I decided to let it go for the day.

To not dwell on what had happened, because I wouldn't be able to stand it; I would break.

And I was suddenly desperate to get out of my cathedral.

So I contacted Izuna.

Me: I heard you and my brother struggle. Sorry I haven't been in touch. I would love to meet you. xx H

Izuna <3: I'm staying at the Botanico hotel in town right now. Wanna come over?

I did want to come over. Although it worried me that he was staying in a hotel instead of his home. 

The Botanico was lovely, though and with its bohemian style, I thought it suited Izuna very, very well.

"Hi", he said with a tiny voice as he saw me in the lobby, and I could hear the tears in his voice.

I hugged him, and held him for a long, long time before we went to his room, his arm linked through mine. Izuna's room was amazing, with a big, king-size bed, and the colours went in whites and soft cremes.

"Wow", I said.

He smiled a little. Everything he did seemed to be so small, not at all as gesticulating and flamboyant as usual. 

"I love it. But I miss being with my husband."

And he broke down crying.

I sat down on his bed with my back to the headboard and pulled the light, black-haired man into my lap. He hugged me close, and I caressed his head, kissing the top of it over and over and over.

I let him cry it out until he calmed down. He reached his little hand out, reaching for something on the bedside table. I smiled when I saw it was a box of pralines.

I took it and handed it to him. He opened it and took one in his mouth, offered the box to me.

"Comfort eating", he said quietly.

I kept smiled, read the labels; apple pie, pumpkin spice, hot chocolate with cream, candied pear. All autumn flavours. I chose a green one; apple pie. It was delicious.

Then, Izuna took one of the pralines, turned his tear-drenched face towards my lips.

"Hashi..." he said.

I saw a tear glittering on his eyelashes.

I opened my mouth, and bit the praline in two.

And Izuna leaned in and kissed me.

His lips were soft, his tears creating a nice cooling sensation on my eyelids and a salty taste on my tongue. And I realised I had opened my mouth to his without even thinking.

I put my hands on his waist and pulled him closer. He whined softly as he straddled me; I wanted him and he could feel it.

But when Izuna started tugging at my clothes, I put my hands softly on his chest, separated us a little.

"I can't do this", I murmured into his mouth.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" Izuna wailed and sat off me. "I didn't think- Your brother- Oh, Hashirama, your religion, I didn't even-"

But I grabbed his hand, turned him to me, and kissed him again. When we parted, I freed his face from a strand of hair using my index finger.

"You deserve the best", I told him.

I left his hotel room and the box of chocolates.

But I didn't tell him the reason I couldn't have him was more than just my brother and my religion.

It was because I felt unfaithful to someone else.

That evening, I allowed myself to well and truly worry.

The sign was up again, saying there would be no confessions, but I really hoped the man would come.

What if I had done wrong just to give him a pillow and duvet and no medical attention? What if he had died now? No... I tried to tell myself off. He was an addict. He did heroin a lot. He was constantly in danger. The difference was that this time, he had been in my presence when he was addicted.

I sat in the confessional for all of the time the confessional usually took place, trying to shut off my brain but failing miserably, yet being grateful as it freed me of the worry of what if he doesn't show up? When the time was up, however, he came, just as he always did.

He waited inside the doors, but I didn't ask him to step inside. It wasn't because I was angry with him; I just wanted to find out if I had made him feel welcome into my cathedral.

I must have, because he approached the confessional.

"Hi", he said.

He has never spoken first before.

"Hi", I said.

"How are you?" I couldn't help but ask.

I heard him swallow. He was very fidgety, and I heard him pluck at his clothes.

"Father, I have a confession to make", he said.

I was quiet. I had not expected this. I tried to get into the state of mind of this being a true confession. It was hard. 

"For a non-religious man, you put an awful amount of trust in me", I said. He didn't answer. "You may confess", I said.

It took him a long, long time, but finally, he did.

"Father, I have feelings for you."

The world around us disappeared, leaving only him and me, in this confessional, and God as our only witness. The cathedral around me, bursting with tourists during daytime, eerily dark and empty at night, ceased to exist.

I have feelings for you.

He didn't know my name. He didn't know my face. He didn't know my age. Yet, he had feelings for me. If this wasn't love, then what was?

I was quiet. I was quiet for a long, long time. The man became more and more fidgety, and I realised it didn't matter how frightened I was, it didn't matter how frightened I was because I was already hooked, hooked to this man as much as he was hooked on heroin.

"I have feelings for you, too", I whispered.

"What's your name?" he then asked.

I took a deep breath. This felt important.

"Hashirama", I said.

"Hashirama", he repeated.

"And yours?" I asked, and I realised my heart was pounding.

"Madara."

"Madara", I repeated, tasting the name. It was delicious.

And I heard the man move.

Through the screen, not showing me any silhouette of the man at all because he was too far away, I now saw the shadow of a hand as he placed his fingertips on the screen.

It was large, the hand with long, slender fingers. I saw the shadow of several rings.

I reached my own hand up, made the shadows of my fingertips touch the shadows of his.

And he placed his entire palm on the screen.

And I placed mine.

And we held hands, two strangers who were each other's only comfort in the world, holding hands.

Millimetres apart but an entire universe away.