"I do not advocate violence. I advocate peace, and then just when my opponent believes me I punch them in the face."

Buster Guru

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warning: I'm tired. I tried.

Beta:

( ｡◕‿‿  ◕｡)

I couldn't resist grinning back at him. "We—We've met before."

"Too many times to count by now," Madara commented, tossing the sword away and moving towards me. "Do you remember them all this life, I wonder?"

"I don't know. Kind of? I mean I know about them, I was Nao, Mia, Miwako, Naasica, and—"

"Do you remember being Sasori?"

I blinked. "Sasori?" Then I gasped. "I get to be reborn as my boy toy?!"

Madara's lips twitched and he closed his eyes as he shook his head. "Not exactly... This must be the life right before Sasori, then. Heh."

He had reached me by that point, towering over me. He reeked of blood and death, and his Sharingan eyes were spinning idly. Most people would have been terrified out of their mind but not me. My heart swelled and I reached towards him, gently touching his cheek. "You can remember meeting me?"

"This time, yes," Madara said, allowing me to touch him. "There's only one Madara, after all. You're in the same world, simply resetting it over and over. When we met in your earlier life as Nao I didn't realize what I'd gotten myself into."

I smiled at him with every bit of affection I felt towards him.

"But death isn't the end for us," he said quietly. "Certainly not for you. In this state of undeath I have the memories, but I won't in life."

"You know I love you, right?"

"I know."

"I can't let you win this war."

"I'm fine with that," he said then shifted. "That being said I still have a role to play as the villain. They're working so hard to defeat me, aren't they? This'll be my last chance to toy with Hashi."

"Hashi-washi?"

"Hashi-washi."

The two of us stared at one another for a while longer, both smiling. I felt like I was in the presence of an old and long-time dear friend.

(First companion, then family, then teacher, then—)

He took my hand, holding it on his own. Then he took a deep breath and dug his fist in my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. There was a sharp pain in the back of my neck and all I knew was darkness.

( ｡◕‿‿  ◕｡)

I woke up effectively tied up and sitting beside Madara while a clone of Hashirama sat opposite us with a smile on his face.

I was leaning on Madara, practically curled into his side, and feeling disoriented. Then everything rushed back to me and I let out a groan. "Ugh. You knocked me out?"

"Hey Sasori," Hashirama greeted me enthusiastically, scooting closer towards us. "Or, uh, Sakura now, right?"

"For now," I told him, looking around. "Wait—is that Obito as the Juubi jinchuuriki?"

"Yeah," Madara and Hashirama answered for me.

Madara undid my bindings, neatly cutting the rope with a kunai. "Once he's defeated I'll release the seal I had placed over his heart. He'll perform that mass resurrection, effectively undoing everything, and I'll miraculously run out of power and disappear. End of the war and temporary peace is forged between the villages. Etc, etc."

Blinking vapidly I gave him a curious look. Madara shrugged. "It's not my first rodeo."

"Well this is lovely," Hashirama said with a big smile. "I'm so happy we get to meet you before you meet us. I mean—you know."

"Not entirely, but I can take a guess," I responded. "So, anything I need to know about the next life?"

"Maddie lo—" Madara dug his fist into the Hashirama clone looking thoroughly pissed. Hashirama clutched at his face and whined. "Ugh. So rude! Just save my brothers, okay?"

"Mm. Okay," I agreed. "I'll be prepared to save some brothers, no problem-o."

"Don't try to claim tuberculosis as ibusism again. I will kick your ass if you do," Madara threatened.

"I would never," I lied.

"The Forest Shrine is crazy creepy. Don't let me go into it by myself," Hashirama added.

"And do not let that stupid thief kidnap you again. Obito was right, the little shit deserves death," Madara snapped. Hashirama giggled, giving Madara a thoroughly amused look. Madara glared hotly at both of us. "I mean it!"

"Okay, okay. I'll do my best," I settled on.

Both boys nodded.

I scratched my cheek. "So I have this harem-"

"Great Sage, not this again," Madara bemoaned.

"I'll join the harem again!" Hashirama excitedly said. "And Mito would join, too."

"Excellent, I'll count you both as members then."

"I will never join your harem," Madara snapped at me. "Stop asking."

"Come now, don't be like that. My harem is amazing. Everyone else wants in. Don't you want to fit in?"

"I will hurt you," he threatened.

"You're already hurting me by saying no."

He broke my nose.

Why does that feel nostalgic? I questioned as I fixed my nose. "Jeeze, so violent."

"Oh hey Obito's about to be defeated," Hashirama pointed out, and sure as shit my little troublemaker was getting pounded into the ground.

