whole Triton backstory—rare, male versions of sirens who lack the same level of mermaid magic, don't shift into a fish-like creature, but can lure in someone even if they're bonded to someone else in order to cause havoc—I was at a loss for words that someone had done this to me. That another person had, at some point, tried to fool me again.

But who?

And when?

I ransacked my memory for a sign of attraction to someone that seemed unfitting... but I came out blank.

Was it one of my Australian flings that I barely paid attention to because I was so drunk?

Was it pre-Ben?

Was it in my lost memories?

... was it perhaps the alley memory?

Serena had gone down ahead of me to scope out the place and lure anyone downstairs to one of the back rooms so that I could sneak out the front door. It didn't take long for her text of the 'all clear' to come through.

Serena: It's only Faye here and I've got her distracted in the kitchen. See you next time, Ollie. Thanks for the moan-worthy night.

A shudder ran down my spine as I read her vulgar message. Did she use this kind of language on me last night? Did I fall for it? Or did I, once again, simply not care who I was with and the words that fell from their mouth, as long as we went home together? I was still struggling to resurface the distinct memories of last night. They were just vague images and colours even now.

With shoes clutched in my hand, I took quiet, tip-toed steps across the hallway and down the stairs, being careful to tread lightly. For good measure, I even channelled my magic into my feet to ensure my movements were certainly muffled.

I could hear their voices from the kitchen as I snuck past its ajar door, but the pair inside seemed unphased by my movements, meaning my efforts were worthwhile.

My thudding heart began to slow down as I reached the main exit. I lowered my shoes to the floor and slipped them on my feet before my hand gripped the door handle.

And just as I thought I had made it out safely, with only having run into Serena in my few days in London so far, my movements came to a halt as I pried the door open and came face-to-face with her.

Pin-straight chestnut hair pulled into its usual tight bun, a plethora of freckles scattered across her face like stars in a moonless sky, and eyes a deep jade, only emphasising her namesake. Her perfect mouth fell open in shock as she took one step closer to me, forcing me a step back into the house away from my escape route.

"O-o-o," she stuttered as her hand extended for me.

"Shh," I hissed, glancing toward the kitchen where Serena and Faye were still deep in conversation.

But she wasn't listening. "Olivia?" she shouted in disbelief.

At once, the chatter from the kitchen ceased. A slight scuffle ensued as Serena tried to talk loudly over Jade's blabbering mouth; but it was to no avail.

The kitchen door swung open, banging against the wall as Faye's plush, maroon-painted lips fell into the very same o-shape as Jade's.

Though Faye was slightly more expressive than the witch in the room. "No fucking way," she bellowed before rushing closer to me, staring at me in the same shock as Jade. "Are you seriously fucking standing in front of me? In my house?" she demanded, as though they were both somehow manifesting the same allusion.

"Our house," Serena interjected, making herself small in the corner quickly afterwards as Faye flipped on her.

"Based on the fact you aren't as flabbergasted as Jade and me, did you know she was here?"

"She's the one I took home last night," Serena sheepishly grinned.

Faye's wide eyes snapped back to me. "You swing that way?" she asked of me.

Raising my hands, I said, "So what if I do?"

"Damn..." After glancing at Serena for a moment, she looked my way back again. "You two aren't an item now though, are you?"

"Dream on, Faye," Serena answered for me. "She had barely any clue who I was when we ran into each other last night. If she did, she wouldn't have gone there with me. No way would she now jump ship to y—"

"Did you siren her?" Faye then accused, turning on her heel with hands on her hips. "You know we don't do that to family."

As the two mermaids sniped at each other about the ethics of sirening, my heart was warming by the second to know just how much these people I rarely spoke to cared about me... how they felt about me all this time. But quickly following was the poisonous guilt that reminded me of the lack of trust I had in our friendship that had me running as if I'd be the problem post-Ben's death.

But before I could dig myself further into that self-doubting hole, Jade finally found her voice again.

"I don't know why you care about the morality of sleeping with or sirening Ollie right now. Can we focus on the bigger issue that she's here?" she interrupted the pair, this time with much more volume to her voice.

The girls stopped, turning to look back at me once more. Serena apologetically because this was the very confrontation I had been hoping to avoid. But Faye and Jade with confusion.

"Why are you back, Ollie?" Jade then said when she realised she had their attention.

