Song: Nung Tayo Pa- Janella Salvador

Need

Sabihin niya lang na hindi totoo 'yon, maniniwala ako.

I didn't want to believe Hannah because maybe it was part of her plan. Baka gusto niya lang kaming sirain.

Mahal ako ni Dominic at hindi niya kayang gawin sa akin iyon.

May kakaibang kirot sa puso ko nang inangat ni Dominic ang tingin sa akin. Nanatili akong seryoso kahit na ramdam ko ang patuloy na pag-agos ang mga luha ko. Sinubukan niyang lumapit sa akin pero agad akong lumayo.

"Arielle, I'm-"

"Was that true?" I asked, raising a brow at him. "Am I a bet? Am I a fucking bet?!"

Bumuka ang bibig niya pero ni isang salita ay walang lumabas doon. I think he's lost for words. Nanatili akong nakatitig sa mata niya, tinitingnan kung gaano rin siya nasasaktan sa nangyayaring 'to.

Mahal niya ako kaya bakit niya gagawin sa akin 'to?

"Let me explain..." sinubukan niya akong abutin ulit pero agad akong lumayo bago niya pa ako mahawakan.

"Just answer the goddamn question, Dominic!" I almost shouted. "Totoo ba?!" 

Punong-puno ng galit ang puso ko pero kung sasabihin ni Dominic na hindi totoo ang lahat ng 'to, sigurado akong huhupa 'to. I want him to tell me that it isn't true because I don't want to go through the same pain again.

"Yes, but-"

Napasinghap ako. Hindi na niya naituloy pa ang sasabihin niya dahil namilog na agad ang mga mata ko. Biglang bumagal ang hininga ko nang dahil sa narinig.

No... no... please... tell me this isn't true. Tell me it was just a joke.

I was shaking uncontrollably. Nagmamakaawa niya akong tiningnan at sinubukan muling lumapit. Umiling ako at hindi hinayaang lumapit sa kanya.

"See? I told you it's true, Serena!" si Hannah na natatawa na ngayon.

"Shut the fuck up!" sigaw ni Dominic sakanya.

I saw him clenched his fist. Habang ako ay takot na nakatingin sakanya, galit naman siyang nakatingin kay Hannah. I saw him shaking with anger. Lumambot lang ulit ang tingin nang bumaling siya sa akin.

"Arielle, please... I called the bet off long ago."

"How the hell... did you put me in this same situation... again?" dahan-dahan at mariin kong pagkakasabi.

"Baby, I'm sorry. Please... just let me explain."

Patuloy niya akong inaabot pero mas desidido parin akong lumayo sakanya. I can't believe him. I can't believe that this is all happening again... on the same day... the same fucking day where all the pain that I experienced was just horrible.

How can he do this to me? I trusted him! He probably realized that I have trust issues, right? Then why would he still do it?

I wasn't hurt by that silly bet. He knows that I've been through worst. I was hurt because I trusted the person who I thought would never hurt me. But it turns out he's just like every other guy. Papaibigin ka sa umpisa at sa huli aaminin na hindi naman pala totoo ang lahat. Papakiligin ka, pero sa huli, sasaktan ka rin.

And it's sad because I actually thought he's different.

Alam ko na sa oras na mahalin ko siya, may oras rin na masasaktan ako. Pero hindi ko naman inakala na ganitong klaseng sakit pala ang hatid ng pagmamahal ko sakanya.

I thought I will never go through that same pain again because he's with me. He makes me happy and he understands me. He knew everything about me because I trusted him. Pero lahat ng 'yon ay nawala ng parang bula nang dahil sa ginawa niyang ito.

"What's there to explain, Dominic?" I tried to laugh as I keep on shaking my head at him. "You just reminded of why I am scared of trusting anyone."

