"Me: I'm actually happy with my life!

Life: Lmao, hold my beer."

-Anonymous

To hell with logic.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

"Alright, you're cleared for missions again," Shizune told me.

It had been a week since Tsunade returned to the village, and the village was beyond joyous to have their darling princess—ah, queen now—back. Tsunade went to quick work in focusing the efforts to stabilize the village after the invasion, in addition to personally seeing to some of the trickiest patients that the standard hospital workers couldn't handle.

Shizune took up as the unofficial new leader of the hospital. The previous head was getting ready for retirement and was all too happy to pass on the responsibilities to Tsunade's protege. Naturally, also being the Hokage's aid, Shizune was outrageously busy. She didn't take a lot of patients (only the patients that Tsunade personally attended to), but she made the exception for me since I was Naruto's best friend (HAHA TAKE THAT SASUKE).

Thankfully, since I had been keeping up with my physical therapy and not over exerting myself while I was wheelchair bound, it didn't take much to bring me back up to speed. After a week of focused care, and light training with my team, I was cleared for missions.

Yippee!

I beamed. "Thanks, Senpai!"

Shizune smiled at me, a light blush on her cheeks. "Always happy to help. It's so nice to be settled down in one place."

I reached over and gave her shoulder a squeeze. "I'm glad that you're happy. I hope that you can think of Konoha as a home."

"I'm sure that won't be a problem," Shizune reassured me.

A grin stretched over my face. "Lovely. Thanks again for walking me through the healing process. I haven't gotten a lot of proper hands-on experience since I did the heart transplant in Wave."

Shizune blinked. "The what in what?"

"On our first mission outside the village I got to do a heart transplant," I said excitedly. "Haku took Kakashi's Chidori through the chest, so he needed a new heart. It was really scary, but I think it was good experience."

Shizune balked. "Wait—you did a heart transplant on your first mission?"

"First one outside the village," I corrected her. "And yes. Kakashi and Zabuza helped me find some of the veins and whatnot inside, though. I couldn't have done it without them."

"Were they—did they also use Shōsen and assist you?"

"I was the only one who knew how to use Shōsen."

"So you were essentially on your own?"

"Well, I suppose if you want to get technical about it—"

"Sakura, that's unbelievable."

"You can look at the mission report if you don't believe me—"

"No, no," Shizune said quickly, still stupefied, "it's simply that, that, that it's amazing. You're only twelve and you already performed major cardiovascular surgery."

I shrugged. "To be fair I, coincidentally, studied heart transplants before the mission. And Kakashi and Zabuza were the ones who really helped guide me. I don't think I would have been successful without them."

Shizune's eyes widened. "You were successful?"

"Uh, yeah?"

"Oh my. Have you considered becoming a full-time iryo-nin?"

"It is something I have considered, yes," I told her. "But, I also want to be some kind of damage-dealer. If I can't solo enemies on my own, then that's no fun."

"That's not problem," Shizune assured me. "With your natural talent, though, I feel confident you could have the skills to specialize in at least two fields. If you're serious about becoming an iryo-nin, though, you should come with me on my rounds at the hospital."

My eyes grew large and I felt a pleasant flip-flop in my stomach. Excitedly, I asked, "Are you sure? I'm still technically twelve, so wouldn't people be wary?"

"I'll claim you as my apprentice if that's the case," Shizune dismissed. "Perhaps Tsunade may even want to take you up as her last apprentice once she sees what you're capable of."

"Oh, boy! When can I come around?"

"Any time you have free time," Shizune said. "I know you'll be doing a lot of missions for the village to help bring it back on track from the invasion, but when you have time I think it would be greatly beneficial to you to come on rounds with me."

"Thanks, I definitely will. Hey, do you work with poisons?"

"Frequently. It's actually my go-to offense," Shizune admitted.

I grinned. "Me, too! Sorta. I mean, I'm learning. Would it be—I mean would it be okay to ask for a lethal recipe?"

Shizune tilted her head. "You don't have any lethal recipes?"

I shook my head. "No. Only a Chuunin—"

"Really?"

"Yeah. So a lot of the good stuff is restricted. Given my team's natural magnetism towards extreme danger, I was hoping to be able to find a good, proper, lethal poison."

Shizune gave a small laugh. "Yes. You do seem to attract danger. Well, if you only want one then I'll give you my favorite. Krait's Kiss."

I blinked. "Krait's Kiss?"

Shizune nodded. "Yes. It's actually one I created myself. The ingredients involved are hard to come by, but I'm sure you'd be able to make do."

"Hard to come by?"

"Yes. For starters, it requires the venom from a blue krait. The snake is extremely dangerous to handle, and a bite can kill even a shinobi in six hours or so. The antidote for such a strong toxin is equally hard to make. The herbs required for it only grow around Uzushiogakure."

My eyes were wide. "Wow."

Shizune smiled. "If you can obtain the ingredients, and successfully brew it, a single drop will kill any enemy (except perhaps Orochimaru) within three hours unless they are administered an antidote within the first hour."

"Holy shit."

"I wish you luck in obtaining the ingredients, though."

"Time to for a trip to the pet store, I guess."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Konoha did not stock such dangerous pets, apparently. I would have to get a hold of a proper breeder, obtain a license, and then bid for an egg. Talk about unlucky!

I was bemoaning my lack of money when I stumbled upon my favorite Super Pervert in all of existence.

Jiraiya gave me a grin and a wave. "There you are!"

"Buddy!" I exclaimed with glee, throwing myself at him. "I missed you. How have you been?"

Jiraiya patted the top of my head. "I've been fine, my wingman. I've been meaning to talk to you, though. I've got something for you."

I tilted my head curiously, then my eyes lit up. "Oh my Goggle Gods, do you have it?"

Jiraiya pulled out a thick scroll with a dull blue ribbon tied around it. He gave me a thumbs up with his free hand and a shit-eating grin. "I always deliver on my promises."

Squealing, I took the scroll. "I have go try this right away! Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"No problem. I can't believe it was actually there, though. I thought for sure Hanzo would guard his summons zealously, even if he has turned into a batshit insane paranoid monster."

I waved my hand dismissively. "His loss, my gain."

"True enough."

"Thanks again, my dear! I'll see you around."

"Of course."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

As soon as I got home I headed straight for my backyard (bringing Brightheart along and giving her lots of kisses). I unrolled the summoning scroll, unsurprised to find Hanzo's name black on it (meaning he was dead, like the previous summoners). Brightheart sniffed at the scroll while I cut my thumb and wrote out my name.

Brightheart then sneezed, decided the scroll was boring, and flopped over into a soft patch of grass to bask in sunlight.

I began to gather as much chakra into my hands as I could while I made the summoning sign.

'Please let me summon Ibuse. Please let me summon Ibuse. Please let me summon Ibuse.'

Then I slapped my hands on the grass and there was a puff of smoke.

Two tiny salamanders looked up at me. One of them was bright red, with a blue tipped nostril and tail, while the other was a dark blue with a red tipped nostril and tail. Both salamanders looked up at me curiously.

Despite them not being Ibuse the Badass, I still felt gleeful that I successfully summoned someone.

"Hi!" I chirped. "I'm your new summoner. Call me Sakura."

~Hello, Sakura-hime.~ A gentle, serene voice echoed inside of my head, and I wondered if I developed a third personality.

Whoa. Whoa. I don't share very well, what the fuck?

"Are you inside of my head?" I asked, dumbfounded.

The blue salamander stepped towards me. ~Yes. My name is Gedo, Keeper of Cures. Salamanders have difficulty projecting our voices into the physical realm, and so many of us can only communicate directly through our summoner.~

"Oh. Physical realm?"

The red salamander eyed me with unhidden irritation. -Yes. Our tribe lives in the In Between. I am Doku, Keeper of Poisons.-

I frowned thoughtfully at that. I didn't know much about the Salamander contract. I knew about Ibuse in the anime, along with an odd overwhelming desire to form a contract with them. It was curious that they lived in the In Between—I would have to assume that the In Between was the realm between spiritual and physical. Spiritual energy obviously existed in the Narutoverse, since chakra was half spiritual. It would stand to reason that there could be a spiritual realm, since this was clearly the physical realm.

What exactly that spiritual realm entailed (death, or strictly fantastical stuff Narnia-esque) was up for debate, and the idea of asking made me feel oddly uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable like when I thought about how I knew the contract would be where it was, when canonically it was never revealed.

Or uncomfortable like when I thought about how exactly I was able to perform crazy heart surgery without any supposed training.

A shiver ran down my spine and I put those thoughts away.

"If you don't mind me asking," I began, "would you please be more specific in your abilities? And tell me about who else I can summon?"

~Of course,~ Gedo said, her voice like cool water on a hot day. ~Doku and I are creationists. Anything we have ingested, we can recreate into our venom. I specialize in creating antidotes, while Doku excels in poisons.~

Deus ex Machina, I will never doubt you again.

