26. Absence
Start the song. It's Demon Host by Timber Timbre.
Every pair of eyes in the whole school seemed to be locked on Tyler as he walked in. He tried to ignore them, but they were heavy on his fragile frame. His eyes scanned the crowds for Ashley and Josh, but he wasn't seeing any sign of either of them. He was alone in this. Even with Zack waking beside him, he was alone, because Zack could never understand the things he'd been through in the past two weeks.
It wasn't until he sat down in his desk for first period that he realised Ashley's parents wouldn't have enrolled her in school for this year. She'd gone missing in the summer. There hadn't been an Ashley to enroll. As much as he needed her here, her absence only increased his determination to find his husband.
Even as he sat down in the cafeteria at lunch, Tyler hadn't seen Josh at all. His only hope was finding him during lunch or in English class. He startled when someone sat down next to him, but calmed slightly when he realised it was just Brendon.
"You actually came to school?" Brendon seemed shocked as he sat down.
"Josh said he'd be here," Tyler reminded him quietly as his eyes scanned the cafeteria.
Brendon looked around briefly before looking back to Tyler. "He wasn't in math today. Are you sure he's coming?"
"He promised. Of course he's here. He wouldn't miss unless...." His voice trailed off as the words sunk in.
Something was wrong. Josh was hurt. He had to be. He wouldn't miss school on a day like today unless he was hurt or being held against his will...or dead. Why had Tyler thought for even a second that Josh would be allowed to come back here today? Of course he hadn't been. Josh had known he wouldn't be here, hadn't he? He'd only said that so Tyler would go.
"Ty-" Brendon began carefully, by Tyler was already up and out of his seat.
More eyes latched onto Tyler like leeches as he ran from the lunch room. He had to get out of here. His breaths were coming in shallow gasps and his chest felt like it was caving in. His skin was burning and his vision was blurred. There was no way he could stay here.
"Shit. Tyler?"
The familiar voice only comforted Tyler slightly. It wasn't the one he needed right now, but it was a step in the right direction. Ash shoved the books she was holding into Jordan's hands before hugging Tyler. He hugged her back without hesitation, breathing in the scent of incense and patchouli. She wasn't Josh, but the fact that she was here told him that Josh wasn't dead.
"Is he- Did they- He's not-" Tyler sobbed out.
"He's safe, Tyler," Ash assured him gently, rubbing his back with her injured hand.
"Then where is he?" He asked weakly. "He said he'd be here. Oh my God, he said he'd be here."
Jordan helped Ash ease him down to sit on the floor against a row of lockers, glaring at the kids who were staring. They all instantly departed, running from the hallway to escape the wrath of the Duns.
"You need to breathe, Tyler," Ash reminded him softly. He tried to stabilise his breathing while she sat down on the floor next to him, taking his hand in the one she could still grab things with.
It was Jordan who finally answered his question. "He's at home. Our dad had him stay to help with Abigail's initiation. She turned ten today."
The response shocked Tyler, leaving him speechless for a moment before he could say, "So he's not being punished?"
Ash and Jordan made eye contact, each begging the other to tell Tyler something he knew he wouldn't want to hear. Tyler started to hyperventilate once again when no one responded. They were protecting him, but in doing so, they were telling him that Josh wasn't safe. He couldn't take that. Finally, Ash sighed.
"This is the most severe punishment they could give Joshua: reminding him. Those of us who were initiated as kids don't remember it. They say it's because Satan renews us, but we all know it's really just too traumatic or something. Forcing Josh to initiate Abigail means forcing him to hurt her in some way. Not only is that traumatising, but seeing her initiation will likely bring back memories of his own, and I think our dad knows that will kill him. All of the elders do."
It was as though every individual atom in Tyler's universe was simultaneously disintegrating and exploding. The elders weren't going to physically kill Josh. They were going to beat him down so far that he might do it for them. That was the type of people The Family were. Destroying a sixteen year old was a means of punishment, even when they'd been destroying him since the day he was born.
"We have to get him out of there," Tyler sobbed out. "Last night-"
Ash hushed him. "I know, Tyler. I know. He couldn't leave though. Someday he will go, but he won't do it until he can bring us with him. Taking us last night would have gotten us all killed. We have to wait until Abigail is old enough to understand."
Jordan pulled his backpack off and unzipped it. He reached inside and pulled out a small dagger with a red jewel in the hilt before handing it to Tyler. "He said you should have this."
"What? Why?" Tyler asked meekly, turning it over in his hands.
