josh stands at his locker, sipping a freshly opened can of redbull. he's been sleeping a bit better with less frequent nightmares, but they've somewhat shifted. they're more so focused on the fact that he's been completely questioning his sexuality ever since him and tyler kissed a week ago.

specifically, he's been having wet dreams about tyler. he's a bit ashamed to admit he kinda doesn't mind. sure, it's super confusing considering he's spent his entire life fighting off having feelings for his best friend, but they are really hot...

he grabs his chemistry book from the shelf in his locker and turns to head to class early. tyler stands silently behind him, causing the boy to yelp and nearly drop his book.

"ty! oh my god, you scared the hell out of me. why would you sneak up on me like that?"

tyler doesn't respond, he just grabs the can from josh's hand and starts chugging the redbull. josh watches flabbergasted, shocked that he didn't even ask for a sip let alone the entire can.

it's hard to miss the dark purple bags shadowing his eyes like deep sinkholes. his skin is duller than usual, irises nearly black. the pretty pink color of his lips is muted and nearly matches the paleness of his face. even still, josh finds himself staring at them and remembering what it felt like to have them against his own. it looks like he hasn't slept in days, so josh can't be too mad at him stealing the energy drink. he clearly needs it.

they hadn't spoken about the kiss since that day, as josh requested. they're both pretending like it didn't happen, although it does seem like tyler has been outwardly flirting with josh a lot more. like, more than just in his usual teasing way.

"thanks," tyler mutters, handing the empty can back to josh. "couldn't sleep."

"no shit, ty. you don't look so good," josh says, trying to put it as nicely as possible.

tyler rolls his eyes. "don't feel so hot either."

"why are you even in school?"

he doesn't respond to that, just changes the subject. "do you want to hang out tonight?"

"umm... yeah, sure. i don't think i have much to do besides homework."

"such a nerd," tyler grins, but the smile doesn't quite meet his eyes.

"whatever. you wouldn't even be passing your classes if it weren't for me," josh points out, smirking when tyler can't come up with one of his snarky remarks.

"hey, tyler?" a voice sounds from beside them.

it's a boy from josh's english class—dallon. he's awkwardly tall and his eyes are littered with faint traces of black eyeliner. he always has really meaningful things to say in class, but josh has never really talked to him otherwise. he's confused about how dallon and tyler even know each other, but isn't too surprised. tyler knows every attractive boy at their school.

wait, did josh just think dallon is attractive?

"hi, dallon," tyler sighs, picking at his nails. "what's up?"

"i was just, um, wondering if... you're free tonight. maybe you'd want to come over?"

josh raises an eyebrow, glancing back and forth between them. he isn't sure what exactly dallon is implying, but it wouldn't shock him if the two had hooked up before. the look on tyler's face suggests otherwise, though. he looks a bit amused, his gaze almost predatory.

"to do what?" tyler deadpans, his stoic stare not wavering from dallon.

the boy chuckles nervously, scratching the back of his head as he anxiously averts his eyes. "uh... i don't know. listen to music? hang out?"

"no thanks, dallon."

josh stifles a laugh as dallon hangs his head in shame and begins to walk away. "wow, ty. i'm shocked. i don't think you've ever said no to a cute boy before."

"you think he's cute?" tyler questions.

"i- uh- um, well... he's conventionally attractive, i guess, but-"

"dallon!" tyler shouts, interrupting whatever lame excuse josh was about to give.

his palms start sweating as the tall boy spins on his heels and starts heading back towards them. what's tyler going to do? is he going to try and set them up? oh god, what is he thinking?

"yeah?" dallon asks, eyes full of hope.

"okay," tyler nods. "let's hang out later. i'll text you."

dallon breaks out into a toothy grin. "alright. i'll text you later, then."

after he walks away, josh turns to tyler with his brows knitted in confusion. "what just happened?"

tyler shrugs. "changed my mind, i guess."

"but you asked me to hangout tonight," josh frowns, trying to ignore the way his heart tugs. is tyler really going to ditch him for some hook-up?

"we still are, dummy. i'll tell him to pick me up from your house later tonight. that okay with you?"

"oh... yeah," josh mumbles, feeling a bit silly. he's not sure why it bothers him so much to know that tyler will most likely hook-up with dallon tonight.

the bell sounds overhead. tyler links his arm with josh's as they start making their way to class. josh tries not to think too hard about tyler in bed with dallon, but it's hard with all of the available imagery he has thanks to his very vivid dreams.

later that evening, josh sits on his bed while listening to tyler ramble about his and dallon's plans for the night. he's not hesitant to tell josh that they have been pretty much sexting the entire day and that their "date" is definitely just a hook-up.

he even makes josh read some of the messages between them which, admittedly, does make the front of his jeans grow a bit tighter. tyler was more concerned with showing josh what dallon was saying, but josh couldn't help but let his eyes roam to read the dirty messages sent from tyler's end.

"jesus," he mumbles, pushing tyler's phone away. "get that thing out of my face. i feel like i'm going to get sent to hell just for reading it."

"what? oh come on, joshie. when was the last time you got laid?"

"i hooked up with debby over christmas break!" he exasperatedly defends himself.

"oh my god," tyler groans. "that was like two months ago! no wonder you're so wound up."

"what!?"

"besides, i've heard she uses her teeth," tyler grimaces, baring his teeth for demonstration.

"okay, maybe a little, but-"

"aha! i knew it! you know, i am not one to use teeth, but-"

"ty!" josh squeaks, smacking his friend's arm. "shut up!"