"Can you guys create this?" I asked, pulling out Shizune's recipe for the Krait's Kiss poison and antidote.

Both salamanders looked over the parchment and nodded.

-It takes about an hour to brew poison in our stomachs.- Doku said. -As long as you have a recipe, though, it can be done.-

I clapped my hands excitedly. "Lucky me! What would you guys want in return for the poisons and antidotes?"

~We are here to assist our summoner, however that may be the case.~ Gedo dismissed.

I shook my head. "I can't simply ask for you guys to do that without giving something in return. Do you like certain kinds of foods? Candies?"

The salamanders exchanged bewildered looks.

-We like fruits.- Doku stated, his eyes narrowed as he looked at me. -You're a bit touched, aren't you?-

~Doku!~

"Probably," I admitted, "but I promise to treat you all well, and not to summon such cuties like yourselves into the heat of battle. So tell me about who else I can summon."

Gedo tilted her head. ~I imagine you will only be able to summon a few others. We only have ten available summons, but five of them require the blood of a male summoner to be brought into the physical. Their forms are too unstable to be of use otherwise. Hensou is another smaller summon, like us. He specializes in transformative bonding, though, so summoning him will require as much chakra as Ibuse.~

"Transformative bonding?"

~Yes. He will be able to... turn you into a salamander for a limited period of time, essentially. You will not be able to use chakra, however, as a salamander, and I'm told the ordeal is extremely uncomfortable.~

"That's still pretty handy. Who else?"

-Ibuse. He is our leader and is the only one you will be able to summon for combat purposes. He can vaporize the poisons we create, and increase their effectiveness ten-fold. In addition, he is well versed in earth style ninjutsu.-

"Neato!"
~Lastly is Shin. He is able to draw upon a more spiritual form while in the physical realm and can pass through any object, or seal. He is extremely talented in fūinjutsu, and knows how to disrupt many seals.~

"Man. Ya'll are crazy useful. I'm surprised I didn't have to fight off prospective heirs."

-Hanzo-sama executed those who knew about us.- Doku stated flatly.

I clapped my hands. "That stinks. How about I make you guys some fruit pies? I have fresh apples, and blueberries."

~Oh, I would love a blueberry pie.~ Gedo gushed, eagerly crawling into my hand. Doku followed behind more slowly, and I could hear faint grumblings in the back of my head.

With a quick glance over at Brightheart, I decided to let the pupper sleep for a bit longer and simply leave the backdoor open for when she wanted to come in and be doted on.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

The next day, I hooked my arm through Naruto's as we exited the movie theatre, Sasuke following behind us quietly. We had watched the latest installment of Gale-hime. It was a good movie, but I wouldn't put it on par with the big-dogs (Batman triology, Avenger's universe, Disney, etc) from my previous life. The action was excellently choreographed, and the acting was amazing, but it lacked in subplots. For starters, there was no romance.

How was I supposed to know who to ship with who if they didn't give us hints?

It seemed like the princess was asexual (which was fine), and everyone else on her squad was equally asexual (which, again, was fine). None of them were overtly attracted to one another, or shared moments that could be misconstrued as anything other than family-like. And while I had an extremely open mind for shipping, I couldn't justify a lot of incest.

Without romance, it took out a lot of the fun after the movie ended. There wasn't a lot to argue/write/draw/etc about, except standard action poses and cheesy movie lines.

"That was great," Naruto exclaimed, his eyes bright. "The princess was so amazing."

"Mm-hmm," I murmured, guiding us to the meeting point Kakashi told us to go to after we watched the movie. It wasn't far from the theatre—about three minute walk via the rooftops.

The boys, of course, were clueless as to why Kakashi insisted we saw the movie before we took our next mission.

I, on the other hand, instantly recognized what was coming up when Kakashi gave us the tickets last night.

I had then rushed over to Hinata's home, kidnapped her, and began to prepare for what was to come.

For starters, I made a mock hex-crystal that I would replace with Koyuki's (currently known as Yukie) crystal. That way, if she made the swap to the Big Bad Guy, he would get a fake. I would personally hold onto the real one for safe keeping, and bring it out for the grand finale.

Next, the reason I brought Hinata: (aside from simply wanting her company): make as many batches of lethal poison, as well as antidotes.

Hinata didn't even question why I needed her to make the antidotes while I worked on batches of the single most lethal poison I knew (recipe thanks to one Shizune). Doku was able to easily create the poison by himself, but I also wanted practice in brewing, so I had him create the ingredients (he could only spew them out in a liquid form, though) while I brewed.

I summoned Gedo, too, because she was cute.

I also learned that the two salamanders required lots of chakra (from me, of course), or lots of food to create the concoctions. I didn't fully understand the science behind it—how they could, essentially, turn an orange into blue krait venom was beyond me—but I gave up questioning the physics of this universe a long time ago.

Hinata and I brewed and mixed everything last night, calling it quits around three in the morning. It was a delightful time, and Hinata confessed to suddenly finding a fondness of poison-making. It certainly made time fly by faster with her, and I wanted her to have practical experience brewing, and using my lab. I was determined to teach her every basic necessity of medical training I could, and knowing how to create poisons and antidotes were essential.

Returning to the current day, though, I sat down on the soft grass outside where Kakashi told us to meet him.

It was a beautiful day, that day. The sun was shining, the sky was a perfect blue with little wisps of clouds above us. It wasn't too hot, nor too cold. Naruto chattered happily about how lovely the princess was in the movie, and how he wished he could find a princess like that.

"Get real," Sasuke muttered, "there's no one like that in reality."

And with timing that only existed in the Narutoverse, Koyuki leapt over us in her entire get up as the princess from the movie, with her white horse. Naruto let out a shout of surprise upon seeing her, but soon enough a handful of goon-looking men in dark samurai costumes leapt over us as well with their dark horses.

"What the—?" Sasuke's eyes widened.

"Gale-hime!" Naruto squealed, wasting no time in leaping into action to save her from the goons.

I laughed. "Time to save a princess! Let's go, Duck-Butt."

It wasn't too hard to capture the "goons" chasing Koyuki. In the process, though, Koyuki escaped with Naruto chasing after her. Sasuke and I stayed to tie up the men.

"You have some gorgeous horses," I told one of the men, tying a rope tightly around his wrists.

"Ah," he mumbled, giving me a dazed look," thank you?"

"Oh, boy."

"Sensei!" I cheered happily. "Lookie, lookie."

"I see," Kakashi said, then flickered before appearing on the opposite end. All of the ropes that we used to tie around the goons were cut. Kakashi then helped up a stringy-looking man with a permanently apologetic expression on his face. "I'd rather you didn't tie up our clients, though, Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun."

"Where's the fun in that, though?"

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

I had accurately predicted that we were brought along for the mission during Naruto: Ninja Clash in the Snow. While Naruto was still hanging out with the actress who ran away from her own movie, Kakashi brought everyone back to the set to introduce us to the crewmen. After introductions were exchanged, I made a beeline for the director of the movie.

"I see you are the mastermind behind these movies," I said to the director.

The director, Takano if I remembered correctly, gave me a grin. "Yes."

"I am quite the fan," I continued, "but I noticed that in all of the movies, the princess never has a love interest."

"Mm-hmm."

"I was wondering if that might be because of your own lack of inspiration in regards to love?" I inquired sweetly, doing my best not to insult the man.

The director chuckled. "Something like that. Can't say I've seen any good romances that would match with the movie."

"Then, please, allow me to enlighten you during your journey. I shall inspire you with my love for Kakashi—"

Kakashi's head whipped around, and wasted no time in shushening to me, and tossing me over his shoulder. I took the opportunity to pinch booty again and he made a funny choking noise. "Please ignore my deranged student."

"You will surrender to my love, Kakashi-sensei. Like the hime defeated the villains in the sequel, I will conquer your love and claim it for my own!"

Kakashi slowly inched us away from the group during my declaration, moving more quickly as some of the crewmen began to snigger.

Takano smiled coyly. "I look forward to seeing you inspire me, Sakura-chan."

"I will not disappoint," I promised.

Kakashi sat me down, and I gave him a wink. "Prepare to become the star of our own romance, Sensei."

"I reject you entirely."

"I won't give up," I swore. Then, more loudly so the rest could hear. "Your affection is worth any obstacle; your love worth any battle; and your smile worth any journey."

There were chuckles and a few awws. Sasuke, with a sardonic smirk on his face, started clapping (Kakashi's look of betrayal was beautiful). This caused a few of the actors to join in, and then soon everyone was clapping with a few whoops tossed in.

Encouraged, I got down on my knee, taking a mortified Kakashi's hand. "Don't worry, my love. I will never surrender. We will be together one day, so please wait for me."

Sasuke whistled.

"This is going to be fantastic," the director laughed, clapping with everyone else.