Humakbang ako palayo sakanya. When I moved pass him, he immediately caught my arm. Napabaling akong muli sakanya pero mabilis ko ring naisampal ang palad ko sa pisngi niya. He looked surprised. Nakita ko kung paano nanlatay ang palad ko sa pisngi niya dahil sa lakas ng sampal ko. Even Hannah looked surprised.

Binawi ko ang kamay ko sakanya. Dahan-dahan niya akong nilingon muli. His mouth parted. The look on his face is the least of my concern now. I don't care if he regretted it or whatever. I just don't care anymore.

Pinalis ko ang luha ko at matapang siyang dinuro.

"Huwag na huwag mo akong mahahawakan! Nandidiri ako sa'yo! Don't ever show your face to me again. Ayaw na kitang makita ulit!"

Tinalikuran ko na siyang muli at naglakad na palayo sakanila. Sinubukan niya akong hawakan at habulin ulit pero marahas kong tinampal ang kamay niya.

"Anong sabi ko sa'yo?"

"Arielle, I'm sorry... please..."

Sinubukan niyang humakbang palapit.

"'Wag mo akong sundan! Baka kung ano ang magawa ko sa'yo." punong-puno ng galit kong sinabi.

I didn't dare to look back when I walked away. I told myself that it will be the last time I'll ever look at him again. Tumawag ako ng taxi upang ihatid ako pauwi ng condo. I broke down in tears as I entered the car. Sa tingin ko nababahala na rin ang driver dahil simula pagpasok ko sa loob ay ngumawa na agad ako.

"O-Okay lang po ba kayo, M-Ma'am?" kuryosong tanong ng driver.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga at pinalis ang luhang bumagsak sa aking mata. Nagkatinginan kami sa rearview mirror. Lumunok ako at sinubukang tumango. I tried to speak but my lips just kept on shaking.

"O... okay lang... po ako." mahina kong sinabi.

Iniwas ko nalang ang tingin sakanya at tsaka sinandal ang gilid ng ulo sa may bintana. Pumikit ako at hinayaang magpatuloy sa pag-agos ang luha.

Just when I was feeling okay and great about myself again, this happened. The walls that took me years to build completely shattered, letting people know how broken I was... how everything is just so painful and I don't know if I can handle it on my own.

Parang nagflashback sa akin lahat ng nangyari sa parehong petsa. I remembered the day I caught Samuel cheating on me. I remember the day we got into an accident. I remember how Ariana died and how I begged for the doctors to just save her. I remember how my family blamed me for it. Then... I remember what happened a while ago.

All of the bad things that happened to me flashed inside my mind, reminding me that I'm still not completely okay. No matter how hard I pretend, no matter how happy I get, I'm still far from okay. This date will just keep on reminding me of the pain that I've been through all these years.

I clenched my fist, hoping this will help me stop the pain. But it didn't. It only reminded me of everything. Like this was my breaking point.

Akala ko tapos na ako sa pag-iyak. Akala ko wala nang luhang natira dahil naiiyak ko na noong nakaraang taon, pero hindi pa pala. I'm still the same old pathetic Serena who will always get hurt no matter how hard she tries to push people away.

Sana hindi ko nalang hinayaan ang sarili na mahulog sakanya. I should've known better. I should've... guarded my heart more. Baka sa ganoong paraan, hindi ako nasasaktan ngayon.

He poured salt into my wounds and made it all worst.

See... that's the problem with me. Kaunting kilos lang, kaunting pagpaparamdam lang na naiintindihan nila ako, wala na. Iba na ulit ang ikot ng mundo ko. I always get myself attached to things that I know won't last. And that's one thing I feel sorry about myself actually. That's one thing that I need to change about me.

Not all people will care. Sa una lang sila magaling, pero sa huli, sasaktan ka rin. They will wrap you around their fingers so they can take advantage of you in the end. That's how cruel people can be.

Wala silang pakealam kung may masasaktan. Ang importante, masaya sila. I need to stop giving my all to someone who will take all my hopes and faith away. Because when everything started to end, I just feel lost.

