And now for the actual first chapter.

Disclaimer: Naruto is Kishimoto's toy, I'm just playing with it. (I'm playing with it as well - Skye)

Warning: Language darlings. No, seriously. Language.

But, before you read I want to make something perfectly clear-I am not anti-Sakura. As I said before this story was mostly written for the readers to giggle at. And all my other fellow Sakura fans, I assure you the bashing does not last. One or two chapters max.

Beta: Sky Shye. :)

Beta: SolarCupid (☞ ᐛ )☞

Edit: 02/17

Edit: 4/17

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Disbelief left me stupefied for several moments as I stared at my reflection. In what possible way did any of what was happening make any kind of sense? Where was the logic? The reasoning? The explanation?!

How? Why?

No laws of science, physics (not even quantum!), or common sense could provide an answer. One moment I was most certainly dead, and the next I had awoken perfectly coherent and fine in another person's body. In a fictional person's body.

Mind blown.

Tentatively, I reached up a hand and squeezed Sakura's—my?—cheek. I instinctively winced at the immediate pain I felt (those slaps from before left my cheeks a little too tender). Her—my—bright green eyes narrowed and I made various erratic movements being sure that the reflection accurately followed h—my movements. Several minutes later, and I had confirmed (once again) that I truly was in Sakura's body, and that I was in at least some kind of reality.

Given my history I still felt disinclined to believe what was transpiring, but the longer I stayed in her room (feeling, hearing, smelling everything with such clarity and vividness) it became harder to argue that this wasn't a part of reality.

I licked my dry lips.

Okay.

It was time to reassess. I was in another world, a world that I always wished to be a part of, in another person's body. I needed specifics now.

Judging from the length of our hair I was semi-confident to declare that I was before the Chūnin Exams.

An onslaught of dizziness descended upon me and a surge of information rushed through my mind when I tried to figure out when I was. Flashes of images, and vague knowledge bombarded me, forcing me to bend over and clutch at my head in an instinctual reaction. As quickly as it had come, it had vanished and I was left bewildered with the mild impression of where the academy was.

'So, what was that? Her memories? Come to think of it, I can't remember anything from her own life—I only have my own memories from my li, er, past life. But now I know where the academy is?'

'Is that how it will be? Will her memories merge with my own? Because if that's the case, then where was the real Sakura?'

Reflexively, I glanced around the room. If I was in her body, is she then in my old body? Or was she still inside of me? Er, us?

I was starting to get disoriented trying to figure all of that out. Obviously I wouldn't be obtaining any answers in the foreseeable future, and rethinking the same questions over and over again would do me absolutely no good. Besides, I knew it was around that time that I should be heading to the academy.

It's about time you figured that out.

I gave a startled shout, my hands flying up to cover my mouth as I whirled around the room. My eyes scanned for any possible intruder, or explanation for the voice that I heard with perfect clarity.

Relax, moron. I'm your inner self.

"Oh," I mumbled aloud. 'Why the hell do I have an inner self? I don't have a contradicting personality. I fully embrace my pervy and crude nature.'

Ever think that Sakura's inner self was stemmed from genetics and not purely psychological? You're in her body, stands to reason you'd have an inner self, too. Besides, are you really that surprised to have a voice in your head, given your past life?

'So you're my inner self, right? Not Sakura's?'

As far as I know. I know as much as you at this point.

'Okay. Weird, but okay.'

So now what do we do?

'Good question. I could either a.) mimic the storyline perfectly and act like a violent tsundere who is obsessed with someone who is completely boring b.) make minor changes enough to tolerate living as Sakura, or c.) fuck the story line as much as I want to please me.'

I think the choice is obvious.

Fuck up the storyline for personal pleasure!

We died rather pitifully because of your stupidity, so let's be sure to go out with a bang, yes?

'It may not have been the greatest death, but it wasn't like I planned on getting hit.'

Well now you can start planning for a better death.

'This is true. I'm thinking something with lots of explosions.'

Acceptable.

