Warning: The content of this chapter might be triggering for some people. Do not proceed if you are sensitive to the topic (mention of Teen Abuse and Sexual Assault). You have been warned.
Please feel free to correct my writings! :)
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The landline on the side table rings out loud at the exact moment Sam just finished his shower. Hurriedly, still with a towel wrapped around his waist and upper torso damp from the remains of shower, Sam picks the phone up before greeting the other line, "Hello?"
"Good evening, Sir. There's a guest by the name of Mr Kana Lewis here requesting to see you. We just want to know if you're expecting his arrival," The receptionist asks.
"Yes, I am," Sam affirms, "Let him in."
"Certainly, Sir. Thank you for the confirmation," The other replies back and Sam closes the phone before drying himself and changing into his night attire.
Not long after, the doorbell rang. Sam opens the door and immediately, a slim body collides as a pair of slender arms wrap around his neck. The smell of daisies invades his sense of smell as the feeling of intoxication stunned him for a moment. But Sam quickly blinks his daze away before wrapping his arms around Kana's waist the moment he hears the latter sobs and wets the crook of his neck with tears.
It seems... Kana is still upset about whatever was happening in the afternoon. Sam wraps his own arms around the younger's waist before effortlessly lifting to bring the latter inside the unit, closing the front door behind him.
Still standing in the foyer, Sam rubs Kana's back in soothing before asking in a worry yet gentle voice, "What's wrong, Kana?"
But instead of getting an answer, the younger whimpers in sorrow before trembling as his sobs get louder. The gesture worries Sam further. but the older told himself to stay calm and utters soothing words in hopes it can ease the other, "It's okay. I'm here," he said repeatedly while still rubbing Kana's back in comfort.
Dark thoughts had already consumed Kana as he clings to Sam tighter than before. The memories that he tried so hard to buries start to resurface and replay like a broken record. It frightens him further as the horrible scenes begin to ghost him one by one.
"...I'm... I'm scared, Kai..." Kana finally speaks with a shaky and whispery voice.
Sam gently rocks their body together and asks in an equally small yet gentle whisper, "What are you scared of?"
"I'm... scared. Please.... don't say it to me. Don't... don't say those words to me...." Kana begs over and over again instead of giving a proper answer. He then hid himself deeper into the older's neck, trying to find even a glimpse of comfort while hiding from the silent world that keeps on berating him for some reason.
It keeps telling him how... filthy, disgusting, and dirty. Even tho there are no sounds, no voice, the silence somehow keeps repeating those thoughts.
And as he is still oblivious, Sam can only sigh before guiding Kana's legs to wrap around his waist and move to the living room of the suite. Sitting on the sofa, with the younger now straddling his lap, Sam attempts to ask again still with a soothing voice, "What words? Can you explain it to me?"
Again, Sam's question went unanswered. But he doesn't mind it as Kana's well-being is more important. The younger still cries and soaks his neck with snot and tears. But Sam doesn't mind it and even rock their body together in hopes it can help to soothe Kana even a little.
After a while, Kana pulls away a little and look at Sam with his wet doe eyes. Tears and trails of snot dirtied his face but the repulsive sight doesn't deter Sam at all. In fact, the older helps to wipe some of them away with bare hands.
Sam's gentle touch and the effort of aiding to clean give surprise for Kana. And with a small determination to answer starting to build up inside of him, the younger let out a shaky breath before touching his forehead to the other. Kana then closes his eyes before humming their song in an attempt to soothe himself. The older soon follows to hum along with him.
After some time, Kana finally stops his cry and his slim body stops its tremble. With doe eyes still closing and feeling tired, he leans his heavy head to Sam's shoulder as the one he leans on starts to stroke his raven hair gently.
"Have you calmed down?" the baritone voice asks.
"...Mm," Kana replies with a weak hum.
"Are you able to tell me what happened?" Sam asks before the embrace on Kana's waist gets tighter, yet still comfortable and secure as the older continues the question, "Can you help me to understand? But if you can't, there's no need for you to answer now if you're uncomfortable. The last thing I want is for my dandelion to be sad."
