Knowing You, You Might Want To Get That Checked

Facebook was boring me and I'd never leave if I went on Pinterest. Scrolling though my news feed and eating my pancakes was an average beginning to an average day.

"Sally!" I heard James call from the bathroom.

"Yeah?" What did he want now?

I hear the water turn off and James emerges from the bathroom, a towel around his waist. It's not the first and it's probably not going to be the last time I see James half naked. I didn't mind the sight but, come on, it's James.

"Sally, is she enjoying your pancakes?" He said. He was in the middle of drying his hair. It was black and shiny when it was wet otherwise it's just dark and full of gel.

"If by she, you mean me. Than yes. Yes, I am." I said more to myself than anyone.

He ignored the fact that he was in a towel and propped himself up next to me. I could see his hand coming from a mile away as he reached for one of my pancakes. I slapped it away and dragged my plate across the counter.

"Ah, ah, ah. It's the tax. You scared her away so I get a pancake. Now give." He looked me directly in the eye. My triumphant feeling didn't last long as he stole the biggest pancake from the stack.

"I wanted that one!" I groaned. He looked smug and took the biggest bite I had ever seen. "Pig." I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned with pancake in his mouth.

"How'd you scare her away this time?" It was a normal question, asked after every conquest the next morning.

"Rat poison in the pancakes." I said bluntly, knowing full well that he'd think there really was rat poison. He choked and tried to recover with a strangled laugh.

"Uh...Ha, you got me," He looked a little embarrassed. But quickly hid it with a pancake. "Don't you have a lunch to go to?" He asked with a mouthful of food.

"How'd you-- Courtney." I scrunched up my face in disgust as he kept shovelling the rest of the half-eaten pancake down his throat. Of course Courtney would've texted him. She's always telling him my plans.

I once told her about a date that I was going on and guess who showed up that night. Yep. James brought his own date and spent the entire time dry humping her. Worst date ever. The guy was cute too.

"I'm going to go have a shower, you should get out of that towel." I added, not realising the way he'd take it. "And no, that was not an offer. I meant get changed, you have a lecture tomorrow." I stated.

He trudged off and started whining. He mumbled something under his breath. Probably something about our joint class. We shared a English Lit class and alternated our lectures.

I slid off the bench stool and padded to the shower. I heard James start to sing. From the muffled sounds coming through the wall, it sounded like he was in his room. I chuckled to myself and hopped in the shower. I stood there for a while just thinking. I let the water run off me and bathed in the warmth.

"I need to take a piss." Without even knocking he walked into the bathroom. Not the first time but it irritated me nonetheless. The shower curtain was a milky white so there was no way he could see me if I wasn't touching the curtain.

I heard the lid of the toilet open and James dramatically sighed. He began to hum and I knew the tune well. It was Hallelujah by Panic! At The Disco and I found myself singing along.

"Is this a duet?" I knew he was smirking. That's how well I knew him. All his cocky questions were always asked with a slight smirk. It frustrated me to Hell and back.

"No." I said caught off guard. I couldn't help it. It was a really good song. "Now get out. You shouldn't need to take that long to pee. But knowing you, you might want to get that checked." I joked. I was trying to hide a laugh but failed. Instead of a normal laugh, no sound came out except little high pitched squeaks from time to time. I finally let out a loud laugh and rolled my head back.

I misjudged how close I was to the wall behind me and smacked my head. I crashed onto the floor, reaching for anything I could get my hands on. I gripped the curtain as I fell and it ripped off the hooks that was holding it up.

Now James was the one laughing. He had finished peeing. He stopped his childish giggling and raised an eyebrow at me. I felt his gaze rake my body and I pulled the curtain up closer to my body.

I blushed. I full body blushed. I never blushed. "Perv!" I barked at him. He was laughing again as he walked out of the bathroom. I had to ignore the pain in my ass (and how sore my butt was) to answer my phone. I warily got up and out of the tub to see Courtney's drunk face on the phone screen. I pressed the answer button and tapped on loud speaker.

"Sally Margarita! Get your butt out here now!" She shouted at me. I could hear a mixture of voices in the background. I rolled my eyes and wrapped my towel around me. She continued telling me to hurry up and meet up.

"Don't you try to change my mind, James already told me you had no plans. And I met a new friend so I want you to meet him," she giggled. "He really thinks your last name is margarita." She snickered and hung up. It was an inside joke, one that started long ago at our favourite bar. But for the moment, my struggle was to pick what to wear.

***

"Ahhhhhh!" I heard Courtney squeal as she saw me get out of the taxi. She clicked over to me, towering over me in her heels. We hugged and she grabbed my hand, dragging me over to a The Café Bean across the street. "Nice dress my the way." She winked at me.

It was a nice dress, just a small light blue sundress with white heels, I liked it. Plus it was probably the last time I could wear it with the weather starting to cool

Courtney, on the other hand, was wearing a dipping orange blouse with a black skirt. I wouldn't have expected anything different.