I nodded to my inner self, content with our agreement and tentative plans. Obviously I wouldn't march straight into the Hokage's office and blurt everything out—way too boring. Instead, I would live out the easy life of Sakura, do whatever the hell I wanted to, and enjoy the ever loving shit out of my random second life.

'Let's get this party started!'

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It took longer than I would care to admit to find any piece of clothing that wasn't the the standard Sakura dress. The girl owned twenty five dresses. I liked dresses well enough (the feeling of the wind rushing in between the legs was just flat out nice), but let's be honest: hella impractical for what was coming up.

I would have to set aside some time to shop for another outfit (hurray for finding a cute little piggy bank with an abysmal amount of money inside that I somehow had a conversion rate for inside my head!).

I was able to find a dark red training skort, a long-sleeved white shirt, and a pink vest with the Haruno crest. A little too feminine for my personal taste, but until I went shopping it would have to do. Certainly better than the tight-fitting, flimsy dress Sakura seemed to love oh so much. The hair was another thing that would have to be adjusted, but I had something in store for that.

Finished with my task of getting ready, I headed down stairs. It was a very modest home with mostly pictures of family covering the walls inch to inch and the occasional potted flower. What I saw in the house seemed to match up with the random bits of memory I had floating in my head.

To my surprise no one else was at home. Which was odd, because I could have sworn in canon that Sakura's mother was always home, and she most certainly was home the day Sakura left to get her team assignments.

Confused, I wandered into the kitchen and noticed a bright yellow note stuck onto a tidy fridge.

Dear Sakura,

Your mother and I won a vacation from the lottery last night! We won't be back for a while, but I'm sure you'll be busy with your new team. We want you to know that we love you so much, and we're sorry we couldn't take you with us. Please be sure to eat healthy, don't act too reckless, and don't stay out too late. Your father wants to remind you that you cannot have any boys over, either! We love you.

Always, and always,

Kaa-chan and Tou-san

My lips curled upwards as I re-read the letter. They had both signed it, Mom, er, Kaa-chan, had even put little hearts around her name. Damn, Sakura had some adorable parents. Shame they weren't there, but at least they seemed like they would get to enjoy themselves. Maybe it was a stroke of luck they weren't there, since I didn't really have any memories of them; I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act.

I folded up the note before tossing it out, then grabbed an apple to eat (like an asshole, praise to CinemaSins) and headed to the academy.

As I meandered down the dirt path, I tried to reorganize the buzzing memories I had. It was uncomfortable to think about them because I could distinctly feel that they weren't mine. They were dull, fuzzy, and obnoxiously loud all at once. I knew they were important, so I tried to soak them in and understand them. It would seem odd if the genius Sakura suddenly didn't know some random historical fact that was absolutely as important as a pig's fart in Timbuktu.

Pale blonde hair caught my attention and pulled me out of those thoughts.

'Ah,' I thought, 'so I am at the start of episode three.'

And here came the first muck up in "Sakura's" life.

Now, Ino wasn't my favorite kunoichi (all hail the beauty that is Konan), but to be frank: I always thought it was stupid how they destroyed a perfectly good friendship over a boy before they even hit puberty. Worse, over Sasuke. Then they even went so far as to start throwing themselves at him with no dignity nor self-worth. I may not have been a hardcore feminist, or really put much stock into genders period, but seeing little girls do that was just... ew.

There was just no way I could do that as Sakura. Na-uh. Nope. Not for Sasuke. Madara or Kisame, I could understand. But Sasuke? Hell naw.

So, really, having that rivalry continue on was absolutely pointless.

"Ino!" I called out, a bright smile blooming on my face as I hurried over to her. Ino stopped where she was and turned around to glare at me (hands on hips, even).

"I want to talk to you," I explained, my smile not budging an inch despite her (cute) ferocious glare. Like a fluffy little duckling yelling fear me!

"So talk," she snapped back, her pale eyes narrowing.

"We're kunoichi now," I began, ignoring Ino's distasteful snort, "and I don't want us to fight anymore."

That threw the little duckling for a loop. Her glower faded for a moment, to be replaced by a confused look, before returning full force. "What are you talking about, Billboard Brow?"