"I'm in hell," Kakashi said in quiet disbelief.

Sandayu approaches us hesitantly. "Sorry for the bother, but we must find Yukie. The ship leaves in a few hours."

Kakashi, relieved at the distraction, yanked his hands away from me. "I'll bring her back. Sakura-chan, Sasuke-kun, help our clients board the ship."

Then he was gone, and I instantly missed him.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

"I'll change and tuck her in," I offered. We had finished loading the ship for departure when Kakashi returns with an unconscious princess in his arms, and a grumpy Naruto.

Sandayu, her manager, gave me a grateful smile. "That would be wonderful, thank you."

"It's not a problem," I assured him. Kakashi's eyes were narrowed thoughtfully. I noticed his look and snorted. "I never take advantage of people unconscious. We slept in the same apartment for how long (Sandayu raised an eyebrow at that) and did I ever sneak into your room, watch you sleep, and gently pet your hair while whispering sweet nothings into your ear?"

"Why is that so specific?"

"No, I did not," I continued, nonplussed. "Besides, as the iryo-nin on this team it's my duty to look after our client."

"Mm-hmm," Kakashi murmured, dubious. "Here you go, then." Kakashi handed me the unconscious princess. I had to channel chakra into my arms in order to carry her bridal style into her bedroom. The door clicked shut behind me, and I placed her on the bed in her private room on the ship. I maneuvered her clothing off, washed off her makeup, and put her in a nice pair of comfortable clothes.

It was impossible not to notice how gorgeous she was, though. A lesser man might have pinched the booty of an unconscious woman, but I would never stoop that low. Unless I was good friends with them, and I didn't think they would mind, of course.

But, I was a stranger to her. I highly doubted she would be okay with booty pinches.

During the process of undressing and redressing her I found the hex crystal necklace. I felt inordinately pleased that my memory was on point and I had accurately replicated it (although my duplicate lacked its shine). I made the switch and safely stored the real necklace in my pocket.

I would be sure to keep it on me at all times.

Now it was time to work on my plan to win over Kakashi by the end of the mission!

First step: Find Naruto.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Naruto gave me another wink while I stood precariously on the railing. The director and a few crewmen were watching me with unhidden amusement. We were all waiting for Kakashi to return to the deck after his brief conversation with the ship's captain.

It didn't take long for my beloved sensei to walk back onto the deck, his eyes immediately narrowing in suspicion.

"Sensei, look! I'm Queen of the World," I shouted, leaning over the railing and stretching my arms out wide.

"Uh-huh." Kakashi was unimpressed.

I then made a great showing of losing my balance before toppling over the railing with a scream.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

A solid minute ticked by with Kakashi refusing to go check on his student.

"Won't it look bad in front of our clients if you don't even check on her?" Naruto asked.

"Why don't you?"

Sasuke, deciding to stay out of the current plan, opened up his water and looked pointedly away from Kakashi.

"I'm a humble Genin. If I have to be the one to save her," Naruto trailed off at that point, his eyes locking with Tezano. The director's grin widened and he signalled for his crewmen to begin whispering amongst each other while looking at Kakashi with dislike.

If Naruto didn't know they were acting, he would honestly believe they disliked his awesome sensei.

With much reluctance Kakashi went to edge of the railing to check on Kakashi. He then jumped over the ship's railing and down into the ocean. Naruto couldn't see much after that, and it took a minute before Kakashi leapt back up, a soaked and seemingly unconscious Sakura over his shoulder. Naruto watched, along with everyone else, as Kakashi flopped her onto the deck (and she remained "unconscious").

"Maybe you should give her CPR?" Naruto asked, thinking that was what a perfect wingman would suggest.

Sasuke choked on his water, and turned his head to cough.

The look of sheer "No." Kakashi gave Naruto made Naruto want to cackle, but he kept his straight face for the sake of Sakura's honorable pursuit.

Kakashi turned back to Sakura, peered at her face, then promptly dug his fist hard and fast into her diaphragm.

Naruto and Sasuke sympathetically winced as Sakura instinctively retched and gagged, gasping for air. She rolled over onto her side, clutching her abdomen and panting.

"Looks like she's fine to me," Kakashi said cheerily. "In fact, Sakura, you seem to be so fine that I think you should run alongside the boat for a while once you're done coughing."

"Hurrrk," Sakura wheezed. "Y-Yes, Sensei."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

"Doesn't look like he appreciates your advances," Takano chuckled as he leaned over the railing to look at me running beside the boat an hour after my brilliant plan.

"Don't be absurd," I dismissed. "If Kakashi didn't care he wouldn't have punished me."

"Come again?"

"Think about. If your beloved made you think they had drowned, wouldn't you be mad?"

Takano scratched his chin. "Yes, I suppose so."

I nodded firmly. "Trust me, Kakashi-sensei secretly adores my advances. He's a bit of a kuudere, you see."

"Kuudere?"

"Yes, that's the term used to describe a char, er, someone who is cold on the outside towards their loved ones, but on the inside they're as passionate as everyone else. He'll never be the type to be openly affectionate (unless blackmailed into it), but I can see past his mask."

The director looked thoughtful. "I see, I see. The cold teacher, but with a soft spot underneath, eh?"

I sighed dreamily. "That's my Kakashi-sensei."

"Tell me more about these kuuderes. Are there other types?"

"Oh, most definitely! Let me paint you a pretty word picture, my companion."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

My legs were lead by the time Kakashi gave me the okay signal to cease running. I crawled my way onto the deck and flopped over, breathing heavily and laying on my back. The night sky was beautiful above me, with hundreds of stars twinkling.

I never really got to see so many stars in my previous life. I stayed at a facility, and only within the past year prior to my death was finally allowed outside of it once a week to go to a library, or a park. I was kept inside, typically within my room. It wasn't bad, per say. Mother provided me with ample entertainment in order to coax me into not wanting to leave the facility (which worked).

I was lonely, sure, but never so much that I actively sought out company. Mother kept me mostly isolated for my own good. My episodes were intense and sporadic, and no matter what medications, therapy, or general treatment I was put under nothing seemed to consistently work.

It was always best if I kept to myself.

In the Narutoverse, though, I didn't feel lonely. Sometimes it was nice to relax, take a deep breath, and realize that I had proper friends. I wasn't confined to a facility, nor treated like a pity-party.

What a lovely feeling.

There was a soft padding to my right and I turned my head to find Naruto approach me, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He yawned. "You done running?"

"Think so," I said, a little breathless. "Do me a favor, please?"
"Sure."

"Help me sit up."

Naruto gave a small smile and flopped onto the deck next to me, He pulled me upright and I leaned heavily on his shoulder. He placed an arm around my back to support me, and keep me up.

Wincing, I slowly began to drawn upon the last bit of my chakra into my hands. After a full minute of concentrating I was finally able to call forth Shōsen. Naruto quietly watched me as I began to pour my gentle chakra over my tired legs and flush out the toxins. It was a skill I was intimately familiar with after long training nights with Hinata. By flushing out the lactic acid, and coaxing my muscles to stay relaxed, I wouldn't be in for a hellish day tomorrow. Undoubtedly, I would be a bit weak-kneed, but I wouldn't be in any pain.

Once that was done, Naruto helped me get to my hammock and pull out one of my medical scrolls. I took a small dose of chakra regenerative pills (not the same as chakra pills, as chakra pills gave you an instant burst of chakra at the cost of straining the nervous system. Chakra regenerative pills slowly gave back chakra, but made you lethargic for a few hours after taking it), and finally went to sleep.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

The next day, I woke up a little earlier than everyone else. I was pleasantly surprised that Kakashi let me sleep in (as normally he would be the one to wake me), and felt a rush of affection toward the man. After rolling out of the hammock, I felt a rush of goosebumps crawl around my skin at the cold. Immediately, I flushed my chakra and began to regulate my body temperature until I could finish getting dressed. Regulating body temperatures was one of the finer chakra control techniques most people didn't learn until they were Chuunin. It required A-rank control, and even then it wasn't something that should be maintained in the heat of battle (there was always a risk of accidentally inducing a high fever and causing brain damage).

Still, it was something that I thought every shinobi and kunoichi should know how to do in case of emergencies, and there wasn't a lot of opportunities for me to practice.

I slipped on my warm red leggings (because sweatpants weren't the best to move around a lot in in cold environments—if they got wet they got heavy and uncomfortable), and black shorts. I put on my black under armour, and a thick red sweater. Then I slipped on my standard cloak, long red gloves and black boots and I was good to go.

It was pretty cold out on deck, but not not enough to hinder my movements. I was surprised by how warm I felt, actually. The cloaks didn't feel heavy, but I wasn't cold underneath them.

"Director! Director this is terrible," I heard an anguished shout.

The director came out onto the deck, clad in his pajamas, sunglasses and a pajama director's hat and gave a gasp.