Now I need to remind myself why I need to build my walls back. I'm tired. I'm tired of everyone hurting me. I'm tired of everyone leaving me. I'm tired of everyone treating me as a joke—more so a game!

I just wanted to curl up and stop. Mariin kong pinikit ang aking mga mata at nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga. I was down on my knees as soon as I entered my condo. Ang iyak na kanina ko pa pinipigilan ay kusa nang lumabas ngayon.

I wailed and screamed for the pain this date has caused me over the years. Wala na akong pakealam kung naririnig ako ng katabing unit. Let them know that I've had enough! That I'm no longer myself again because I lost it to someone who I thought actually cared.

I wiped away my tears. When will I stop being so pathetic? Napakahina mo talaga, Serena, kahit kailan!

"Stop crying. Stop fucking crying!" I said to myself. Marahas kong pinalis ang mga bagong luhang lumandas sa mukha ko.

I stood up and place my hands on the edge of the table near the door. Halos babasagin ang mga nakapatong doon. Nanatili akong nakatitig doon habang hinahabol ang hininga. I squeeze my eyes shut and held onto the table hard.

Gusto kong sumigaw sa galit. Gusto kong magwala. Baka sa ganoong paraan mailabas ko rin ang lahat ng sakit.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang pumasok sa isip ko para kunin ang vase at ibato ito sa pader. Tumama pa ang iilang bubog sa pisngi ko pero wala akong pakealam. Inalis ko ang mga nakapatong sa lamesa at hinayaan itong mabasag.

With one swift move, all of the things I see, I ruin. I screamed as I slowly make a mess inside the unit. Not only did I shout out the pain but I shout out everything. I shout out the good and the bad that happened to me until there was nothing left in me. I frantically looked around for something to throw.

So everything was just a fucking show? Was all of it part of their plan?

The part where he befriended me... the part where he showed me that he actually cared about me... the part where me made me believe that I could trust him.

How about the moments we shared together? The I love you's?!

Oh, fuck! Was that even real? Baka naman sinabi lang ni Dominic iyon para mas lalo akong mapaniwala. I was the only one who fell in love! How fucking pathetic!

He fooled me! He fucking made me feel so disgusted of myself. How could I let myself get fooled by a guy again? Akala ko ba matututo na ako? Ano 'to?! Tangina. Ano na naman ba 'to?!

"Masaya ba, Dominic? Masaya ba? Masaya bang pagtawanan ako habang nakikita mong nahuhulog na ako sa'yo?" Sigaw ko habang pinagbabato ang mga gamit sa sahig. "Masaya bang pagkatuwaan ako?! Masaya bang lokohin ako?! Masaya ba?!"

I continued to scream. When I got tired, I slumped down on the floor. Habang hinahabol ang hininga ay bumaba naman ang tingin ko sa kwintas na binigay ni Dominic sa akin noong birthday ko.

Isn't ironic that the person who told me to start opening my heart again is also the same person who just broke my heart?

Sinubukan ko itong alisin sa leeg ko pero sa huli ay hindi ko parin nagawa. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Kahit na gusto kong gawin, nahihirapan ako. I shut my eyes again. Yumuko ako at tuluyan nang sumuko.

"Please take this pain away..." I whispered to no one. "P-Please..."

Ilang minuto ata akong nanatili sa ganoong pwesto hanggang sa mapagdesisyonan kong tumayo at dumiretso ng banyo. I look at myself in the mirror and saw the reflection of a girl I no longer know. My eyes are puffy for crying hard and my hair is all over the place. Kahit ang damit na suot ay basa na rin dahil sa luha.

May dugong tumutulo sa aking pisngi dahil sa bubog na tumama kanina pero wala akong ginawa upang gamutin iyon. I just stared at myself in the mirror and asked:

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

I glared at the mirror. May parte sa sarili ko na gustong sumabog pero sa huli, hindi rin kinaya. I shut my eyes as I started sobbing pathetically again. I shake my head because I couldn't watch myself get so weak again.

