Dedicated to @KoffieKat <3

The next day, I was in a frenzy.

I walked round and round in my cathedral, my mind spinning, barely able to focus on the questions of the tourists that visited. I went through everything that had happened, everything the man had said, and everything that I had said. Some parts, I didn't remember, which scared me. Had I acted correctly? Had I acted in a way that would help the man? Or, at least in a way that wouldn't hurt him further? Other parts were crystal-clear, burned into my mind allowing them to be played up as if they were happening right at this moment. 

The text from Izuna lay genuinely forgotten, even if him and Tobirama were on my mind, too. I wanted them to be together forever. I wanted them to be together forever so bad. But right then, my heart didn't have room for them, even if I wished with force that I could expand my heart to fit more.

But it couldn't. My heart was already filled with the man, but also of my own duties as a priest. Truth was, I didn't want to take confessions anymore. Still, I couldn't cancel them as they were my only means to meet the man.

The next day, before the cathedral opened I decided to do something I had never, ever done since I became a priest. I put up a sign on the outside of the cathedral doors, the sign's massive size still shrinking to insignificance against the size of the doors, that simply said Closed today, and I took the day off.

I put on my running shoes for the first time in a long while, and went out running in the city.

I ran slowly but for a long time, almost two hours, letting my mind go wherever it needed to go.

I thought about what would happen if I stopped taking confessions.

I thought about how vulnerable I made myself by caring so deeply about a man that I hardly knew, and that was in so, so much danger.

I thought about what I would do about my religion if I well and truly fell for the man; it didn't even allow masturbation for me as a priest.

I thought about what it meant that I'd been in a threesome, that, even if it hadn't been penetration, had definitely been sex.

When I came back to the cathedral, I realised just how tired I was, and how long ago it was I had eaten.

I went and stood in the middle of the main aisle, the main crucifix in front of me, beautifully carved and painted as if by God's hands, the confessional to the right of it.

And I undressed. My shoes, my tights, my t-shirt.

My underwear.

I released my long chestnut hair that I'd had up in band for running.

Until I stood completely naked, my sex completely visible but for the cloud of chestnut brown that I never trimmed.

Just as God had created me, I stood challenging the depiction of Them in the form of Their son.

This is me! This is me, with all of my intrusive thoughts! I'm at your service! Will you have me?

And the cathedral doors unlocked and opened.

I immediately knew who it was. Not the man, because he didn't have the keys. Not Tobirama, who had the keys.

But Izuna, who must have gotten the keys from his husband.

I didn't care that I was naked. I didn't even turn around.

He approached me, his steps easily distinguishable by how light they were; he was really short. He stopped right behind me.

"Hi", he said.

"Hi", I said.

If he found it weird I was naked in the middle of a cathedral, my running clothes strewn all around me, he didn't say anything.

"You didn't answer my texts", he said.

"I'm sorry", I said.

"Oh, no, no, no", Izuna said immediately, and he sounded as if though he was. "God, sorry, I didn't mean it like that! I was just genuinely worried about you."

"Oh..." I had not expected that. I knew Izuna liked me, but I didn't know he cared that much. "Thank you. Sorry. It's... It's been a lot lately."

"Turn around", Izuna said softly.

I did, and he came to hug me, leaning his head against my chest. I put my hand on his head, the other around his waist. There was nothing sexual about the hug; it was purely for comfort.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"That hug was for you", Izuna said. "I felt like you needed it."

I smiled. 

"Thank you", I said again.

"Tell me."

"Give me a few", I said.

I took a quick shower and dressed in appropriate clothes; black jeans, a smart, grey cardigan. I brushed my hair until it gleamed, and Izuna braided it for me in a French braid so its wetness wouldn't bother me. I put on my caramel coat with a thick, dark brow cashmere scarf, and we went out. 

I bought Izuna coffee, and figured we looked cosy together, walking next to each other with our paper cups and thick scarves. I smiled. 

And then, I told Izuna about the man in the confessional.

I told him everything. Everything but for his secret. I told Izuna that the man did have a heavy secret, but what was said in the confessional remained highly confidential. Izuna was an attentive listener, asking for clarification when needed, otherwise remaining quiet. 

"I feel like..." I searched for the right words. "At the dinner..." At the mention of this, Izuna blushed. He truly was awfully adorable. "Something opened up within me. I thought I would feel guilt, but I haven't felt anything of the sort. Just a gentle wonder what I would do if this happened. And I want more. I feel like I don't have to restrain myself because of God anymore. And if I have to... Well, maybe I don't have to serve him as harshly as I do."

"That sounds so mature, Hashirama", Izuna said, looking up at me.

I smiled at him. I smiled a lot when I was with him.

"I am thirty-five. I should be mature." Izuna stuck his tongue out at me. "But the thing is... This man... His secret... I'm not sure I can deal with all of that."

"You don't have to", Izuna said.

I turned to look at him, frowning.

"What do you mean? 

"Maybe, the dinner with me and T, and getting to know this man, are to set you free from celibacy. You still don't have to be alone, even if this particular man is not the one."

I thought about what Izuna had just said. It filled me with sadness, the thought that this man and me were not meant to be. But it also filled me with something else. Relief. 

"Didn't think of that."

We kept talking about it for a bit, the friendship that had formed between us deepening with each step, with each sip of coffee. When we were to part, I grabbed his hands in mine. They were freezing; our coffees had cooled long ago, so the paper cups of coffee didn't work to keep our hands warm anymore. 

"Izuna, thank you", I said earnestly.

He looked up at me, lips glistening, eyes glittering.

Then, he leaned forwards, stood up on his tip-toes, closed his eyes and gave me a peck on the lips that was so rapid, it was over before I even had time to register what had happened.

"You're so very welcome", he whispered.