When I think of Sebastian, I think of his hands. I think about the way they'd splay out across my tattered, old textbooks and how they'd grip my wrists just as tenderly to guide my telescope across the night sky.

They were a marvel to me— so strong yet so gentle, with long, graceful fingers that moved with both precision and care. I found beauty in the way they handled those delicate maps with such reverence, how they turned the pages to unveil all the secrets of the cosmos, leaving only to glaze upwards and brush the hair out of my eyes.

Each touch, each brush of his skin against mine, felt like a silent promise. When his hands would cradle my face and wipe away my tears, it had not once failed to make my heart race. I could forever admire  the subtle callouses on his fingertips grazing the plush of my cheeks, a testament to his countless hours spent in study.

Chapter one:
This Shadow's preordained

Sebastian always had a knack for astronomy.

It wasn't his favorite class by any means, charms was more his fourte but he'd certainly enjoyed many evenings in this observatory teaching you about constellations and nebulas. His passion was infectious and he had a way of making the vast, incomprehensible universe seem so intimate and pleasant.

He thought it was a silly form of study, akin to divination in its impracticality. To Sebastian, astronomy was all about the distant and the unreachable. How could charting the stars, something so far removed from daily life, offer any tangible benefits? It couldn't heal wounds, fix broken things, or protect you from danger. And yet, despite his skepticism about its utility, he found immense joy in it. The way the stars dotted the night sky, each one a pinprick of light in the darkness, fascinated him. There was a serene beauty in mapping the heavens, a sense of peace in the patterns and rhythms of celestial bodies and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't deny the way it made him feel connected to something larger, something timeless. And that, perhaps, was the magic of it all.

Or maybe the real magic was being with you, it was the third day in a row you'd found yourselves here and to Sebastian it was clear that you'd rather be in the astronomy tower huddled in a nook on the balcony than conversing in the ravenclaw common room.

Sebastian started coming up here to focus on his studies, it was quiet and empty but he would never complain, if you wanted to join him, he'd rather study you anyway, rather watch as you immersed yourself in yet another book, another map. Sebastian would sit behind you, his legs kicked up to lie back against the oak wall, his attention drifting between the stars and the side of your face, illuminated by the moonlight. The way your eyes lit up with each new discovery and the delicate movements of your hands as you adjusted the telescope, held him captive. In those moments, the vastness of the universe seemed to shrink, leaving just the two of you in your own little world.

"An auror." Sebastian smiled wistfully, his voice nothing but a soothing murmur amongst the quiet night. "Our Y/n's going to be an Auror."

"Only if I pass my exams Sebastian."

"You will," He smiles, sitting upright. "And when you do I have the perfect way to celebrate."

"Of course you do."

"What can I say? With your birthday coming up I had to make sure we actually do something. Especially this year, It's a special one."

"It's not a special one... All it means is I'm old enough to leave this place and I'm not quite sure I feel quite ready yet." You sigh turning your attention away to the rows upon rows of towering bookshelves stretched across the walls, each one brimming with dusty tomes, scrolls, and manuscripts. "Gosh- I wish I hadn't spent so much time revising for Charms, it's starting to affect my other classes. I'm just so worried about the NEWTS... starting to get the feeling I'm not really ready."

"Don't avoid the subject.... And you needn't worry anyway. You're more capable than you think, but I understand where youre coming from, It's normal to feel like this, especially so close to the exams, I'm nervous too and I'd bet there's not a single person who isn't."

"I guess."

Sebastian's expression softens and he reaches up to pull your gaze from the telescope, beckoning you to look at him.

"Why don't we take a break from this and clear your mind Hm? You've done more that enough studying tonight."

You let him pull the telescope to one side and lean back to rest against the hard oak walls of the nook. Closing your eyes to settle your nerves.

You can't help but feel a sense of gratitude for Sebastian's steady presence in your life but beneath the surface, there's a deep sense of guilt that gnaws at your conscience as you sit here with him.

The Nook.