Mas lalo lang akong naaawa sa sarili ko. I wouldn't hurt like this if I didn't care too much.

Pagkalabas ko ng banyo ay nagulat ako kung gaano na kagulo ang loob ng unit ngayon. Shattered glass are everywhere. Ang mga nakadisplay na libro ay nasa sahig na ngayon. Ang mga unan, nakakakalat. It was a mess because I wasn't able to control myself from lashing out.

Hindi ko na kayang manatili dito. I need to leave. Sa tingin ko ito nalang ang natatangging paraan para mawala ang sakit at lungkot na nararamdaman ko. The more I stay longer here, the more I will be reminded of everything that happened.

Gusto kong umalis sa bansang puro sakit at puot lang ang hatid sa akin. I know it was a weak move to just leave everything behind, but this is the only way I know how. This is the only way I know how to save my sanity.

Suminghap ako at hinagilap ang telepono ko. With shaking hands, I searched for Tito Chad's contact and called him. I bit my lip as I wait for him to answer my call.

"Hello, sweetheart! How are you? Nagpunta ka na ba kay Ariana?" hindi niya pa nakikita ang estado ko ngayon dahil may ginagawa siya. I pursed my lip and tried to gulp the lump in my throat.

"N-No..." my voice broke.

Mabilis siyang napaangat ng tingin sa akin nang dahil doon. He worriedly looked at me at the camera.

"Anong nangyari, Serena?" nag-aalala na niyang tanong ngayon.

"Can you... t-take me with you, Tito Chad?"

"H-Ha? Bakit? Anong nangyari?"

"J-Just take me with you. I want to leave. I can't stay here anymore. Please, Tito..." I begged.

"Not until you tell me what's happening."

Nakita kong pumasok na rin sa frame si Luca. Mukhang napansin ang pag-aalala ni Tito Chad. I squeezed my eyes shut and let the tears fall again.

"Serena!" Tito Chad called.

I shake my head and sighed. "I c-can't... I can't talk about it yet. Please... I need to leave now. Please tell me na isasama mo ako diyan, please..."

I sounded so desperate. Dumilat ako at nakita kung paanong mag-panic si Tito Chad. I didn't want him to worry him like this but I didn't know who else to run to.

"What did your parents do this time?"

"No! No... it's not them. It's..." hindi ko naipagpatuloy. Even his name felt so painful.

"Si Dominic?"

I sighed heavily. "Tito, please... just let me live with you again. I r-really want to leave."

Nanatili siyang nakatingin sa akin sa camera. His face tells me that he probably got it by now. Nakita ko siyang nagkakagulo na ngayon. Narinig ko ang pagbagsak ng iilang gamit niya sa sahig. He crouched down a bit to pick everything up.

"Uh... tatawagan ko ang kakilala ko para ipaayos ang mga kailangan mo sa pag-alis. Hindi 'to magiging mabilis so just stay there for a whille and give me a-"

Hindi na niya naipagpatuloy ang sinasabi dahil dali-dali akong umiling.

"No... no... I can't stay here anymore. He might be here any moment by now and I need to leave. Ayoko na siyang makita. Please, Tito Chad... please tell me you're going to do everything to make him not see me again... please..." I said frantically.

Bumuka ang bibig niya dahil sa pagmamakaawa ko. I probably looked so hopeless. Suminghap ako dahil may panibago na namang luha ang lumandas sa aking mukha. I wiped it away with my shaking hands.

"Uhm... I'll call Avi to pick you up. Uh... y-you can stay with her while I process everything. Okay, Sese? Everything's going to be fine. Breathe, okay? You're going to be okay."

Nag-iba na ang tono ng boses niya ngayon. Parang nasasaktan na rin pero pinipigilan lang ang sarili. Wala akong ibang nagawa kung hindi ang tumango. Before we ended the call, he told me that he'll fly back to Manila to come and get me.

