Warning: mentions of sexual assault

———

"Taeil?"

"Y-Yeah it's Taeil."

"I just. I really need someone to talk to. And I know it's late but. I could only think of you to call."

Taehyung sighs as the thought pops into his mind again that day. He wasn't sure what it meant but almost felt like a distant memory.

The voices are too real and the words are too familiar for it to be his imagination that made it up.

Taehyung sighs looks down at the scars on his wrist from that day that felt so long ago.

He remembers waking up completely clueless as to why he was in the hospital.

He remembers the drop in his heart when Jungkook revealed the truth.

He could hardly believe someone would do something like this all for the sake of a business.

But that didn't weaken his heart, it made him stronger, and it makes his love for Jungkook stronger to this day.

If they could get through that they could get through anything, they just had to do it together.

"Tae!"

Taehyung jumps at the sound of the door opening and Jungkook shouting his name.

"Taehyung!" He calls again making the other get up quickly from the bed and walk out front.

"What's wrong~"

"You would not believe who I just got off the phone with." Jungkook says smiling so brightly that Taehyung can't help but to smile back.

"Who?" He asks.

"The stock brokerage. They want me to come to Seoul and get my license to work for them." Jungkook says.

"Jungkook. That's great." Taehyung says.

"I know!" Jungkook says hugging Taehyung. "Oh my god I love you."

Taehyung laughs hugging him back. "I love you too."

Jungkook pulls away. "I'll make dinner tonight. You just rest. I'm in such a great mood."

Taehyung smiles as Jungkook heads to the back, he doesn't scold him for not taking his shoes off since he's so excited.

There's a knock on the door and Taehyung goes to answer.

He opens to find nobody. Only a box sitting at their threshold.

"Who is Tae?" Jungkook asks coming from the room.

Taehyung picks up the box. "I guess it was just a delivery."

"From where?"

Taehyung shuts the door as he searches the box for the address it was sent from, only to find it plain.

He raises an eyebrow at Jungkook who just shrugs. "Open it."

Taehyung goes to the kitchen setting it on the counter and tearing it open while Jungkook watches.

"Oh my god." Taehyung says when he sees what the box holds.

"What is it?" Jungkook asks.

Taehyung shakes his head as all too familiar emotions start to flood in.

"What is it Taehyung?" Jungkook asks again when he sees the other's eyes fill with tears.

The notes.

Every single handwritten note.

All here to remind him of what secret he holds heavy in his heart.

"No." Taehyung whispers shakily.

"Now you're mine. You'll always be mine now. Don't bother telling anyone. Everyone knows how easy you are. No one will believe a slut like you was forced into anything."

Jungkook walks over taking one of the letters from the box. "What is this?"

Taehyung can't meet his eyes.

He feels exposed and that disgusting feeling is crawling down his spine again.

"I'm sorry." He says crossing his arms.

"Just tell me what it is Tae." Jungkook says, completely oblivious that he's send Taehyung into a full blown panic attack.

Taehyung's breathing is heavy as his chest rises and falls quickly, he coughs choking on his own tears as he leans against the counter for support.

"Tae? Tae breathe baby." Jungkook says reaching out to him only for Taehyung to flinch away. "Your gotta calm down and talk to me baby."

"I.. can't. Don't- don't. Please." Taehyung cries starting to feel light headed.

Jungkook scrambles searching for a bag of some sort handing it to Taehyung when he does find one. "Use this. Use this to try and breathe for me."

Taehyung places the bag over his nose and mouth breathing in and out as slowly as he could until his breathing is regular and the unevenness is due to him crying.

Jungkook stays quiet watching Taehyung closely to be sure he's alright.

Taehyung's entire body seems to be shaking.

"Come sit down baby." Jungkook says cautiously reaching for his hand.

Taehyung let's him take it and lead him to the couch.

"Are you okay?" Jungkook asks in worry as they sit in silence.

Taehyung shakes his head slightly. "I need to take a shower."

"A shower?" Jungkook asks.

Taehyung nods standing up.

"Wait. Should you wait for a second. Until you calm down more?" Jungkook asks.

"I'm calm." Taehyung says walking to the bedroom and shutting the door.

He gets in the shower making sure the water in hot enough to numb him and he tries to wash the feeling off wash, the thought away, wash everything away.

But he can't, because no matter where he goes it a part of him, that he hates.

-

Jungkook.

I want so badly to go back in time Jungkook. To prevent all of this by simply staying with you. I was so scared Jungkook and the whole time I thought I was dying. I wasn't afraid to die I was just afraid to die knowing it was my fault. I'm writing to you but I don't think I'll ever tell you. I don't think you'll see me the same. Would you even believe me? That I was raped? That someone could actually rape me?
I can't change the past and that scares me. I can't go back and stay with you. I should have told you he looked at me weird, then you would have punched him right? If I would have stayed we could have danced some more and maybe had our first hangover together the next morning. We could have ran around together forever and no one would miss us. I'm sorry I didn't stay, I'm sorry I brought it on myself, everything that happened that night. It's still so fresh and my skin still crawls. But when I think of you Jungkook, it doesn't hurt so much. Please promise me that you'll still punch anyone who looks at me funny even after I tell you this.
Because I need you Jungkook.
And as long as I need you, I hope you need me too.

Jungkook sits outside the door listening to the shower run and as each tear falls from his eyes he thinks of all the tears Taehyung must have shed that night.

Jungkook doesn't try to hold back his sobs as he clutches the paper with his name on it. He reads through his tears over and over again each time being worse.

When the shower finally cuts off Jungkook still can't pull himself together enough to get up from the floor.

His Taehyung, the only thing that made his life worth living anymore.

The man of his dreams, the love of his life, his everything.

To say it hurts is an understatement.

It completely tears his insides apart the thought of anyone doing that, he could kill them.

"Jungkook." Taehyung's voice says.

Jungkook doesn't look up as more soft cries leave his lips at the sound of his voice.

"I should have been there. I shouldn't. I shouldn't have let you go. It's my fault. I shouldn't have let you go." Jungkook sobs uncomfortably.

"Jungkook." Taehyung says again, it's seems to be the only thing he can say right now as he kneels in front of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry Tae." Jungkook cries.

Taehyung hugs Jungkook tightly letting him cry into his shoulder.

"It's not your fault Jungkook." He reassures him as his own tears fall.

"You should have told me. We could have fixed it. I would have fixed it baby you know I would have been there for you." Jungkook cries.

Taehyung shakes his head holding Jungkook tighter.

The only thing that can be heard in the small apartment is Jungkook's sobs and Taehyung's whispers trying to calm him.

It took everything in Taehyung not to shut down as he held his fiance.

He couldn't shut down. Not here.

Not now.

He wouldn't shut down.

"He doesn't win Jungkook, he doesn't win."

--

Hey, so it's summer break for me and I don't really have a life out of school....I'm not sad, you are....but anyways, I'm gonna be publishing this as I edit each chapter. That's all I wanted to say, I hope you all are having a lovely day. 😊