December, 2018

That weekend, Marli came around to check on me. But given that mum was home, we didn't stay long.

After slathering myself in sunscreen and popping on a hat and hiking boots, we were off again to Alligator Creek—one of the only places in town that Marli seemed to deem safe for discussions.

"So... made any progress?" she asked after we hadn't spoken a word the whole car ride nor the ten minute trek we had already taken along the walking track.

Brow cocked, I replied with, "Progress on what?"

"Getting him to move on," she said as though it were obvious.

Teeth nervously pulling at loose flecks of skin on my bottom lip, I went for no response as the best response.

But she wasn't having it. "Ollie... tell me you've spoken about it."

"We... we have. It's just..." Though I didn't finish my sentence, not wanting to admit it. Not wanting her judgement.

"Just what?"

I tried to resist, but after she reprimanded me with my name once more, I heaved a defeated sigh. "We have differing views on this moving on stuff, okay?"

"He doesn't want to?" she came to a stop, eyes studying me and then around me... as though she were looking for him.

All the while Ben was already ranting at me about what he really thought, telling me what I should tell her.

But I ignored him.

"Well... not exactly," I said.

"You're the one holding him back?"

I could feel a slight sting in my eyes as the words came out of her mouth. But instead of acknowledging them and their harsh truth, I simply said, "We just have different opinions on how I will move on so that he does."

She went quiet again for an insurmountable time. And instead of saying anything back, she began walking once more.

I followed, a few steps behind her, anxiously studying her posture, but never opening my mouth to get her speaking. I didn't want to know what she was thinking or plotting.

I didn't want to push her far enough that she reversed the spell or moved him on on her own accord... even though she said that was impossible. But I need not tempt her. 

The sun had grown even warmer in the sky above than last weekend when we were here. Beads of sweat already clung to my upper lip as I trailed behind, watching, waiting, taking no notice of my tiring feet and only bearing her silence.

Though as we reached the top of the next hill, where the trees had thinned around us, she came to a stop once more. 

I looked back at the path we had just taken and the long winding one to go before we reached the waterfall before she finally said, "You promised me, Ol."

Pressing my lips together, I bowed my head in a non-verbal 'I know'.

Her head whipped around, going over me, taking me in. "He can't stay. It's not healthy for him or you."

"I know," I whispered out loud this time.

But as though she thought I didn't, she went on. "You have to let the dead go, Ollie. You can't depend on him again. And you certainly cannot keep loving a ghost... because he's not here. And only you can see him."

"I know."

Though she still wasn't done with trying to make sure I really understood the gravity of this. "And for him... it's dangerous for him to be seen as a spirit. The longer he lingers in this limbo, the harder it will be for him to move on. If he has new connections with you, he might drift away from his mission to move on. He might—"

"I get it, Marli. But if it was so dangerous, why did you even do the spell?"

"I..." Her brows had pulled together, breaths becoming ragged. "I didn't know the dangers of it myself, okay?"

"You... But you know now?" I tilted my head slightly in shock.

"My grandma tore me a new one when I told her what I had done..."

"Oh..."

"Apparently Anjea are only supposed to bring the dead back to be seen if it's absolutely necessary because of lost information. We're not to do it just because a friend misses their boyfriend."

I was in a battle within me to apologise and scream at her that 'missing him' barely scratched the surface of what was going on for me—which she knew. But Ben's wary gaze over her shoulder and look that said 'don't do it' kept me from doing the latter. So instead I said, "Thank you, Marli. I'm sorry I've put you in a tough spot."

Shrugging, she pivoted on her heel and began walking again. "You can thank me by making sure he moves on... which was the whole point of making you see him."

"I know. And... we're trying. It's just that we need to find a way that works for the both of us."

"What do you—"

"I'll tell you once we've talked through it, okay?"

Heaving a sigh, she shook her head in disbelief before muttering, "Yeah, whatever."

We walked in a comforting silence for a few moments, my heart feeling at ease that we had cleared the tension, and the sounds of nature lulling me into a state of peace.

Seeming to notice the slight smile on my face, suddenly his voice echoed in my ear, "You're in your element here, Olivia."

Head turning to glance at him, I gave him a small shrug, still wary of talking to him in front of others. Even if Marli knew.

"The way you keep closing your eyes as the birds sing their songs... the way you arch your back with every gust of wind... Something tells me you're itching to switch into fairy form and go for a fly."

"You know I can't," I mumbled back, turning my head away.

As Ben sighed, Marli piped up, "Can't what?"

Shaking my head, I said back to her, "Just something Ben said."

She raised a curious eyebrow, glancing at me and to the space he stood—again missing the mark. "What are you two talking about?"

"Nothing really."

But Ben came back with a, "Tell her."

"No," I mumbled to him, but it didn't go unnoticed by Marli.

"Are you hiding something else from me?" she demanded, slowing her pace to an almost stop.

"Of course not."

"Then what are you two—"

"He thinks I should go for a fly. Says it's what I 'want' or something."

Her feet halted, gaze looking me up and down before she let out a slight, "Hmph."

"What?" I pressed.

"I see it."

"See what?"

"There's something about your posture. It wants you to dig into your magic."

