"Kuya..." my voice trembled as he picked up the phone.

"Nads? Anong nangyari?"

I blinked back my tears as I stared at the unfamiliar road in front of me. Tumakbo ako palayo sa cafe pero ngayon ay hindi ko na alam kung nasaan ako. Ang tanging naiisip ko lang ay kailangan kong malayo sa kanilang dalawa.

"P-Pwede mo ba akong sunduin?"

"Send me your location. I'll pick you up."

I ended the call and took a deep breath. Naghanap muna ako ng mauupuan bago ko sinend ang location kay Kuya. He immediately replied that he's driving, but I know it will take him a few hours to get here.

Itinali ko ang nabasang buhok at pinunasan ang sarili gamit ang tissue paper. My heart broke when I saw the damaged book that Priya Chen signed earlier. This is my first signed book! And it got damaged...

I tried to wipe it off as much as I could but the ink bled through the paper. Halos hindi na mabasa ang pirma ni Priya Chen pati na rin ang pangalang idinikta ko sa kaniya kanina.

RK...

That stupid nickname! Napapikit ako nang mariin habang inaalala kung anong nangyari kanina. Of course, she will be hurt! Her boyfriend gave me a nickname, called me, and talked to me so many times! She's the girlfriend, karapatan niyang magalit!

Pero sa ganoong paraan ba talaga?

I've been angry before but it never occured to me to humiliate someone in public because of my rage. Hindi kakayanin ng konsensya ko. Sure, my words can cut glass but it rarely translates to action.

Sa totoo lang, naaawa ako sa sarili ko...

Bakit hinayaan ko ang sariling mapunta sa ganitong sitwasyon? I transferred to St. Agnes so I could have a normal life after learning about my condition. Bakit parang mas naging komplikado pa ang lahat?

Falling in love with someone who's already taken... rebelling against my parents... barely making any friends... this isn't me.

Bumabadya ulit ang luha sa mga mata ko. Sa pagkakataong ito, hinayaan ko na ang sariling umiyak. I let myself cry for hours until my brother finally showed up. Nakaramdam ako ng kahihiyan nang makita ang girlfriend niya sa passenger seat. They must be having a date when I called...

I was thankful that they didn't ask about what happened on our drive home. Ate Iris even tried to cheer me up. Nang makarating sa bahay ay dumiretso kaagad ako sa kwarto. I collapsed into the bed.

My phone beeped. Hindi ko na sana ito papansinin pero sunod-sunod kaya itinaas ko ang ulo para silipin kung sino ang nagti-text sa akin. There were several messages from Tala, asking me if I got home safely and if anything's wrong. Nag-text din sa akin si Mira, sa parehong tanong.

And Karlo...

I bit my lower lip. He couldn't reach me on messenger because I've already blocked him. Kaya ba siya nagti-text?

From: Karlo
oy, okay ka lang?

From: Karlo
may nasabi ba ako kanina? bigla ka kasing nawala eh

From: Karlo
sabi nila nagpasundo ka daw sa kuya mo, nakauwi ka na?

From: Karlo
ingat ka sa biyahe :)

I caught myself typing a reply and immediately deleted it. Imbes na i-send, clinick ko ang pangalan ni Karlo at pati ang numero niya ay ibinlock ko na rin sa cellphone ko. Itinapon ko iyon sa kama saka pumikit.

Kahit anong iwas ko sa kanilang dalawa sa school, palagi pa ring nagtatagpo ang landas namin lalo na sa PE. I could see Jazmine and her friends over the other side of the court, chittering while on a break. Ako naman, pawisan sa drills na ginagawa namin. I tried not to look over Karlo's direction, who's sitting on the bleachers with some of his friends.

"Nadia, pwede ba kitang makausap?"

I tried not to sigh in front of Tala and just nodded. Uminom muna ako ng tubig baog sumunod sa kaniya sa likod ng bleachers.

"Are you okay?" Ang una niyang tanong sa akin.

Tumango ulit ako sa kaniya. "I'm fine, Tala."

"Simula nung booksigning ni Priya Chen, hindi ka na uma-attend sa book club. May nangyari ba?"

"Busy lang ako sa exams, fourth quarter na kasi eh. Andami ding requirements bago magtapos ang taon." I lied without blinking.

She stared at me for a long time, before letting out a sigh.

"I was actually thinking of you as the book club president, but knowing that Jazmine has been here longer, I knew she'd win the election." She shrugged. "Panatag pa rin naman ang loob ko na sa kaniya ko iiwan ang club, pero matagal na panahon rin bago ako nakakita ng club member na kasing passionate mo. You remind me of my younger self, when I first joined the club."

I gave her a polite smile. "Thanks, but I won't be here next year."

Her brows shot up. "Oh?"

"Babalik ako sa Stella Maris."