"I give up on Sasuke."

She blanched. "Wh-What?"

"I give up on Sasuke. You can have him."

She looked positively scandalized, as if I had just told her the greatest taboo ever known to man had been committed by a cute wittle kitten. "You're joking right? What, did you hit your giant forehead on something this morning?"

"I have a big head because I have a big brain," I retorted childishly, resisting the urge to stick out my tongue, justified as it was. "I just realized this whole thing is so stupid."

She was in disbelief. "What are you talking about?"

"We're going to be kunoichis. Our lives are going to be on the line, Ino. I don't want anything to happen to you, and I especially don't want our last words to each other be angry ones. We were friends once, Ino-best friends-and we gave up that awesome friendship for some guy. I'm saying it's not worth it now. I want us to be friends again, and if giving up Sasuke is what it takes for that to happen, then so be it. He's all yours."

'Which is true. I really don't want anything to happen to the Rookie 9. Except maybe Sasuke.'

"And how do I know this isn't some kind of trick?"

"You don't," I admitted, "but it doesn't change the fact that the offer still stands. If you want it to, that is."

A perplexed look settled on her face. Ino chewed on her bottom lip, her hands anxiously combing through her ponytail. A full three minutes of silence ticked by before she hesitantly said, "Okay Bi—Sakura. I accept your defeat, and I, I also want us to be friends again.

I grinned. "Thanks... Ino. Can I hug you?"

Ino smiled slowly. "Sure B—Sakura."

We hugged. I tried my best to contain the inner fangirl squeal of triumphant for hugging my very first character from Naruto. Though, I guess they weren't characters anymore. Still. That was too cool.

I still would have much preferred being in Hinata's body. She's just so cute... And wow, I sound really...

Disturbing? Pedophilic? Creepy? Obsessive Fan-girl-ish? Because you are all those things and more.

'Thanks, bitch.'

Just doing my job.

Ino and I pulled apart. "So you ready to head off to the academy?"

Ino grinned. "Yeah. I hope I'm going to be on Sasuke-kun's team."

I laughed. "I hope Kakashi is going to be my sensei."

As we walked, she shot me a curious look. "Kakashi?"

"A super awesome shinobi who used to be an ANBU Captain," I explained. "He's super cool."

"Ooooh."

"And he has a really nice butt."

"Sounds like my kind of teacher!"

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We entered the classroom, both of us grinning. I scanned the classroom and found Naruto sitting next to Sasuke. Then, I found Hinata sitting by some random guy. I frowned upon realizing my chances of sitting next to her were dashed.

'Damn it.'

A quick peek at Ino confirmed she was upset by the fact that Naruto was sitting next to her precious Sasuke. Her pouting was pretty darn cute and I had to resist the urge to pinch her cheeks and go aww. Thankfully, I was distracted by the greatest ball of sunshine-and-love looking over at me. Immediately, I perked up and grinned at the boy-one-day-to-become-hero. "Good morning, Naruto!"

Naruto's face turned beet red and he practically spasmed out of his seat to hurry over to me. "G-Good morning, Sakura-chan!"

'Holy shit he is so adorable! He really does have those whiskers. Aww, I really, really wanna hug him now. Crazy bad. He's like an adorable brat that just needs to be hugged. How in the hell could Sakura have resisted hugging this cutie-patootie?'

'Not to mention how could anyone resist hugging Hinata?'

"Naruto?"

"Yes, Sakura-chan?" Naruto eagerly inquired.

"I'm going to hug you," I told him.

"Wh-What?" he stammered, the tips of his ears turning red. I gestured at him.

"You're adorable. I must hug adorable things, ergo I must hug you. Ino, I'm hugging you next."

Ino giggled. "You're in a good mood today, Sakura!"

"I'll be in an even better mood if I get to hug everyone I want. Ready, Naruto?"

"Y-Yeah," he squeaked, a deliriously happy smile on his face. I cheerfully leaped at the main character and threw my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He squeezed me back, giggling.

'HELL. YES. I just got hugged by THE Naruto. SUCK IT, FAN GIRLS!'