"Because of the Mades," I mumbled quietly, avoiding the studying eyes of the witch and siren who seemed to be picking apart every movement of mine now. "I heard about them on the news, and I came to help."

Jade's face instantly lit up, her arms throwing themselves around me as she exclaimed how happy she was to have another Terra Fairy join the ranks to help. All the while, Faye, although notes of joy to see me lingered in her eyes, seemed more consumed with concern.

I wanted to press Jade though on her comment about the other Terra Fairy. Had they met Emma? Or was there another in London?

But Faye then said, "I think it's best you avoid the Vampire's Lair for a while."

Jade released me, hands on hips and eyes narrowing as she turned to face the siren. "I don't appreciate you calling my house that. There is almost an equal number of witches to vampires now, thank you very much."

"Yes, but almost is the key word. There's three of you and four of them. Therefore, still the Vampire Lair."

"Do you not live here anymore?" I asked the witch, interrupting their squabble.

Jade looked at me in shock for a moment, as if surprised I didn't know. But then her expression quickly shifted to pity. Like it was sad that I didn't keep up with their gossip. "Lots has changed since you've been gone, Ollie. Relationships ended, started..." she trailed off, glancing at the others before looking back at me.

"Do you mean Faye and Erica?" I replied, looking cautiously towards Faye as though worried I'd trigger something.

She quickly saw my hesitancy and reassured me with a warm smile. "That was months ago," she explained. "No... there's been... other developments."

"Like?" I pressed, not liking the sorrowful expression on her face that was causing my heart to quicken.

"Like—"

"I moved in with Loren," Jade cut Faye off.

I heaved a sigh of relief before stating, "I thought you were going to tell me you split."

"We're bonded, Ollie. Those things don't break unless someone..." But once again, she trailed off, head dropping to the floor as both sirens sent daggers her way.

"Dies?" I finished her sentence, trying to show her that it didn't phase me. And all looked at me once more, wary of whether I'd break down into a puddle of tears any moment. "Well, we know that's not always true either."

"What do you—" Serena began to ask.

But then I cut myself short as I began to notice the evident bewilderment on their faces. "Did Lukas never tell you..."

Though their knotted brows and tilted heads told me all. He hadn't told anyone about our past.

"Oh," I mumbled.

"We knew you two had a bond invitation that broke a while after you left."

Faye blew a whistled breath of air out. "That was a nightmare. The boy was such a—"

Jade and Serena elbowed Faye in the ribs at the same time. Her words cut short, and she immediately arched up to snap at them, but caught herself as though she received some message they were trying to send. Glancing my way, hesitancy consumed her face before she clenched her mouth shut.

"They're being rather brief about things," Ben mused in my ear, finally feeling the need to speak again after endless silence today.

I wanted to turn on him and demand why now he felt the need to give his two cents. But Marli's warning to not let on that I could see him rung in my head in loud echoes.

Your duty is to protect Anjea, Ol... Don't you dare let anything slip, I reminded myself.

So I ignored his comment.

"Well, whatever happened, it's water under the bridge and all in the past," I said, hoping they wouldn't press me for the details Lukas clearly hadn't explained. Because no way was I going to be the one to tell them about a past he and I supposedly had that I couldn't even remember.

"Then why are you avoiding us all?" Serena then inquired—the question I could tell she was dying to ask me all day.

"I had convinced myself that you guys only accepted me into your group because I was with Ben. And given that he had died following me on a stupid mission I supported—"

"Killing Rüdiger was not stupid," Jade interjected. "We are all so glad you took him out. Heartbroken that we lost Ben because of it. Destroyed that you took off not long after. But the world is a better place for what you did and the sacrifices that had to be made."

"But is it?" I breathed. "Mades are now out there taking human lives by turning them into them or draining them dry."

"We will fix this problem too. But at least there's nothing new in development. And at least no army is going to get in our way if we try to stop it."

I pressed my lips together, still not quite convinced.

But Jade took a step forward. "Also, you were way more to us than Ben's girlfriend, Ollie. You—"

"Save your breath, Jade," Serena cut her off. "I already gave her this spiel... probably not as kindly as you would though. She knows now."

"Do you?" Jade then asked, glancing my way with a cocked eyebrow.

I nodded. "I'm sorry I doubted you."

A warm smile stole her face as she pulled me in for another hug.

In the time that had passed, I had quickly forgotten Jade was such a hugger. I was certainly not used to this level of unasked affection anymore.

