Monday, June 6, 2016. 

Good morning, class! 

How was everybody's weekend?

*collective murmurs*

Mine was great, thanks for asking! Have you completed the homework for today?

*collective groaning* *a few students shake their heads*

Well, I don't give a fuck about what any of your excuses may be for not completing the homework, because you had two days to do it! I'll be expecting the answers to the questions on my desk at the end of the lesson, and those of you who haven't done them will get a detention from yours truly. 

Anyway, *pulls out marker from shirt-pocket* as I reviewed last week's lesson, I realised that instead of hopping straight away to blurbs, I thought it would be a wonderful idea to delve more into Titles. For those of you who have been listening attentively to the lesson—there will be a pop quiz regarding covers sometime during the week—you will remember that I briefly spoke about cliché titles. 

As you already know, the best way to be a wallflower on Wattpad is to have the ugliest cover and most generic title in the history of mankind. To reiterate, the title has to be similar to hundreds of other books in the same genre AND it has to reflect your boring, overly-done storyline. This morning I thought about booking the computer lab to make you research the most commonly used words and titles for each genre, but that bitch Mrs. Robinson already snagged it last week, so I guess we can have a bit of a class discussion. Does that sound fun?

*collective groaning and eye-rolling*

We're going to do it anyway, whether you like it or not. If you have a problem with it, you can leave the class right now and get a big fat 0 on your report card. 

*crickets chirp*

That's what I thought. *flicks cap off the marker and turns towards the whiteboard* *the cap hits a student in the eye* Sorry not sorry.

I'll put up last week's genre, Werewolf, as an example to get those brain juices pumping.

✏︎ Werewolf

Key words: Alpha, mate, Beta, Omega, rejected, chosen, possessive, predator, abusive, bully, rogue, werewolf, etc.

Potential titles: The Alpha's Mate, Rejected by the Alpha, Stolen by The Alpha, The Alpha is Abusive, He's a Werewolf, The Alpha's Beta Omega, Mating with the Alpha's Sister, Wolf, Claws, Deer Carcass.

*scribbles a list of the genres*

Now, with the person next to you, brainstorm a couple of key words and potential titles!

✏︎ Teen Fiction

Key words: Bad boy, nerd, virgin, new, crush, stole, love, rejected, player, bully, bullied, boy, trust, gang, gangster, falling for, [insert generic white girl/boy's name], saving, possessive, boyfriend, girlfriend, model etc.

Potential titles: The Bad Boy Stole My Used Tampon, Crush On The Rejected Bullied Player, Saving River, Falling For The Bullied Bully, The Nerdy Bad Boy, Robert, Stolen By The Boy I Trusted, The Bad Boy Killed My Family, My Boyfriend Is Actually A Gangster, The Bad Boy Is Part Of A Cult, Sacrificed By The Bad Boy To The Dark Overlord, Possessed By My Love, My Girlfriend Is Actually A Blow-Up Doll.

✏︎ Vampire 

Key words: Blood (any variation), bitten by, vampire, king, married, love, sacrifice, offering, dating, fate, broken, slave, hunter, darkness, prince, dark, angel, sold, fangs, shadows, etc.

Potential titles: Blood, Bloodied, Menstrual Blood, Married To The Vampire, Offered to Dracula, Slave To The Menstrual Cycle, I'm Actually A Vampire Hunter Look Me Up On Wikipedia, Living In the Shadows, I Have A Skin Disorder But My Friends Think I'm A Vampire, Twilight, Dating A Sacrificial Offering, Fate Killed My Vampire Boyfriend, My Hamster Is a Deadly Vampire, The Angel of Dark Darkness, Broken By A Vampire With A Baseball Bat, Sold To A Vampire For Donuts.

✏︎ Fanfiction

Key words: One Direction, 5SOS, Zayn, Louis, Niall, Harry, Liam, Twitter, YouTube, Facebook, Potter, random acronyms, random nouns, fucked, boyfriend, alpha, imagine, love, player, etc.

Potential titles: Adopted By One Direction, Abducted by One Direction, Justin Bieber Is My Slave, Played By An Untalented YouTuber, 5SOS Fucked My Asshole, Imagine How My Babies With One Direction Will Look Like, Zayn is Daddy, Niall Is Ugly, Boxed, Stolen, REMAHODF, TAOWDHFI, SDKASDIASKADSAISD, Harry Is An Alpha Slug, I'm In Love With The Coco, Potatoes In The Shape of One Direction Band Members, Life As a Crazy Fangirl, How I Ripped Out A Chunk Of Liam's Hair, Meeting One Direction, Harry Potter And The Wand Dildo.