Now that I've said it out loud, my decision feels so real and right to me. Ilang linggo ko din itong pinag-isipan at ito lang ang tanging paraan na hindi ko sila makikitang dalawa.

I don't know when my feelings for Karlo will fade, but I don't want to stick around and torture myself by seeing the two of them together. I would lose my peace of mind over this.

Ni hindi ko ma-ikompara ang nararamdaman ko kay Kuya Cedrick sa nararamdaman ko para kay Karlo. I've been infatuated with my brother's best friend for a long time but with Karlo... it's different. It's different and it scares me.

Tumango si Tala.

"May huling outing ang book club bago magtapos ang school year. Would it be too much to ask you to come?"

Nag-isip ako. Tala smiled at me.

"It's okay if you're not comfortable, but it would really mean a lot to me if you could come..."

Sasagot na sana ako nang agawin ang atensyon naming dalawa sa komosyon sa loob ng gym. Napalingon kaming dalawa ni Tala sa kumpulan ng mga estyudante.

"I'll see you around, Nadia."

Tumango ako at bumalik sa gym. Nakasalubong ko pa si Sienna kaya agad akong nagtanong kung anong nangyari.

"May hinimatay na fourth year, iyong kaibigan ni Santin? Jazmine ata," turan niya.

The PE teacher arrived to check the situation. Nang lingunin ko ang bleachers kung saan nakaupo si Karlo kanina, syempre, wala na siya. He must be the one rescuing his girl right now. Wouldn't it be too obvious to his friends if he did it? Akala ko ba sikreto lang dapat ang relasyon nila?

But then again, Jazmine passing out during a PE class is something he should take seriously. Siguro ay wala na itong pakialam sa iisipin ng mga kaibigan dahil nag-aalala para sa nobya.

"Anong plano mo ngayong summer vacation? Nagpupunta kami ng dagat nina Santin tuwing bakasyon pagkauwi nila galing Maynila. Gusto mong sumama?"

I nodded absentmindedly. Wala naman sigurong masama kung sasama ako sa kanila. I need to take my mind off those two. Isa pa, wala na ako sa St. Agnes sa susunod na taon.

If Karlo tried to reach out to me after I blocked him, I wouldn't know. Kahit na kating-kati na akong i-unblock siya at magpaliwanag, pinipigilan ko ang sarili ko. Why would I do it? It would just confuse him. He should focus on his girlfriend and I should stop fantasizing over a guy who's already taken!

Usap-usapan na sa amin ang tungkol sa kanilang dalawa. Most of the students are speculating, but some would dismiss it because they were polar opposites. Jazmine is an achiever in academics while Karlo is a varsity player. Wala silang common denominator. Jazz is prim and proper, so why go out with Karlo who is known as friendly and popular?

Iyon ang naririnig ko mula sa mga kaklase namin sa tuwing nahuhuli silang magkasama dalawa. I clamped my mouth shut until the end of the school year. Mas lalong wala na akong narinig tungkol sa kanilang dalawa nang mag-bakasyon na kami.

"Mommy, gusto ko na pong bumalik sa Stella Maris."

Nag-angat ng tingin si Mommy, bakas ang gulat sa mukha.

"You're going back?"

Dad cleared his throat. Napatingin ako sa kaniya.

"That's good to know, Nadia. It would hurt your records if you stay in a public school. Gusto mong makapasok sa magagandang unibersidad sa Maynila, diba?"

Tumango lang ako. After their huge fight, I thought they would finally separate but Daddy is still living with us. Si Mommy naman, tinanggap ulit siya sa buhay namin. Nabawasan ang pag-aaway nila pero alam kong sa dami ng nangyari, may nagbago na sa pakikitungo nila sa isa't isa.

Hindi na ako bumibisita sa mga coffee shops sa San Juan sa takot na baka magkasalubong ulit kami nina Karlo at Jazmine. Sa tuwing gusto kong lumabas at magliwaliw, sa San Fernando ako nagpupunta. My cousins were all in Canada for the summer vacation, and I wasn't allowed to travel because of my condition so the entire family stayed. Nag-alok naman si Mommy na sa Maynila muna kami pero dahil walang nagpakita ng interes sa aming dalawa ni Kuya, nanatili kami sa La Union.

"Rich kid!"

Napapitlag ako nang biglang may tumapik sa likuran ko. I was sitting inside BFC with a book and a cup of coffee when someone tapped me. When I turned, Celeste's smiling face came into view.

"Hi!" She chirped.

"Hello," I answered awkwardly.

"Anong ginagawa mo dito?"

I gestured to my coffee. "Nagkakape lang."

"Sa San Fernando?" She laughed while pulling a chair and made herself comfortable. "Ang layo ng dinadayo mo para sa kape, ah? Pwede namang three-in-one!"

Tumawa lang ako sa sinabi niya. I know she's just joking, but she's right. Ang layo nga ng dinadayo ko para sa kape lang... at para maiwasan ang posibilidad na makita ko sina Karlo at Jazmine.