"Water under the bridge," she quoted me. Then she pulled back, brows coming together as her eyes went over me. "Where are you staying then?"

"At a hotel in the East End," I offered, still a little reluctant to be more specific.

"Well, there's a room free here. My old room. You should take it while you're in London," she said.

I wondered why she hadn't suggested my old room back in the Hammersmith House—or the Vampire's Lair, as Faye so eloquently put it. But maybe some other mutant had taken it. Or maybe Jade claimed it as hers. Or maybe... maybe, just as Serena let slip earlier, Lukas wouldn't want to see me after the things I said.

And while the final option lingered in my heart in painful twangs at merely the thought of it being true, another part of me still tasted the bitterness that had dug itself into my core at the fact that he had wiped my memory and the records of us, which ultimately led to Ben's death.

"I'll think about it," I said back to Jade with a small smile. "Anyway, I was just about to head home."

Her gaze narrowed before she responded with, "Home?"

"The hotel."

"Mhmm. Well, it's no home. Where we are is home."

She waited me out until I gave her a nod of acknowledgement. And it was mostly sincere... it felt calming, in some ways, being back here among old friends. Even if I had never been that close with these three girls, I still felt like I had walked back into some semblance of home with them around.

But as I turned to leave, she cut me off again with another proposition. "Even if you're too reluctant to move in here, Ollie, for whatever reason you think makes this a problem... You at least have to come to my birthday party."

Lips pursing together, I responded with, "When is it?"

"Two weekends from now. Will you be there?"

"Can I think about it?"

She heaved a sigh. "I don't know what there is to think about... but I'll say you can under one condition."

"And what is that?"

"You give me your contact number. The real one. And I'm going to call you straight away and check your phone rings to be sure."

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

Thankfully I had made it out before the sun had set, but it was pretty late in the day once I finally stepped back onto the pristine streets of Hammersmith. The roads were a mixture of foreign and familiar, filling me with nostalgia and despair in this strange sense of displacement. I felt like I was meant to walk these streets again, but couldn't find the parts in myself that made me feel welcome.

Almost as if reading my mind, Ben then said, "You do belong here. With them. With mutants. With friends."

Shrugging, I replied, "So they say. But you belonged here too."

"And I'm gone."

"Which is partly my fault."

"How many times do I have to tell you that it's all my fault."

"You wouldn't have agreed to go to Windeck and put yourself in the very position that had you killed if you hadn't loved me."

He went quiet for a moment, and I quickly began to regret my words, realising what I was implying.

Glancing his way, I opened my mouth to say, "I'm sorry. I don't regret being with you or meeting you, I just—"

"It's true, though," he breathed, not meeting my eyes.

"What is?"

He shrugged back.

"You need to elaborate, Ben. You can't just hit me with—"

"If I had never met you in the library, if I left you alone for Lukas to find you again, I'd still be alive and you wouldn't be hating yourself like this. It's my fault."

"He put you in that library, Ben. You can't have known that, of all the people there, I was somehow romantically involved with him. It's just... bad luck." Yet as I was trying to assure him to not drown himself in guilt, I realised I should heed my own advice first. Because, if I had known going to Windeck would have gotten Ben killed... even if my feelings were fluctuating between him and Lukas... there's no way I would have gone.

Yet Ben didn't agree with me. He didn't add anything, for that matter. He just continued to walk ahead, refusing to look at me, that same touch of guilt lurking in his eyes.

I opened my mouth again to press him on it, but a shrill sound from my bag stopped me in my tracks.

Fishing through the junk, I pulled out my phone and brought it to my ear without checking the caller.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, it's Emma," she quickly said.

"Oh, hey. What's up?"

The line went quiet for a moment.

"You still there?"

"Yeah... are you okay? You sound off?"

"Oh..." I can't tell her I was just in an argument-turned-silent-treatment with my ghost ex-boyfriend. Think of something, Ollie! "Yeah, I'm okay. It's just been... a strange twenty-four hours."

"How so?"

"Well... you know how I said I was avoiding some friends from the past while I was here?"

There was a pause before she said, "Yeah?"

"I somehow ended up going home with one of them last night."

More silence. Then, "Really?"

"Yeah... a siren, too. Though she supposedly didn't use any siren magic on me. Yet she did hit me with this theory that some male Triton has, and... I ran into some other old friends while trying to sneak out this afternoon... then they asked me to move into one of the spare rooms... as I said, it's been a day."