It was Ominis who had first discovered this hidden gem within the library's labyrinthine shelves and he often invited you to study here with him. He used to do the same with Sebastian when they were much younger, before the undercroft became their hangout of choice. They'd spent countless hours pouring over ancient tomes and whispering about their dreams of becoming Aurors when they graduated.

It became a sanctuary of sorts—a place where they could escape the pressures of school life and immerse themselves in the world of magic and knowledge but right now all you could think about was the fact that Sebastian and Ominis weren't getting along at the moment, and the knowledge weighs heavily on your heart even if this particular strife wasn't your fault you felt somewhat responsible for ominis' brash reaction.

You try to shake the image of them duelling in class this morning. Try to forget how Ominis had kicked him while he was down, casting one too many hits with his wand. But the memory lingers, a bitter reminder of the tension that simmers beneath the surface of their friendship.

Even in the little interactions, you can sense the strain. There's a fierceness to Ominis' words, a hint of aggression that wasn't there before. And Sebastian, usually so composed, seems on edge, his movements equally tense and defensive.

It pains you to see them at odds like this, knowing that you're caught in the middle of their conflict. But for now, all you can do is hope that they find a way to reconcile their differences and turn your attention back towards the sky. It really was something to behold this evening, the soft moonlight streaming through the stone pillars, casting a serene glow over the room but it wasn't quite enough to settle your inmer thoughts.

After a while you manage to quash them a little, lying back against Sebastian, head pressed to his chest as you stare up at the stars. It was like a tapestry out there a silent witness to the thoughts swirling in your head. You wonder if Sebastian can see your turmoil too or if you'd managed to hide it behind false smiles.

It wouldn't be the first time you'd managed to convince him everything was fine, The second year of sixth form had flown by and now the pressures of exams were starting to creep in. However moments like this usually provided a fleeting sense of peace during this time and you found yourself feeling a bit more at ease but nothing was quite how it used to be.

"Something's on your mind." Sebastian blurted out, his eyes half mast, probably still reeling from today's quidditch game. "I only find you up here when you're stressed and I get the feeling it's not all down to exams and quidditch."

"Find me? I usually come up here with you."

"No, you follow me here when I tell you I'm going you don't just end up here off your own accord staring into space."

"That's not true."

It was.
You wouldn't come here if it weren't for Sebastian, it was too quiet, the kind of place where you could get lost in your thoughts for hours, withering away in whatever despair the world had brought about this time.

"Y/n..." He wraps his hands over your shoulders pulling you into his chest. "You know you can tell me anything. I don't care if I've heard it before you're allowed to talk about your feelings and it's good to do so."

"I don't know I just... I can't stop thinking about what happened in the scriptorium." You utter, hating to have to bring it up again. It was a memory that felt both distant and vividly present at the same time. That dimly lit chamber, the oppressive atmosphere, Ominis' voice echoing in the dark and Sebastians haunting words;

"You have to mean it,"

Those words would rattle around in the back of your head almost constantly. The tone a mixture of determination and fear as he urged you to cast the curse.

You couldn't mean it.
How could you have possibly meant it?

The very idea of inflicting such pain on Sebastian was unbearable. Even if the three of you were trapped you couldn't bring yourself to cast such an awful spell and told Sebastian he'd have to cast it on you instead.

He did so without much hesitation.

And that's what really hurt, not the curse or the pain, the almost eagerness to do so.

Venturing into the scriptoriam in search of a cure for Sebastian's sister was never a good idea. Even Ominis had tried to stop him. Salazar slytherin never made anything simple and you knew nothing good could come of your ventures but agreed to come along anyway. The scriptorium was full of puzzles. One of which would alter the course of your friendship forever: Casting the Cruciatous Curse. Ominis' aunt had died there. With no one to cast the curse on her, her fate was sealed from the moment she entered and now all these years later you'd found yourselves in a similar situation. Although this time there were three of you. No one wanted to cast the curse on their friend but realising the death you'd suffer otherwise. Sebastian had relented and agreed to cast it on you.