"Gavin, this is Sally. Sally, Gavin. Gavin, Sally." She nodded at each of us and smiled. Gavin stood up from across the small table and offered his hand out.

"Sally, is it?" He joked. I took the offer and shook his hand. Although I was still questioning his oh-so obvious intentions with Courtney. We sat down just as Rita came out from inside the café. Ria and Courtney almost looked opposites and acted the same. Thing 1 and Thing 2 were never apart and if they were it was only because of work. Rita had straight, raven-black hair while Courtney had wavy blonde hair. Both had brown eyes. And I loved them equally.

Rita was in between guys but she made it work, she had a strong independence policy. Gavin, however, was new. Courtney calls them her 'friends' but I like to call them her 'flavour of the week'. I'm gonna call this one Rocky Road or 'Rocky' for short. Simply because of his choice for a pink tie. And that totally clashed with Courtney.

My fashion sense would have to wait its turn because my stomach was aching for attention. It was complaining so loudly that Rita side-eyed me curiously.

"Hungry are we?" She joked. I answered her with a hurried 'Starving.' I practically snatched the menu from the waitress's hands.

"Whoa there, Sally Margarita. We all get one." Rocky - and by Rocky I mean Gavin and by Gavin I mean Rocky - smiled.

His blue eyes shined a little too brightly at me. It wouldn't be the first time that one of Courtney's flavours had made me uncomfortable.

I smiled weakly at both the waitress and Rocky. I ordered my Flat White and Eggs Benedict with an eager buzz.

***

If my lunch had taken any longer to arrive at my plate I would have to call it dinner. Not to mention, if Rocky kept side-eyeing me like that, he'd be the one buying the dinner. We -and by we I mean Thing 1, Thing 2 and I- were about to start playing our game of 'Stride of Pride Or Walk of Shame.'

"How do you play that?" Gavin asked, clearly he was intrigued.

I may or may not have snapped at him with my amazing wit when I said, "with intelligence." Courtney frowned at me disapprovingly. Then again, a frown can only mean negative things.

"It's simple really," Rita chimed. I always could count on Rita to rescue people. Except sometimes -like James- it was a pain in the butt, "you think of people you have or haven't boinked yet and then someone chooses 'Stride of Pride' or 'Walk of Shame'."

"Oh. I guess I'll go pay then." Rocky sighed. I felt a pang of guilt for poor Rocky but Courtney's flavours never lasted. Take Chip for example, he wore fake brown contacts and dyed his hair a freaky white. James had helped me dub him Chocolate Chip.

"OK, Sally, the guy from Magic Mike...the one that says 'Alright, alright, alright.'" Rita smiled devilishly. I had an incy-wincy little crush on Matthew and I was lying when I said it was little.

"Hmm, let me think. Golly gosh this is a tough one," I pondered playfully, "Stride of Pride, duh!" I leaned over the table slightly and took a sip of Courtney's Iced Tea. Courtney gave me a 'you good there?' look, and I smiled sheepishly.

"Nah, it's OK. You have it. Besides, my good pal, Jack Daniels, is calling my name." She mused, "actually, that's a good plan. Drinks at Sally's around 9:30!" Courtney declared.

That was fine. She went on ahead and made plans that involved me, my home, my alcohol and probably my food. Oh. Not my food.

Courtney and Rita were busy tapping away at their phones. My phone buzzed at the table.

James: who's Courtney's new flavour?

Me: how did you know?

James: I was invited

Oh, I swear to The Powers That Be, that man was created to make me suffer. It was a Sunday. And he wasn't even doing anything!

Me: You MotherFella!

"Trouble in paradise?" Rocky was back and flirting.

"Listen, Rocky," I began, he tilted his head to the side in confusion at his new official name, "I know things are difficult for you right now but they'll clear up. Once you realise your true feelings for same sex, you'll blossom into the gentlemen that you aren't." I said sickly sweet.

Rocky was dumbfounded and Courtney slapped me on my arm. "Play nice, Sal. Otherwise I'm gonna get James over here to spank you." Courtney took any opportunity to bring up any and all things James. And then act as if what she was insinuating was cold, hard facts. I noticed Rita was unusually quiet and glancing around every few minutes.

"What's wrong, honey?" I'm glad I wasn't the only one that picked up on her shy-ness, Courtney wrapped a slender arm around Rita's shoulders and gave her a sympathetic look.

"OK, if I tell you guys something, do you promise not to get mad?" Rita pleaded. She looked worried until something in her eyes lit up.

A tall man, walking towards our small table was coming into view. He waved and gave a toothy smile.

My gut feeling was telling me that I should tell this man to either go home or go to hell.

"Guys," Rita started, "this is my fiancé, Jack."

Oh look at that. My gut feeling was right.