"Sounds like it." Though her tone lacked conviction... or a sense of care.

"Anyway..." I said when she didn't add anything. "I'm almost at the underground. Why did you call?"

"Oh, yeah. I was thinking we should do some fairy training to get you ready for fighting Mades." Her tone had perked up, but I could still hear some distance to it. "When are you free?"

"Whenever. I've got nothing else on."

"How about we do every evening this week? I'm still teaching, but once school is out and I have changed into other clothes, we will meet up, patrol, and I'll teach you some tricks."

"Sounds great! Text me where tomorrow."

"Will do."

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

May, 2019

The week passed quickly. Every afternoon, just as Emma and I promised, we'd meet up to walk the streets. We'd find at least one Made each night, but she explained that taking one out a day was never enough to curb the spread. They were infecting others faster than we were killing them.

But in that week, I learned a few cool tricks, particularly how to shift down in size. I had so much fun doing it, I spent most of my evening afterwards walking my hotel room in miniature, hoping it would bring a laugh back to Ben's face.

Though he had been distant since our last spat.

Jade harassed me every day, too, about moving in. She even sent pictures of her room one day, telling me it was 'waiting for me' and 'dying to have someone living in it'. When Thursday came and she started calling almost every hour, eventually I caved.

"Fine. I'll move in," I grumbled as I answered her fifth call.

"Yay!" she responded with. "How soon?"

"... eventually."

"Tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow is... I have plans." Emma and I were still hunting Mades, and I was feeling more confident now about making my first kill. Though I wasn't going to tell Jade this... knowing her, she'd worry. Or she'd want to meet my mystery friend, and I was wary of roping her into their business by revealing I knew another Terra Fairy. It wasn't my thing to share.

"With who?"

"With nunya."

"Who's nunya?"

"Nunya business."

The line went quiet for a moment. "Please don't ever pursue comedy, Ollie. Instead, how about you try your hand at interior design? You can practise as you move into my old room tomorrow."

Heaving a groan, I said, "If I check out of my hotel room and dump my suitcase there, will you stop?"

"I will once you've properly unpacked."

"As I told you, I have plans."

"How can you have plans? We are the only people you know in London."

"Yeah, well... I've met other people now, too."

"Sure... I think you're just trying to avoid me sucking you into a proper redesign of your new room."

I sighed again. "I'm leaving by three. You can do whatever you want with me tomorrow in setting up the room until then."

"Can't you just reschedule?"

"Do you want a deal or not?"

"Fine, fine... three it is."

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

It wasn't until 4pm that I finally managed to escape Jade's wrath of decorating the next day. The room was almost in a colour palette that was more to my liking, but there were still elements of pink and tufts lingering in crevices, waiting to be altered to tropical greens and burnt oranges. Rather than just planning what had to be changed as well, Jade made a big deal of going shopping for them together, buying everything in multiple trips and slowly transforming the room.

In the end, I snuck off when she went for a toilet break.

I fired Emma a text the moment I was sure Jade wasn't following me.

Me: I'm so sorry for being late! I got caught up.

But no response came through.

A part of me wondered if she had started patrolling without me and perhaps was on a lead, ignoring her phone in place of focussing. Which was the right thing to do.

Knowing it was better to get there to see if she needed backup, I continued on my way to the meetup spot despite her lack of response.

A couple of tube rides later, I emerged in East London and headed towards the backstreets of Poplar, hand running across the buildings as I sent my magic out like a radar, searching for hints of a fairy or other magic nearby.

But I got nothing back.

It was 5:30pm now, and I was more than late with no sign of Emma.

My lips pressed together in worry as I fired off another text.

Me: I'm in Poplar, but can't find you. Are you okay?

Again, nothing came back. So I decided to continue walking the area, keeping my magic tuned in, wary of whether I'd sense a Made nearby that I could potentially take on... though I wasn't keen on the idea of making my first kill on my own.

At 6:30pm, still no sign of a Made or Emma, finally my phone pinged in my pocket.

Pulling it out, my heart calmed slightly to see she had responded.

Emma: I'm fine. Took on two Mades at once before though and got injured. Had to head home to use backup potions, but I'm fine now.

Emma: You should head home too. It's not safe out on your own.

Me: Are you sure you're okay? I'm so sorry I was late.

Emma: It's fine.

Me: Have you eaten? Would you like to get dinner together?

Emma: I'm not in much of a state to be out walking. I'm fine, but I need to rest.