In front of the ship was a giant iceberg.

One of the crewmen was staring worriedly at it. "What do we do, director?"

"This is it!" Takano exclaimed. "This movie is gonna change everything. Look at this perfect location! How can we not shoot here? When things like this happen, we say the Movie God has descended. Everyone, prepare to disembark!"

The crew exchanged unenthusiastic looks but began to do as ordered.

I looked around and found Kakashi on the perch of one of the boat posts, watching everything with mild interest. I beamed upon seeing him and leapt up to him. "Good morning, sensei!"

Kakashi raised his left arm in preparation for my daily hug. I hugged him tightly, snuggling underneath his arm and letting out a contented sigh. The director looked up, noticed us, then gave a grin.

Kakashi promptly shoved me off him and I backflipped to land gracefully back onto the deck, a smile on my face.

"Affectionate when no one looks, huh?" Takano inquired teasingly.

"Yes," I said, not telling him that Kakashi and I actually had a mutual agreement for daily hugs in exchange for less butt-pinches and catcalls. Then, looking back at the iceberg, I remembered that the first fight of the mission was coming up, so I ran back to my room and pulled out my pack.

I grabbed the vials of Krait's Kiss and headed off to find my teammates.

Naruto wasn't hard to find, since he was still moving groggily. Sasuke took a little effort since he was adamant about avoiding social interactions he did not have to be a part of. Kakashi was remained on his perch (but it took some stubborn persuading for him to go anywhere with me).

Once I gathered my team and ushered us into a semi-private area I proudly held up my vial of poison. "The Goggle Gods tell me the first battle will commence on this iceberg. I made this poison extra special for it. I want you guys to coat your weapons in it."

Naruto stared tiredly at the large container. "What kind of poison is it?"

Sasuke paled. "You didn't perfect the hallucinogen to make people want to strip, did you?"

"She's doing what?" Kakashi asked, aghast. "Sakura-chan, I forbid you from ever using that poison on your comrades."

Ha. Like that'll stop us.

"Psh. I haven't perfected it yet," I dismissed. "No, this is a lethal poison. I have the antidotes, so don't worry if ya'll accidentally cut yourselves."

Sasuke and Kakashi looked immensely relieved. Naruto gave me a grin. "That's neat. So how much we gotta use?"

"It only takes a drop for it to be effective," I explained proudly. "They'll be dead within a few hours if they don't get an antidote."

"Wow," Sasuke said, looking actually impressed. "You managed to brew a poison that potent?"

I puffed up proudly. "I was successful on my fifteenth attempt."

"Fifteen, huh. Very impressive," he said sardonically.

"Shut yer pie hole, Duck-Butt. Now c'mon, I really wanna see this in action!"

My teammates exchanged glances before simultaneously deciding why not and offered up their weapons. The poison would only last for about three hours before evaporating entirely off the weapons, but I figured that would be more than enough time to deal with the henchmen.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

I stood near Kakashi as the crew continued to work. We were close enough that when I turned to look over at Naruto, or Sasuke, our arms brushed. When I first stood so near him, he took a long, scrutinizing look at me. I knew he could assess me without me noticing him do so, so the fact that he made it a point to let me know that he was watching me greatly amused me. To think that a "twelve" year old girl could make an ex-ANBU so cautious!

Kakashi also decided to discard his cloak, choosing instead to wear a raggedy pale yellow scarf.

I think he was hinting towards me to make him a bomb-ass scarf like I did for Kisame.

I would not disappoint!

We watched as Koyuki and her coworkers took on the role of Gale-hime. Her acting was phenomenal, per usual. It was ironic that the princess of the Land of Snow was acting out as the princess of the Land of Light. Gale-hime, also, was a princess forced into exile after an evil villain killed her family and took over her country.

I wasn't sure about Gale-hime's ending, but I knew for a fact that Koyuki would get to retake her country with the help of our rag-tag team.

Pretty exciting stuff.

Kakashi stiffened beside me, and he shot out an explosive tag towards one of the towering peaks of ice. An explosion echoed across the glacial, drawing everyone's attention towards Kakashi.

One of the actors called out, "What's going on?"
"Everyone back to the ship," Kakashi ordered.

Our clients stared in stunned fascination at Kakashi before they collectively looked back up at where the explosion hit. A young man with long silvery hair stood up, crossing his arms and smirking. Nadare, if I remembered correctly. "Welcome to the Land of Snow."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed, "You..?!"

"I," and all eyes turned towards a voluptuous woman with pink (though more purple tinted than mine) hair and a smug attitude, "welcome you, Koyuki-hime. You did bring the Hex Crystal, didn't you?"

That would be, ah, Fubuki? Yeah, Fubuki.

Kakashi's head snapped around towards the lead actress. "Koyuki-hime?"

There was a laugh. Again, eyes turned towards the opposite direction of Fubuki and a large man with beady eyes hopped out of the snow—Mizore. "I gotta hand it to you, Kakashi, but you won't get any further."

"Return to the ship, now," Kakashi barked out.

"Naruto, make thirty clones of Yukie and have them personally carry her back to the ship," I ordered him. "Make enough clones to get everyone onto the ship asap. Sasuke, you get the girlie, I got the fatso."

Naruto blinked in surprise. "Wha—oh. Yeah, that's a good idea."

"Consider it done," Sasuke grunted, leaping up towards the lady and breathing out a small ball of fire towards her.

I happily jumped and dashed towards Mizore. I heard many puffs of smoke and from my peripheral vision I could see about a hundred Naruto clones grabbing people, stuff, and of course Koyuki (who was pounding him on the head in protest, screaming how she didn't want to go back to the Land of Snow). There were of course thirty Koyuki's doing this all at once, so it was quite a scene.

Mizore, the large man, made a dash towards the boat, but I leapt in front of him. He raised his right fist, and I channeled chakra into my own fists, calves, and feet, and caught his first fist. He swung his other fist, and I caught it with my free hand.

'Holy shit!'

My arms and legs quivered from the sheer weight of his chakra-fused blows. Mizore leered at me, knowing that he would eventually overcome me.

Thinking fast, I pushed almost half of my chakra reserves into the bottom of my feet. The chakra lashed out against the snow and launched me into the air. I still clung onto his fists, forcing him to face upwards and follow the direction as I arched over him.

With speed that came from months of training, I released hold of his right first and grabbed a poison-laced kunai. I threw it as his face.

Mizore tilted his head, and the kunai cut his cheek, drawing blood.

Sheer pride and victoriousness bloomed inside of me. Even when he threw me hard into the snow many meters away (and I rolled several times before stopping), I couldn't keep from grinning.

I popped back up, then felt a rush of dizziness at the blood rush and stumbled.

"I did it," I exclaimed happily.

Mizore laughed boisterously. "Congratulations, you managed to cut me."

"You're my first kill, ever," I told him. "This is a special moment. Kakashi-sensei is going to be so proud of me. You know he was ex ANBU!"

"Right," Mizore snorted, then took a step towards me and stumbled. He blinked and shook his head. "What the—?"

The effects were immediate? That was an important fact! Shizune didn't give me the details on symptom, and how quickly they worked. Only that it targeted the nervous system, and part of the chakra network. Eventually it would induce brain death, but the process of getting there was relatively unknown to me. When I asked Shizune, she only gave me a smile that reminded me of Anko and patted me on the head with a, "Oh, it's something you'll have to see for yourself."

"Wh-Wha-at did y-you do t-to me?" Mizore wheezed, seemingly having difficulty breathing. His right arm started twitching.

I pulled out my field notebook and pen, writing down what was happening. "Would you say that you you're having trouble breathing, and that's what makes it hard to talk, or is your tongue starting to swell..?"

"Fuck you!"

There was a giant explosion, and the entire glacial rocked. Cracks started to form on the ice, and I looked around. The boat had managed to take off (which was rather quick, but considering a small hoard of Narutos was rushing it to do so...), and Sasuke was running towards me. I tilted my head at the action, but he grabbed my hand and shouted, "Kakashi's shattering the glacial—do you have no spacial awareness?"

"I have some," I protested, allowing my friend to drag me onto the water. "Did you get the girl?"

Sasuke pursed his lips. "She didn't get close enough."

"That's a shame. I got my first kill ever!"

"Congrats?" Although it came out more like a question. "Wait, you didn't kill anyone during the invasion?"
"Nah-uh. Kakashi escorted me to the med tent after the arena, and him and Gai personally guarded me while I healed people before then."

Sasuke let go of my hand as we leapt onto the boat. "Oh. Do you, uh—"

"I can't wait to tell Kakashi-sensei," I said excitedly. "I'm an official kunoichi now, right? First kill is like popping the cherry."

"I, I guess?"

Naruto ran towards us, grinning brightly. "That princess sure hits hard. How'd you guys do?"

"I got my first kill."