He remembered this one. On his first day here, he'd knocked this out of Josh's pocket. The first time he'd ever made eye contact with Josh was because of this knife. It was the reason Brendon had told him about any of this. They wouldn't have been at the memorial for Ash to target him if it weren't for this seemingly insignificant item. Tears pooled in his eyes. This knife was the beginning of everything.
Jordan smiled at him slightly. "I think you already know that."
"He's going to die, isn't he?" Tyler whispered.
Just as it always did, Ash's face bore no emotion, but Tyler knew she was sad. He could feel it radiating off of her. "I don't know. Normally I'd ask Titus for information like this, but I don't have anyone on the inside anymore. I'm sorry, Tyler. I'm so sorry I dragged you into all of this."
He shook his head, looking at her solemnly. "No. I'm glad you did. Even if I only got to know him for a little bit, it was worth it."
Ash's expressionless disposition cracked as she smiled slightly. "I can see why he loves you so much. He didn't want to, but he does. You're not like everyone else. You see him. Thank you for that."
"I love him too," Tyler replied quietly. He let out a shaky breath as his head fell back against the lockers. "I have to go back."
"No," Jordan said firmly.
"If you go back, they'll kill both of you. You'd be throwing away everything he did for you. He'll be okay, Tyler. I'll protect him," Ash assured him gently.
Jordan nodded. "We both will."
Tyler nodded too, his whole body feeling like it was made of lead. He shouldn't have come today. The only reason he'd come was because he was stupid enough to believe that Josh would actually be here after everything that had happened. Of course he wouldn't be here.
"I miss him," he whispered as he turned the dagger over in his hands. The cool metal was soothing, but it also made him miss the touch of Josh's hands and the warmth of his skin.
"He misses you too," Ash replied quietly. "He'll be okay though. You both will. You'll see him again someday. I'm sure of it."
"You will," Jordan confirmed. "You're still part of our family, just not The Family. That's what our mom told us this morning."
Somehow, the knowledge that Mrs. Dun still loved him made this a million times less terrifying. Even if Mr. Dun and the elders didn't care about Josh, she'd always protect him. Tyler knew he could count on her to protect his husband. After tonight's trauma, she would help him heal. That was comforting.
"I miss your mom," he whispered.
Ash smiled once again, something Tyler wouldn't have expected from her two weeks ago. "She told us to tell you that you're still her son and she still loves you. We're supposed to look out for you until Josh gets back. You won't make a lot of friends with us around, but that ship already sailed when you married our brother."
A sharp gasp drew Tyler's attention away from the Duns. The girl from Tyler's English class who had suggested Josh be killed stood beside them. She was shaking as her terrified blue eyes locked on Tyler.
"Shit," Jordan muttered.
Ash rolled her eyes before looking up at the frightened girl. "Can I fucking help you?"
"I knew it! I knew your brother and your freaky family took them. You're evil. You're disgusting. You're going to Hell!" She shouted.
"That's the goal," Ash replied with a smirk.
The girls eyes widened as she took a step back. She looked back to Tyler. "You don't have to be like them. It's not too late. They'll kill you just like they killed Ashley-"
"Ashley's doing great actually," Tyler replied irritably. "Josh and his freaky siblings kept her safe. It's so nice of you to assume though."
"Your god must be proud," Jordan commented spitefully.
She glared at him. "At least my god isn't evil."
"Perspective, darling. Everyone is evil to someone else," Ash replied calmly. "Now fuck off before I make you."
The girl hesitated for a moment. "How do I know you won't hurt him?"
"As if you give a shit!" Ash laughed out. "Besides, if we wanted him dead, we would've killed him two weeks ago. We don't kill our own family."
"You're disgusting," she snarled, this time at Tyler. "And I hope Joshua does die. He's the worst of all of you."
Jordan stood up then, visibly seething. Tyler felt the same rage building up inside of him, but he was too exhausted to stand. "My brother is miles above you. Just because your god is on billboards doesn't mean he's better than ours. Our god was at least brave enough to defy yours when all your dumb fucking saints and angels were too scared to speak up. Your god is a selfish asshole, just like you," he spat.
"Jordan, sit down," Ash said quietly, a dangerous edge laced into her tone.
"No! If this bitch-"
"Jordan, sit," Tyler whispered. "Please."
The younger boy glared at the girl before him as he slowly sat down beside Tyler. "Someday, something bad is going to happen to you, and your god won't be able to save you."
"Shut up," Ash muttered stiffly.
It was too late. The girl's eyes widened. "Did you just threaten me, freak?"
Even without having had more than one or two proper conversations with Jordan, Tyler knew exactly what was about to happen. Just like his older brother, he had been trained to defend their religion at all costs. He wasn't going to back down. She wasn't going to be able to intimidate him out of fighting, whether he agreed with Satanism or not.