Me: I can bring food to you?

Guilt permeated my body to know I had let her down like this... that another person had gotten hurt because of me. But, like Ben, how could I have known that my actions could lead to this? If I had, I would have ditched Jade's decorating in a heartbeat.

Being back in London was, in many ways, a healing experience to me. While flashes of potential memories were coming back as I passed dark alleys—memories laced in terror and fear—I had also learned how to start forgiving myself.

Ben would be proud of me... if he was talking to me. While he still walked by my side, eyes peeled for any Mades just like I was, he still didn't say a word. And he still seemed lost in thought, gaze swirling with regret.

What seemed like forever passed until Emma finally responded. But when she had...

Emma: I'll take a chips and cheese stick pack, a coke, and a tub of Ben and Jerry's. Address is xx, xxx Street, Tower Hamlets.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

We were sitting on the floor of her living room in her three-bedroom flatshare. Tucked neatly behind a store on a long main road, you could barely hear the sounds of London once inside. It was almost like being in the countryside... or back home.

Emma hadn't said much as she ate, but she kept looking at me sporadically, eyes washing over me as though she were looking for something.

"I didn't take on any Mades," I then said to her, trying to guess what she was looking for.

"Huh? I know you didn't."

"Then why do you keep checking me out like I might have a wound or something?"

"It's... it's not a wound I'm looking for."

"Then?" I pressed.

"Why were you late?" she finally asked me.

Heaving a groan, I explained the dilemma of moving into the house and Jade's tyrannical obsession of redesigning a room in one go.

"Jade?" she then asked. "This the one you slept with?"

"No. Her name is Serena."

"I see..." she muttered, eyes glossing over for a moment as she stared into her ice cream.

"Are you okay?"

Her head whipped up, brows furrowing as though my question was an odd one. But then she forced a smile onto her face and nodded. "Of course. Just worried about you, is all. You said you were avoiding these people, yet you're somehow wrapped in their lives again."

"There's no need to worry about me," I quickly dismissed. "It's my fault really that there was a rift... I shouldn't have avoided them either. I left London last time in such a hurry and convinced myself that I and... a close friend... were cause of everything. I should have stayed and talked it out."

"Hmm." But she fell silent again, her gaze drifting far away as she seemed to recess back into the depths of her thoughts.

"Are you sure you're okay? Did you lose a lot of blood?" I asked, watching as she blinked back to the present.

Another forced grin was sent my way. "I'm fine. A good night of sleep will fix that. I just... Were these girls you're living with the only ones you were avoiding?"

I breathed an unamused laugh. "They're honestly the least of my worries. They were like acquaintances."

"So... the actual friends you were avoiding... are you going to catch up with them now?"

I stirred my own ice cream around until it melted slightly, creating a slimy pool of chocolate that no longer seemed appetising. But, from the corner of my eye, it was hard to not notice Ben perking up, life coming back to his face as he seemed to invest himself in our conversation and await my response. "I don't know," I breathed. "One of them I heard was gutted about me leaving. I didn't even think about how I hurt her. And the other... I said some really hurtful things to him when I left."

"Would you take them back if you had the chance?"

I glanced up at her, studying her face as I thought through my response. "Some things, yes."

"Then maybe you two will make up while you're here?"

I shook my head. "I don't think I want to see him."

"Why's that?"

"He... did some things to me. Took things from me... I don't know if I will ever forgive him for it."

"Do you know why he did?"

"The why doesn't matter here. He shouldn't have done it in the first place."

She pressed her lips together for a moment, making the living room fall into absolute silence. Until she broke it with, "Sounds like you both have many unsaid things that perhaps should be discussed. Even if you're mad at him... even if he did these things for whatever reasons you've assumed... don't you want your answers?"

"Even if I did, so far everyone's been saying he wouldn't want to see me."

Again she went quiet, staring at me while I looked straight back, the discomfort growing ever more evident by the second as though she knew something I didn't. But then, "I'll be back. I need to go to the bathroom."

Left alone and feeling out of place in her house, I started packing up our finished food items into the bag, attempting to make myself feel useful as I pondered her questions more.

Did I want answers?

Did I want my memories back that he took?

Or... would knowing about another broken bond only break me more?

Before I could find answer, she entered the room again. Instead of sitting on the floor by me though, she stood in the doorway, her face adorning a seriousness.

"All good?" I asked, brows pulling together as I studied her suddenly hostile posture.

