FL: I JUST CALLED MY NEW BOSS MY THE WRONG NAME IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.

ML: What happened next?

FL: Awkward silence... nobody corrected me. I only found out when someone else called him by the right name. What do I do?

ML: Call him by the same wrong name but forcefully and with eye contact. You're the boss now.

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Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Warning: Sexualizing poor waiters in cat uniforms.

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Dear Gaara,

Wanna dance in the rain with me?

Wanna sing horribly offkey with me?

Wanna dress up in a cat uniform and work at my bakery?

With love,

Sakura

( ｡◕‿ ◕｡)

(Brief interlude with Haku)

Haku stared down at Sakura's last letter, where she described about getting to set up her own bakery and already obtaining her first "hot" waiter.

It was no surprise to him that she would start her own bakery, her baked goods were simply divine and even though she shared her recipes with him he could never get them to come out right.

He was certain news of her bakery would delight Mei and the others, and he had little doubt the Mizukage would insist that Sakura open up one in Kirigakure.

So, Haku was happy for Sakura.

And he was also a bit upset.

Who was this lucky bastard that already got the job at her bakery so quick? Naruto? Sasuke? Kakashi?

Haku was downright envious of them being able to work with the lovely Sakura every day and getting to eat her delicious food whenever.

'Maybe there's a way to convince her to set up shop in Kirigakure?' Haku considered, but dismissed it. Konoha was her home, and it would be selfish to ask her to leave it.

Still...

'Maybe there's another way...'

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(Third POV - Earth Clone of Sakura)

Sakura whistled merrily to herself as she lead the charge. She knew exactly where she was supposed to go, there was no need for Kakashi to try and track down the original Sakura, nor Sasuke.

She followed the path with comfortable steps, her footsteps light enough to not make a single noise like her fellow shinobi. Hinata and Naruto were the closest to her, both choosing to keep up with her.

Even though this Sakura was not the original, both friends still felt worried.

Both still remembered the odd "episode" Sakura had just hours before.

After them was Kiba, Shino, Sai. Tenzō and Kakashi were in the far back, both to keep an eye on the perimeter and backline, and to keep out of reach of a certain grabby clone.

The group traveled through the forest for several hours, making light conversation and teasing one another. It was a relatively nice outing, all things considered. Naruto had absolute faith in Sakura's ability to bring Sasuke back home, so he was relaxed and consequently everyone else was, too.

A not hyped up Naruto did wonders on the atmosphere.

"Howdy!" chirped a lovely voice that brought a brilliant smile onto Sakura's face.

She had to slam her heels into the tree branch so she wouldn't stumble into Tobi—Obito—who had literally appeared out of nowhere thanks to his teleportation technique.

The tall man loomed over Sakura—since she had stopped on the branch he was standing on—and greeted her with a cheerful wave. "I know you!"

"And I know you," she said brightly in return, looking up at his orange mask. "Hello, darling."

Naruto and Hinata hopped onto the branch beside Sakura and Obito, while the rest of the group formed a loose circle around the Akatsuki member.

"Hey, you're Akatsuki, right? Does that mean we're close?" Naruto asked Sakura.

"Yeah," she answered with a nod. "Tobito-sama is here to delay us."

"Ah—Tobi's name is Tobi!" Obito corrected with false cheer.

Sakura bowed lowly. "Forgive me, Tobi-sama, High Priest of the Goggle Gods. I meant you no offense."

"Whoa! He's a High Priest?!" Naruto exclaimed, his eyes wide as he looked up at Obito with plain admiration.

Hinata offered Tobi a respectful bow. "It's an honor to meet a High Priest."

"Ugh," Kiba groaned, rubbing his face.

"Which High Priest is he?" Sai inquired. "Deadpool-sama?"

"No, no, this is the High Priest who will bestow upon his loyal followers the Rainbow Stick Story."

Obito looked down at the twig in his left hand, then he looked back up at Sakura. Unfortunately for Sakura she couldn't see his face behind his mask, but she'd bet a pretty penny he was staring at her with blatant disbelief.

"You know of the Rainbow Stick Story?" he whispered.

"I know you hold it," Sakura said. "I can only pray that I have been a loyal enough follower, as High Seer of the Goggle Gods, to learn it."

"Then you know about her?"

"Yes," Sakura answered, nodding.

Obito was about ready to ask another question when Kakashi cleared his throat, his face screwed up in distrust. There was a level of harshness in his tone that he rarely used when he said, "Sorry for interrupting... but I thought I remember only Obito knows the Rainbow Stick Story."