"Congratulations!" Naruto exclaimed. "I felt like such a badass after mine. I protected Iruka-sensei, you know. It made me a bit sad, too, though. Are you sad, Sakura-chan?"

'So Mizuki was Naruto's first kill? I could have sworn that Naruto didn't kill him canonically, though.'

But again, that didn't make a lot of sense. Naruto was fueled by rage, thinking Mizuki had killed the first teacher to ever acknowledge Naruto. In addition Mizuki had lied, and manipulated Naruto into breaking the law. Naruto literally beat him with nearly a hundred clones. Would Naruto even know when it was okay to stop? When enough was too much?

'I don't think he would—I don't recall him getting into any life-threatening situations prior to then. If Mizuki was his first kill, how would he know which blow would be the final punch? The final kick?'

I cocked my head. "Why would I be sad? Sasuke, were you sad?"

"No," Sasuke admitted. "This is what we trained for at the academy."
"Exactly!"

'Besides, I have confirmation that death really is the next great adventure.'

Naruto nodded.

Kakashi hopped onto the boat behind us. "Hello my cute minions."

"I got my first kill," I told him, awaiting praise with a smile.

Kakashi patted my head. "Good job, Sakura-chan. Let me know if you need to, ah, talk about it. A few can have trouble adjusting."

"Keep on praising me and I'll be a-okay."

He eye-smiled. "Good to know. Now let's head into the dining hall, we need to have a few words with our client."

"You mean how Yukie is really Koyuki-hime? Next in line for the throne in the Land of Snow?"

"Spot on, Sakura-chan."

Naruto gaped. "No way, she's only a hime in the Gale-hime movies!"

"Yukie is an alias, then," Sasuke said.

"Correct," Kakashi and I said in unison. I gave him a wink and he snorted.

Our team stepped into the hall. The director, his assistant, and Sandayu (the man who originally hired us) were already sitting down at the table. Sandayu looked extremely apologetic.

I sat down on the table, crossing my legs and scooting so I was directly at the center. Naruto and Sasuke took seats like perfectly normal people, and Kakashi stood at the far end, his hands in his pocket.

Kakashi began, "Sandayu, you knew what brining her back here meant."

Sandayu didn't look up, but nodded his head. "I first came to serve her when she was a small child. I don't blame her for not remembering. I served her and the former daimyo, Sosetsu Kazahana. The Land of Snow was small, but peaceful. Sosetsu-sama doted on the princess and lived his days in peace. But, ten years ago, his younger brother—Dotō—hired shinobi and revolted. The magnificent Kazahana Castle burned to the ground and I thought the princess had perished, too."

"Until a certain devilishly handsome ANBU Captain rescued the princess and whisked her away to safety," I said, giving Kakashi a knowing smile.

I didn't even see the kunai coming, but the blunt end hit my forehead with enough force I rolled off the table and into Naruto and Sasuke's laps.

Sandayu looked up in surprise to find me clutching my forehead and whining pitifully. Sasuke shoved me off his lap, while Naruto held onto my legs in an effort to keep me from hitting the floor. The result was my head hitting the floor with my lower body still in Naruto's lap, and I whined.

"Continue," Sasuke instructed the man.

"I—okay. I happened to see her acting on stage," Sandayu said, his eyes watering and voice wavering. "I was so overjoyed." He openly began to sob by that point. "She was alive. She was alive!"

"I should have died then," Koyuki said coldly from the doorway.

We looked over at her. Naruto glared at her (likely because her words were the antithesis of his own views). Sandayu shook his head. "You mustn't say such things. Our greatest hope was that you were still alive!"

"I am alive, but my heart is dead. After that day my tears dried up."

I wiggled and Naruto released his hold. I rolled out from under the table and hopped up, heading towards Koyuki.

Sandayu wiped his tears away. "After I found her, I became her manager and bided for the time to escort her back to the Land of Snow."

The assistant gaped at Sandayu. "Then all this time you were using us?"

"I apologize for fooling you, but this is for the sake of the people of the Land of Snow." Sandayu stood up and went over towards Koyuki. He got down on all fours and bowed his head. "Koyuki-hime, please overthrow Dotō and take your place as the new rightful leader of this country! I will give my life to protect you! Please, take up arms and rise with us."

"No thanks."

He looked back up in surprise.

I put my hands up. "I got this guys. C'mon princess, gonna kidnap you for a bit."

She sneered at me, and then let out a shriek when I liberally picked her up, threw her over my shoulder, and shushened us onto the deck and onto the tallest post I could find. I plopped her down and she snarled at me, "Put me back down there this instance!"

"Nope," I said. "You need some Therapy-no-Jutsu."

"What?!"

In the original movie she was a traumatized woman. Sandayu originally died for her, and she had to watch even more people risk their lives for her before she was so overcome with guilt that she wanted it all to end. The woman wasn't truly apathetic, and she did have happy memories of her father and the country.

She was, however, terrified of Dotō, and losing more people she cared about.

I sat next to her and placed my cloak around her. She glared hatefully at me, but took it regardless.

"We're going to kill Dotō one way or another," I told her flippantly. "He and the last remaining two shinobi are the only real threats. The rest are civilians, or thugs, and that's easy-peezy."

"I don't care," she snapped.

"You do, though," I disagreed. "You love your father."

"No, I do—"

"You remember those pillars he made?" I asked her, and her eyes widened.

Koyuki's bottom lip quivered. "How do you know about those?"

"The Hex Crystal," I told her, "will activate them. It'll show you a miracle that will bring you to tears."

"That impossible—"

I smiled at her and patted her cheek. "Beautiful, let's make a deal. One way or another Dotō will be killed, and his henchmen destroyed. Our team has a history of liberating countries from tyrants, and Naruto's gonna wanna be the hero again and save everyone."

She snorted at that. "That squirt?"

"That squirt is going to be our future Hokage," I told her. "He's got a heart of gold, and he's strong. Stronger than anyone else I know, and that's including my dear Kakashi-sensei."

Koyuki turned her head away.

"Back to what I was saying, though. Dotō's going down, one way or another. That's not to say you have to take up as leader, though. No one can force you into doing that."

"Good because—"

"But you're going to anyway," I continued, "because I'm going to show you that miracle, and you'll cry. You'll know when you see it, that your father loved this country and you'll realize that you love this country. All those tears that you say dried up, well, they'll all come pouring out then."

"That will never happen," Koyuki said stubbornly.

"Then let's make a deal," I said. "I'll take you to those miracle pillars. If you cry, you become the next daimyo, no arguments given. If you don't cry, I will personally see to it that you get to remain as an actress and no one will bother you again to become the daimyo."

"Can you even promise that?'

"Sure. Because I know I'll win."

She laughed haughtily at that.

I bit my thumb and summoned Doku and Gedo. Her laughter died off as she looked at the two salamanders curiously.

~It's quite cold, hime.~ Gedo told me, crawling underneath my shirt.

-Why would you summon us here?- Doku complained, following behind his sister.

"Because," I began, "Doku can create poisons. Alcohol is a type of poison."

"You're going to make alcohol for me?" Koyuki asked curiously. "How do I know it's not really poison?"

"Do you even care? I thought you believed it best if you were already dead," I pointed out rather cheerfully.

"Point. So he can make anything?"

"Just about. Takes an hour to brew, but we got at least five hours until we reach port. I can't drink because, you know, mission and all, but I figured if it'll help you keep from having a panic attack and get you to agree to my deal—"

"You drive a hard bargain."

I summoned a clone to go get a shot glass. Then I smirked at the princess and blew her a kiss. "Plus I'm hoping to get on your good side, so when I pop another question you'll be more open to saying yes."

'And if I get her tipsy enough—obviously won't let her get drunk because hello that's spelling trouble—she might be more open minded to talking about her traumatic past. Talking through some tough shit can help process, and she clearly needs help.'

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

We arrived at the port, and I dismissed the summons. Koyuki's cheeks were red (from the alcohol and cold), but she wasn't terribly uncooperative. I did get her to talk about a few things from her childhood, but not a lot about Dotō, or the heavy shit.

She even thanked me for the booze and accepted the proposed deal.

I brought her down and put her back in her bedroom before heading off to find my team. I found Naruto first since he was waiting for me. He offered his arm and I linked my own through it and we went off to find our antisocial teammates.

Then, as a team, we schemed.

"Obviously we have another Gato on our hands so I say we kill him," I said cheerfully.

"Seconded," Sasuke said immediately.

"Thirded," Naruto added.

Kakashi sighed. "It's not that simple—"

"It is," I told him. "The Goggle Gods tell me that he will make a personal appearance riding a metal snake."

They didn't even look at me oddly anymore.

Naruto flippantly said, "Then we take him out there. Sakura-chan already got one of the three henchmen, and these people clearly aren't on par with with Zabuza and Haku."

