josh sits in chemistry the next day, the reality of what really happened last night slowly sinking in as he listens to the kids around him whispering.

"i heard josh and tyler were there and had to fight their way out."

"i heard panic at the disco saved them."

"look at josh just sitting there. he probably has ptsd."

he's snapped out of his trance-like state when tyler drops his books on the lab table next to him, smiling. "sup, joshie?"

josh's blood run colds as he curiously takes in tyler's appearance. he looks perfectly fine, glowing even. no blood or bruises or anything remotely close to what he saw last night. how is that even possible?

"you're okay," he chokes out, dumbfounded.

tyler is quick to sit beside him. "of course i'm okay, idiot."

"but last night-" josh is quickly interrupted.

"you always overreact," tyler rolls his eyes, "like that one time at summer camp when you thought there was a tornado coming for us but it was just thundering."

he laughs at the memory, but josh can't help but give him a confused stare. how can he feel anything other than remorse right now?

"people died last night, tyler," he points out. "it's all over the news."

"was it anybody that we know?"

josh scoffs. "yes! lots of people that we know."

"hm," tyler shrugs. "sucks for them."

"what is wrong with you?" josh can't help but ask.

how can tyler have no regard for the fact that so many people died last night? his reaction to everything is not normal. tyler would normally be very sympathetic in a situation like this, or at the very least he would be stoic. not completely mocking the deaths of innocent people or downplaying it like it was anything other than a total tragedy.

"what's wrong with you?" tyler snaps suddenly, giving josh a completely cold stare. "besides the obvious."

josh can't do anything but twist his face in confusion, blinking a few times at his friend. why the sudden hostility? he wants to ask what tyler even means by that, what the fuck he's talking about, but he doesn't.

it's obvious that tyler isn't acting his usual self. maybe he's so guilt-stricken that he's lashing out? that could be the case, but what about last night? what about the blood and the putrid pit of black bile that josh spent forever cleaning while fighting back tears? it couldn't have been in his head. he can't be overreacting.

looking down at his lap, he notices his cuticles are stained black. he tries not to think about how rancid it is and quickly holds them up to show tyler.

"ew, fuck," tyler's nose scrunches. "that's disgusting. you should wash your hands once in a while."

josh slowly lowers his hands in defeat, trying not to let tyler's mean demeanor affect him. does tyler maybe just not remember what happened last night? he didn't seem phased at all, just grossed out. it is gross. josh has scrubbed his hands numerous times, but they're stained.

their teacher enters the room, silence falling over the class. she sits at her desk and sighs, looking at them all for a moment.

"just like the rest of you," she says, "i don't know why they made us come in today. last night, we lost several students, parents, and even our beloved calculus teacher."

"no way," tyler whispers, elbowing josh's side. a big, toothy grin is planted on his face. "miss martinez ate shit? guess it doesn't matter if you forgot your book today."

josh gives him an appalled look, mouth hanging open. is he serious?

"we can't let this tragedy win," the teacher continues.

tyler responds to that with an, "it already did," and has to cover his mouth to stifle laughter.

josh decides to ignore him, feeling heat bubbling in his chest over how tyler can't seem to take this seriously. he's trying to not let anger get the best of him, knowing that everybody processes and handles trauma in different ways. maybe this is just tyler's way.

at lunch, he makes sure to position himself so that tyler is within his sight. he needs to talk to frank and mikey about what happened and wants to make sure the boy isn't going to sneak up on them and overhear.

"hey josh," frank greets, setting his food down and taking the seat beside him.

"how are you holding up?" mikey asks, sitting across from them.

"i feel guilty just breathing," josh admits with a sigh.

"survivor's guilt," mikey nods. "it's hard not to feel that way."

josh quickly changes the topic, really not wanting to talk about himself or his own feelings. "i need to talk to you guys about what happened last night."

"okay, what happened?"

josh glances at tyler, finding the boy preoccupied with oliver, the lead quarterback on their football team.

"remember when the doorbell rang and i said nobody was there? well, it was tyler. he looked like... hell. like he had been beaten up and stabbed and had literally crawled out of hell. he was all bloody and shit."

"ew," frank grimaces.

"oh my god, what? is he okay? did those guys from the band do that?" mikey asks.

"i don't know. i-i mean... he looks fine today. but he threw up this weird, like, disgusting black shit. it literally smelled like roadkill."

"he probably just inhaled a lot of smoke," frank tries to reason.

"no, it was like... it wasn't human. it was evil. i'm telling you. something happened. i don't know what, but tyler isn't right. he's been making jokes about last night all day today."

"evil?" frank raises an eyebrow.

"some people use humor to cope," mikey shrugs. "can't blame him for that."

"okay, i guess, but... something is wrong with him. i can just tell. i'm worried."

"have you went to see any of the counselors?"

"what? why?"