Hindi raw siya mapapanatag na aalis ako ng mag-isa. He wanted to be there for me.

Habang hinihintay naman ang kaibigan ni Tito Chad na dumating ay inabala ko ang sarili sa pag-iimpake ng gamit. Lahat ata ng gamit ko ay kinuha ko na. Wala nang tinira maliban sa jersey na binigay sa akin si Dominic noon.

Padarang ko iyong binalik sa cabinet at nagtungo nang muli sa mga maleta ko. Hinila ko ang mga gamit ko palabas at ilang segundo lang ang nakalipas ay narinig ako ng pagkatok mula sa labas. I peeped through the peep hole to make sure that it wasn't Dominic.

I sighed in relief when I saw that it was Avi. Nagulat siya nang makita ang ayos ko nang pagbuksan ko siya ng pinto.

"Hey... are you..." her eyes went behind me. She gasp. "What happened? Are you okay?"

I glanced back inside and saw the mess I've made. Wala na akong gana pang ligpitin iyan. Ang natatanging nasa isip ko nalang ngayon ay ang umalis bago pa ako tuluyang maabutan ni Dominic.

"Yeah..." sabi ko sa maliit na boses.

Nilabas ko na ang mga maleta ko upang hindi na siya mag-tanong pa. Nag-aalala siyang tumingin sa akin pero sa huli ay nanahimik nalang rin dahil siguro nakaramdam siya na mas gugustohin ko pa iyon. She helped me with my things while I lock the door of my unit.

Mabilis kaming naglakad patungong elevator. Agad namang may dumating kaya agad rin kaming pumasok sa loob. I saw how wrecked I was in the mirror so I looked away and turned my back on it. Pinindot naman ni Avi ang palapag kung saan siya nag-park.

Nanatiling diretso ang tingin ko, hinihintay na magsara na ang pinto. I have nothing else to do now. I don't want anything anymore. I don't want friends and I don't want love because they're all just a trap.

Bago tuluyang magsara ang pinto, napansin ko naman ang pagbukas ng elevator sa tapat namin. Nawala lang ang tingin ko doon nang marinig kong mag-ring ang phone ko. The elevator started to go down now.

Tiningnan ko kung sino ang tumatawag at nakita ang pangalan ni Dominic sa caller ID. Kanina niya pa ako tinatawagan pero kanina ko pa rin iniignora 'yon. He's left a lot of messages for me and I didn't dare to open any of it.

Nang makarating kami sa parking ay tinulungan ko si Avi na ilagay sa compartment ang mga gamit ko. Nang matapos ay nauna siyang pumasok sa loob ng sasakyan niya.

"Uh... can you give me a second? May gagawin lang ako." paki-usap ko.

Tipid naman siyang ngumiti at tumango habang binubuhay ang sasakyan niya. Lumayo ako at humanap ng trash bin. I used a pin to get the sim card inside my phone. Sinira ko na muna iyon bago ko ito tuluyang tinapon.

Bumalik ako sa sasakyan ni Avi at naghanda na sa pag-alis.

"Kung kailangan mo ng kausap, nandito lang ako." Ani Avi bago magmaneho.

Tumango lang ako at hindi na nagsalita pa.

I stayed with her for weeks. Ang sabi ni Tito Chad ay hindi agad maproseso ng kaibigan niya dahil peak season at marami rin ang nagbobook paalis. Naiintindihan ko naman kaya matyaga akong naghintay. I told Tito Chad that I can take my final exams first before I leave.

Hindi na ako masyadong pumapasok pero susubukan ko paring mag-take ng exam para masabing nakatapos ako ng isang sem. I didn't see him or Hannah anywhere so I felt relieved.

I did bad during my final exam but I didn't care. Mataas naman ang prelim at midterm ko kaya siguro mahahatak naman iyon. For a moment I just didn't care about failing anymore. I just really want to get this over with.