"Well, no," Kakashi admitted. "The only reason the ANBU that saved the princess wasn't able to take them all out then was because he had a crying little girl to deal with and was under orders to protect her above all else."

"What was an ANBU doing there in the first place?" Sasuke asked.

"Who can say," Kakashi said, giving me a warning look.

"Who can say," I also said, deciding to behave and not spill the beans. "But Koyuki-hime remembers, so if you really want to know ask her."

Both boys were decidedly against the idea of asking the whiny princess.

Kakashi cleared his throat. "Okay. So you're sure Dotō will be coming personally?"

"Yes. He will bring a bunch of civilian thugs on the snake," I told him. "He'll have some strong armor, too."

Kakashi scratched his chin. "Hm. I suppose I could take him out if you three can handle the last two."

"The girl is adept at long range," Sasuke said, "but I've reflected on the fight and I know how to get close to her."

"Nadare," Kakashi began, "is extremely skilled in ninjutsu. A-Rank, at the very least."

"I have some gaseous sedatives. It won't be enough to knock him out, but it will inhibit his movements," I said. "If Naruto can handle Nadare, which I know he'll do fine, I can protect the crewmen and handle the civilians. Ah, actually, Naruto should probably make at least thirty clones to help me."

"I can do that," Naruto declared.

"I'll take care of the woman quickly then, and help Naruto," Sasuke decided, nodding his head.

"I'll finish Dotō off."

"Oh Dotō will be able to fly, but his armor won't absorb impact if, say, he's brought down from a great distance."

Kakashi cocked his head. "Mmkay. Anything else?'

"Hmm. The metal snake is very dangerous to civilians. Oh, and Dotō is ugly as hell."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

I sat in Koyuki's cabin in the caravan/car/thing. The alcohol was starting to wear off on her, and she looked despondently out the window. "As cold as ever."

"For now," I agreed.

"Why are you here?"

"You'll run off otherwise," I told her. "If you run off, we waste time searching for you and we won't get to kill Dotō as soon as possible."

"You honestly think you can?"

"Kakashi-sensei is S, almost SS. Dotō barely scrapes by as a C."

"What?"

"Kakashi-sensei is a boot, and Dotō is an ant."

Koyuki snorted, drawing her legs up to her chest. "You haven't seen anything, you can't possibly understand."

"Actually I can probably relate pretty well to you," I said, scooting closer to her and pressing my back against the window. "Our village went through an invasion a couple months ago. A lot of homes destroyed, and people died. My home was demolished. My, my, my kaa-chan and tou-chan also died."

She turned her head, a slight frown on her face. She didn't look at me in pity, though, like some strangers would have. There was a kind of understanding on her face, and reluctant sympathy.

A smile stretched on my face. "I'm okay now, though. I have Kakashi-sensei, Naruto, Sasuke, Hina-chan... a whole bunch of friends and people that care about me. I love them so much, and I love my village, too."

"Hn."

"Sandayu loves you, too," I said to her, placing a hand on her shoulder (she shrugged it off, but I kept putting it back until she gave up). "This country loves you. Your father adored you. He made the miracle as much for you as he did for the country. He wanted to show you something precious, something he thought you wouldn't get to see otherwise."

Koyuki buried her head in her arms, hugging her legs. "Stop saying that."

"He loved you," I said again. "It's okay to miss him."

"Shut up."

"It's okay to feel sad."

"Stop talking," she snarled, curling into herself.

"But it's okay to feel happy, too."

She raised her hand and glared seethingly at me, her eyes shining. "You don't get to say that. You don't get to tell me how he felt. How I felt—feel—whatever. You understand nothing."

"Kaa-chan would want me to be happy. Your father would want you to be happy, too."

She shoved me off the bed and turned her back towards me.

I pulled my legs to sit criss-cross, and I gave her some time. Mother always said it took time for the brain to process things. Emotions were especially hard. Even two months after the invasion, I still had moments were my brain blanked out and for a split second I couldn't feel anything.

Grief, I was beginning to learn, was hard. It was an intangible thing that had no specific feeling, or action tied to it, but rather a rainbow of different reactions. People felt and acted differently. People healed at unique rates, and sometimes they didn't heal at all.

Grief caused pain that couldn't be seen. It wasn't a wound to be stitched up and medicated. It was a scar that people had to live with, and people dealt with it differently.

Naruto, for example, would take a day to mourn. Then he would find a new strength in it; a new resolve. He didn't want any death to derail his plans, but he didn't want anyone's death to lose impact. It had to have meaning to him—a purpose. Death without purpose was unthinkable to the hero.

Sasuke bottled and repressed. Sometimes he let it out in bursts of anger. Sometimes it lashed out in the viciousness of combat. He would tell himself it would harden his resolve, but really, he simply didn't know what to do with it.

Kakashi was a hot mess with grief. He took self-loathing to a whole new level when grief became involved. He would try to add it to his resolve, like Naruto. Try to give it a new purpose and meaning, but really he would hang it on his wall of shame and have it drag him down whenever he felt like he was getting too happy.

Me?

I didn't know yet how I dealt with grief. I wanted to move on with my life, but part of me felt guilty for doing so. As if I was obligated to be in pain for a long, long time. It was conflicting, but I hoped in time I would know what to do.

Koyuki, though, repressed and denied. It was high time for her to move on, though, because I knew that she could. Naruto made her confront her feelings after more horrible things happened. I was hoping to actively prevent those horrible things, so I would have to make her confront her feelings instead.

There was a tap on the door. I got up and opened it to find Kakashi standing there.

I leapt at him, throwing myself into his arms.

Kakashi caught me and then immediately set me back down. "Sakura-chan, is the metal snake a train?"

"Yeah! How'd you guess?"

"We're stopped at a cave and there are tracks under the snow," Kakashi answered.

"Dotō will come to us here," I said.

"You're certain?"

"If I'm wrong I forfeit a week's worth of hugs. If I'm right I get another kiss on the cheek."

"I'm definitely not making that deal," Kakashi said firmly.

I pouted.

Kakashi patted my head. "Alright, I'll tell everyone to prepare."

I turned back towards the princess. "Come on, gorgeous. Let's go."

"I want more booze," she muttered stubbornly.

"I'll give you more booze if you come with me," I promised her.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

The crewmen set up a few hidden cameras, and we sacrificed a couple vehicles as decoys. Sandayu insisted on bringing in the resistance to help us, but Kakashi categorically denied that, citing they would get in the way.

Koyuki sat by Sandayu, clutching the single bottle of sake I had Doku make for her and staring out at the vast snow. For brief moments I could have sworn I saw fondness in her eyes when she looked out at her homeland, but they were gone too quickly to be certain.

Three Naruto clones sat around them to make sure she wouldn't try to run off.

Sasuke and Naruto both had three balls of gaseous sedatives Hinata made the night before the mission when she had stayed over. I had the last three. We had also used up the last bit of my Krait's Kiss on every bit of weapons we had.

Kakashi summoned the Pack and had them scattered around the film crew to keep watch and help protect in case any enemy made it passed us.

We waited in tense silence for half an hour before a train came roaring through. It came to a roaring stop after crashing onto our decoy vehicles; and out stepped in his ugly glory, Dotō. "Koyuki-hime, I know you're out there. Come, let me see your face. After all... it's been ten years."

The train was at the bottom of a snowy hill, and behind it was a sheer cliff drop. We were at the top of the hill, and a little behind it. Kakashi leapt up to the top. "Yo!"

Then he slapped his hands onto the ground, no handsigns needed, and a giant slab of earth underneath the snow hit the train and effectively knocked it over the cliff. Nadare managed to grab Dotō before the train went over board, but surprisingly I didn't see Fubuki.

I tried to sense for any other chakra signals nearby, but I still couldn't find her.

"Insolent bastard," Dotō snarled. "Deal with him!"

Nadare smirked. "Of course."

Sasuke, Naruto, and I shushened out of our hiding spots and began a mad dash towards Nadare. "I bet I kill him before you guys!"

"Fat chance," Naruto declared. "I'll beat his ass first."

"Get behind me, losers."

Nadare scoffed. "As if you brats."

Naruto summoned up roughly a hundred clones. Sasuke shamelessly leapt over the head one of one of them, breathing out a wall of fire that would force Nadare to jump away from Dotō.

I heard the familiar crackling of Chidori as Kakashi moved quickly behind us, closing the distance between him and Dotō in under a second.

I threw two of my poison balls toward Nadare, and he deflected both of them. They exploded in a purple haze, but he wasn't close enough to have breathed any of it in. Then Naruto and Sasuke were constantly on him, working surprisingly well together. Sasuke kept using Naruto's clones as launch pads, and Naruto kept trying to predict where Nadare would go in order to dodge Sasuke.

Nadare summoned a wall of snow in between us and him, but then Kakashi was suddenly flipping over it with his Chidori in full bloom.