Despite still feeling reluctant, Kana knew that sooner or later, Sam needs to know the reason behind his sudden tantrum and crying episodes. It's hard for Kana to explain the past because it will mean he has to face the horrible memories again.
Kana has gotten out of that sickening house 3 years ago. It was right on his birthday when he was finally in the legal age to leave all the nightmares behind him. He often commemorates in his heart for daring to make that decision and it became the best gift he ever gave to himself. But even though it's been years since then, the memories of that sickening place are still burned deep inside his mind. It still frightens him even now as the past engraves itself like a gaping wound in his heart that can never be closed.
The darkroom, the assaults, the touches, all of it still haunts him. Just remembering the memories bring shivers to his body. It makes him want to run away from all of it, too badly wants to hide from the cruel world. Kana doesn't really want to remember the painful past.
But, at the same time, he doesn't want to lie to Sam because the latter needs to know what is he going to face later on. Sam needs to know that Kana is not the same Eden as back then.
There's a chance that Sam will push him away, but Kana want to be fair and honest. He wants to know if Sam will still accept the current him, the already defective and filthy Kana.
It's scary, of course, it is. But Kana doesn't want to have another reason to run away from Sam. He wants others to understand him. Kana doesn't want to lie to himself anymore. He's already sick of pretending everything is fine.
Kana softly take a long breath in and exhale in the same frequency, to prepare his heart and open the hurtful memories of his dark past. 7 years ago when the time they were apart.
"When I first met them, they were a very sweet couple. They chose to adopt and told me that I will be happy to live together as a family. At first, I was unwilling when I know that their home was so far away. But... Sister Maria encouraged me to take the opportunity as The Lewis could afford to give me the best education in the UK. So eventually, I agreed.
But when I arrived, it was the opposite. Instead of getting better, it marked the start of my long nightmare. Suddenly, The Lewis turned into a different couple, more than strangers to me. My life... turned upside down the moment I went to live with them. They cut every contact I have, and promises were unkept. I was... left alone to fend for myself.
I..." Kana thickly swallows before continuing, "I couldn't speak the language and they don't even bother to teach me. I was left confused and thrown into a school. My grades went bad since I didn't understand anything. Fortunately, I met Vin," his voice goes gentler when remembering his best friend, "He's the one who taught me to read, speak, and write."
But the soothing only last a little while as Kana goes back to tell the story of his adoptive parents, "My adoptive mother was Japanese. She only speaks her language and English. While my adoptive father was British that can speak Thai. So before I met Vin, he was the only one who can help me in communicating, and that caused me to be so dependent on him."
"He purposely tried to cage me, using my inability to understand the foreign language. He tried to control me with my lack of communication." Kana explains and leans closer to Sam's neck, catching a whiff of the sandalwood scent of the other. And at the same time as well, he feels the arms that wrap around him start to tense up.
But alas, Kana continues his story, "Living with The Lewis was like a hell on earth. It was horrible.
Inside the small house that we once lived in was full of fights and punches. Bottles of alcohol were everywhere. Pieces of broken furniture and glasses littered across the house. I often got locked inside my own bedroom and didn't get any food. My body never once clean from the bruises of their beatings." he explains as his voice starts to tremble.
Noticing Kana's emotion that has become unstable, Sam calls the other in worry, "Kana--"
"My adoptive father was not the best man," Kana cuts Sam's concern and push himself to continue, even though he can feel the hole in his heart getting bigger, "He never let me out of the house except going to school. When I went home out of curfew, he will beat me up, asked who I was with," his dainty hands start to cling Sam's shirt as he continues further, ignoring the stinging pain that begins to consume him, "and whenever I'm home and within his reach, he would touch my waist and say how beautiful I was. Sometimes, when he felt brave enough, he would touch my behind, squeezed them without my consent," Kana's voice cracks as he relives the memories.
Sam feels like he had repeatedly been struck by lightning as he continues to hear Kana's painful past. Signs of alerts start to swirl inside his mind, urging him to stop Kana to continue any further. But at the same time, Sam feels like he needs to know who is the present Kana that he's trying to cherish.