Ilang araw matapos ang exams ko ay dumating si Tito Chad. Agad niya akong niyakap ng mahigpit nang makita niya akong muli. I couldn't help but get so vulnerable again. I let myself cry against his shoulder.

"Shh... I'm here now... you're going to be fine." Aniya.

Kinulong ko ang sarili sa bisig niya. "Ang sakit, Tito Chad... sobrang sakit."

Pinilit ko ang sarili na sabihin sakanya ang nangyari kahit na mahirap para sa akin. Kahit siya ay nabigla sa nagawa ni Dominic. He couldn't believe it as well.

"How could he do that you? I don't understand. He was so nice to you. He was... in love!"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin. Was he? Baka isa lang rin 'yun sa palabas niya. Baka hindi rin totoo ang lahat ng pinaparamdam niya sa akin noon.

"Baka hindi rin, Tito. Baka... palabas niya lang 'yun. Dahil baka kasama rin iyon sa plano nila." I said.

"I thought we can trust him? Magaan pa naman ang loob ko sakanya kaya malakas ang loob ko na ihabilin ka sakanya. I thought he's going to take care of you!"

Sinalo ko ang noo ko at pumikit.

"He... did," my voice broke. "P-Pero baka palabas lang din kaya..."

Nagpakawala ng malalim na hininga si Tito Chad at kinuha ang kamay ko.

"Maybe it isn't really your time to love again. Just focus on yourself more, Sese. Love yourself more. You need that."

"I'll try..." bulong ko. "I'll try not to depend my happiness on other people."

Nang maayos ang lahat ay agad rin kaming umalis ni Tito Chad patungong Milan. Habang naghihintay para sa aming flight ay binuksan ko ang Instagram ko upang ibigay ang pinaka huling mensahe na ibibigay ko kay Dominic.

Nang hindi na niya ako matawagan o matext, dito niya ako sinusubukang kausapin. Kahit na gano'n ay hindi ko parin magawang buksan 'yon. I managed to read some of his messages while I was typing my message.

@domsdonovan: can we talk? Please?

@domsdonovan: I can explain everything to you once you're ready. Please see me, Arielle.

@domsdonovan: I love you. Please talk to me. I'm so sorry.

Hanggang doon lang ang nabasa ko at hindi na pinansin ang iba. Mas itinuon ko nalang ang atensyon sa pagtitipa ng mensahe para sakanya.

@arielleserena: Let's stop. Let's break up. I don't want to talk or even see you again. Goodbye.

I shut down all my social media accounts after I sent him my message. Pinagdedelete ko na rin ang mga apps na maaaring makapag-contact sakanya sa akin. I just want to forget him. Even if it's going to be hard.

I'm not even sure if I'm ready to move on.

I never liked pain. As much as it hurts letting go of him, I had to. I had to save myself from this pain because no one's going to do it for me but me.

Mabilis ang naging takbo ng linggo ko matapos kong makarating ng Milan. Tito Chad helped me drift my mind off to something else by accompanying me towards the agency I applied for a few months back.

Kahit na mahirap pa para sa akin na gumawa ng kahit ano, alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ako dapat magmukmok pa. Nangyari na ang nangyari at tapos na kami.

The agency was very warm and welcoming. After taking a picture for my digitals, they interviewed me and I tried to answer everything without letting my voice break.

Sinusubukan ko namang kumilos ng normal. Sinubukan kong ibalik ang sarili sa normal pero mahirap talaga. Ngayon nalang ulit ako nahirapan ng husto na magkunwari na ayos lang ang lahat.

Lumabas ako ng balkonahe upang makalanghap ng sariwang hangin. Naghihintay nalang ako ng tawag ng agency para sa panibagong shoot. I messed up during my last shoot. It was for a perfume and I did bad during the shoot that's why we had to stop.