"Give it about five minutes for Naruto's therapy-no-jutsu to kick in then I'll release the seal," Madara dismissively said. "Are we forgetting to tell her anything else?"

Hashirama furrowed his brow as he held one his hands and began to count off with his fingers. "Shrine Forest Insanity, check. Save siblings, check. Avoid X, check."

"Don't start another harem," Madara added.

"Aw but the harem was fun," Hashirama argued. "I love my harem sweater."

"No. No harem," Madara stubbornly said.

"I think someone needs a grumpy hug," I observed, inching closer.

"Don't touch me," he hissed which was just instantly grounds for Hashirama and I wrapping our arms around him and engulfing him in our group hug. Kind of uncomfortable because of his armor, but whatever.

I soothed him, "There, there."

"You'll always be our favorite Uchiha," Hashirama cooed.

"We love you," I added.

"I. Hate. You. Both." Madara threw us off him before snapping out. "Don't touch me again, peasants. I have to release the seal now."

He did a few handseals and that seem to do the trick since Obito immediately started to cast the mass resurrection jutsu.

"Okay, we're done here," Madara declared.

As the white light shone around the two of them—signaling the end of the jutsu—they both pulled me towards them. I could feel everyone else's chakra start to converge onto us. They likely believed I was still Madara's hostage, and all of their chakras were deeply unsettled and conveyed a sense of worry. Hashirama hugged me tightly, kissing the top of my head and rubbing my back.

All of my friends had arrived, then, and Naruto shouted, "Sakura-chan!"

Hashirama let me go and I turned towards Madara.

He smirked at me, pulled me close and gave me a chaste kiss.

I gasped, my hands flying up to my mouth. "You stole this life's first kiss!"

"Fair's fair," Madara said, a wide grin on his face. "Feel free to keep swearing in my name this life, too."

"Well duh."

"See you later, peasant."

Then the white light covered both of them and they were gone, leftover corpses falling down to the ground in their wake.

Then Naruto body tackled me into the ground with a cry of, "SAKURA ARE YOU OKAY?!"

"I love you," I wheezed, despite my ball of sunshine apparently breaking my ribs in his concern. "Sorry for worrying you."

"Why did Madara kidnap you?" Sasuke suspiciously asked as he caught up to Naruto. "He killed everyone else."

"He wanted my booty."

Kakashi was the next to come to my rescue, warily looking at me. "I can't say I'm surprised anymore. Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to you."
"Then would you be surprised if I asked you to join my harem now?" I cheekily asked him, grinning widely. "Obito's gonna join after he tells me the story."

Kakashi looked up at the early morning sky, let out a long, long sigh then said, "I want weekend brunches made for me for the rest of my life."
"Deal!"

"And a handknit sweater," he sniffed.

"Double deal!"

I did a little dance in place as more of my friends showed up to see that I was somehow not stabbed to death by Madara. None of them seemed shocked by that, only mildly curious.

Except Tenzou who flatly told me, "The most evil shinobi in history, who murdered hundreds prior, chooses to spare you? Why? And why did Hashirama-sama tend to you?"

"I appreciate your concern, but Hashirama is a loyal harem member and Madara accepts me as his fangirl," I consoled them. "I was in no real danger. Now before I hug and kiss all of you, there's something I have to take care of first."

It would have been amusing to fabricate some dramatic story about how the three of us were secretly engaged or something, but I remembered I had to deal with something first.

Namely, I had to get my Rainbow Stick story before a certain Good Boy™ move on. So I hopped away from my friends and headed over to where Obito laid, entirely alone and abandoned.

Obito was dying.

The resurrection jutsu had too high of a toll. Canonically he had stayed on sheer willpower alone, but there was no need to linger.

He didn't want to linger.

So he laid on his back, tired and dying.

I sat beside him, tenderly taking his hand.

I could save him if he wanted to be saved.

But I didn't think he wanted to.

He turned a weary gaze onto me, cracking a half-smile. "I believe I owe you a story before I go. Although it's likely not as grandiose as you might think."

"It's still a story worth telling," I insisted. "It's a story worth repeating."

He fell silent for a moment, then he shakily forced himself up. Using nearly the last bit of his chakra, he used his kamui to pull out an ordinary stick. "You already know what happened to me."

"Yes, Maddie-hime saved you, shared his corruption with you, and left the Akatsuki to you."

Obito lifted his head up to the starry sky above. "In that cave, I started to have this recurring dream. I was someplace near the ocean, but it was entirely black. I could hear the ocean waves, but for the longest time I couldn't see anything."

'A place in between Here and There.'

"But after some time, I saw a butterfly," he said softly, almost gently. "I woke up before anything else happened for quite a while, but eventually... eventually I was able to follow it. It was rather pretty, with clear wings that had snow dust falling off it, and it glowed with an unnaturally warm and gentle light."