...Trying. No... Sam is determined to cherish Kana. So because of that, he needs to understand and acknowledge no matter how hideous or painful it might turn out. He needs to accept, so he can help and mend Kana's wounds. And with that mindset, prevents himself to hinder Kana and let the other continue.
"He liked to beat me when he was drunk. Threw punches at me with his hard fists and slapped me with his wide palms. Then when he was satisfied and realized what he had done to me, he would repeatedly utter apologize like there was no tomorrow. Cried in front of me while asking for my forgiveness as he clung to me with his dirty hands. He often would forcefully hold my cheeks and cried while also starting to kiss me on the lips repeatedly."
The information shocked Sam, making his eyes go wide in surprise. Sam's hug that had already clung so tightly begins to grip even tighter, noticing that Kana needs his support as the latter begins to brittle and even break in his arms.
"He would repeatedly tell me how much he loved me. How beautiful I was in my broken state. How much he fell with me while kept kissing and touching me in places that I didn't want to be touched," Kana's voice continues to crack as a stream of tears continues to flow out of his doe eyes. The painful memories continue to taunt his mind, "He would repeatedly hug me forcefully and trapped me. Choked me until my neck bruised if I'm unwilling. He would keep on stroking my cock and say how cute mine is, comparing it with his... He would repeatedly enchant those 3 words over and over again, disgusted me with those words. He said 'I love you', 'I love you', ' I love you', over and over again while he did those sinful things to me" Kana finally cracks and his sob immediately turns into a full-blown wail.
"I feel disgusted... I feel dirty... he dirtied me. But I can't do anything about it..." Kana cries and clutches Sam's T-shirt harder with his dainty hands for dear life, "I hate him... I hate him so much b-but I didn't know what to do. I don't know what else to do but to endure..."
Kana's slim body trembles as the headache begins to bang on him for crying so loud, "My adoptive mother.... c-called me an h-ho-mewrecker... B-blaming me for seducing his husband... Sayi-ng I am the cause of their divorce... Telling me that I'm a slut..."
"Kana-"
"She told me how much of a v-vixen I am while be-ating me with the alcohol bottle until it breaks. She told me--"
"Eden, It's okay. I understand. You can stop." Sam begs the other to stop and immediately pulls the wailing Kana tighter in his arms. he continues to repeat those words gently on Kana's ear, soothing his dandelion with his voice.
"I can't believe they manage to tear me to shreds in those years... I want... all of that to end so badly. I wanted to die so many times... T-To the point that the thought of dying didn't scare me anymore." Kana continues between his wails as he hugs Sam's neck tightly, "T-They ruined me... they tainted me... and I can't do anything about it..."
The painful wail, the hurting heart, and the sorrowful voice, all of these cause Sam to let out tears while feeling helpless as the dandelion in his arms continues to crumble. Regret begins to seep into his mind for not stopping the latter earlier, "I'm sorry... I'm sorry, Kana... I'm so sorry..." He repeatedly says, blaming himself for letting Kana open up the deep wounds again just for him to see.
I should have stopped him. I should have stopped him the moment I heard him breaking. I'm sorry, Kana... I should not let you open up your wound to me... It pains me to see you like this...
Sam tightens his embrace, almost crushing Kana in hopes it will stop the latter from breaking. He repeatedly kisses Kana's shoulder, showering abundant affection in hopes it can help to ease the pain just a little. When none of that seems to work, Sam begins to hum their song and placed his lips near Kana to hear.
He does this so Kana can heal and feel his presence. So that Kana knows that... Sam is here to bear and mend his pain.
Slowly, Sam's effort seems to work as Kana's sobs begin to slow down, leaving weak and silent sobs between his gentle hums of La Vie En Rose.
They continue to be in each other embrace, reluctant to separate themself from one another. Both of them close their eyes to feel each other presence as the once-cold room now begins to warm up while slowly being filled with Sam's gentle hums.
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