"Kumusta? Halos hindi na kita nakikita sa school, ah?"

"I'm fine. Do you want some coffee? My treat."

"Hindi ako umaayaw sa libre!"

I chuckled and we both got up to order her a drink. Nagpalinga-linga ako.

"Wala ka bang kasama?"

"Ate ko, pero matagal pa yun. Samahan muna kita dito," she winked at me.

Tumango lang ako at nang makuha ang order niyang frappuccino, bumalik na din kami sa table.

"Crush mo ba si Karlo?"

Muntik ko nang maibuga ang iniinom ko dahil sa tanong ni Celeste. I coughed and stared at her with wide eyes. Inosente lang siyang nakatingin sa akin.

"W-What?"

She shrugged. "Hunch ko lang. Akala ko nga crush ka din ng lalaking yun pero malaman-laman ko nalang na nanliligaw pala ng iba!"

My cheeks reddened. Celeste sipped on her frappuccino. I immediately noticed the strawberry nail art painted on her nails that suited her striped pink halter top. Ibinalik ko ang tingin sa mukha niya.

"'Tsaka, nakikitext din siya minsan sa cellphone ko. Blinock mo ba? Para kayong mag-jowa, ah?" Natatawa niyang wika.

Kumunot ang noo ko.

"When?"

"Uh, hindi ko na maalala. Pero maraming beses siyang nagti-text sa'yo gamit ang phone ko. Hindi mo ba nahahalata?"

I bit my lower lip and shook my head.

She shrugged. "Anyway, hindi naman siguro importante yun. Pakiramdam ko nga, sila na nung Jazmine, eh! On behalf of my friend, I'm sorry for his mixed signals."

Mapait akong natawa. So that was it? Mixed signals?

Celeste's phone pinged. She sipped the last of her drink and got up.

"Nandito na ang sundo ko, sa susunod ulit, Nadia, ah? Promise, ako naman ang manglilibre!" Natatawa niyang wika.

I chuckled and nodded. I thought she was going to leave, but she remained standing while furiously typing on her phone.

"Ugok, iisa lang naman ang BFC dito!" She muttered under her breath.

I raised a brow but didn't say anything. Namutla lang ako nang makita ang dalawang matatangkad na bulto sa harapan ng BFC. Ivo was the one who saw me first. Tinapik niya ang kasama at itinuro si Celeste na mukhang hinahanap din sila.

"I thought you were with your sister?" I asked, panicking.

"Oo, pero sasakyan nila Karlo ang gamit namin." She smiled and gestured for them to come inside.

Hindi ako mapakali sa kinauupuan ko dahil malamang ay nakita na ako ni Karlo. Ang malas-malas naman! Iniiwasan ko nga siya at nagpunta na dito sa San Fernando para magkape, narito pa rin siya!

"Nilibre ako ni Nadia ng kape!" Celeste announced proudly when the boys reached us.

I just cleared my throat and smiled awkwardly at them. Halos hindi ako makatingin kay Karlo. Nakatitig ako sa kulay itim niyang sapatos at sa shorts na suot niya.

"Hindi ka talaga marunong mahiya, 'no?" Pangungutya naman ni Ivo sa kaniya.

Celeste grinned as she picked up her bag. "Gusto mo bang sumabay nalang din sa amin, Nadia? O may pupuntahan ka pa?"

Mabilis akong umiling. "I have somewhere else to go."

"Sige, text mo 'ko kapag nakauwi ka na, ah?"

"Boyfriend yan?" Si Karlo na hindi mapigilan ang sarili. Mas lalo akong yumuko at nag-iwas ng tingin.

Celeste laughed. "Hindi naman ako pa-fall na tulad mo!"

I gritted my teeth. Celeste can be so cruel without even knowing it. Nagtawanan lang sila. That must be an inside joke or something, right? Hindi naman ako ang pinatatamaan niya!

"Una na kami, Nadia."

"Ingat... RK."

Tumango lang ako at saka pa naglakas loob na mag-angat ng tingin. Karlo's gaze lingered for a little while before he joined his friends and stepped out of the coffee house. I let out a huge sigh and reached for my drink to calm myself.

Nang tuluyan na akong kumalma, saka ko pa inayos ang gamit ko. I should go home. Pwede naman akong mag-bus o mag-jeep pauwi dahil maaga pa naman. I don't want to bother my brother again on one of his dates with his girlfriend.

"RK..."

Bumagal ang pagkilos ko hanggang sa tuluyan itong tumigil nang marinig ang boses ni Karlo. I looked up to him. He was staring at me intently before he pulled a chair in front of me and crossed his legs. His face remained serious.

"May nakalimutan ako..."

"Ano?"

"Ikaw." He sighed. "Gusto kitang kausapin."