Muahahaha!

'Oooh. Nice touch with the evil laugh.'

Thanks. I was quite proud of it myself.

I pulled back and ruffled his hair affectionately. In the next heartbeat I turned over to my other favorite blondie. "Ino?"

Ino's grin mirrored my own and she threw herself at me. I picked her up, twirling her around in my excitement which made Ino giggle in delight. Upon setting her back on the ground I was filled with confidence, enough so that I marched straight over to Hinata.

The heiress gave a hesitant smile upon seeing me at her desk. Unsurprisingly she had watched the entire exchange (when wasn't she looking at Naruto?). With an unwavering certainty and a bright smile I bluntly asked, "Hinata-chan, may I please hug you?"

"Wh-What?" Hinata squeaked, her cheeks already turning rosy.

"Please?"

"I, ah, suppose so," Hinata responded hesitantly upon seeing my unbeatable puppy-dog eyes.

I did a victory dance in my head (which looked like the Boomkin dance) before excitedly flinging my arms around her neck and hugging her tightly. Hinata returned my enthusiastic hug with gentle tentativeness, and I was relieved that she didn't appear too uncomfortable when I pulled back.

Suddenly, I had the vague thought that Iruka would be arriving any moment. Perhaps more of Sakura's memories were mixing in with my own and that was the usual time Iruka would arrive. Thinking quickly, I glanced around the room before grabbing the nearest empty spot (coincidentally two seats away from Duck-Ass). Naruto and Ino, likely taking the hint, hurried to grab their own seats (with Naruto sitting by Duck-Ass, and Ino by Shikamaru in the back).

As Naruto sat beside me, his face still a little red, he prompted, "Ah, Sakura-chan? S-So that hug—?"

I smiled at the hero. "Yeah. You really are the cutest thing ever, and I absolutely have to hug cute things."

"You're welcome to hug me, anytime!" Naruto excitedly exclaimed.

"Awesome. Hey, why did you choose to sit next to Duck-Ass, I mean, Sasuke?"

"Eh?" Vibrant blue eyes blinked at me in confusion. Naruto tilted his head to the left. "Sakura-chan why aren't you calling him kun, or whatever?"

"Why would I?" I dismissed, waving my hand in contemptuous gesture. "There's nothing special about him. Truly, I was insane to have even liked him in the first place. There are far better more people to admire than someone like him. I was a blind idiot to not have realized such sooner."

"Aw, Sakura-chan, you're not an idiot."

"Not anymore," I agreed. "Besides, I have more important things to focus on."

"Like what?" Naruto asked curiously.

Before I could answer Iruka entered the classroom.

"Good morning students!" he greeted cheerily, making his way to the front of the room.

He then began his impossibly boring speech, on which I completely, shamelessly, tuned out. Instead, I reflected on one of my many, many goals. Such as creating my own personal harem, having Kisame acknowledge me as his number one fan girl, squeezing Kakashi's ass, giving flowers to Konan, keeping the Akatsuki alive, and of course, ruining Kabuto's life.

Why only Kabuto's?

'I understand where everyone else is coming from,' I thought. 'Orochimaru is even pretty cool in a mad scientist way, but Kabuto? Nothing but a tool who can't think for himself. He's worse than Sasuke during the Kage Summit. Worse than Sakura pre-timeskip, even! The guy ruined some of my favorite characters' lives' and he didn't even have the balls to be upfront about it. At least Obito has the sexy voice going on for him and I hardcore ship him with Mia.'

'Kabuto has nothing going for him.'

Don't you feel even a little sympathetic for his backstory?

'No-ope.'

I feel like he's just the person you love to hate.

'Ye-ep. He's just a hateable guy.'

I can see that.

'I would hope so! You're me.'

Something like that.

With that conversation concluded I went on to continue my daily fantasizes of making all the awesome people in the show part of my harem before I was rudely interrupted by Naruto's shout of happiness. "Yes!"

I was about to frown and wonder what that was about, but then I remembered that Iruka was giving out team assignments; so he had likely reached the point on the list where he told Naruto he was going to be on the same team as me.

