【 not edited!! 】

       Now, Gerard swore he wasn't suggesting arson per say, but after his private Literature lesson there was really only one thing running through his mind; destruction of property.

Which sure - was very unlike the optimistic boy, but Mr Ben just had a way with words... and making them more boring than Gerard ever thought they could be. And he was deaf goddamnit - words were one of his only common grounds! And now the entire English language, one of the only languages he resorted to, was in ruins.

What a day.

"I simply don't understand."

Gerard finally came out of his mind to focus on the conversation being held by Ray and Mikey.

Ray and Pete were sat opposite him and Mikey, which should have been weird since Mikey and Pete were in different year groups -Mikey being a Freshman and Pete a Sophomore- but naturally Gerard got a few strings pulled in his favor. The school figured maybe Gerard would appreciate more than just one person's company at lunch.

"It's called a fast metabolism, cunt bag." Mikey said, sticking his tongue out right after the words left his mouth.

Ray rolled his eyes at that, but Gerard wasn't having any of that unneeded rude language. At least it wasn't being signed he supposed, but... regardless.

He lightly smacked Mikey's shoulder, making them all turn to him. "Don't call Ray things like that." He signed.

"Calm down, Gee." Mikey shrugged him off, "He knows I'm joking. Don't ya, Ray?"

Ray nodded grudgingly. "I guess... but I mean Gee's right, I've got feelings."

"Psh, all you've got is a pain and I think you lost it in my ass—"

Gerard shoved Mikey's shoulder again, shaking his head in disappointment. "Mikey."

Mikey rolled his eyes again, and soon they were jumping into another conversation entirely as Gerard zoned out once again. Though a few minutes later his plans were disrupted when he caught eyes with a certain leather jacket across the cafeteria. Well, it was a flock of leather jackets - but regardless, Gerard's eyes locked on them.

He watched as one of them materialized a guitar case seemingly out of thin air, making Gerard's interest spike. It wasn't a classic or acoustic - it was an electric guitar case. Now that made Gerard invested.

If some of them played electric guitar maybe they could start a band with Gerard!

Sure, it was quite the assumption, but Gerard was not only desperate for interaction with people who had similar interests to him - excluding Mikey and the others, but he was also more than attracted to the idea of being in a proper, non-imaginary band. Because really, relying on his brother's two friends and imaginary bands exclusively made Gerard feel just a tiny bit pathetic.

The breaking point for Gerard's presumptuous thoughts were when he caught sight of another guitar case - and he didn't waste any time wondering what they were even doing with instruments in the cafeteria, or why they weren't eating and instead pushing each other as they walked towards the exit of the cafeteria. Gerard didn't even realize he had sprung to his feet - only noticing he was practically speeding over to them when he caught sight of that weird guy that had called his 'gesturing' cute.

He stumbled over his shoes, nearly tripping seeing as he wasn't the most coordinated when he was running through a busy cafeteria. And unfortunately for Gerard, he wasn't the only one he noticed his trip-up.

They all seemed to raise eyebrows at the stumbling Gerard that was honestly too giddy to really care. He had a big grin across his face as he looked between the four boys.

"Hi!" Gerard signed excitedly, and sure he knew the probability of them understanding anything he was about to say was slim - but he was hopeful damnit.

The one he had spoken to before seemed to smile softly back at him, making Gerard's nerves pool deep in his lower stomach.

"Hey, babe." He said, licking his bottom lip almost questioningly before raising an eyebrow.

Gerard felt his gut twist uncomfortably.

"Are those electric guitars?" He signed excitedly right off the bat, and he was only slightly discouraged by the boy reaching for his phone - passing it over to him.

Gerard quickly typed in his question.

The boy nodded and some of the others did too when they read the question typed into Notes.

Why? The boy typed in response.

Because we could start a band! Gerard passed the phone back with a wide smile, his fingers twitching with excitement.

They all read the message and Gerard noticed some of them snicker while the lip ringed boy frowned, raising and eyebrow. He didn't bother mouthing anything as he simply typed; We've already got a band.

Gerard frowned momentarily before typing in, can I join?

You're deaf.

Gerard read it and nodded slowly before signing, "But I play drums."

The boy didn't seem to catch what he signed, but he seemed to understand his face of defiance because he looked like he was sighing. He put his fingers up to his ear and gestured to them before shaking his head. But Gerard didn't quite catch what he mouthed either, and the boy seemed to notice because his shoulders deflated in another silent sigh.

As cute as you are, you can't hear anything... and music is about sound.

Gerard frowned deeply, his eyes saddened as he looked up and snatched the phone almost aggressively. He shook his head as he begun typing - but it seemed like the boy got tired of waiting for Gerard to finish as he took his phone out of Gerard's hands with a defeated look. He didn't even read through what Gerard had typed as he gazed back at him.