We heard an anguished cry from Nadare, and (curious why Kakashi was already helping us) I turned my head over to find Dotō, headless, on the snow.

"Oh," I said.

The snow wall collapsed, and Kakashi ripped his hand out of Nadare's chest. "Good work, minions."

"Kill stealer," Naruto muttered petulantly. "I totally had him."

"You did not," Sasuke immediately disagreed. "I had him."

"As if, broody!"

I scratched my cheek. "Where's the lady?"

"We'll have to hunt her down, although I doubt she'll stick around," Kakashi said. "No one here is going to sign her paycheck for avenging her former client."

"Too true," I agreed. Then remembering that we had a camera on us I rushed towards Kakashi. "Sensei, are you okay, though?"

Kakashi blinked at me. "Yes?"

I clutched at my chest. "Oh, thank goodness. I was so worried that the love of my life would be harmed going against such a fearsome tyrant."

Naruto chortled and Sasuke turned his head away to cough.

Kakashi's eyes narrowed. "I'm fine, Sakura-chan."

"I-I can't believe it," I said, reaching over and touching his chest. "Truly, no wounds, my love?"

Kakashi grabbed my hands like they were offensive things and pushed them away from him. "I'm fine."

I sniffled. "Thank the Goggle Gods. I don't—I don't know what I would do without you."

"You won't have to worry about that," Kakashi said uneasily.

I dropped to my knees and let out a mock relieved sob.

Kakashi stared at me for a long moment then let out a tired sigh. "One hug if you stop." Immediately I leapt into his arms, squeezing him. He patted my back. "There, there."

Sighing with content, I pulled away and beamed. "I love ya."

"I know," he said, placating me.

"Aww," Naruto cooed.

Sasuked clapped. "What a happy ending."

"Youthful course level six when we get back, I think."

The boys blanched.

Then the three of us marched back up towards the crewmen. I gave the director a thumbs up and he grinned and gave me two thumbs up.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

With the largest threat immediately eliminated Sandayu was so overcome with joy he sobbed. Koyuki was indifferent at first glance, but I caught her lips twitching in an urge to smile a few times.

Sandayu insisted that he informed the loyalists of what happened, but I asked him if he could first take us to the stone pillars that Koyuki's father had been working on prior to his death. So grateful for our help, Sandayu said he would be happy to. The director then asked me if it would be worth the trip for everyone to go and I told him that we'll see a miracle there and that Koyuki will cry.

That got the director's attention right away and off our merry band went.

It took a solid six hours of traveling through the heavy snowfall to reach the valley. The five pillars encircled us, and I took Koyuki's hand and dragged her towards the center. I gave her back her real Hex Crystal, not bothering to explain I swapped them out in case she gave it to the big bad guy.

Everyone else stood far back, outside of the pillars.

I patted the smooth marble, pointing at the small insert for her to place the Hex Crystal.

Koyuki, still clutching her bottle of sake, shoved her crystal inside of the hole.

There was a sudden whoosh as the pillars powered up. I began to make my way back towards Kakashi, while Koyuki watched the crystals light up in a rainbow effect.

It took five minutes, but then they let out a large burst of light.

Then, defying every law of physics I knew, following the light every inch of snow was replaced with green grass and flowers. The temperature rose considerably instantaneously, and butterflies burst forth from who the hell knew where.

Goodbye fragile echo system of a tundra, hello spring time.

Everyone gasped, looking around at the valley in disbelief.

Then a projection began to play. The crystals dimmed to a solid white light and Koyuki's father appeared in the center.

Deciding that the moment was a bit too tender, and a bit too private, I focused on Kakashi.

"We should probably remain in the lands for a while," I said quietly, marveling at the beautiful scenery. "Make sure that woman doesn't try to get revenge, ya know."

Kakashi glanced over at me, cocking his head. "Is that what the Goggle Gods tell you?"

"The Goggle Gods have no more information to give to me for this mission," I answered. "It's gut instinct now."

"Mn. I would agree with your assessment. Two will stay with the princess, and the other two will track down the kunoichi. If we have definite proof that she is gone, and will not seek out vengeance, we'll leave. Otherwise we'll stay for the duration of our contract: until the movie is done filming."

A frown marred my face. "What if we don't find her before the contract is up?"

"We give them ample warning, and advise they hire hunting-nin, or bodyguards."

"I'd rather not leave such a loose end. I hope we find her."

Kakashi didn't respond to that, but took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. I peeked up at him, admiring his features and adoring the fact that my teacher actually looked relaxed.

When the tender moment ended, the projection faded away, and Koyuki shamelessly cried.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

It was decided that Sasuke and I would stay with the princess while Kakashi took Naruto out for tracking. Naruto had a natural aptitude for hunting down things, even if he couldn't explain accurately how. Plus, Koyuki was fond of me by that point. She even smiled at me after tossing away her half-way empty sake bottle!

On the way to the capital of the land, the filming crew stopped a few more times to act out certain scenes, or capture a particularly beautiful landscape. Sasuke and I stood at a relative distance from the group, circling them and watching for any signs of hostility.

Kakashi and Naruto met back up with us when we reached the capital.

While the princess was greeted with hundreds of cheers, a parade, and an exorbitant amount of sheer joy, my little team remained in the background, ever watchful.

Kakashi and Naruto did find the woman. She was hiding away in one of Dotō's numerous hideouts, viciously planning an elaborate act of revenge. She was obviously deeply disturbed by the loss of her client and teammates, and attacked Naruto and Kakashi without reservation.

Kakashi likened it to putting down a rabid animal.

There were still some loyal to Dotō, though, that we had to hunt down. All civilian-level, though, so they weren't too high priority. We would hunt them down in our spare time, and capture them instead of killing them. They weren't enough of a threat to warrant taking their lives, and the people did deserve the right to judge their fellow countrymen.

Koyuki ascended as the daimyo within three days of arriving at the capital. The people celebrated their newfound leader, in addition to the climate change.

A week after becoming the daimyo, the filming ended (which seemed ridiculously fast to me, but whatever) and we were officially released to go home.

Before we left we made sure to say our goodbyes, though.

Koyuki handed each of us a signed autograph. She, and her entourage, had met us at the docks. Sandayu stood slight behind her, beaming like a proud dad.

She patted Naruto's cheek before handing him a signed autograph. Naruto beamed at her, clutching the treasured thing and letting out a whoop.

She did the same for Sasuke, but he merely gave her a small nod.

Koyuki gave a wink at Kakashi, wicked smile on her face. Kakashi returned it with a curt nod, and then she reached me.

She cupped my face and kissed my cheek. "Thank you for the miracle, Sakura."

Blushing, I bowed to her. "Of course. I'm glad to see you so happy."

Her eyes crinkled when she smiled. "Mm-hmm." Koyuki then pulled out a small script. "This is my next film, I hope you'll support it."

On it read Icha Icha.

"Oh, I definitely will," I promised her. "Would you care to join my exclusive harem?"

Koyuki laughed. "Why not?"

I yipped with delight as the lovely lady stepped away.

Kakashi stared after Koyuki, disbelief on his face. "She's—she's in Icha Icha."

"Wow, so Sakura was right, the princess is gonna star in a porno!" Naruto exclaimed.

Kakashi's head snapped around to me, and then he quickly said, "Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura and I will be right back."

I squealed. "Alone time at last!"

"Safety first," Naruto chimed.

Sasuke's look of disgust was delightful.

Then Kakashi threw me over his shoulder and hopped up onto the nearest tall building. He dropped me down onto the rooftop, then squatted down in front of me. I beamed at him, a wide smile on my face. "Kakashi-sensei! How can I help you?"

"You gave an extremely accurate prediction of this mission," Kakashi said softly.

"The Goggle Gods blessed—"

"Sakura, have you heard of newbloods?"

I broke off, and wracked my brain for the term. "The... first person in a family to activate a kekkei genkai?"
Kakashi gave a slow nod. "Sakura, do you think you're a newblood?"

"What—you mean in regards to the Goggle Gods?" I asked, my brow furrowed.

Hello easy explanation.

'But that's not right. I know things because—because—um.'

How did you know how to perform heart surgery?

'Because I studied. And Kakashi and Zabuza, of course. Well, and I guess my hands kinda moved on their own.'

Moved on their own. You can try to explain away that Kakashi and Zabuza guided you, but you successfully performed open heart surgery. With supposedly no prior experience.

'Um—?'

You knew where the Salamander Contract was, despite never being told it.

'Uh—?'

You have a perfect memory of all the events coming up, despite not having an eidetic memory in your last life.

'I—?'

Something isn't right. Maybe we have developed a kekkei genkai.

That explanation didn't sit well with me. In fact, it did the opposite: it made me incredibly sick to my stomach. There were warning signs going off in my head. Whatever explanation there was for my knowledge, kekkei genkai was not it.

And for some reason, the idea of telling people it was, terrified me.