I laughed. Naruto's happiness was utterly infectious. How could anyone hate him? "Looks like we're in the same group, Naruto."

Naruto giggled, giving me a sheepish grin with a charming blush.

"—and Uchiha Sasuke."

"Aw, damn it," Naruto grumbled. Sasuke spared us a sidelong glance before his gaze returned back to the front classroom. Heaven forbid the great Sasuke deigned us with a proper look.

Iruka listed off the rest of the teams, and the moment he finished, Naruto decided to voice his disagreement.

"Iruka-sensei, why is a top student, like me, paired off in the same group with this guy?" he shouted, his finger jutting out and jabbing at Sasuke, as if that would somehow help make his argument valid.

Iruka gave him a calculating look before he explained, "We want our teams to be balanced, Naruto. The best shinobi and kunoichi in the class are paired with the dead last of the class, which is you."

Naruto grimaced.

"Don't get in my way, idiot," Sasuke drawled from his seat, not even bothering to look over at Naruto.

Naruto snarled, "Bastard, what did you just call me...?"

I shook my head as Naruto huffed and puffed at Sasuke, but simply could not blow him down. Iruka finished his brief lecture before dismissing us for a short break before we had to meet back to greet our new instructors. Knowing exactly what I had to do before meeting Kakashi, I bolted out of the classroom with a skip in my step.

Naruto wasn't far behind me apparently, because as soon as my feet landed on the pavement outside he called out, "Sakura-chan!"

I halted and turned around. "'Sup?"

"We should go eat together now. We're in the same group, after all," Naruto said, his eyes brimming with warmth.

"Sorry, Naruto," I sincerely apologized, "but I need to head to the library asap and a few other places before we meet our instructor. We can eat later though."

Naruto's eyes widened and he shouted, "Really?!"

I giggled. "Yes, but not as a date. As two friends who are going to become best friends."

The poor boy looked so torn. On one hand I was so going to pop his best friend cherry, but on the other hand he so wanted me to pop his other cherry. Or maybe not. Maybe Naruto wasn't a pervert like me and honestly couldn't tell the difference between a crush and friendship at this point.

He settled on an enthusiastic nod and I headed off.

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My arms ached as I placed down the large stack of books on a stone bench near the academy. I let out a soft, relieved sigh to no longer have to carry them around. As soon as class ended, I made a beeline for the nearest library to check them out. I knew I would have to purchase a backpack asap because there was simply no way I could carry them around in my arms for the rest of the day.

Thankfully, I could see a shinobi shop roughly a block away from the academy, so I could take care of that before our break was over.

'I'm going to have to get used to lugging all these around,' I thought ruefully. The librarian was already used to seeing Sakura around and had absolutely no reserves about allowing me to check out so many books (well past the limit allowed to academy students or Genin).

If you want to be able to finish the medical training pre-canon timeline, then yes.

'If I'm able to get a headstart on medical training (who the hell wouldn't want medical training? Guaranteed fall-back if the kunoichi career doesn't pan out, and the potential to pull off the sexy doctor/nurse) then I might be able to focus on other things later on. Maybe even become someone's apprentice.'

Like who?

'Kisame-sama, of course.'

You'd have to become a missing-nin, and that would definitely fuck up the plot line to a completely unguessable point.

'A girl can dream, can't she?'

Why would you want that?!

'I am Kisame-sama's number one fan girl, of course. Why wouldn't I want to be his apprentice? He's cool, funny, and perfection personified!'

What.

'No one can hold a candle to the great Kisame-sama—!'

Stop. Stop right now. I meant skillswise why would you to be his apprentice?

'Learning to use a sword would be sweet,' I confessed. Gymnastics and jujitsu don't really deal with weapons. Great for flexibility, and venting frustrations, but neither are badass. Beware! I can pin you down! How lame. Whereas with a sword: Beware, I can and will cut off your hands. Total badassery right there.'

Alright, alright. You should go get your damn backpack already and start reading.

'Ah, right! I totally forgot.'

I know.

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