He didn't type that time either, instead speaking silently. "Look, babe, we're kind of late to something. Maybe you can talk to your special needs teacher about music theory or something."

Gerard felt his face fall.

The words had broken the sweet melody of a blackbird in Gerard's chest, it had been full of promise, freshness and newness too. But now it sat like a cold cup of coffee waiting to be drained away. He felt like an undertaker watching a man get swallowed by a shark.

"What?" Gerard signed slowly, keeping his eyes on the boys face exclusively without blinking. "I don't have a special needs teacher. I'm just as smart as you guys are."

The boy looked at him in confusion, but seemingly caught on to the look etched across Gerard's face.

"Look, kid—"

Gerard let out an inaudible sigh. "Please don't call me kid. I'm not a kid. I'm just like you."

Admittedly Gerard's frustration was building up rapidly, so much so that he swore he might just explode - so took a deep breath. Despite his complete inability to - Gerard wanted to shout at them, have a tantrum and beat his hands on the ground like a toddler. He wanted to vent, let it all out, but he didn't want to say words he didn't mean, be hurtful. It was just so easy to be cruel in that moment and then the damage would be done.

The boy didn't seem to understand him but Gerard had expected that, so instead he took his phone into his hands again. I'm a drummer.

The boy with the lip piercing raised an eyebrow, "Um... good for you?"

Gerard frowned, feeling mountains upon mountains of pressure threatening to rip the pit of his stomach. So can I play in the band?

And as Gerard turned the phone around for the boy to read, a different much taller boy with blonde hair made a scoffing gesture. "We already have a drummer in our band, kid."

Sparks of disappointment were smoldering in Gerard's narrowed eyes as he weighed the pros and cons of the various and creative means available to him for exacting revenge. Gerard decided on a somewhat childish look of anger as he resisted the urge to stomp his foot. "Don't call me kid."

The boy raised his hands in defense meekly, but didn't say anything - leaving Gerard to frown and look between them.

"Please?" He signed sadly to the shorter boy, now desperate.

"I..." The boy looked around before letting his shoulder relax. He typed into his phone again. Look, I'm sorry but we already have a drummer. Besides, i'd feel bad about calling you out on your drumming since you're deaf and clearly sensitive.

Gerard felt like someone had kicked his chest, he grabbed the phone desperately. But i'm good - i know i am.

"How?" The boy asked that time, seeming exasperated. "How can you even tell? See, this is exactly what I was—"

It was then that people started moving, meaning the bell probably rang. And it felt like all of Gerard's hope -or what was left of it- seeped out of his body like wax dripping down a canvas.

"Great now we can't smoke before class." The boy with the lip ring said with an annoyed expression.

His eyes moved to Gerard then, who at this point felt like a bruised apple.

"Look... you're cute, okay? And maybe if you weren't deaf I'd definitely consider tapping that - but you just wouldn't fit in with us," He said. "You don't exactly look punk."

Gerard's mouth fell into a prominent frown as he watched the group of boys inaudibly snicker at his words. And Gerard tried to ignore completely that Pete had once told him being "Punk" wasn't how you dressed at all - it was your political views, and 'sticking it to the big man' or something Gerard couldn't even begin to recall. But as they went to walk off, Gerard couldn't stop his eyes from watering.

"Come on, cheer up, babe." The same boy said again with a pout. Which Gerard took to mean he was mocking him. "I'm sure there's a pastel club you can join."

And Gerard watched the blonde one mouth the word 'kid' prominently as they walked away. Gerard's eyes following their moving silhouettes, a small tear falling begrudgingly from his left tear duct. He wiped it quickly.

He wasn't a kid - and he definitely wasn't just some pastel-wearing kid that was waiting around for someone to ask him on a date. He had potential, deaf or not, and he knew they were all wrong; music wasn't just sound.

Music was the rhythm of Gerard's soul. It flowed through his veins and swirled in his head. It made his fingers drum and his feet tap. It transcended the everyday monotony to make each fresh morning a new journey of feelings. Sure, Gerard's voice was an instrument he could live without - but music equated to life and life equated to music. It was in everything he saw. It was in the air he breathed.

So, no; music wasn't just some- some fucking sound.

Music had the power to make Gerard's heart tingle even from a solitary instrument. There was something about the vibrations that felt so heavenly, as if it were liquid energy seeping right through his skin. His father said it was because he was deaf that his mind over compensated, but Gerard swore he would be just the same way with or without hearing. Perhaps that's why he learnt to play the drums so well, he felt it, craved it, expressed emotions better than any of his peers through it.

And Gerard was going to prove it. Even at the cost of crossing the line between desperation and determination.

He was going to prove them wrong.