My emotions must have reflected on my face because Kakashi placed a reassuring hand on my head. "You don't have to register if you choose not to. Being a newblood will provide you with certain rights, but it's not illegal to keep it hidden."

"I don't—I mean—can we not talk about this, please?"

Kakashi nodded. "Okay."

"P-Promise you won't say anything until I do?" I pleaded.

There must have been a look in my eye because Kakashi relented without an issue.

The journey home was quiet.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Home sweet home.

I dropped onto the living room floor, laying on my back as Brightheart raced to me and tackled into my side with a happy yip. I was grateful that Hinata had been able to take care of her while I was away (and on the three days she wasn't, Hanabi stepped up with much glee).

I kissed and hugged the growing puppy, delighted to be welcomed home with such joy. I had truly missed her, and it warmed my heart to be with her again.

It also felt nice to put the ending of the last mission out of my mind.

"Okay, little one," I cooed, "I need to get some work done. I promise to play with you once I'm done, though."

Brightheart yipped in protest, but I wouldn't be persuaded so easily.

I carried her over to the dining room table (where I had set up much of my brewing supplies) and pulled out the stationery items.

Then I set to work.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Dear Haku,

How are you?

How's your heart? Any sign of rejection? Did you guys end up staying in Wave, or are you back on the run? How's Zabuza? Has he admitted his love for Mei, yet? If he says no, tell him I say it's only a matter of time before he relents.

The harem is growing! As the first members, though, you'll both always have a special place in my heart.

Take care of yourself, and let me know if you need anything.

Love,

Sakura

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Dear Gaara,

Hi darling.

You might remember me as the pink haired girl that gave you a tour of Konoha. If not, oh well.

I hope you're doing well. Naruto told me you two got into a little bit of a fight, so I hope my best friend didn't rough you up, too much. You're too much of a cutie to have a damaged face!

Anyway, the point I'm writing is because I would like us to be friends. Naruto already considers you a friend, and as his first best friend that automatically makes you my friend, too!

As my friend you have to be a part of my harem, though. No exceptions.

Lots of hugs and kisses,

Sakura

P.S. Tell Shukaku-sama that I love him.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Dear Takano,

I hope I was able to properly inspire you with my romance in regards to Kakashi. Please see the attached sketches and stories I had made in case you need more inspiration for your next movie.

Yours,

Sakura

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Extra (as in no longer follows this chapter):

I scooted closer towards Kakashi, my entire focus on The Booty.

Kakashi outwardly did not react to my advances. He instead continued to nod along with whatever Asuma and Kurenai were talking about. Gai threw in a few Youthful statements, but I wasn't paying much attention.

My hand twitched and I slowly began to reach out—subtle like a proper kunoichi, of course—towards The Booty.

Then I received a proper punch to the gut and I doubled over in pain, coughing.

"Kakashi!" Kurenai shrieked, rushing over to me and rubbing my back. "What is wrong with you?"

"You don't hit your student like that," Asuma added, his eyes narrowed as he actually glared at my teacher.

Kakashi blinked. "She was going to grab my butt again."

"As if such a sweet girl would do something like that," Kurenai snapped, positioning herself in between the two of us. "Apologize this instant."

"But she was going to grab my butt," Kakashi insisted. "I've tried words, but physical action is the only way to stop her."

Kurenai snarled, "You're unbelievable—" She then screamed and shoved me away from her when I patted her bum.

"See!" Kakashi pointed at me, smugness in his tone. "She's a dirty old man in disguise, I swear."

Kurenai gaped at me. "Sakura why would you—?"

"Anko-senpai said your booty was better than Kakashi-sensei's, so I had to see for myself," I explained to her, unashamed. "I disagree, though. Kakashi-sensei still has the best booty."

Gai gave out a booming laugh. "How Youthful! Ah, to be young again."

"Damn Anko," Kurenai muttered crossly. "Corrupting such an innocent—" Kakashi snorted. "—child"

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Attempt One:

I didn't think it would take much effort. There was no way I told anyone about what I was planning to do that night, not even Anko.

When I returned from my C-Rank with Kakashi, I headed home, took Brightheart for a long walk, made dinner, set up a poison to brew overnight, and read in bed for a while. I even got a small nap in.

Then, at the ring of my alarm clock, I hopped out of my bed at exactly 11:50. With glee, I launched myself out of my bedroom window and merrily skipped over towards the bar Anko had told me about.

I would be a part of the Magical Mysterious Midnight Madness one day!

Anko wouldn't tell me the details, insisting that it was something I had to experience for myself. The way she lovingly caressed the words as told me about it, I felt a strong sense of awe and desire to find out.

Somehow, deep inside of me, I knew that going to that bar at midnight would be the greatest thing I could ever experience. Possibly even countering any encounter with Kisame-sama.

Two steps away from the bar and a minute away from midnight, I was flabbergasted when I was suddenly flung over someone's shoulder and beginning to move rapidly away from the bar. "The fuck?"

"Nope," Kakashi denied cheerfully. "I am not going to sit by and let that place fuel your insanity."

"I will paint this world in the hues of my madness," I cried out in defiance, struggling out of my teacher's hold. He already had chakra-restricting handcuffs on me. "BDSM doesn't slow me down, darling."

"Oh, I know," Kakashi whispered, and despite having my face smashed firmly against his lower back, I could practically see the thousand-yard stare he was giving.

I tried to knee him, but his arm was wrapped tightly around my legs. "Let me go! I will succeed eventually. You won't be able to stop me every time."

"We'll see."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Attempt Five

Anko ran as fast as her legs could carry her, while I was paralyzed and helpless in her arms. My explosion of poison backfired when Kakashi accurately predicted it, and I was left immobile for another hour.

Anko ducked behind a corner, the bar a mere couple blocks away. "My slave has earned the right, you cock-blockers!"

"Never," Kakashi said firmly.

Then Kurenai was in front of us, her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "Anko-chan."

The cry of betrayal from Anko made my heart ache for her. "No. Kurei-chan!"

"I'm not going to let you corrupt such a sweet girl. Even if she is a dirty old man on the inside."

I grinned at that, taking it as a compliment.

Anko gave me a long look. "Not tonight, my darling."

I cried on the inside.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Attempt Twenty-Nine

"MMm-MMMPH!" I struggled in vain to free myself from Kakashi's makeshift prison. He then pricked me with my own damn poison while I fought with the bounds.

"I'll be back from my mission in two days," Kakashi told me, smug as fucking hell. "Asuma will feed you and take care of Brightheart."

I wished, so dearly, I could flip him off.

Or at least pinch the booty.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Attempt 36

Gai was outside my door.

Gai and Lee were outside my door.

Gai gave me at thumbs up. "Come, Kakashi's maiden. Let Us Commence in Midnight Youthful Frolics. I promised Kakashi I wouldn't take no for an Answer!"

"If he wasn't so goddamn hot," I muttered, deciding not to fight the Youthful Explosion. I could use the endurance test, anyway.

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

Attempt Seventy-Two

"I will literally give up daily hugs for a month."

"No."

"Year."

"No."

"Forever."

"No."

( ｡◕‿‿◕｡)

The return of Gedo and Doku, yippee!

All hail the one-sided KakaSaku that is slowly driving Kakashi insane.

I made a My Hero Academia fanfic (titled Hail Friendship!) that main character is strikingly similar to this OC. Hmm.

Thank you for all the congrats! ^-^

1. Sakura's parents did die at the stadium. The neighborhood was simply one of the areas that enemy shinobi fought with Konoha. And ya'll know how shinobi battles tend to fuck up the surrounding area.

2. I will not have the same three endings as the first story. This is a rewrite, so I want to do different endings. I think it's pretty friggin obvious what two of those endings will be (hint: one's in the title).

3. The third / surprise ending will be voted upon by you guys, of course. Want her to end up with a girl? Sure thing. Want a threesome with her, Naruto, and Hinata? Why not. Want her to cruise it solo style with Ibuse? Yolo. You want Maddie-hime? Save it for the rewrite of the sequel, please (but if ya'll really want it, I'll finagle a way).

4. I have considered five possible endings, yes.

5. I am not gonna write Sasori until I finish this story. Then I will rewrite Sasori to match this story.

6. Start thinking about the next movie ya'll want in. 'Cause Shippuden is coming up faster than you might think. Ya'll want another pre-shippuden movie in, hmu.

7. Movie villains never make sense to me. Too strong in the beginning, then suddenly the heroes are evenly matched with them at the end? Please.

8. Kakashi is op. Why in the heck canon doesn't have him actually go all out and act like a damn ANBU Captain is beyond me. Laziness can only excuse so much!

9. I always viewed Konoha as a village with excellent indoctrination. No one really pauses about killing a "bad guy", so clearly they don't give much of a shit.

Question: What movie would you wish you could be apart of? What role would you want to play?

Reviews are love!