When I started this book I was so excited
The discord group I was in was constantly active and interesting
I still have plenty of stories

But..
This seems over dramatic and stupid-
One of my close friends from that group suddenly just vanished
No goodbye text
No explanation
She just left every discord server we shared and went MIA

A few weeks, maybe a month later, I noticed her account was deleted
This honestly hurt and scared me a lot
That group was my only constant for a good three months while in a dark place

I grew close to everyone in it and god it hurts to even think about

I've slowly fallen out of the hetalia fandom because of this
I just can't look at any of the characters without remembering

The abandonment issues (TM) make it hurt more because my dumb brain twists it into something it's not

"It's your fault"
"You should've been more active"
"You took them for granted"

It just hurts way more than it should
It's stupid! I know!

I got attached And comfortable too quickly then they left
Like usual

It's nothing new so I don't know why it fucked me up so badly

I might continue this..
I might not

I just had to write this because it was swirling around in my mind and I couldn't breathe

It's currently 5:55 am as I write this
(Offline with no internet access, it won't even be posted for at least 15 more hours)

And I can't sleep

Anyways..
AhAh

If anyone from that group is reading this, it's not your fault, I'm just an idiot with stupid issues and bullshit anxiety

But I will miss everyone, even if they were only apart of the group for as little as 48 hours

Because I'm sentimental and fucking dumb like that

-Jay