"you went through a lot of traumatic shit, josh. it's a lot to process."

"you guys think i'm crazy?" josh asks, glancing between them.

frank just shrugs.

mikey shakes his head. "no, not crazy. considering what you went through, i think it's normal to feel all scared and fucked up. it could help to talk to someone. that's all i'm saying."

"i am not crazy," josh says defensively.

"i didn't say you are."

josh just sighs, forcing himself to pick at his lunch. he's not going to the counselor, no way. he's not one to talk about his feelings like that and if he did try to bring up the tyler situation he'd definitely get put in some kind of institution. he knows it sounds crazy—it is crazy—but he also trusts himself in knowing that it was real.

he listens to the banter between frank and mikey for the rest of the lunch period until he's heading to his next class. the rest of the day goes by as well as one would expect, surprisingly with no more insensitive comments from tyler.

as josh is heading down out the front door at the end of the day, he feels somebody grab his arm. trying to ignore the way it makes him flinch, he notices tyler attached to the other end of the limb. he carefully links his arm with josh's.

"do you have plans after school?"

"yeah," josh lies. "my parents want to do some family thing. i don't know."

"boo, lame."

"i know."

josh feels really guilty for the way he's been feeling towards tyler all day. he's his best friend, after all. yes, he may be callous in the way he's handling the situation, but josh can't blame him for coping in the way he needs.

he looks down at his friend, thinking about previous conversations they've had as young kids. they've always sworn to look out for each other and have each other's backs no matter what. josh remembers one specific instance where tyler begged him not to tell his parents that he stole a pokemon card from somebody in their class. josh swore he would never tell on him as long as tyler would do the same. they pinky promised.

"are you okay, ty? seriously?" josh asks.

"yeah," tyler responds, shooting him a glance. "i'm fine, joshie. are you?"

josh nods. if he doesn't want to talk about it right now, then fine. he has to accept that. he knows that tyler is not fine, but who is he to try to force him to talk about it when he isn't ready? hell, josh doesn't want to talk about himself either.

"i don't know. i guess. i think i'm angry, actually."

"angry?"

josh bites his tongue until they're at his car. he glances around, not feeling comfortable with the amount of people surrounding them. "can i drive you home?"

tyler nods, so they get in his car together.

for a moment, the only sound between them is the faint humming of the engine. josh tries to think of the best way to put his thoughts before he just blurts out, "did they hurt you?"

tyler side-eyes him before turning his attention out the window. "i'm fine."

"i know they did something to you, ty. did... did they hurt you?"

"i said i'm fine," he snaps. the look he gives josh sends chills down his spine.

the older inhales sharply, quickly averting his gaze. "okay. if you say so."

"just take me home," tyler mutters.

josh turns on the radio, not feeling like connecting his phone and not giving tyler the chance to do so either. on the drive to tyler's house, a song he recognizes starts playing. it's fucking panic at the disco.

he goes to change it, but tyler stops him and claims he wants to listen. so, josh listens begrudgingly while trying not to picture the horrible things they likely did to his friend. he's shocked he even wants to listen in the first place, but maybe it's just another way to display how "fine" he is.

when the song finishes, the radio host speaks. "that was panic at the disco, a local band who became unlikely heroes of the bar fire tragedy last night. eyewitnesses say the boys helped numerous people escape, risking their own lives in the process. true heroes. i am honored to have panic at the disco in the studio with me right now. now, how are you guys holding up?"

"fuck this," josh mumbles. he goes to change the station, but tyler swats his hand away.

"i want to listen."

josh furrows his brows, shaking his head as he focuses on the road. he decides to keep his mouth shut.

"uh, we're maintaining, you know? it's not easy. but i do want to say the real heroes are the people of columbus standing united over this tragedy. i just hope we can convey a fifth of their courage and spirit on our upcoming album."

"bullshit," josh rolls his eyes, quickly pressing the off button on the radio.

"hey! what the fuck!?"

"i don't want to listen to that bullshit, tyler. they aren't heroes. they didn't save anybody. they're gross pigs. all they fucking care about is promoting their new album. fuck them."

"whatever."

they finish the ride in silence, josh only speaking once he's parked in tyler's driveway.

"i'm guessing you have big weekend plans?"

"you know it," Tyler winks, lightening the tension that had been sitting between them.

"okay, well if you want to hang out just let me know. i'm free except tonight."

"threesome with the band nerds?" tyler snickers.

"shut up," josh rolls his eyes but can't fight the smile tugging at the corners of his lips. "mikey and frank are not band nerds."

"totally are."

"well, you dated one of them."

"ugh, don't remind me. bye, joshy. i'll call you."

"bye, ty."

josh watches him walk away, trying to deny the way his eyes just so happen to land upon his ass. he's not gay, tyler is fine, and nothing weird is going on with either of them; three lies he tells himself.