Sakura and Obito looked down at Kakashi before looking back at one another.

Sakura was honestly impressed Kakashi remembered that far back.

"Tobi is Tobi," Obito insisted.

"Did she not originally call you Tobito?" Shino inquired. "Why? Tobito has Obito in it, and sounds familiar to Obito. We trust what Sakura-san first called you. Why? Sakura-san has never been wrong with her declarations in regard to her gods."

Sakura scratched her cheek in a sheepish manner as she felt Obito glare at her behind his mask. "I love you?"

"No story for you," he informed her.

"Shit."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Naruto said, holding up his hands while Kakashi and Tenzō started to rub their faces in exasperation. "So you're Obito, another dead Uchiha who's not really dead?"

"Of course he faked his death and she knows about it," Kakashi muttered to himself. "Why wouldn't my life turn into a soap opera?"

"This is worse than all the C-Ranks turning into missions to save the world," Tenzō bemoaned. "A childhood friend who faked his death turns evil? Goggle Gods how cliche."

"Did you just use the Goggle Gods as a swear?" Kiba gasped at Tenzō.

"No," Tenzō lied.

"Tobi is Tobi," Obito kept insisting.

"Take off the mask and we'll believe you," Naruto said with a roll of his eyes. "Man, I thought you wanted to be Hokage, what the hell man? Sakura-chan's got like dozens of pictures of you in her room and brags about you almost as much as Kisame-sama and Madara-sama."

Hinata made an agreeing noise, but then frowned. "Actually, doesn't faking his death, going to the Akatsuki, and causing chaos suit someone who is High Priest of the Goggle Gods?"

"Oh yeah," Naruto said, realizing such. "Yeah that does make sense. Never mind, no judgement here. You keep doing you."

"For now," Hinata amended. "Because if you attack Konoha we will have to stop you."

"Or if you try to take over the world," Tenzō added.

"We have a lot of experience saving the world," Kakashi sighed, looking so done.

"Is this the part where you try to kill us all for knowing the secret?" Sakura whispered to Obito, leaning in to him. "Because if not, I have a harem—"

"I am not joining your harem," Obito cut in. "I am not that desperate for a back up plan, you spoiler."

"I love you," Sakura helpfully told him. "And you're welcome to kidnap me anytime. You need my address?"

"Nope," Obito said, disappearing into the tree.

"Sweet. I'll come with you willingly for the Rainbow Stick Story."

Obito waved the Rainbow Stick as a taunting goodbye before leaving us entirely.

Not that Sakura could blame him. There wasn't a lot he could do against everyone here, and a clone who could spout out his weaknesses at the drop of a hat. He wasn't prepared or expecting to get spoiled, and ultimately he didn't care. As long as he got his war, and blah blah blah he didn't give a rats ass who knew he was Obito.

"Well," Sakura said after he left. "I think I have to rank him as second best ass in the world."

Kakashi sighed again. "Can this mission be over?"

"Why so glum? You got to find out your boy crush is alive," Sakura said cheerfully.

"I don't have a crush on Obito," Kakashi snapped out defensively.

"Oh, yes you do," Sakura dismissed. "It's okay. I can share. If I can share Madara-sama with Hashi-washi, I can share you with Obito." Then Sakura slouched over as she recalled something important. "Damn it. No Rainbow Stick Story for me, yet."

"What's the Rainbow Stick Story?" Naruto asked her.

"A happy one," she answered. "It means I don't have to go through the next one alone."

"The next one?"

But Sakura only smiled in return and said, "Come on. Let's go grab everyone and head home."

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(First Person POV - Lilly!Sakura)

We weren't terribly far off from the main group, so it didn't take more than an hour of tree hopping to meet up with everyone.

"My babies!" I cheerfully greeted, my clone popped upon seeing me and I got its memories. "NOOOO. I WAS DENIED THE RAINBOW STICK STORY!"

The tragedy of rejection made me fall to my knees and let out a mock cry.

Hinata gently patted my back in a consoling manner while Naruto grinned at Sasuke and said, "Welcome back, Duck-Butt."

"Shut up, idiot," Sasuke returned with all the warmth of a tsundere. "You guys know everything?"

"We know enough," Kakashi answered, greeting Itachi with a small nod. "Sakura loves spoiling surprises."

"I know," Itachi answered, glancing over at me with a neutral expression.

He probably knew better than most by that point, at least.