"Yeah. But I need you to leave now."

"Oh... okay." I slowly got to my feet, grabbing plastic bag on the way, figuring I can bin it on my way out.

"Also, I won't be able to see you over the weekend. Maybe longer. So we will have to push back your training."

"That's... fine," I mumbled, even though it really wasn't. I mean, how many more Mades would we have if we held off further? So I asked, "Are you sure you're alright?"

She nodded. "I've just had some personal things come up that I need to take care of." And, instead of waiting for another response from me, she pivoted on her heel and started walking down the hallway.

Quick behind her, I followed her to the entrance and let her quickly usher me out into the warm London night, the door all but slamming in my face.

I stood there, staring at the wooden surface in bewilderment, replaying the final conversations in my head as I tried to unpack what I said. But I couldn't find an answer.

And when I turned to look at Ben, he was also curiously staring at the door, evidently trying to figure it out.

Nonetheless, I shrugged it off then, threw the bag into the dumpster, and headed back to the Siren House.

· · ───── ∘☽༓☾∘ ───── · ·

"That was weird, right?" I whispered to Ben that night as we lay in bed. I technically didn't have to whisper because the Sirens didn't have stellar hearing like vampires did. Nonetheless, I wasn't taking my chances.

"Very," he mumbled back, head still turned to the ceiling.

"What do you think I did or said?"

He shrugged, brows furrowing, eyes still fixed above as he thought. "Maybe she really had something come up."

"You don't sound sure."

"Well... she did start to act a little strange as you spoke. But maybe there's just something else going on that she's bothered by and something you said triggered it?"

Pressing my lips together, I thought it through again... the conversations, her expressions, the sudden shift in welcomeness. "I can't help but feel it was me."

"You always think it's you," he sighed.

I rolled to my side to look at him. Even in the darkness, I could see he had closed his eyes as that crease continued to work its way into his forehead. "I'm glad you aren't ignoring me anymore."

His eyes flew open as he glanced at me. "I wasn't ignoring you."

"You kind of were..."

"I wasn't."

"You weren't talking to me. That counts as ignoring."

"It didn't have anything to do with you though."

I pursed my lips in response, not sure what else I could add. Because if I had learned one thing about Ben by now, it's that I had to wait for him to confess whatever was eating at him. He was never one to willingly share.

"I just... I keep thinking about the past and the regrets I had."

"What regrets?"

He looked back to the ceiling, worry consuming his gaze once more as the silence filled the room.

And the absence of conversation started to stretch, making the TV running in the living room above me more evident. Making the gentle hum of the air conditioner almost deafening.

But then he finally sighed, and said, "I love you. Even still. Even in death. And you made me so happy when I was alive."

Though I could hear the tone in his voice that suggested this wasn't all he wanted to say. So this time, I pressed, "But?"

His head ever so slowly turned until his gaze met mine, fear and regret and sorrow and worry washing through in turns as I waited him out. Until he finally breathed, "I should have never spoken to you that day in the library."

Even though the depth of feelings I used to have for Ben were long gone with the absence of our bond, the memories of the year we spent together instantly became tainted with hurt and anguish as they flashed through my head before I asked, "How could you say that? How could you regret us?"

"I don't regret... I don't regret the feelings that came with having you. The experiences or the memories."

"Then?"

"I regret interfering in something I shouldn't have."

"You didn't interfere. Or, at least, you didn't know you were. So it's not your fault, Ben. So please don't ever say again that you wish you hadn't—"

"But I did know," he uttered ever so quietly, I started to doubt if I had heard correctly.

Sure my ears were misleading me, I said, "What did you say?"

Though, rather than repeating, he began, "It started not long after I was born."

I wanted to demand what this had to do with our relationship. But I trusted he would get to that point eventually, so I kept my mouth shut.

"My mum went to fetch the groceries that day from the local market. We lived in Hastings at the time, so it wasn't too far from the ocean. After making her purchases, she decided she wanted to show me the water, so she wheeled us down the beach, taking her time to point at the waves and show me the pebbles. But as we neared the end of the beach, far away from the market and human sight, she saw a woman in distress."

Where is this going? I wondered, feeling the creases permanently staining into my forehead now as I watched him speak to the world above us.

"She had gone into labour, but could not stand up. My mum insisted the woman had to ride out the contractions until she found a doctor or midwife, but then as my mum turned to get help, the woman grabbed my mother and showed what was going on. After lifting her dark dress to reveal her chemise, blood had soaked the white linen."

