A/N: Is this an OTP prompt? I have no idea. Should it be? YES. Here's the jist.

Sam and Gabriel, as an engaged couple, signed up to be interviewed about their relationship. They were taken to different rooms and asked the same questions. Their answers were then spliced together to get an accurate representation of their opinions on their relationship, because DRAAMAAAA

And smutty questions because you should stay smutty, my friends.

What's your partner's name?

Sam: My boyfriend's name is Gabriel.

Gabriel: Sammich is my bae.

How long have you two been together?

Sam: Too long.

Gabriel: Uh....I'm not sure I remember-

Sam: Seven years.

Gabriel: *mentally doing the math*

Gabriel: Eiiighhht years?

How'd you meet?

Gabriel: My brother is an excellent wingman.

Sam: Our brothers started dating and we met by extension and hit it off.

Describe your first date.

Sam: Oh god-

Gabriel: It was a complete disaster.

Sam: We went to a movie, and ended up getting kicked out...

Gabriel: It was Fifty Shades. We saw Fifty Shades and yelled judgments at the screen.

Sam: I threw popcorn. Gabe yelled some....very choice words about positions.

Gabriel: We're banned from the theater, but it was a great time.

Sam: Oh my god, we were such assholes- 

When was your first kiss?

Gabriel: Somehow, magically, it wasn't until our second date.

Sam: He knew I liked books and brought me to a bookstore, saying he figured we should do something tamer this time, and as a joke I said "I could kiss you right now." and he said "Why don't you?"

Gabe: Sometimes I see his lips in my dreams. I know that sounds weird, but like- if you'd been kissed by him, you'd understand.

Are you in love?

Sam: Oh, hands down. Definitely. He's a moron, but he's the love of my life.

Gabriel: Think like- big, bold NEON SIGN, rainbow confetti levels of in love.

Describe your relationship in three words

Sam: Um....Spontaneous, caring, and entertaining.

Gabriel: Passionate, hot, and wild. 

Is this the best partner you've ever had sexually?

Sam: WELL THAT TOOK A TURN.

Oh, just wait.

Gabriel: Oof, that's a difficult question-

Sam: I mean...Yes? Yes.....Yes. He's the best. 

Gabriel: Mhmmm, yeaaah. He's got moves.

Who's slept with more people?

Sam: Gabriel.

Gabriel: Definitely me, that's not even a contest.

Do you know how many people he's slept with?

Sam: No. I'm a little afraid of that number, so I'm happier not knowing.

Do you know how many people he's slept with?

Gabriel: Yes. Or, at least I think I do. He hasn't specifically told me, but I know how many exes he's had, so I can infer the number. I think it's eight.

How many people have you slept with?

Sam: Twelve.

Who's better in bed?

Gabriel: Why is that such a difficult question-

Sam: He's gonna say himself. He's wrong, but I know he's gonna say himself.

Gabriel: I mean Sam is very... *chef's kiss* but like, I'm good.

What makes you think you're better?

Sam: I think he likes quantity over quality, and I'm the opposite, and I know he likes what I do, sooo

Gabriel: I have more experience. I've tried more stuff than he will.

How would you rate your partner in bed out of 10

Gabriel: Out of ten? Seventeen.

Sam: Ten. Easy. There's nothing lacking in that department.

Gabriel: I mean just biologically....look at him. He's 6'4". You can imagine what he's like in certain areas. 

How do you think they ranked you?

Gabriel: Definitely a ten.

That seems rather confident.

Gabriel: *smirks* 

Gabriel: Well I'm pretty confident in my moose taming skills.

Gabriel:........He did say ten, right?

Sam: Honestly? Probably an eight.

Why eight?

Sam: He's just been with a lot of people- I'm sure some of them have skills in stuff I've never even heard of.

He gave you a seventeen.

Sam: Out of ten?

Yup.

Sam: Huh. Interesting.

Describe your sex life in three words

Sam: Oh, uh....

Gabriel: HOT.

Sam: God, I hope nobody I know sees this video- *laughs*

Gabriel: Rough,

Sam: I mean-

Gabriel: And satisfying.

Sam: I guess I'll say.... Hot, passionate, and....creative.

What makes it creative?

Sam: He just- He has ideas sometimes, y'know? He likes to keep things fresh and exciting.

Between you two, who's more sexual?

Sam: Easily Gabriel.

Gabriel: Hi. Me. 

How often do you have sex?

Sam: Probably too much *laughs*

Gabriel: Like at least seven or eight times a week.

So basically once a day.

Gabriel: Nah. Like sometimes we'll go three days with nothing and then BAM, marathon-

Sam: I don't want to know what he's saying for this.

He says there's a lot of...marathons?

Sam: Oh dear god-

Gabriel: It's kinda like meals, y'know? One when you wake up, one in the middle of the day, one at night, and a bunch of snacks to tide you over in between.

Sam: Whatever he's saying it's wrong and entirely exaggerated.

He's saying you fuck a lot.

Sam: I mean we do, but he's definitely exaggerating.

How many times a week do you have sex, then?

Sam: Like all the way around the baseball field?

Yeah.

Sam: Four or five times a week.

He said more.

Sam: I bet he did. He's counting hand stuff.

Sam didn't agree with you.

Gabriel: That's cause we have different definitions of sex.

Oh?

Gabriel: The hand stuff counts!