I told Tito Chad that I couldn't do it because I wasn't feeling good about myself. I just had to force myself to go because I thought... I could finally do it. But in the end, I just apologized to the crew because I can no longer continue. I had to stop because I wasn't entirely myself.

Sumandal ako sa barandilya at tumingala sa langit upang pagmasdan ang mga bituin. I took a deep breath before my eyes lingered over the necklace around my neck. Agad naman na nangilid ang luha ko habang hinahawakan ito.

Every time I look at it, I was immediately reminded of him. Sinubukan ko muling alisin ito sa leeg ko pero hindi ko parin magawa. I was shaking badly, like my body never wanted let go of it.

Kahit na nasaktan niya ako, hindi ko parin mapapagkaila na napasaya niya ako. He reminded me what happiness felt like. Ang masakit lang... hindi ko lang sigurado kung intensyon niya ngang pasiyahin ako.

Maybe getting over him is the hardest thing I'll ever do.

If I could just easily switch everything off, I would. I wish I could just switch off and forget my love for him.

I brought the necklace to my lips. Pumikit ako at hinayaan na tumulo ang mga luha.

I still love him so much despite what happened. And it's crazy because I don't want to love him anymore because it hurts. I was repeatedly reminded of the pain he caused me.

"Please help me let him go, Ariana..." I begged for my deceased sister.

It's sad that I wasn't able to visit her before Tito Chad and I leave for Milan. I never even said goodbye but... I know she'll understand. She might've witnessed everything from above.

Agad akong pumasok sa loob ng kwarto ko nang marinig ko ang pagkatok ni Tito Chad. I sat on the edge of my bed and tried my best to smile at him.

"Your agency called. They told me that you're booked for three photoshoots for a magazine next week. May isa ka ring show na dadaluhan. Are you sure you're ready to work now?"

"Y-Yeah... I'll try. I mean... I have to work. Sayang ang opportunity." I faked laughed.

Tito Chad sighed heavily and sat next to me. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I rest my head on his shoulder.

"I know you're hurt even if you try to hide it." Alu na.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. Nanatili akong tahimik kaya nagpatuloy siya.

"Pain is normal, Serena. But that doesn't mean you're gonna let that pain to consume you. You don't have to lose yourself by loving Dominic too much that you're forgetting that you're special, too. You have to move on."

"I... I don't think I can. At least not now. I don't want to move on because that's how much I love... him." I whispered the last word.

Inalis ko ang pagkakahilig ng ulo ko sa balikat niya upang tingnan siya sa mata. Agad niya naman pinalis ang mga luha nang tumulo ito sa aking mga mata.

"May mali ba sa akin, Tito Chad? Bakit lahat nalang ng taong mahal ko... iniiwan ako? Bakit lahat nalang... sinasaktan ako? Is there something wrong with me? Am I not enough?"

I asked the questions that's been bugging my head for a while now. His mouth parted as he looks apologetically at me. Umiling siya.

"No, sweetheart... nothing is wrong with you. You are beautiful and you are capable. You are enough, Serena. Don't think the otherwise."

"P-Pero paano niya nagawa sa akin 'yon? K-Kung wala namang mali sa akin... bakit niya nagawa 'yun? Bakit kailangan na ako pa?"

Hindi siya agad nakasagot kaya yumuko nalang ako.

"Sobra ko siyang minahal, Tito Chad. At sobra rin akong nasaktan nang dahil sa ginawa niya."

"I know... and it's alright. Your feelings are still valid, Serena. You have the right to feel this way. Maybe you can't move on from him yet but I know that soon... you will. You will get your life back together again. You're going to focus on yourself while you chase your dreams. You don't need a man to make you feel good enough. You only need yourself."

And that's what I hold on to during the years I spent trying to forget everything.

It took me long enough to realize what I truly deserve—maybe too long—but now I already reflected about it and had all these realizations that there is no turning back.

I'm not letting anyone take advantage of my heart anymore.