Afraid to tread in the quicksand

When I'm on my way out the woods

Afraid to let thoughts bygone

Cloud the reel of my mind.

The charming demons of the past

Tied to tasteless time; tiptoeing

Through my colorful world, a darkness void

Seeping into my pulsating heart; tearing it into shreds

Shreds that just get bigger and bigger

With each cracking guffaw, each passing tear.

Disconnected thoughts

Disjointed feelings

Dispassionate emotions.

That once had the pleasure of commanding

The whole of my attention.

When I was back there,

Back then; with my insecure heart

My thickly-dusguised envy

My dispassionate face, swiftly crumbling;

Back then, back there-

I longed to be here.

To be secure, to love myself

To stand against the crowd

To laugh and to make my crush laugh

To banish all the doubts

Adorning the inside of my skull-

Asking me if I fit

If I was funny and mature and strong enough

Or if I was breaking to bits.

And now, when I'm happy

When one half is finally kissing the rims of the other

When I'm satisfied with who I am

And who I'm not

When I'm finally having fun-

Why do they haunt me?

Why do they rule my hours of solace?

Why do they stay in there, and break my heart just a little bit more?

How does life expect you to move on

When it's feeding your shackled body

More and more fetters every moment

That link you to your sepia-tinted past-

A past you'd gladly bury alive?

Why do I still think of the time

I slipped up in front of the whole class?

(It elicited not a laugh; but a silent army of dark gazes

That smothered me like no laugh ever could)

My stomach still gives a feeble flutter

When she sits beside me

And all I find is useless litter

When I look inside me.

My eyes still dart towards my shoes

When they tell me that I've changed

And even though I've come this far

I really am the same.

My body's silently burning

In the heat of a million Suns

And when my mind with them is full

My heart aches for a gun.

And I know these ghosts are here to stay

I know this shame will last

Unless I take birth once again

And undo all that's past.