"hey, i'm just saying," he shrugs. "although, it's been a few weeks since i've gotten laid. i could use a bit of practice before tonight..." he trails off, winking at josh.

josh blinks at him, choosing to ignore the way the smirk on his face gives him butterflies. he just repeats, "shut up," while hoping the red on his face doesn't look as obvious as it feels.

"just saying," tyler grins, his eyes lingering on josh's lips for just a moment too long before he adverts his attention back to his phone.

"what time is he picking you up anyway?"

"he's on his way now, actually."

josh checks the time. it's around 9:30pm. "okay, well just be safe. make sure you use protection."

"okay, mom," tyler retorts, rolling his eyes. "i'm not a moron."

"whatever," josh mumbles.

they fall into a comfortable silence, josh playing a game on his phone and tyler scrolling through tiktok. despite the space between them on the bed, josh can't help but feel nervous at the boy's closeness. tyler shows him a funny tiktok every few moments until he gets the notification that dallon is there.

"lame," josh sighs, trying really hard to look like he couldn't care less that the boy is leaving.

"don't be jealous, joshie. there's enough of me to go around. i'll see you tomorrow."

"not jealous," josh mutters. he rolls his eyes when tyler blows him a kiss. "text me if you need anything."

"sure thing, mom," tyler grins, laughing when josh flips him off. "bye, joshie."

"bye, ty."

the second the bedroom door closes behind him, josh rolls onto his stomach and decides to facetime mikey. he answers on the fourth ring.

"josh! hey! what's up?"

"i think i'm into boys," josh confesses, staring at the screen with help me eyes.

mikey laughs, "oh, so you're finally coming to terms with that?"

"this isn't funny. i'm serious. i'm kinda freaking out over it."

"but why? you know frank's gay. tyler's gay. i'm bi. like, why are you freaking out? your parents? i don't think they could care less."

"it's not that," josh sighs, biting his lip. is he really about to admit this out loud? to another person? "i... think i have feelings for tyler."

"what!?" mikey exclaims, completely disregarding whatever video game he was playing and turning his full attention to josh. "no way. i'm adding frank to the call right now."

"why?" josh groans, pursing his lips as frank's face appears on the screen beside mikey.

"frank, you gotta hear this. tell him josh."

"i told him i think i like boys," josh rolls his eyes.

"i kinda already knew that."

"no, not just that. tell him what you told me."

"i said i think i have feelings for tyler," josh mutters, huffing in annoyance as his friends break out in a fit of screams.

"no way! josh! no way!" frank shouts, head tilted back as he cackles.

"isn't that crazy!"

"it's not funny, guys," josh deadpans, waiting for them to settle down. "it's really fucked up, actually."

"dude, you're so fucked," frank shakes his head. "having feelings for your friend is not fun."

"at least it's not your friend's brother," mikey mutters.

"hey! i do not have feelings for your brother, mikey!"

"yeah, okay. that's not what he told me."

"why is he even telling you... oh my god. whatever. my point is, josh, that you are fucked. not only do you like one of your best friends, but that just so happens to be tyler."

"what does it being tyler have to do with anything?" josh frowns.

"he's, like, a slut."

"no he's not," josh counters, narrowing his eyes at his screen. "and you can't just slut-shame people, frank."

"yeah, dude," mikey agrees. "not cool."

"whatever, it's true. have you ever even had sex with a guy, josh? because tyler has. lots of them."

"shut up," josh scrunches his nose, trying hard to push away the images that flash through his mind. "so what?"

"don't listen to him, josh," mikey says, "but i don't think you should tell tyler. dating a friend never ends well. maybe if you just ignore it, it'll go away?"

"i feel like that's what i've been doing my whole life," josh sighs, "and it's only gotten worse. we made out the other day and-"

"wait, what?"

"what! dude what the hell!? why didn't you tell us?"

"i don't know!" he exclaims. "i was trying to pretend like it didn't happen. we started making out and then tyler started grinding on me and i got freaked out and pushed him away and told him to pretend like it never happened."

"oh my god," mikey whispers.

"okay, so clearly he's also into you. that doesn't necessarily mean he has feelings for you, though," frank reasons.

"i know!" josh groans, slapping his palm to his forehead. "that's why i'm so conflicted. i don't know what it meant to him. i don't want to ask. i'm too afraid of the answer. but he's always flirted with me for, like, ever. it's been a lot recently, though. like, tonight before he went to go hook-up with dallon, he told me it's been a while since he got laid and told me he could use practice beforehand and then winked at me."

"gross," frank mumbles.

"oh my god!" mikey repeats. "josh, it kinda sounds like he just wants to have sex with you."

"it does, right?" josh chews on his lip. "i don't know what to do."

"well, do you want to have sex with him?"

"um... maybe."

"do you or no?"

"yes," josh grumbles, rolling his eyes.

"so what's stopping you?" frank questions.

"because it'll mean something to me that it won't to him. that's the problem." josh sighs, rolling onto his back. "i'm just gonna go, like, listen to music and distract myself. my brain hurts."

"yeah, try not to picture him having sex with dallon," mikey grins.

"or even worse with you," frank snickers, earning a laugh from mikey.

"you guys are assholes."

"you love us."

"whatever. see you guys tomorrow."

josh hangs up and exhales deeply, staring at his ceiling. while it wasn't a very productive conversation, it does feel a bit better that he's admitted to his other friends what he's been feeling towards tyler. it's no longer some deep secret looming over him. sure, it still doesn't feel great and he's still afraid, but a bit less so now.

mikey and frank didn't necessarily make him feel better about the situation, but they didn't make him feel worse either. they just confirmed what he was thinking, which makes josh feel good to know at least he isn't going crazy.

either way, he thinks mikey is right in that he should definitely not tell tyler the truth about how he feels.