"Vashti, ayokong pag-usapan."

He had never used that cold voice on me and it chilled me more than the weather did. Nakita niya akong nanginig nang kaunti kaya tinuro niya ka agad ang kuwarto kung saan ako mananatili.

"May mga damit si Emma na naiwan sa kuwartong 'yan. Tingin ko naman kasya sayo. Kung may gusto kang palabhan, sabihin mo sakin. May washing machine sa laundry room," he said matter-of-factly. So... we're gonna pretend we didn't just have that conversation, huh?

Naligo na nga ako at dahil may mga damit pa naman ako ay hindi ko na ginalaw ang mga damit ng kapatid niya. I couldn't decide whether I should join him downstairs since it seemed like he got mad at me earlier but neither did I want to sulk inside the room so in the end I chose to go down.

Bago 'yun ay ikinabit ko muna sa charger ang cellphone ko at sinaksak 'yun para matawagan ko mamaya si Papa. But the moment I turned on my phone, I immediately received a call.

"Anak, nasaan ka ba? Nasa Bataan ka pa rin?"

Trust my father not to know where his only child is.

"Papa, na sa Batanes po ako. Hindi Bataan," I explained patiently.

"Ano? Ang sabi ni Stella may bagyo riyan ngayon ah!" he asked in a worried voice. Stella, who often joins us for dinner back home, must have tried to tell him where I am but he didn't notice.

"I'm fine, Pa. Don't worry. I'm good. I just called to tell you that I'm safe... I'll be back in a few days."

I realized I was telling the truth. Uuwi ako sa Tristeza pagkatapos dito. Until this moment, I've never really been sure of my plans.

"Okay. Vashti, anak, I have to go, may mga inireklamo na naman sa baranggay. Hay! Anak, magiingat ka diyan. Tawagan mo si Stella kung may kailangan ka."

My father should marry Stella. I'm not even kidding. Matagal nang may gusto sa kaniya si Stella. She'd make a good wife but I don't think my father had ever considered her as a potential romantic interest. Matanda na sila. Kaya na nila ang mga sarili nila.

May nakalagay nang pagkain sa lamesa pagbaba ko sa sala. Tingin ko ay pinadala ni Aling Flora ang kamote doughnuts at ininit na lang ni Eli pero mukhang fresh pa naman 'yun. Amoy na amoy ko rin ang kape mula sa kusina.

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili dahil sabik na sabik na ako sa kape kaya kinalimutan ko na ang eksena kanina at dali-dali akong kumuha ng tasa.

"Here, I poured you a cup already," he said as he came in from the kitchen.

"Ohhh... thank you."

I sipped on the coffee and let the aroma and the bitter taste wash over me. I relax a little bit more and turn to see Eli observing me.

He coughed a bit and then spoke, "Vashti, I'm sorry about earlier."

"Eli, you really don't need to apologize. I spoke out of turn. I shouldn't have asked. Hindi mo 'ko kilala kaya-"

"It doesn't feel that way to me. You being a stranger, I mean."

Ayokong sabihin na ganun din naman siya sakin. I feel so comfortable with him and around him but I was scared of breaking the connected we've made by speaking about it.

"Hindi ako makabalik ng Batanes, Vashti, kahit gustong-gusto ko dahil ayaw ni Eloisa. Oo, nakakapagbaskasyon ako rito pero ayaw niya talagang sumama. Ayos lang. Pero nakikita mo ba? Hindi pareho ang direksyon na gusto naming tahakin," he spoke in a quiet voice.

"Eli..."

"Then she told me she wants out. She was leaving me because she was having an affair."

"Oh my god."

Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko. Lumapit ako sa kinauupoan niya at niyakap siya. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Ang alam ko lang, nasaktan siya. He was hurt and he didn't deserve to be hurt. I know I haven't heard Eloisa's side or even the rest of the story. But nothing really justifies cheating.

He let me embrace him, his head resting on my stomach as he continued to tell me what happened.

"She was ready to move out too. But she got sick and was diagnosed. Breast cancer, Vashti. Her boyfriend broke up with her, and everything turned into a crazy whirl of events. Not a year after her diagnosis, she was dead.

Sometimes I feel like I hated her to death. I was so furious when she told me she cheated on me. Maybe she was punished. But why does it feel like it was my fault too?"