Despite the fact I couldn't connect the story, I had found myself engrossed. My hand clutched my mouth in shock, but I listened on quietly.

"The woman begged my mother for her help, requesting that she dragged her down to the water. But my mum said it would kill the baby as well. After much more pleading though, eventually my mum gave into the woman's wishes, accepting that, if she couldn't get the woman to stand to seek medical help, the child would most likely die as well based on the blood loss.

"Though, once they reached the water's edge, something strange happened. The water began to glow. The woman screamed in terror, but the contractions continued as she pushed the baby out... a baby with a fish tail."

"A mermaid?" I gasped.

He nodded.

"What happened to the—"

"She died not long after. The blood loss was too much. But before she did pass, another figure emerged in the ocean, taking the child before my mum could react and swimming away. My mum shouted at it, but the woman called for my mum's attention once more. She said her daughter would be safe. That she was with her people. Then she placed her hand upon my mum's face and, with her last bit of strength, gifted my mum the power of allure as a thank you. Sirens can pass on their magic in some way to those around them when they die if that person did them a good deed."

"Wait... was your mum a siren?"

He shook his head. "Not quite... She couldn't pull people in like Faye, Serena, and Theodora can—like proper sirens. More that she could make anyone's heart quicken; make them fall for her; charm them into following her wishes."

He fell quiet for a moment, giving me time to think... almost as if he were expecting me to ask more. But I was at a loss for words. Some of it made sense now though... that picture Ben's dad had painted depicted an extraordinarily beautiful woman.

"Why are you telling me this now?" I whispered. "You never said a word when you were alive about your mum's... gifts."

"Because I didn't want you to ever find out what I did... I was ashamed."

"What you did?" I repeated.

Finally, his head turned from the ceiling, his oceanic eyes storming with torment meeting mine in guilt. "When my mum died, she gave her powers to me."

"She..." But no further words came out. I couldn't understand what he was trying to say.

And when I didn't go on, he took a deep breath and said, "I was part Triton, Olivia."

"You were... what?"

He waited. And for a moment I couldn't understand why.

Until I recalled what Serena had told me.

Until I remembered how it felt looking at and talking to Ben at first. His voice: musical in quality, moving through the air with purpose... as though he were trying to lure me in. His eyes: a swirling ocean of blue, begging me to fall into their whirlpool depths.

Until, "Were you the one who used Siren magic on me?"

He hesitated for a moment. As though wondering if he could backtrack this. But then, grimly, he nodded.

"But... why?"

His voice cracked as he spoke his next words. "I wanted Lukas to hurt the way he had hurt me."

"What does..."

The sinking feeling in my stomach was begging me to connect the final dots of what Ben was trying to tell me. But I didn't want to. I didn't want to admit another person I loved blindsighted me.

Though as my eyes began to sting and the words burned on my tongue, I decided it was time to be brave and ask him the question that demanded to be asked, "Did you know about me and Lukas before you met me in the library that day? Is that why you keep blaming yourself?"

He took a shaky breath, eyes glistening just as much as mine now, before he said, "I did. I heard you two together in his room the night before. When I saw you in the library, I quickly learned you had the same name, same voice, and same routine as the one he had snuck into the house. I became sure it was you once I flicked through your notebook while you were looking for more books. You had all the right theories but your handwriting was slightly off... not quite the same scrawl as the rest... it had inflections of Lukas's, as though he was imitating your writing. It was the final clue that you were the girl he was hiding from us."

"But why—"

"I was jealous of you. When he pushed Erica away, I thought finally it was my chance. But then he moved out. I didn't see him for six months. And when he returned... he was unlike any version of him I had seen before. He was so... happy. And then I found out it was because of a girl. I always wanted to be that for him, and I couldn't. The worst thing was, he played it off. Pretended you were just some fling to protect your identity so that we wouldn't push. But I saw through it. I could see the look of love in his eyes when he spoke about you. I actively tried to separate you two at first, thinking he'd come by the library and see you falling for me, get mad, and finally confess the truth about what he had been doing all that time he was away from us... If I was going to lose him, I wanted him to at least be honest with me... and perhaps hurt him a little. But then I fell in love with you."

I've been holding onto this bombshell since chapter one, book one. Did you see it coming? How do we feel about Ben? How do you think Ollie will take this news?