He fell silent again, and I held my breath as I waited for him to speak once more.

"It led me somewhere kind... I'm not sure how to explain it, but it would always lead me to this kind of forest. I would wake up there, physically wake up there, but I could never find out where it was. If I walked in any one direction for too long, it would take me back to the tree I woke up under. In order to leave, I had to use my Sharingan.

"For two months this continued. I would wake up under the tree and the butterfly would leave me. But then... someone else started to sit with me. I never knew her name, but she was... kind. She had green eyes a bit like yours, but her hair was brown, and her skin darker.

"I could never talk, could never stay there for too long since something always called me back, but..." Obito looked down at the stick. "I took this stick. It's the only physical thing I have to tell me I'm not crazy."

"You aren't crazy," I whispered, words spilling out of my mouth as I leaned forward to wrap my arms around him. Mia kissed the top of his head and said with all the love she could give, "You're not crazy. I just didn't want you to feel alone, and to remind you that I'll always be waiting for you."

"What?" Obito asked, startled by this change.

"It's okay," we soothed him. "You'll understand soon enough."

He was still, silent as a grave, and he clutched onto that little stick so tightly it trembled.

And then he remembered.

And he held us so tightly as tears spilled over his eyes.

"I'm sorry I forget," he whispered, his voice cracking. He was shaking, and our shoulder and neck was growing wet with each second as he cried from the weight of what was, and what would be again. Happiness was found for him, just as sadness kept him company. Again, and again, and again."My little Nao... my dear Mia... my demon princess."

We squeezed him, our eyes burning and our heart aching with grief and love so terribly strong it was almost too much to bear.

"It's okay," we told him.

"I don't want to leave you," he confessed, the words muffled against my neck.

"You won't." We kissed his head and tried to comfort him. "Because you'll remember now, and you'll come with us."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

(It means we aren't alone anymore.)

"I'm tired," he whispered, voice cracking. "I'm so tired."

"Then sleep, love," Mia cooed. "And wake up in that forest where I'll be waiting."

He clung onto us, this worn down old soul, and he fell silent. It didn't happen right away, it took some time, but in between one heartbeat and the next Obito stopped breathing.

That was okay, though.

The story was told.

We would meet again, and again, and we would find that perfect happy ending again... and again... and again.

( ｡◕‿‿  ◕｡)

What was there to say after the war?

Everyone who died was brought back. Clean up was a bitch. I was tired. Emotionally and physically drained.

I had witnessed their deaths plenty of times, and I had died plenty of times, but it could still be exhausting.

'I wish I could do more.'

We returned to Konoha and I wasted no time in going back home, collapsing onto my bed and hugging Brightheart for all the energy I had to spare.

I needed time to put myself back together.

Unfortunately I didn't have that opportunity right away.

There was a shift in the air.

X took a seat on the bed, a minor head tilt in my direction as a greeting. Mia's fond memories of him put a smile on my face as I sized him up. As always, he was cloaked head to toe in black gear a thief would wear. He kept a mask on with an x over it—the reason for his name.

"Hey wife of mine," he greeted cheekily.

"I thought I asked for a divorce?" I immediately retorted before my eyes widened. "Wait—you remember?"

"Bit more than you now," he said. "I'll see you in your final life here, sweetcheeks. Bit of advice before you move on, though: learn how to build a home with nothin'."

"Learn how to build a home with nothing," I repeated back, committing this to memory. I cocked my head curiously at him. "Do we meet for the first time in my final life, too?"

"That's right," he confirmed. "Treat me well."

"With an ass like that, how could I not?" I shrugged. "So do I get an adventure with you this life, or were you saving all that for Mia?"

He looked me up and down. "Mmm-hmm. I'll come back when you're physically older."

"Damn physical age," I sighed.

He patted the top of my head. "Yep. See you later, pretty bird!"

( ｡◕‿‿  ◕｡)

The war ended with zero casualties.

Konoha finished reconstruction within that year.

Naruto started training to be the next hokage, and I set to work on creating my cafe.

And for the first time in a long, long time there was no plan I had to set in motion. There was no scheme, no future event I had to prepare for.

I woke up, spent time with my friends and loved ones, flirted with Kisame, and worked on my dream cafe. Mornings were slow and quiet, and evenings were relaxing and peaceful. There was on rush or worry.

Our happy ending had finally arrived.

'The least we could do was enjoy it, right?'

( ｡◕‿‿  ◕｡)

Answer: It rapidly changes on my mood. I find myself most looking forward to Inso's Law, Stepmother Marchen, Sacrificial Princess, So I'm a Spider So What, and literally all otome villain isekais. *Thumbs up*