He said the hand stuff counts

Sam: HE'S WRONG.

Who wants to get married more?

Sam: I don't know. I think we want to get married equally as badly.

Gabriel: I think I'm looking forward to the wedding date more cause I love weddings and the party after them, but Sam's looking forward to just being married, so we're both excited.

Sam: Gabe just wants to be able to call me his husband.

Gabriel: I could just- You just get to walk up to strangers and point him out and say "Yeah! See that tall handsome moose right there? That's my HUSBAND. MINE."

Have you ever doubted your relationship?

Gabriel: *thinks*

Sam: Yes.

How come?

Sam: We're just very different people and my brother didn't like him, so I wondered if I was really in the right relationship. I think it's stupid now, but it happened.

Gabriel: I doubted I was good enough for him.  I know he was a little hesitant because there's a lot of "opposites attract" with us, but we hashed all that out, and now we're perfect.

Do you believe in soulmates?

Gabriel: Yes.

Sam: I'm not sure. I want to, but I think a person can really love multiple people over the course of their life and that makes it hard to label one person as your soulmate.

Do you think you're with your soulmate?

Gabriel: Definitely.

Sam: Oh yeah. Don't tell him I said that though, it'll go right to his head.

What do you remember about  your first time together?

Gabriel: *laughs*

Sam: It was awesome.

Gabriel: I knew he was hung but *whistles*

He said he was rather impressed.

Sam: Oh I know he was.

Gabriel: We got into a fight on who was gonna be bottom.

Gabriel: I would say I lost but like, it was fan-fucking-tastic, so who's the real winner here?

Sam: I was expecting it to be a LOT more awkward and instead it was just great.

Gabriel: We made a weekend out of it.

Would you ever have a threesome?

Sam: I mean....

Gabriel: I've definitely thought about it.

Gabriel: Like it's difficult though cause I don't really want to share him.

Sam: I think he'd definitely want to have one, and I'm not against it, I just would want the third person to be a girl. *shrugs*

Gabriel: *thinking about it*

Gabriel: Okay yes. Definitely yes.

Would you ever consider opening up your relationship?

Sam: No.

Gabriel: Nope. I mean, I'm definitely a player, but not when it comes to Sammy. 

Who's most likely to cheat?

Sam: Gabriel.

That was a quick answer.

Sam: Okay I KNOW THAT SEEMS BAD-

Gabriel: Oh, that'd be me, definitely.

Sam: He just really likes people. I know he wouldn't cheat on me but since we have to pick-

Gabriel: It's never gonna happen, that moose is flawless, but hypothetically, oh hell yeah, it'd be me. He's way too loyal for something as cliche as cheating.

How long will you be together?

Sam: Til he's dead.

Gabriel: *waves his arms like the Spongebob "Imagination" meme*

Gabriel: ETERNITY.

Who's gonna die first?

Gabriel: Him. I'm immortal.

Sam: Gabe. 

Sam: He eats nothing but sugar and does stupid stuff all the time. One of these days it's gonna catch up with him or he's gonna get himself killed. That and he couldn't live without me, so it's gotta be him.

He said you were going to die first.

Gabriel: That doesn't surprise me. It's not motivating me to eat salad though.

He said you couldn't live without him.

Gabriel: It's not that I COULDN'T,

Gabriel: It's just that I SHOULDN'T.

Sam: I am 100% of his conscious. I'm the voice in his head telling him not to jump off cliffs, only that voice isn't in his head so I have to be there to remind him every time or he'll do it.

Do you two ever use sex toys?

Gabriel: *smirks*

Sam: No comment.

Gabriel: Yes. Yes we do.

I think you should answer the question.

Sam: I sincerely disagree. Gabe can take that one. 

Gabe: We've got this thing- 

Why are you together?

Sam: Because he's an obnoxious little shit and I adore him.

Gabriel: Because we love each other, cause we look fabulous together, and cause the sex is great.

He said it's cause the sex is great.

Sam: *laughs*

Sam: I mean he's not wrong-

What kind of wedding do you want?

Sam: Gabriel wants a big wedding. I don't really care.

Gabriel: Event of the century. I want people to remember the reception party for the rest of their lives.

Sam: It's gonna be a helluva reception.

Gabriel: There's a chocolate fountain involved.

Sam: People will be leaving with diabetes.

Gabriel: It's gonna be great.

Do you want kids?

Gabriel: Yes.

Sam: Probably.

Gabriel: I think Sam wants more dogs than children, so there's definitely gonna be both.

Sam: Fur babies are always welcome.

Gabriel: He's kind of obsessed with dogs.

Sam: Gabriel just wants kids so he can go trick or treating with them.

He said you just want kids so you can use them for Trick or Treating.

Gabriel: Just because that's a main reason DOESN'T MEAN IT'S THE ONLY ONE-

Is there anyone who disagrees with you getting married?

Gabriel: His brother. Dean hates me.

Sam: I wouldn't say my brother disapproves, he just...

Gabriel: HATES ME.

Sam: He and Gabe don't get along. 

Gabriel: He will be shouting "I object" at our wedding.

He said your brother's going to object.

Sam: He will not be.

How do you know?

Sam: Because I'd kill him.

Are you excited for your future?

Sam: Very.

Gabriel: EXTREMELY. Especially for the part that has the honeymoon.

Sam: He said he was excited for sex, didn't he?