I let out another soft wail and Sasuke sighed. "Stop whining. Think about your cat man cafe."

Itachi cringed while I perked up. "Oh yeah! Oh my Goggle Gods, guys, guess what?"

"What?" Naruto asked, brightening up from my infectious smile.

"Kisame-sama and Itachi saved up some money for me to open up my own bakery! And Sasuke politely persuaded Itachi to work for me there and I'm going to dress him up in a cat man uniform."

Hinata, Sai, and Naruto clapped for me.

"How kind!" Hinata praised.

"I'm sorry," Kakashi told Itachi, as he and Tenzō looked at the older Uchiha with what could only be described as pity.

Itachi shook his head. "It is... truly a punishment."

"Itachi can't be the only waiter, though," I said, slyly looking over at Kakashi. "Oh, Kakashi—"

"Not even when hell freezes over," he politely informed me.

"Party pooper."

( ｡◕‿ ◕｡)

The return to Konoha was anticlimactic. We rushed everybody into Tsunade's office, and while she looked over Itachi, I gave the mission report, recapping almost everything that happened (substituting Itachi popping into my mind with I seduced him with my Main Protagonist Pink Hair).

(He got a few looks, but the good boy just nodded in affirmation.)

"Okay... Tenzō, escort Jūgo, Karin, and Suigetsu to T&I for Anko's assessment," Tsunade ordered with a slight nod once the report was done.

"T&I?" Suigetsu repeated, indigent.

"Don't worry, you won't be hurt," I half-heartedly reassured them. "Well, Karin and Jūgo won't be. You probably will be."

"Just go," Sasuke ordered, and his temporary team obliged.

"Shizune, and Kakashi, take Itachi to my private office at the hospital. Do not let anyone see him," Tsunade went on, and all three shinobi obeyed.

I blew them a kiss goodbye, causing Shizune to giggle, Itachi's face to tighten like he bit into a lemon, and Kakashi to look very much like he just wanted to crawl into bed and call it a day.

Tsunade then swung her gaze over to team eight. "Team Eight, dismissed."

Hinata and her team bowed before taking their exit.

"Alright," Tsunade said with a nod. "Sasuke, Sakura tells me you're the best one to take down Danzō. Are you ready now?"

"More than ready."

"Sai, contact Danzō to arrange a meeting. Let him know that you have Sasuke, and he's injured from his fight with Itachi."

Sai nodded to accept such.

"Sakura, you know where the last of the bases are?" Tsunade questioned.

I hadn't previously known.

But Naasica did.

I smiled blithely. "Yes... I know them all."

"Take who you can trust that's available and clean them up. Naruto, follow behind Sasuke and Sai and assist with Danzō. Jiraiya will be joining you shortly." Tsunade stood up from her desk, her eyes narrowing into slits. "The infection gets cut out today. Move, now."

( ｡◕‿ ◕｡)

For the most part Tsunade had uprooted (heh-heh-heh) Danzō's operations over the years. She clipped out his ANBU bit by bit—mostly through assigned suicide missions that they didn't return on—and put a firm halt to him grabbing fresh meat from the orphanages.

There wasn't much Danzō could do without revealing his hand. He knew she knew, and she knew he knew, but neither were willing to go full out against one another just yet.

Until today.

There were three bases in Konoha that Tsunade hadn't found—but Naasica had—and five outside Konoha. I couldn't visit those five that Miwako had originally discovered since I didn't have any hiraishin marks prepared.

That being said, I did have some friends nearby that could. The one in Suna would be something Gaara would want, and the three near Kirigakure could easily be dismantled by Haku. There was another one that rested in between Kumogakure and Iwagakure, but I'd have to wait until after the war to tackle that one. It was a massive one, and one that would require more than just me to take care of it.

The first ROOT base I went to was the one hidden underneath the Senju Compound. It doubled as a hidden passageway in and out of Konoha

When Grandmother—Mito—originally died Naasica was left vulnerable. Danzō orchestrated men to kidnap her, and they were ushered in and out through that ROOT base. He knew she had the mokuton, and he wanted Orochimaru to... have her reproduce for their own private army of mokuton users.

Naasica was fortunate that Danzō had to hire those with weak chakras—so they wouldn't be detected as a threat—instead of using Orochimaru himself to kidnap her.

And she was even more fortunate she was able to escape.

Probably less fortunate that escaping meant falling into Madara's hands—sex God aside, he was still messed up in the head from being isolated that long—but c'est la vie.