✏︎ Fantasy

Key words: Heir, throne, chosen, one, [insert game] online, any element, [insert complicated fantasy name], lost, princess, prince, king, assassin, queen, knight, demon, throne, sword, axe, club, academy, The _____ Chronicles, The Heir of ______, etc. 

Potential Titles: Heir To The Demon Empire, Weeabos Online, The Fire Princess, The Earth Peasant, The Water Prince, Prince Of Daisies, The King Is Dead, The Alksdjfa Chronicles, The Heir of the Easdfaodsjfd Throne, The Queen Of The Rocks, Prostitute Academy, The White Knight, The Sword Which Double Ups As a Dildo, Clubbing My Enemies, Lost In The Abyss of Doom, The Kingom of Argrathronionuslim.

✏︎ Romance

Key words: billionaire, millionaire, rich, CEO, mafia, love, baby, pregnant, boss, thug, hood, marriage, married, arranged, Mr., Ms., wife, husband, teacher, student, brother, sister, dollars, daughter, son, maid, etc.

Potential Titles: Married To The Billionaire, Bill Gates Is My Baby Daddy, In Love With My Brother, Pregnant With the Millionaire's Baby, Arranged Marriage, Mr. CEO Of The Worldwide Mafia Is My Lover, Thug Love, Hood Love, Swag Love, Mr. Teacher is Ms. Student, The Millionaire Is Actually A Billionaire, My Wife Is A Thug Mafia Billionaire CEO Person.

✏︎Science Fiction

Key words: [insert number sequence], The "noun", cursed, survived, surviving, zombies, aliens, war, cursed, journey, searching, finding, walls, bound, breeders, [insert acronym], etc.  

Potential Titles: 345345, 0100101001010100101, The Orange, The Loaf Of Bread, Behind A Wall, Glass Dome, More Walls, Searching For Freedom, Journey To Find Toilet Paper, A.N.A.L., Aliens, Alien 2, Alien 345, Bound To Breeding, Women Are Breeders, Women Give Birth To Babies In This World, Test Tube, Lube, War With Aliens, Space Ships, Outer Space, Breeding Aliens, Oops I'm Actually An Alien, E.T Reborn, Terminating This Alien Pregnancy.

✏︎Horror

Key words: [name of cursed doll], captured, cursed, abducted, Dead, Blood, disturbed, psycopath, crazy, creepy, obsession, exorcism, devil, satan, child, haunted [insert social media name], horror, room [number], etc. 

Potential Titles: Samantha, Stefany, Angelina, The Abducted Doll With The Shift Eyes, Room 3, Room 2674, My Weird Obsession With Toothpaste, Satan's Love-Child, Haunted Myspace, The Psycopath Next Door, The Cursed Barbie Doll, My Creepy Child, Captured By A Baby, Dead And Reborn, Born By Blood, Exorcised By A Pedophilic Priest, I'm Mentally Disturbed, Dark Fantasies.

✏︎Mystery/Thriller

Key words: A verb, an object, stalking, obsessed, lies, death, mine, suicide, room, taken, truth, lies, kidnapped, stalked, etc.

Potential Titles: Jogging, Running, SPRINTING, Death by Whip, Suicide In A Room, Truth Lies Deceit And Fake Bitches, Stalked By My Boyfriend, My Husband Is a Stalker, Rock, Hidden, Mine Is Death, Lied To By My Baby, Taken 5, Obsessed With Toothbrushes This Time.

*bell rings*

Oh lookie here, we're out of time! 

As you leave the room desposit your homework on my desk, and make sure you take a picture of the whiteboard! I didn't slave away writing out these titles for nothing! Wednesday's lesson will be on blurbs—for real this time—and make sure you bring your textbooks.

-:-

Christ, that was exhausting. My fingers are crippled from all that capitalisation.

 I'd like to give a special mention to another one of my salty readers, taiwob , for suggesting that I make a chapter on cliché titles! I didn't write the titles for EVERY SINGLE GENRE, because not only am I lazy fuck, but it's not like you have a zillion people writing Spiritual or Action stories. Let's be honest here. 

🍟🍟🍟

Is there something that you're itching to complain about, but have the good sense not to do so on a public forum? I can do it for you! Feel free to PM me with the topic you want me to rant about, and I won't think twice before adding it here. I'll be waiting!