And ever since that day things were different, even if you'd given him permission to do it you couldn't help but ask yourself:

'Had he really wanted to hurt me?'

He had to mean it, after all, it was the same for any other unforgivable curse.

The thought had been gnawing at your mind, making you question his intentions. Could it be that, in that moment, he really had sought to cause you harm?

"Y/n?" Sebastian's grip tightened slightly, as if sensing your unease. He was wearing Ominis' blazer, the faint scent of the other man lingering, adding an eerie undertone to the conversation. They must have mistakenly picked up each other's after dueling in defense against the dark arts this morning, not uncommon but the scent of the other man's cologne brought back memories you'd rather not think about right now. "Are you alright?"

"Yes."

"I can practically hear your thoughts racing." He whispers, a slight smile playing on his lips.

"Sorry." You hesitate, unsure how to voice your concerns. "Back in the scriptorium... when you said that to cast an unforgivable curse you had to mean it...that you'd..." The words came out in a rush, laden with the weight of anxiety.

"The cruciatias curse..." He turned to look at you, his expression one of genuine surprise. "Yes, you have to mean it, but there's a difference meaning and wanting, if you're asking whether meaning it meant I wanted to hurt you then No, of course not," He said, his voice filled with sincerity. "I never wanted to hurt you. How could I ever?"

"I'm overthinking it, I'm sure. I just... I don't know. It just hard to process-"

"I understand how you feel." As soon as the words leave his mouth his eyes well with regret. "I mean I could never know how it felt but I-"

"It's okay." You try reassure him, but deep down, you both knew it wasn't.

It didn't take much for the memories to flood back in. The unbearable pain, the torment that consumed every fiber of your being. It was the worst agony you'd had ever experienced, a searing fire that burned through your veins, leaving you gasping for breath and clawing at your own skin in a futile attempt to escape the suffering. You'd have done anything, anything at all, to make the pain stop.

You also remembered the overwhelming hatred that followed.

Not just at the curse itself, but at Sebastian for being the one to inflict it.

When he had rushed over to see if you were okay, His face twisted in horror, you had pushed him away, body too wracked with sobs of pain and anger to speak to him. The memory of that moment still stung, you knew how much it had hurt him, to see you in such agony, being the one who caused it and to be met with rejection when all he had wanted was to help.

The curse had changed things between you, casting a shadow over your relationship that neither of you could ignore. It was as if you'd been thrust into a new reality, one where every emotion was heightened, every word and gesture carrying weight.

"Y/n, every day I wish you had cast it on me."

But as awful as it was that day also tore down barriers between you. allowing you to connect on a level you hadn't before. In moments of vulnerability, you now found solace in each other's arms, seeking comfort and understanding in the shared aftermath of the curse.

"I couldn't cast a spell I didn't mean. It wouldn't have worked."

You were both acutely aware of the fragility of your bond now. There were now moments of tenderness, of whispered confessions and stolen glances, that hadn't existed before and yet, there were also moments of doubt, of hesitancy, where the memory of that pain threatened to drive you apart again.

"The only reason I could have possibly meant it is because I didn't want us to die down there." Sebastian's voice cracked, the weight of his words hanging heavy in the air. "It's a cruel irony having to curse someone in order to save them, but you're everything to me. You and him both... I would have taken that spell myself if you'd let me."

The raw vulnerability in his voice stirred a mix of emotions within you.

"Sebastian," You whispered, reaching out to gently touch his arm. "I understand."

"I wish I'd gone alone."

"If you'd gone alone you would be dead."

"I know but..." He grimaces, pulling his gaze away from yours and trying to divert the conversation elsewhere. "Ominis... has he spoken to you since?"

"Not much," you murmured, a twinge of guilt coursing through your spine. It was a lie, a half-truth meant to ease Sebastian's worries. "Probably as much me as he does you."

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine." You utter. But in reality you had spoken in passing, things weren't quite the same and you knew the two were arguing but if Ominis wouldn't even speak to Sebastian, it's not like he'd ever know the extent of your relationship. Your past with Ominous was complimented, a tangled web of emotions and regrets that had been kept secret for months now. Ever since Sebastian had introduced the two of you, you'd just clicked, perhaps a little too much.