I headed across the village to the Senju compound that had fallen in disarray. Tsunade hadn't stepped foot inside in decades, and with no other living Senju it had been abandoned to rot.

'Why doesn't she just sell it? It'd make a great spot for a new training ground, or—or—hmm... I wonder if she'd be willing to let me use it as a spot to open my bakery?'

That deserved some asking to. After Nagato threw his hissy fit like the angsty red haired goth boy he was the whole place would be levelled which would make it super easy to build a bakery from scratch.

Especially with all the insurance money I'd cash in.

I hopped over the fence, headed through the compound and went into the hidden room underneath Naasica's old room. Er, Naasica's would-be room?

Dropping down inside—and confirming there were no chakra signatures inside—I set about to examine the place.

It hadn't been used hardly at all in this timeline. Madara used it a lot after the—

'Hmm,' I thought before shrugging.

"How many secret passages does Konoha have?" Sasori inquired.

"Like thirteen," I answered. "How much does Suna have?"

"Thirty three," he said with a sigh. "At least they did since last I kidnapped the Kazekage."

"Ouch," I said.

"How are you going to destroy this, yeah?" Deidara asked.

"Explosives, obviously," I told him, smiling at his delighted grin. "Naruto made me colored explosive notes. Wanna see a rainbow?"

"Hell yeah," he said.

"Are the others deserted?" Kakuzu asked.

"Nope. I'll need to gas them out. Any suggestions on which toxin to try out?" I asked them.

"You said you were curious if your salamanders could produce acid clouds... why not try?" Sasori suggested. "Something small like mustard gas."

"Oooo. Yes. Great idea!"

"If it works, I've had an idea I've wanted to try for a while," Kakuzu said. "Mustard gas... with brown recluse venom."

I clapped my hands at that. "Oh Goggle Gods that would be a sight to see."

"Wha—what does that do?" Deidara asked, looking between the elated poison-lovers.

"If it works, their flesh will literally slide off like a um—like um—"

"Perfectly cooked ribs?" Kakuzu suggested.

"Yes, like that."

Deidara made a face at that. "Why would you use that as your analogy?"

"Well, do you have a better one?" I retorted on Kakuzu's behalf. Deidara made a face at me then I rolled my eyes. "Fine. Like a bikini on a sunscreen slathered hottie going down a slip'n'slide."

Deidara hmm'd at that. "Oh, I see. Kind of, yeah."

"Kind of?"

"Now I have the mental image of a bikini covered zombie with flesh falling off it, yeah," he explained.

"Oh... sorry," I apologized meekly.

"Moving on," Sasori eloquently cut in. "I'd like to try out gaseous acids from Ibuse before we get sidetracked by something else."

"Okay, okay," I agreed to, starting to plant explosive tags all around the base and entrance tunnel. I grinned at Deidara, "Hey... can I say the thing?"

"The thing?" he repeated back, blinking slowly before realizing what I meant. "Oh! Ehh... sure."

"Woo hoo!" I cheered, hurrying up to finish planting the explosives. Once I was all done, I headed back up inside, clapped my hands together as I remotely triggered the tags and declared, "Katsu!"

I got my rainbow explosions, and a whistle of approval from Deidara.

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Dear Sakura,

Okay.

Okay.

No.

Yours,

Gaara

P.S. Temari heard you were setting up a bakery in Konoha and wants to know if you will do the same in Sunagakure. I would make arrangements to transfer your citizenship to Sunagakure if so.

( ｡◕‿ ◕｡)

We're in the final stretch. Pein temper tantrum, then the war arc and we're done. Maybe 5 or so chapters left?

TIME TO VOTE ON THE TRIPLE ENDINGS GUYS! Poll will be put up on my fanfiction profile, so vote there, please! Top three most voted answers will be picked. If Maddie-hime gets picked ya'll get the first chapter of the rework posted as the epilogue for him. The direct sequel for Maddie-him and Lilly's story will publish after I finish Rotted Rowan. Or once I hit 30 chapters on it, I will start posting it as a weekly update so ya'll don't have to wait forever.

For my wattpad users link to the profile will be in the comments. 

Answer: Skullduggery Pleasant (I wouldn't treat him dirty LIKE A CERTAIN MAIN CHARACTER I KNOW), Kullervo (boi just wanted someone to be his friend), Sans (tbh I think he would get along great with Skulduggery and I want to hear their banter), Palkia (purely so that way I can one day hop into the pokemon universe), and Snowkit (rip baby).

Question: What video game power would you like? Only one.

Reviews are love!