Unable to stop the temperamental groan escaping my mouth, I stormed off ahead, holding back from throwing my hands in the air as I said, "Why are you two ganging up on me?"

"We're not!" they said in unison.

"I'm just stating the obvious," Marli then said.

"Yeah. Clearly you want to—"

Spinning on my heel, my gaze flickered between the two, fury and futility flying from my limbs. "I've never flown before. I will never fly. I will never unfurl my wings again. And I most certainly will never use my magic again."

As Ben's face began to fall from the familiar argument we had a couple of days ago, Marli's instead contorted with confusion. "Why?"

"Because... If I had never become a fairy, none of this would have happened. Ben would still be here. I would have been useless to them and probably still working my stupid job at the bookshop while finishing off my degree in London. And then I bet I would have been on my way back home... But he would have been alive." I wasn't going to address Ben this time. He knew the spiel off by heart... this pain was for Marli to see.

"You don't know—"

"But I do. If I had never used my magic—"

"You think Lukas wouldn't have found you before that?" Ben uncapped the grenade.

"Do not throw him in my face," I spat his way.

"Throw who?" Marli asked, glancing at empty air. Would she ever get it right?

"I'm not throwing him at you," Ben hissed back with a roll of his eyes. "You're the one trying to throw him out of your past like—"

"It's pretty easy to forget he existed when he wiped my bloody memory."

"Ohhhh, Lukas. Got ya," Marli said.

But Ben and I were in the heat of it again. "And as I've told you, maybe you don't know the full story."

"If I don't know the full story, then why don't you tell it to me?"

"Because... it's not my story to tell."

"No. I think it's just some bullshit thing you're saying to get me to go back. You don't know what happened because you weren't there when he and I were together. And I don't remember it. The only person who does is Lukas, and he hasn't even cared that I took off to the other side—"

"You literally told him it's all his fault!" he almost shouted.

"It is! And mine!"

"No! Lukas had nothing to—"

"Lukas wiped my memory, Ben. He did. Not me. Not you. He could have chosen to not do that. And he had plenty of chances to tell us the truth."

"Maybe... but maybe you should go back and just let him expl—"

"I will never, ever talk to that man again. He's dead to me. Deader than you are."

All life—what was left of it—and emotion drained from Ben's face with my comment.

My heart was pounding in my chest. 

Hands shaking from unbridled anger. 

And ever so slowly as I took in deep breaths the gravity of what I just said caught up.

Marli had gone quieter than a mouse next to us though, more amused at her cuticle beds than our fight it seemed.

"I didn't mean—" I started to say, hand extending for him.

"Save it, Olivia." Then, just like that, he vanished from my sight.

Head whipping around, I searched the hill top for him, seeking out he boy with the blue eyes and curly locks. But it was just me, Marli, and the bush.

"Ben?" I called out.

"What—" Marli started to ask, head tilting upwards.

But I ran off, searching back the way we came, then going ahead, all the while calling out, "Ben! Come back! Please!"

"Ollie, what are you—"

"Ben! Please don't go. Not yet. Please!" I began to plead, knees going weak. "Please!" Then at once, I collapsed. Body shaking, bottom lip quivering, I tried to glance around me for him, but my watery gaze impeded my vision. "Please come back," I managed to choke out.

"Hey," Marli said softly, falling by my side, arms wrapping around me. "What happened, Ol? Talk to me."

"He's gone," I sobbed into her, not holding her, but letting her pull me in to weep my woes. "He was there and now he's gone... because I scared him away."

"Oh, Ollie," she breathed. "I'm sure he's not gone gone."

"What do you mean?" I lifted my head from her, hopefully glancing to her face.

"I mean," she wiped at my cheeks in a useless attempt to dry them, "It takes more than a fight to make a spirit move on."

"Then why can't I see him anymore?"

Half of her mouth going up, she said, "Obviously I've never seen a spirit before, but what my grandma and aunties have told me is spirits we bring back to see can still go back and forth between the spirit realm if they need a break. But those who are lingering need to acknowledge the life they are lingering for before they can move on."

"I..." But I didn't know what to say. Nonetheless, the tears had run their course as Marli's words seemed to soothe some of my worries. Though the final thing that would fully console me was—

A figure in the distance, sitting on a nearby rock caught my attention. Head turned down, eyes flickering between me and the ground, his posture was slumped with regret.

"Ben," I breathed as I looked over at him.

Following my line of sight, Marli uselessly glanced in his direction. "He's back?"

I nodded again.

"See! I told you. There's nothing to worry about."

But then Ben gave me a slight wave before fading out again.

"He... he..." I started, already feeling that sting returning to my eyes.

But before I could start to fret once more to my friend, whispering in my ear was a musical voice saying, "Enjoy some time with your friend, Olivia. I'll see you tonight in your room."

And before I could reply, I felt the emptiness around me, like he had left again... to a place I couldn't reach him.

"Yes?" Marli prompted.

But my body relaxed onto the ground as I heaved a shaky sigh. "He said he will come back later."

One side of her mouth going up, she nodded at me before tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. "That's good."

We sat like that on the forest floor a few moments longer, me taking in deep breaths until my heart was as calm as it could be, Marli waiting out my pain, and then we were up again. Moving. Heading to the waterfall. Enjoying the calls of nature around us.