During term breaks, you'd often spend picnics together, sometimes with Sebastian, sometimes alone. Those were simpler times, filled with laughter and camaraderie and you'd cherished the moments you'd spent lying on the grass, books and lunch spread out on a blanket while you spoke about everything and nothing as the world moved on around you.

But as time went on, your feelings for Ominis began to deepen. Sebastian would stop showing up to your weekly picnics often opting to visit Anne instead. And so you and Ominis found yourselves alone and you connected with him in ways neither of you could've anticipated, your heart skipping a beat whenever your hands brushed or your eyes met and one afternoon, as he lay on the picnic blanket, you found yourself looking down at him, counting the freckles that dotted his face like tiny constellations. His proximity made your heart race, and as you sipped on butterbeer and began discussing your dreams for the future—becoming an Auror, starting a family—Ominis had murmured how perfect that sounded. How he wished he could have a future like that too. Before you could process his words, he leaned in and kissed you, his hands pulling you onto his lap with a fervor that took you by surprise. It was as if he had been waiting for that moment, unable to resist any longer.

It was a stark contrast to Sebastian's gentle touch, a raw intensity that thrilled and unnerved you. That moment marked a turning point in your relationship, a shift from innocent companionship to something far more complicated. The connection you felt with Ominis was undeniable, but it was also fraught with uncertainty and guilt. After those fleeting moments of intimacy, it was as if nothing had happened. Neither of you spoke of it, slipping back into your roles as friends once the intensity of the moment had passed. Yet, the pattern continued, a cycle of attraction and denial that neither of you seemed willing to break.

Sebastian didn't seem to care how close you'd become with his friend, didn't seem to even notice. That summer he was too caught up on the fact you were considering going with Gareth Weasley to the Yule ball.

For some reason the thought of that had annoyed him deeply, of course now that reason was far more obvious but at the time you'd no idea why he was being so standoffish. He saw ominous as your friend and Gareth as your lover and decided to give you the cold shoulder because of it.

Due to this you didn't want to go to the ball anymore, not until Ominis had found you moping around the boat house in that beautiful emerald green dress and unexpectedly offered to accompany you instead, you had accepted without much thought, thinking nothing of the implications it might have on your already complicated relationship. In your mind, it was just a simple gesture of friendship, a chance to enjoy the festivities of the evening without dwelling on the tension between Sebastian and you. So what you'd kissed once before? You were both young and naive and it was so long ago. You were in your seventh year and wouldn't give into such fleeting feelings but as the night wore on and the drinks flowed freely, your conversation with Ominis had taken a turn, delving into deeper, more personal topics than youd ever expected. In the warmth of the ballroom, surrounded by the twinkle of fairy lights and the strains of music, you opened up to  him in ways you never had before. Admitting to Ominis that you had always had feelings for him. That that kiss back in the fifth year was so much more than just curiosity to you.

Ominis had simply smiled, took your hand and led you to the very same nook you were sat now.

The rest of that evening had been like a dream, the warmth of the fire and the soft flicker of candlelight casting a spell of intimacy over you both. As you lie entwined, bodies pressed together in the darkness of the empty tower. You had felt a connection with him that you'd never experienced before. His skin, seemed to glow in the soft light, a testament to his beauty and in that moment, it had felt like nothing else mattered, like the world outside of your little nook ceased to exist.

And here you were, lying in the same spot mere months later with his closest friend, watching the fire die down to embers, and letting the reality of this complicated trio come crashing back in. The guilt of betraying Sebastian, even in the smallest of ways, weighed heavily on your conscience. Gareth Weasley's words echoed in your mind, his teasing hints of Sebastian's feelings for you filling your mind with a sense of unease. Sebastian had always been there for you but were you there for him? Because despite everything, you can't quite shake the craving for Ominis, the simple pleasure of his company. Even as you sit with Sebastian now, his fingers intertwined with yours, you can't help but wonder how the other man is doing.