"It's only a threat if there's no intent to follow through. You saying you'd want Joshua to die is a threat. You're too weak to follow through. Besides, your god would condemn you for doing it. Our god though? He'd reward me for offing a waste of oxygen like you." Jordan was digging himself a hole, but Tyler knew he couldn't stop him. Maybe Josh could, but he wasn't here.
"Jord-"
Jordan interrupted his big sister. "No! She doesn't get to threaten Joshua's life and get away with it. Not now. Not when he's actually going to die!"
Silence fell across the corridor as Jordan's eyes widened and shot to Tyler, whose heart had stopped. He couldn't move, and his breaths were shallow again. The girl suddenly looked guilty, but she looked scared too. Ash ignored her as she hugged Tyler again.
"Way to go, asshole," she shot at Jordan when Tyler let out a sob.
It was official. Even Josh's little brother didn't think he'd survive this. Josh really was in danger. Tyler's husband was going to die, and he might as well have dug the grave.
"Tyler, I didn't mean to-" Jordan began as tears welled up in his eyes.
"Get out," Ash snapped.
"I didn't mean-"
"Get the fuck away from him before I take you home and skin you. Got it?" She demanded harshly, making Tyler tremble with fear.
The younger Dun nodded, standing slowly. He was beginning to cry, making him look much younger than fourteen. "Josh said to protect him, Ash. Not to give him false hope," he said quietly. "Tyler deserves to know. Ashley does too."
"Go," Ash whispered as she tried to soothe Tyler.
His head was aching as it tried to process all of this. Just yesterday morning, he'd been lying in bed with Ashley and Josh. They'd woken up together and gone to sleep apart. He would give anything to go back in time and never leave Josh's bed. Hell, he'd go back in time and force Josh to leave with him. Anything to keep this from being their reality.
Josh was sixteen and being used like a lamb for slaughter. Although he knew it wasn't true, it felt like Tyler was the one who wielded the knife that would potentially end Josh's life. He looked down at the knife in his lap. Maybe he was the one killing Josh. That was the sacrifice he knew Josh would be taking by giving him his freedom, yet he'd still left.
"Look, Tyler," Ash said softly as she sat back. She pulled a pen out of her bag as well as a notebook, opening it and scribbling on one of the pages messily. She handed it to him when she'd finished. "This is where Ashley's family lives. You should go there and talk to her. I bet you she's in the same state of panic right now. You need each other."
Tyler shook his head, exhaustion weighing him down. "She needs to rest."
"And so do you. Go find your wife, and rest with her. It will help." Ash's voice was soft.
"Wife? I thought-" The girl from before began, only for Ash to cut her off harshly.
"Why the fuck are you still here?" She demanded. The girl's eyes widened as she hurried away, disappearing back into he cafeteria. Ash looked back to Tyler, softening instantly. "Just be safe, okay? Stay away from the fence. If Josh survives tonight, he'll be back in school by Wednesday. Don't worry. He'll survive. I'll make sure of it."
Tyler nodded, but he'd drawn no comfort from the words. He looked up at her tiredly. "Can you give him a message for me?"
She nodded easily. "Of course."
"Tell him I'm praying for him," Tyler said quietly. "And tell him that I love him so much."
Ash smiled-a real smile. "I'll tell him. And Tyler?"
"Yeah?" He asked quietly.
"He said to give you this if you needed it, which I think you do."
Tyler was surprised when she held his cheeks and kissed his forehead softly. Even just imagining the action coming from Josh soothed him immensely. A slight smile tugged at his lips.
"Give him one back for me," Tyler said quietly. "Even if he doesn't need it."
"He does. He always does," Ash replied as she released his face and sat back. She studied his eyes briefly. "You're going to be okay Tyler. Your blood isn't dark at all, and I think that might be a good thing."
Tyler smiled a little at that too. "I think your blood is looking a lot better than it used to."
Ash smiled, grabbing his face and kissing his forehead again before she stood up and grabbed her things. "That one's on the house," she told him as a blush painted instead across her cheeks.
Tyler's smile turned sad as he watched her go. If she'd been born outside of the fence, Ash wouldn't ever have been anything less than the girl who helped strangers and supported her brother. She would've been able to express all of the kindness and love inside of her that she'd been squashing down for years. He hoped that someday she'd be free to be that person all of the time. The same went for Jordan, Abigail, Mrs. Dun, Pete, Patrick, and-most of all-Josh. No one deserved to live inside of that fence. No one deserved to die inside of it either.
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