"I can't help but feel like I've let you down," I confessed, my voice barely above a whisper.

Sebastian's expression softened, his hand reaching out to gently cup my cheek. "What on earth makes you think that?" he said softly. "I care about you more than you'll ever know. You could never let me down."

Maybe he's right.
You hadn't any idea he loved you.

But Ominis might have.
Even if Sebastian hadn't told him directly Ominis would have known.
So why had he chosen to pursue you despite that knowledge? The question. swirled around in your mind, unanswered.

"Sebastian?"

"Yes?"

"How did you become friends with Ominis ?" You leaned into his touch, seeking solace in his embrace.

"Ominis and I have been friends for as long as I can remember," he began, his voice tinged with a mix of both fondness and distain. "We met during our first year at Hogwarts, and we just clicked. Despite his family's reputation, Ominis was always kind, always looking out for others. His family, though... not so nice."

I nodded, encouraging him to continue. "I've heard stories about the Gaunts.
How they're obsessed with blood purity and the Dark Arts. They see it as their heritage, their duty. Sounds like they expect a-lot from him, demand a lot . We're not that similar but the Gaunt's are immoral and oppressive and while Ominis has a clear a dislike for my own disregard of self preservation, I think he finds it somewhat liberating to be in my company opposed to that of his parents. Maybe I were a distraction back then who knows but nonetheless we got on well."

"Oh."

Sometimes you wondered if your relationship with Ominis was some sort of distraction for him. Using lust to escape the cruelty of his home life. The thought gnawed at you, everytime you'd wake up in his arms he'd pretend nothing had happened. That you were still just friends and that left a bitter taste in your mouth. Were you just a temporary solace? A way for him to forget the harsh realities waiting for him back home? Is that why he never wanted to date. Or was that because he was Scared of what it means to let someone in, to let himself feel something real and good.

Sebastian's voice broke through my thoughts. "There were times I'd see it in his eyes. Especially close to the holidays, He seemed calmer after he met you though. Dealt with it better."

"What?" You looked at Sebastian, his words both a comfort and a harbinger of guilt. "Calmer?"

"Yeah," he nodded. "It was like he had something good to hold onto. Something pure and untouched by his family's darkness."

"But so were you... you're not like his family at all," I said earnestly.

"No, I just came up with the idea to sneak into his ancestor's scriptorium to take his spell book," he replied, sarcasm thick on his tongue. "I've cast Unforgivable Curses like he has, except my family didn't force me to cast them I did them on my own accord. Ominis would never but he still feels the guilt of it... but you... you're different. You're untouched by all of this."

"Sebastian, I've made mistakes too. I was part of that night in the scriptorium."

"But you didn't want to be there, not really," he insisted. "You have a goodness in you, untainted by the dark arts and that's something neither Ominis nor I can claim with the same certainty."

You look at him, seeing the regret etched into his features. "We all have our demons, Sebastian. You're not alone in that."

He sighed, hands tightening around mine. "I know. But sometimes it feels like I'm dragging you into my darkness. I don't want that for you."

"You're not dragging me anywhere," you say softly. "I'm here because I want to be."

His eyes bore into your, and for a fleeting moment, the gravity of your situation seemed to wash over you like a heavy downpour.

"Just never change," he murmured, his words laden with unspoken meaning. It was a simple statement, yet beneath its surface lay a depth of emotion that echoed through the room. Sebastian didn't want me to lose the innocence that defined me, didn't want you to become entangled in the same darkness that has consumed him.

"I won't," you promise, "I trust you, But I think you should talk to Ominis. I can't bear the thought of seeing you duel like that again."

He nodded slowly, the resolve forming in his eyes. "Okay." He breathed out the words, heavy with emotion. "If I see him in the common room I'll try."

With a final squeeze of his hand, we stood up. "I'll see you later," you utter, giving him a reassuring smile.

He gave a small, grateful smile in return before heading off toward the common room, the weight of the conversation still lingering in the air.